How did it go with your email yesterday, Scarlett? Has your dh given you any indication of how he felt about it? Hope all is well! Cat

Well, maybe it was in poor taste, but I'm sure the youth leader didn't mean any harm and just thought he was being cute. I think his comment should have been made privately, though, as if the girl's parents see it, they might be quite offended that the group leader is making light of a situation that is very serious to them -- and clearly, this was a lot more than a few stolen kisses at the movies or something. The youth leader really should have known better. I'm guessing that the youth leader is relatively young, too? If you think people will be upset by the comment, perhaps someone should politely explain to the youth leader that his post was inappropriate for a church website, and hope he removes it before anyone complains. But yes, I agree with you that it's a dumb thing to have said publicly, mainly because of the prior problems you mentioned. (Otherwise, it probably wouldn't have been a big deal.) Cat

:iagree: I also agree that you should treat each day as a separate entity. You feel lousy today, so skip the trade show and rest. Forget about tomorrow until you wake up in the morning and see how you are feeling. BTW, I just saw your last post, and noticed that you'll be handing out food samples at the trade show. I think you have an excellent excuse not to work, when there's so much potential to infect others. Really, would you want someone who is potentially contagious to be breathing all over the food you're about to eat? Please stay home and relax. You'll probably end up feeling much worse if you work today, and you're not doing anyone any favors by serving food when you're ill. I hope you feel better soon! Cat

We just started using Rosetta Stone Spanish. I bought the homeschool edition so everyone could work at their own level, and it would be easier to keep track of who is doing what. (I'm using the program, too, and dh says he's going to start soon.) I think it's an excellent program; ds9 is ok with it, but says it isn't as much fun as he'd hoped it would be. Apparently, there's a lack of the "eager love for learning part of homeschooling" here, too! ;) I took Latin in school, and can honestly say I can't remember a bit of it. I also took years and years of French, and I can still read it, but you wouldn't want tho hear me try to speak it -- truly pathetic! When I was trying to decide on a foreign language for ds, Spanish seemed like the most practical choice, although dh was in favor of Italian, so we'll probably add that in, too... eventually. I chose RS over other options because it seemed more interactive, and it was important to me to have someone else "doing the talking," because I don't have a clue about Spanish pronunciation. Personally, I'm glad I bought RS. DS and I only started using it this week, but so far, he has scored at least 96% on each lesson, and seems to be retaining the information from one lesson to the next. I had a little trouble getting the software to work properly with the Student Management System when I first installed everything, but I called RS and the tech support guy was wonderful, and helped me get it up and running within minutes. (The first person I called pretty much told me to read the manual more carefully :glare:, so I hung up, called right back, and got the helpful guy.) Good luck with whatever you choose! Cat

Scarlett, as one who has been following this thread from the very beginning, I can honestly say I LOVE your email -- it's well thought-out and I think it's quite specific. I also like knowing that you're holding back on presenting a little of your ammunition so you'll have some new support for your position if you need it. I have to say that when I read your description of your ds, you could have been describing my ds -- all the way down to politely exchanging his Happy Meal toys, and putting his arm around you when you're walking down the street! If you think your dh is in a receptive mood, send the email; otherwise wait until the time is right. I might also suggest that, if you think your dh is going to say that your ds isn't like other boys his age, you may want to start a new thread about what's normal behavior for a 9yo boy, and we can all post to it, so you can show your dh that your ds is definitely normal -- complete with meltdowns and wanting to sleep late and hugging his mom a lot! I think you have made amazing strides in organizing your thoughts since this thread first started, and it seems like you're now in a position to stand your ground and debate intelligently about this situation. (Actually, I think you always were, but you were too upset to realize it!) The more I hear about your ds, the more I truly believe that hs is the best place for him, and I can't imagine that your dh could possibly have a good enough reason for sending him to school. Good luck, and :grouphug: Cat

LOL --we're definitely agreeing! When you described what's normal for your ds, you might as well have been describing mine, too! :D Cat

:lurk5: Cat

If it makes you feel any better, I'm older! ;) Cat

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry that things went so poorly, but maybe your mom's violent, selfish reaction was just what you really needed to hear, so you now know for sure that this has nothing to do with Malaysia, and has everything to do with your mom wanting to control you. I'm glad you and your DH have decided to go to Malaysia, and that he's very supportive of you, because this thing with your mom is terribly traumatic for you. Eventually, she will want to be friends again. Right now, she's just in a rage because she's not getting her way. She's throwing a tantrum, and you have to ignore it and you have to realize that she doesn't really mean all of the hurtful things she said. She's being childish and mean, and you don't deserve that. You deserve your mom's love and support, and if she won't give it to you, it's not your fault. You need a life, too. Cat

I agree. I don't believe in diminishing a child's accomplishments -- a bright child will pick up on it, and start to think he or she isn't good enough. I hate people who brag about their kids, especially when most of them tend to also... shall we say... "embellish" along with the bragging, but if someone compliments my child, I accept graciously, and if I'm asked a direct question about what he's reading or studying, I am truthful about it, even if I know their dc are doing much less challenging work. I think it's all in the delivery. If you're matter-of-fact about things, and don't make everything into The World's Smartest Living Child Has Done Something Else Your Kid Could Never Do, most people are ok with it. And if they're not, it's their problem, not yours, right? Cat

No answers here, Cindy, but I just wanted to send you a :grouphug:, because it sounds like you could use one. Cat

What is it that you really want to achieve? Do you believe that sending your ds to ps is going to repair the problems between you and your dh? (I'm not asking for any details -- I'm just assuming that there's a lot more to this than a debate over homeschooling.) Is it worth it to you to have your ds be miserable at the thought of going to school in the fall? Is it worth it to be miserable because you can't hs anymore, even though you have obviously been very successful at it? Are you prepared to tell your ds to suck it up and deal with it if he goes to school and kids are mean to him, or he doesn't make friends, or if the teachers are unkind? Are you willing to deal with the fact that, even if your ds hates school, your dh may still disagree with homeschooling, and you may not be able to pull your ds out of school and bring him back home? You are obviously such a great homeschool teacher and clearly you're a wonderful mom, too. Is there any particular reason why you've chosen this as the "thing" that shows your dh that you're ready to be submissive? I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I keep thinking of your poor son, who is stuck in the middle of a situation that will seriously impact his life, yet probably isn't really even about him. This sounds like a control issue between you and your dh, yet your ds is the one who will suffer most from it if you don't stand up for him. Cat PS. Again, we don't do submissive at our house, so some people may be offended by my posts. I just don't see this as a submission issue; I see this as a "defending your child's best interests" issue, which seems more important than doing what your husband wants you to do.

:lurk5: I'm having such a great time reading all of your responses and checking BestPlaces.net and Realtor.com for more info. I also have a little US map and I'm highlighting all of the different areas. (Probably only a homeschool mom would do that...) Thanks so much for all of the help -- I'm open for more suggestions, too! Cat

I think we may be thinking the same basic thing, but using different terminology. When I say, "normal," I don't mean, "average." I mean that a brilliant 6 year-old is still, emotionally, a little kid. Many parents of gifted children seem to believe that, because their kids speak like mini-adults, that they really are adults in small bodies. They forget that even the brightest child still needs to be able to be a kid. Did that make any more sense? Cat

Thank you so much for all of the great suggestions so far -- I'm writing them down as they are posted! Please keep the ideas coming!!! Cat

Uh oh. Maybe you should disregard everything I've said. I am pretty much the Anti-Submissive Wife. Cat

I have been following the threads about places where people are (and aren't) friendly, and I thought I'd start a semi-related thread of my own. We're thinking of moving, but we don't know where to go. We want a friendly place, that's very low in crime, with excellent air and water quality. Low real estate taxes would be nice, too, and of course, easy homeschool laws would be a big plus. A smallish town, with a nice "Main St" type of place where we can walk around, do some window shopping, and get some lunch would be ideal. We can move anywhere we'd like, which is both a blessing and a curse. It's great to have a lot of options, but it's also very difficult to narrow things down. Do you have any suggestions for us? We've been here and there, but most people would still consider us to be New York City people. (But we don't want to live in a city environment -- we want clean air and low crime, remember? ;)) Oh -- and I nearly forgot -- it's important for us to be in an area where there are lots of other homeschoolers, as ds needs friends. We're Christian, but not at all strict about it, and we're not churchgoers, if that matters. I really want to find a new home where we'll be able to fit in and make friends easily. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Cat

Jean made some great points. You know, writing everything out could be very helpful to you, Scarlett, even if you never give the pages to your dh. It would be an excellent way to clarify all of your thoughts and feelings. Cat PS. Glad you won, Jean, even though it wasn't about winning or losing. :D

Oh, Ok! That makes more sense to me -- thanks for the clarification! I'm still thinking, though, that you shouldn't go into the conversation agreeing to anything. If your dh is anything like me, he'll hear the part where he wins, and then his ears will shut off... something like, "'I want to say that I will honor my agreement to put him in school if that is what you think is best. blah blah blah blah blah," and all he's thinking is, "I win! I win! I win! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Maybe there's a way you could just say, "I think it's time we talked some more about the homeschooling thing. You already know how I feel about it, but I really want to know what you're thinking," and make him be very specific. You don't necessarily have to make a final decision during that single conversation, either. You can always suggest (if things aren't going your way,) that both of you think it over for a few days and talk again. Sorry you have to go through this. :grouphug: Cat

You may want to rephrase your opening line. You are starting in a position of weakness and defeat if you say, "I want to say that I will honor my agreement to put him in school if that is what you think is best." You are leaving the door open for your DH to simply say, "I'm glad you will honor your agreement. He goes to school. Case closed." Even if you agreed on ps in the past, it is clear that you are terribly uncomfortable with it. You are entitled to change your mind, particularly when you have many solid, rational reasons to back up your decision to continue homeschooling. Personally, I'd enter the conversation under the assumption that we were going to keep hsing, and let your dh convince you otherwise, with his well thought-out, rational, sensible reasoning (assuming he has any valid reasons -- we haven't heard any yet.) I'm not trying to pick on you; I just don't want your conversation to end before it begins. Cat

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Cat

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your other Golden, as well as your new puppies, all live long, happy, and healthy lives. Cat

Congratulations! And we don't think you're a snot! :tongue_smilie: It's so hard to talk to people about experiences like yours, not because you're bragging, but because so many other moms are frighteningly competitive, and will not take your words in the spirit in which they were intended. It's a shame that so many moms are unable to be happy for others. Raising our kids shouldn't be a competition. Cat

My thoughts, exactly! Every time I see something like that, it really bothers me, because it's so obvious that there is no benefit to trotting this poor kid out and having him show off; the only reason parents do that sort of thing is because they want the attention for themselves. I guess they figure that they deserve to be famous and admired for having a bright kid. I'm always in favor of trying to keep kids "normal," no matter how intelligent they may be, because whether or not they can do calculus when they're 9, they're still just kids. Appearing on the Today show and reciting a bunch of canned, "I love learning," phrases and answering the hosts' questions, does not qualify as "normal" to me. Cat

It looks great to me -- but we just started using Rosetta Stone two days ago, so I'm not exactly a professional at this! I can already see that RS could get a bit boring after a while, so I really like your idea of integrating other Spanish materials into the mix. Maybe your kids could also watch some tv shows in Spanish. Cat