Jump to content

Menu

rwilk

Members
  • Posts

    210
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by rwilk

  1. She has an official asbergers dx. She didn't get any official accommodations in school, but she functioned with help of a close friend. She had one who was with her from elementary through high school, and another in college/now.
  2. It's all just a strange situation. Sister did graduate, but struggled in school and can't find a job in her field. She actually doesn't live at home, but my parents pay her expenses. She has a roommate she's lived with for 6 years who helps her manage a lot of day to day stuff. I think my parents struggle with a happy medium. They weren't able to provide appropriate support for me during childhood, so they went overboard with support for kid 2. My even younger sister was spared a lot of this over/under parenting because she lived with DH and I for most of her teen years. We required her to contribute in age appropriate ways and she seems mostly stable adult. ..lives alone, supports herself, likes her job. Another thought I had was suggesting that struggling sister seek voc rehab services. I think some of her job troubles are related to autism and inability to read social stuff. For example, she once went to work in a low cut clubbing dress (she does not go dancing or wear that regularly). It was bad enough her boss sent her to hr to discuss it. I asked her why she wore it, and she seemed totally baffled that dresses weren't all the same level of appropriate.
  3. Fwiw, I did IB and loved it. It was a pretty great bonding experience because everyone had some common courses. The projects were really great and independent. Art history for example, required us to work through the textbook over the summer, and spend the year on independent projects....I did a project on henna art and tattooing in different cultures and worked with henna artists and tattoo artists to learn how to design body art. All our courses had an independent interest based component. Honestly it was often more in depth and interest based that college.
  4. DD5 would like to read The Little Prince to her little brother----in the original French. We don't speak French. She doesn't speak French. But she's read The Little Prince a bunch to the baby in English, and now is working on figuring out how to pronounce French words. I'm sort of standing back and letting her do her thing. I got her the book in French. I've also given her access to the audio version (again in French) so she can tell if she is pronouncing things correctly. Oddly she has no desire to actually learn the French language. She just seems to want to read that one book in the original. I'd like to see DD5 graduated from all her therapies by the ed of the year. She's close. She finished speech, and is down to home OT every other week only. No goals for DS(baby). He's a baby and he'll do as he does.
  5. Thanks all for the advice. I'm hearing pretty clearly that I need to find a way to disengage and let someone else deal with it. Easier said than done, but it sounds pretty clear that it's the best move. I might try to get my parents' psych to help facilitate finding a good family therapist for them all/encouraging the use of one---I'm in regular contact with her anyway as part of their treatment. And funny you should mention taking care of a cat, Tammy. Sister just got one (WHYYYYY) and is struggling to adapt to caring for something else. The cat is safe and well-cared for, but Sister hates the responsibility.
  6. I doubt they'd all go to counseling. Out of everyone, I'm the only one who has been consistent about therapy/psych treatment (probably because I'm terrified of making things tough for my own kids). My parents mostly are doing well, but they stopped for a bit when my sisters went to college. They've been working back to their old baseline. Sister has mental illness as well and is on the autism spectrum. I dropped the ball a bit on that one---I didn't realize that was a thing to watch for, so I didn't really push for her to get treatment as a child for anything beyond what her pediatrician recommended at yearly visits. In retrospect, I should have encouraged actual psych treatment. I'd love to get to take a step back, but at least on the parents end, I can't. I actually have paperwork to take over power of attorney if things get bad for them again and I don't have the energy/desire to have to step up and take care of everyone again. I also really want them to be able to have a relationship with my kids, and I can only let that happen when they are stable.
  7. I have a bit of an unusual family dynamic. I am 10 years older than my siblings, and grew up in very different circumstances---we lived in an attic for my early childhood, there was severe mental illness in my parents, and we just didn't have a lot. They weren't able to cope with taking care of my sisters when they were born, so I took on a lot of parenting responsiblity--everything from going to parent teacher conferences at 16 to determining when the 2 year old's asthma was bad enough to need a hospital trip. I worked through high school, paid for college on a scholarship with additional work. In high school, I decided I couldn't leave my siblings in that environment when I went to school. I told my parents they had to get their lives together---go to counseling, get on (and stay on) meds, and take more responsiblity for managing the kids--or I would file for custody of them. They agreed, and my siblings grew up very differently than I did. I'm thrilled that they are better and stable, and have been for years. The hiccup is that I am still expected to help mediate disagreements/conflict between them, but I have trouble understanding their dynamic/relatioship.The big drama now is that sister (24) wants to get married to guy. My family seems to really hate him, and I don't love him, but I'm not marrying him. He's nice to her, just totally terrible about working. Here's where the different dynamic comes in. I was married at 22, but I was completely independent, financially and otherwise. My sister is 24, but my parents pay all her bills, bought her a car, and even pay for her entertainment. As far as I can tell, she has literally no expenses and no idea how to manage her own finances. She doesn't have anything in her name. She works as a temp, and is about to get fired because she keeps missing work for stupid reasons. Guy lives at home, and also doesn't pay any of his own bills. My parents have basically said they won't pay for the wedding until my sister shows some responsibility by getting a stable job and taking on some of her own bills. And showing she has a plan to support themselves without help. Sister thinks parents are being unreasonable because both she and guy have jobs, and they have a plan (buy a house apparently?). Both my parents and my sister have asked me to talk to the other side. I'm honestly baffled by all of this. I can't imagine being supported (while working>!) well into my 20s, and I kinda feel like if she wants to get married, she needs to do it on her own. Or meet their demands. That's the cost of their financial support---they have the right to set whatever limits they want to set. I suggested as much, and sister said I was just bitter that they didn't support me in the same way and that I was a hypocrite because I got married younger than she is. She also said I can't talk about work since I don't work anymore. (I still work part-time from home, have held this job for 9 years, and have never missed a day of this job, including a day 3 days after my son was born. It's true that my respnsiblities are different than hers, but I work, I care for my kids, and I don't ask for help from anyone but my spouse.) I'm worried the bitter thing is clouding my judgment. I don't think I am, but it IS annoying that both my siblings had college totally paid for, additional years after college paid for, and a car paid for. Things were different for my parents when I was in college, but it's still annoying. I'd also love to not be involved in this nonsense at all. But that's not an option. Parents cannot remain stable without this sort of emotional support. Here are my proposed suggestions: To Parents: Stop supporting her as much. Help her make a budget, expect her to stick to it, and contribute to her own bills as much as she can. Separate the financial responsiblity issues from the guy issues, but feel free to refuse to pay for a wedding if you don't think they are ready. To Sister: Learn to set a budget, make budget back up plans, and find more stable employment. Start by looking at your income and expenses over a 6th month or so time frame. And start building some credit already! If you want to get married, do it, but figure out how to do it without help. Does that all seem reasonable? Am I off base? Is there something I'm missing? (Please don't quote---I might erase later)
  8. The above is my concern with getting my DD an official dx. Drs for now mostly write aniexty and speech delays to avoid future insurance troubles.
  9. I feel ya! We move a bunch (third city in 30 months!), we aren't Christian, and it gets hard. We've only really needed a HS group this city and the last, but it was still a challenge. Plus I think we have to move AGAIN in about another 8 months. I hope you find what you are looking for soon
  10. We've used A-D (well, the 1st half of D. We've never used the downloadable products. In terms of what you need, you could make the game cards and phonogram cards if you don't mind a little work. You could also make the letter tiles. You really only NEED the TM and the WB, and the readers if they aren't in the back of the WB that level. We did get a lot of use out of the tactile cards for my fine-motor delayed kiddo. We've loved the program. It's not super teacher-involved to set up. I'd say most of the time I spend 5ish minutes figuring out what the lesson will need that day and getting it together. It's certainly gotten quicker as we've moved along and I got more comfortable with the materials/system. You can totally combine kids. In fact, I think the program works better with a few kids to play the games together. And it is a really complete program. By the end of level C, DD was reading at a mid second grade level. Now she can read pretty much anything she wants, and is very comfortable reading chapter books. The process was pretty painless once we switched to LOE (we started with 100EZ....it was an awful fit for her).
  11. We've used A-D (well, the 1st half of D. We've never used the downloadable products. In terms of what you need, you could make the game cards and phonogram cards if you don't mind a little work. You could also make the letter tiles. You really only NEED the TM and the WB, and the readers if they aren't in the back of the WB that level. We did get a lot of use out of the tactile cards for my fine-motor delayed kiddo. We've loved the program. It's not super teacher-involved to set up. I'd say most of the time I spend 5ish minutes figuring out what the lesson will need that day and getting it together. It's certainly gotten quicker as we've moved along and I got more comfortable with the materials/system. You can totally combine kids. In fact, I think the program works better with a few kids to play the games together. And it is a really complete program. By the end of level C, DD was reading at a mid second grade level. Now she can read pretty much anything she wants, and is very comfortable reading chapter books. The process was pretty painless once we switched to LOE (we started with 100EZ....it was an awful fit for her).
  12. My daughter really enjoyed the Greetings from Somewhere series as well as the Judy Moody books if you are looking for birdges between picture books and chapter books. But honestly, despite the fact that DD can read more complex books, she sometimes just wants to read silly rhyming picture books. I think she also struggles with the visual aspect of it--a lot of small text on a page seems to bug her eyes, which naturally limits some of her reading. I do try to encourage more complicated reading by strewing around books that are likely to be interesting that are a higher reading level.
  13. DD(5) is reading the Henry Huggins series and My Father's Dragon. And because she's five, she's also reading The Owl Diaries series (painfully dull in my view). We're reading The Castle Glower Series, which is a pretty female positive series about wizards, castles, and princesses. The lead character is a 8-12 year old female (she ages during the series) who is not interested in boys. DD is in a princess phase, and I'm all about strong female princesses that aren't all damsel in distress-y. I'm continuing my project to read through Agatha Christie in chronological order. I have about 6 books left. I'm also working on The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun. I suppose I should read something more adultish and challenging, but I'm so not in the mood.
  14. We move a lot. I appreciate just friendliness. I tend to be shy, so it's really helpful when someone approaches me. But that's probably a personal opinion. Oh, and ideas of places to go/hang out. I never know the good coffee shops/parks/playgrounds.
  15. Mostly the library. The problem is that it's hard to predict what will contain something upsetting. She read a book about unicorns that had her in tears because it was a tale that ended with the unicorns going extinct, and she found it heartbreaking. But she doesn't talk about it unless she reads it to me. She holds it in and gets broody.
  16. DD is doing a great job with reading---she reads well both decoding and comprehension wise. She complains a bit about small text in real books, but she's able to read them fine. I have her continue to read aloud to me a few times a week just because it seems like she should. But she HATES it and would much rather just read to herself. I have a few potential issues. 1) How do I know she's getting things instead of just moving past tricky issues/things she doesn't understand? There's plenty that she'll read that she doesn't have the background to understand, and when we read together, I know she'll ask about it. She almost never does when she's reading in her head. 2) How do I know if something bugs her? She's emotionally five, and a lot of the books she COULD read would upset her. She reads a ton, and I can't always keep up with everything she's reading. By having her read parts of each book to me, she'll usually bring up parts that were upsetting for her. I don't have the time to read all the books she does (last year, she totaled 750), and it's sometimes hard to guess what will upset her. Even ignoring her pleasure reading, we do some reading as lit, talking about all the good things one should talk about--character, tone, setting, plot, and so on. We slow down and go through some books checking for comprehension, talking about forshadowing, flashbacks, and all that. Maybe I'm just being obsessive.
  17. This was facinating. Thank you so much for sharing! She does have apraxia, as well as general motor dyspraxia. She has problems controlling many of her muscles, so I'm guessing even if the adenoid issue were fixed, she might need continued speech help. I think at this point, I'm leaning against surgical intervention just because I hate the idea of surgery for her. If it 100 percent would fix it, or if she were having other problems related to the adenoids maybe it'd be different. Hmm interesting. I guess I didn't realize exactly how much they could block up. I'm glad to hear it was a mostly easy process.
  18. DD (5) has recieved speech services on and off since she was 15 months. Currently, she's receiving services because she is difficult to understand at the sentence level, but is understandable at the indivdual word level. The district wants to cut off services because she can make the correct sounds---she just doesn't. We sought a second opinion to see what was going on and have more support for continued services. We just had a speech eval today, and they said that the issue isn't primarily with speech/mouth movement, it's a problem of enlarged adenoids. The adenoids block the air flow, and so during a sentance, she does not voice all the sounds correctly since she runs out of air. The suggestion was either to 1) wait 6 months and see if she compensates for the issue or 2) consider an ENT apt to get an opinon on an adenoidectomy. I'm so hestiant to consider surgery for a speech issue, because I worry about the safety of surgery. Has anyone had similar experiences with adenoidectomies and speech? Do they actually fix the issue? Would you consider a surgical fix for your child? Thanks!
  19. We did levels A-C, and are currently working through D. Pros: Hands on, adaptable and appropriate for younger kids wanting to learn to read. Lots of helpful hints to the parent in the teacher's manual. Biggest pro: DD asks to do it ALL THE TIME. She absolutely loves it. We could take out the writing portion, and she could still progress with reading. My child was easily able to read/comprehend easy chapter books by the end of C. Con: Cost, though I think it's comprable to AAR. We did have to supplement with additional readers starting in level B because there wasn't quite enough practice for us. Overall---we love the program. DD loves it so much (she calls it "dragon reading") that she's gotten me dragon themed gifts for the past several mothers/birthday/holiday days because they remind her of how much fun she has reading with me, and she wants me to remember and smile too.
  20. Thank you all for your comments. It's really great to hear so many people all over that could nurse in public without discomfort. Hopefully one fewer thing to worry about with our move.
  21. I currently have a newborn. We live in Berkeley, so public attitudes toward breastfeeding are very liberal. I never use a cover, and I feel no pressure to. Based on my experience with kid 1 and this kid (so far), I am not skilled enough at nursing to do so with a cover. It's too hard to get a latch. Pumping produces an average of 1/4 of an oz over a whole day of pumping after each feeding. We are moving to the Pittsburgh PA area in two weeks, and it occurs to me that attitudes are likely to be different in different areas of the country. I looked up the laws, and technically, I should be within the bounds of the law to continue to nurse in public with no cover. But I'm not sure about socially. I'm curious to know about different areas across the country. What are attitudes like in your community? What part of the country do you live in? And would you let local attitudes impact your behavior in this?
  22. We told our 4 yr old right away. I was sick and weak, and there were abnomal tests. She was worried I was sick or would die, so it made sense to tell her. She also was at all prenatal apts, so it would have been hard to hide. Fwiw, she did keep the news to herself until we said it was ok.
  23. My parents are currently in town, and went with us to a play area. DD is 4, the area is enclosed, so I always just let her go hang out with her friends, and get me if she needs anything (there are some older kids that are there too that will come get an adult if needed as well). My parents were horrified I was leaving her alone and would frequently find reasons to go closer to observe exactly what was happening. They also felt the need to come back and report that a little boy was not using the nicest words, and they didn't know what to do. Let them all be kids, and they'll figure it out. If she doesn't get practice dealing with "not nice" words on her own at 4, how will she handle harsh words as a teen/tween? If the little boy doesn't get the feedback from other kids that they won't want to play if he's a jerk, he also won't have the opportunity to change his behavior. My mom were always strangely overprotective (not of me, but of my sisters who are 10 years younger). Where I was free to walk to neighbors' homes and manage my own friendships, my sister was in 8th grade and not allowed to walk to a friend's house two doors down. She still needed picked up from the bus in 11th grade, when it would be normal to drive. I can't imagine the overprotection was healthy.
  24. Yup, I'm with you. I tend to have morning sickness all through my pregnancies, which is anti-fun. I'm currently 37 weeks along, and both having occasional contractions and continued morning sickness. Booooo. It also drives me nuts from a logical standpoint. How can I grow a healthy baby if I can't keep enough food down? I joke with DH that pregnancy is my best diet, because I end pregnancy at a lower weight than I started. It would be really awesome to lose weight any other time, but all I want with pregnancy is a healthy baby. I'm thinking happy heartbeat thoughts for you.
  25. Both myself and my DD have sensory sound difficulties. As a child it was very difficult for me because my family thought it was super funny that I was jumpy (I once jolted at the sound of dice rolling). As an adult, I've been able to cope signficantly better. One huge thing for me is expecting sounds. If I can predict/brace for it, it's better. My office used to make everyone have his/her back toward the door (and thus giving bosses a clear view of the computer screen). That would be fine, except that I couldn't handle the noise change of silence---->unexpected talking to me. We settled on putting up a mirror so I could easily see if a person was stopping at my desk or just walking by. The other impact as an adult was with people typing. The noise of other people typing drives me bonkers. In law school, I handwrote all my exams just so I could be in a separate quiet room. And even then, I could hear the sounds of other people's pencils. Seriously. DD is too young to express a lot of it. But it's still clearly there. She can't stand my parent's house because they are just SO NOISY. They walk loud. They yell from room to room. And there's only 2 of them. But SO LOUD. She'll stay downstairs with everyone for about an hour, then ask to take a rest. It's the only way she can manage. My parents think she's "making it up" and "using it to manipulate us." I feel like when a 2-4 year old is asking to be put in a quiet dark room by herself, she can have no real manipulative motive. It's not like she gets to go upstairs and watch tv/play on a phone/get entertained. She literally just wants a dark, quiet room.
×
×
  • Create New...