Karin,
I don't have a girl nor are we anywhere near puberty yet, but I do have a very, very emotional boy. We still have issues with crying and hysterics. We don't deal with fighting as much (yet?). What we've done with Huck is explain to him that he can't go all out in any public place. He needs to wait until we reach a safe area, usually the car or a secluded corner. Then he's free to let it out. I don't know if that would be applicable to your situation, but the idea of acceptable/unacceptable places works well for us in that aspect.
We've also spent lots of time role playing and discussing how other kids interpret the things he says and his delivery. Right now because he's so young, I still supervise a lot when he's around other kids. I don't intervene, however, unless he's getting super bossy or mean. I try to let him work it out on his own.
Not sure if this is what you're looking for, but hope it helps anyway.