And do remember that you can switch paths. Nothing is set in stone. I started life at an LAC and ended up at an engineering school. Dd2 started out at a LAC and ended up at a conservatory. Both of us did or will graduate in four years. I thought that transferring meant that you had to say goodbye to any merit aid, but dd2 was offered merit aid at every college she applied to AS A TRANSFER STUDENT! Encourage your student to make the best decision he can at the moment. And if it doesn't work well, he can start moving in a different direction.

Ten years ago I would have said it makes a great deal of difference and you should spend the money. (Dh and I and most of our extended families went to "name" schools, so that was the paradigm we were used to.) After ten years of dealing with kids, colleges, friends' kids, and helping other students through the college process, I would say -- 1) Names do matter. Saying you went to "Ivy League X" does bring respect. 2) Debt matters hugely. My kids graduated debt-free, and they are all dumb-founded by the amount of debt carried by their peers. Many of their friends don't have the option of a vacation or of thinking about home-ownership. They are saddled with debt up to their eyebrows, and they are just hoping nothing happens to their job so they can pay it all off. (One kid knows someone who was fired and had problems finding a job subsequently. Talk about a huge financial mess!) 3) And the name of the school matters a lot LESS than you think it might. Employers want to see that their future new employees have had work experience (internships, etc.). They want to see a decent GPA. And they want experiences that make the student stand out -- EC's or awards or pursuing passions, etc. We know students who went to top schools but graduated with a GPA less than 3.0 who have had SERIOUS trouble finding a job. We know a student who went to a significantly lower-tier school where he stood out who became one of the first ten employees in a software firm that will probably go public in the next year or so -- think beaucoup $$$$. Honestly, I have problems arguing that School #7 is much better than School #20. That said, do think about where your kid is headed. In some fields, ranking is HUGE. In order to get a position as a philosophy prof, you need to have gone to a tippy-top grad school, and philosophy grad schools prefer students who have gone to tippy-top undergrad programs, so if you want to head in that direction #7 may be a significantly better choice than #20. (17 Ph.D's are awarded in philosophy for every one tenure track opening!) Also, just because #20 may be as good or better than #7 doesn't mean that #302 is a good choice! Second-tier is fine, but there are schools from which you just can't pursue your dreams. What does your student think about the schools? Which program is more appropriate? How about availability of internshihps? Dorms? Extra-curriculars? Campus culture? City versus country? Proximity to an airport? Your kid is the one going there, and I'm sure he has an opinion!

My housing in the 80's was mixed housing. Rooms were single-sex, but bathrooms were coed. The bathrooms had a large area, so you definitely had to brush your teeth with people of the opposite gender, but the each bathroom had two adjoining rooms each with a toilet and shower. Each toilet/shower was separated from the sink area by a huge HEAVY lockable door. It worked! (Also we only had between 4 and 9 people per bathroom, so you knew the people you were sharing the bathroom with pretty well!) So coed bathrooms CAN work wonderfully!

Where's the dislike button? That's hard on everyone.

Spending the summer in Maine sailing/working sounds pretty good to me! (And your ds can wave to my ds as they sail by!)

The thing that bothers me about unpaid internships (of which my kids have had several -- and they have all been fantastic experiences!) is in order to participate students need some kind of financial backing. They have either parents or a bank account that can provide housing, transportation, and food. I am thankful that at least a few colleges do provide financial support for these unpaid experiences, but for the most part only the students who have families with at least a modicum of financial resources can participate in these experiences. i am surprised that there is not broader financial support for unpaid internships by colleges and other organizations so ALL interested students can participate.

Do check out whether or not your student's college offers financial help for students who want to pursue interesting options over the summer. Some colleges will provide money for students who want to volunteer at a particularly interesting job or pursue some kind of passion. At my older kids' college, students applied in late winter and the grants were announced in mid-spring. These grants allowed students to do such things as hiking the Appalachian Trail and studying in a foreign country and doing a unpaid internship at an art conservation facility. The grant was intended to allow students to do dream pursuits regardless of personal finances, though the application process was NOT dependent on financial aid status in any way -- the only finances asked about were the student's financial needs for the summer project. The amount of money in the student/parental bank account and FAFSA info was not requested. Maybe other colleges offer this type of grant?

Thanks! I've never heard of it, but since I still work with high schoolers (not my own), it's good to know. Ds's school is probably one of the last of its kind, but it still uses a paper application, so sending a hard-copy was definitely the best route to go. The school has a total student population under 100, so there is little incentive for it to go high-tech when one of the benefits of this school is the amount of one-on-one students receive! (And yes, it is an engineering school -- the top naval architecture program in the country!)

My children did more than asked for a few times, but each time he/she specifically asked the admissions office first and were told that it was okay.) For example, a kid submitted a reading list to UVA. The website clearly states that no extras will be allowed in the application, but ds talked to an admissions person, explaining that he was homeschooled and that the reading list was a strong indicator of a lot of his personal interests (he ended up majoring in philosophy, among other fields). The admissions person said to please include it -- and he was treated very well in the admissions process. A kid submitted a "portfolio" of sorts to an engineering school. A picture is definitely worth a thousand words when you have a kid who builds kayaks from scratch and designs and builds kites and has numerous other engineering hands-on interests that are hard to explain. We put together a 14-page picture booklet with a bit of first-person narrative by my son. Again, he asked the school before submitting it.

I homeschooled in VA. Two of my kids were accepted as Monroe Scholars at W&M and another as an Echols Scholar at UVA. * One only had three years of Latin -- in 8th, 9th, and 10th grade. * One had no science her senior year. * None had more than two years of science labs, and one only had one year. I think colleges list all the "requirements" to help give people an idea of what they are looking for, but even the "requirements" seem to be flexible for an academically strong student with interesting EC's. When dd1 decided to not take a science her senior year, I called W&M to find out if they would accept her without a fourth year of science. The admissions office stated that no, it wouldn't. Dd1 applied anyway and was accepted as a Monroe Scholar....... so don't believe everything the admissions office tells you! We did our transcripts by year, dumping the Algebra 1 and foreign languages taken in 8th grade into a separate section above the "by year" section. While we weren't crazy about clearly showing that they were shy of a requirement or two, we did want to show the progression of classes. Also, they all juggled crazy loads their junior year and we wanted the colleges to clearly see how wildly over-achieving their junior years all were. Conclusion -- help your son pursue the education that is best for him, showcase it as best you can in the guidance counselor part of the application, and know that you did your best and what will happen will happen.

Get the degree. Dd is an organ performance major looking at grad schools, and I am overwhelmed with how much there is to the music world. Without a degree your dd will be a second-rate teacher limited to local students at the beginning and advanced beginner levels. It takes a person who has been-there-done-that to walk a student through the upper levels of piano competitions, summer programs, and preparing for life as a professional musician. If she is gifted iin music, to limit her to teaching beginners because of a lack of experience would be a shame.

The number is highly situation-dependent. Dd1 applied to a bunch because we needed her to receive plenty of merit aid and we had no idea how desirable an applicant she was. Ds1 applied to a bunch for the same reasons. Ds2 applied ED to a tuition-free school, so he knew before Thanksgiving that he was in and we could afford it. Dd2 applied to a bunch for the same reasons as dd1. If you do not need to play the merit aid game, you may apply to fewer schools, but merit aid is fairly random and can't be counted on, so you really do need to apply to a bunch of schools! Ditto for competitive schools. (Dd1 received a full-tuition offer from a top-20 LAC and didn't even get accepted by a similarly-ranked LAC. Go figure!)

We called around to private schools. Don't be shy about phoning elite ones -- one of the schools that agreed to allow my son to take the AP we were having trouble with was a super-exclusive super-expensive all-male boarding school several hours away, but they seemed happy about my son taking the exam there. The funny thing is that he would have had to wear a jacket and tie to take the exam! ;-) He ended up not having to take it there.....

BTW, at least in the 80's it was possible to finish at MIT early. I transferred in and still took six semesters there only because I didn't want to graduate early (and my parents were willing to pay for the extra semester). The policies on AP classes and transfer credits may have changed significantly since then, but back in the day I did know a handful of motivated students with lots of AP credits who did graduate a semester early. That said, I don't actually recommend graduating early. For financial reasons my brother graduated in three years from an Ivy, and he is still bitter about having to cram classes in and then leave all of his friends when they all had another year together. He wanted more time for classes, more time before he had to think about writing a thesis, more time for his singing group, and just more time on campus. YMMV

Congratulations to all! That's great news! I've had two NMF, one of whom made it to NMS. I figure having the NMF status looked good on the college application, regardless of money involved. And remember that students do transfer, so even if your kid is 100% positive he's just applying to a school that doesn't care about NMF status, NMF status may be relevant if he transfers in a year or two! Dd attended top-20 LAC that gave her a full-tuition scholarship so she didn't get any more money from the school because of her NMS status, but she did get the $2500 NMS amount towards room and board. She figures that she earned $2500 for the ten hours it took her to fill out the application. $250/hour isn't a bad rate of pay. Ds was awarded a full-ride scholarship from a top-20 LAC, so his NMF status didn't matter, but we figure it may have helped him get the full-ride scholarship in the first place.

I've had about three years of transition -- or maybe I should say 10 years of transition, since that's when my oldest left for college. I had #2 move home after college, work locally for a year, and then get a master's at a local college while living at home. And even this fall, after ds1 finally left for the opposite coast and dd2 transferred to a diffferent state, ds2 and his wife spent nearly a month living with us. I think we have a "flexible nest"! But the kids bop in and bop out. People ask if we are considering down-sizing, but since my future dd-in-law's furniture is burying our guest bedroom, I don't think we're ready to downsize just yet! At some point our kids will have houses where we can celebrate Christmas and stay in a guest room. Until then, we're keeping our house, though it may be pretty empty a significant part of the year! I'm beginning to wonder if it takes a decade or more to transition from a full house to a house with no kids relying on it......

Nope, I don't think you can avoid emty nest syndrome. There are things you can do to lessen it -- making new traditions, being flexible with the old ones, getting involved in new activities, reaching out to friends more, delighting in the opportunity to focus on the younger kids more, etc. But at the end of the day, a child you have spent the past 18 years of your life with has just moved out. That will leave a hole. Period. Empty nest syndrome is a cute name for a period of mourning. A kid moving out is a loss -- no matter how much you are rejoicing over their next step -- so give yourself permission to grieve a bit.

I went through the transfer process with dd2 two years ago. It was HARD. All the forms and deadlines are set up for freshman, not transfer students. You do everything correctly and then find out that on line 2 of page 17 the directions say that transfer students need to do it this other way....... And even the admissions office doesn't know its own procedures for transfers..... Best wishes. BTW, dd is having a GREAT experience after three semesters at her new school. The pain really was worth it........ Dd ended up with on-campus housing, but when I transferred many many years ago as a transfer I was ineligible for on-campus housing..... Do investigate that!

And sometimes you don't know what will open a door. Do your best and, at the the end of the day, RELAX! 1) I can't share my ds2's stories due to privacy issues, but honestly if your kid goes to a good school, works hard, gets an internship or two, and gets a prof or two really behind him, he will do well. Even if the road is long and has lots of twists and turns. 2) And do remember that McKinsey and Harvard Medical School and Intel are dreams for many students, but not for all. Some, like my younger son, want to go that road less traveled. And there is nothing wrong with that. One can live a "successful" life without that crazy-hard-to-get job and that pedigree degree. (Written as my son enjoys the gorgeous ocean view from his remote apartment living out his dream job in a town with no police department, no stop lights, and no high school.) Breathe. It will all work out. Somehow.

Sorry this is happening. The amount of red tape in our universe is truly amazing! :grouphug:

My third applied to just one school. He applied ED and got in, but he had no backup colleges. His plan B was to continue continue working at the job he did part-time in high school (a cool job at a sail loft) and go from there. My dd decided in June of her senior year to NOT attend the college she had accepted. (Long story with lots of tears and epiphany moments). She said that she was fine attending the local CC in the fall and transferring later, so we were okay with her decision. (The local Public Ivy re-accepted her a few days later so she was spared attending the CC, but I did admire her willingness to accept attending the CC rather than go to a school that she felt was a mistake!) As long as your student is comfortable with a Plan B (job, gap year, community college, whatever), I'd say to not worry about just applying to one school.

Dd finished her first week of classes. She is a transfer student (starting her fourth semester at the school with only one more year until graduation), and she finally had a meeting with her advisor to discuss her transfer credits. Over the past three semesters he kept on telling her that she was fine, but I kept reminding her that she only has his verbal commitment, so if anything happened to him she could be in a bad way. Thankfully she met with him and now at least has an email from him confirming the status of her credits. He says he'll work on the paperwork part of her credits over the summer...... So very thankful mama here! (It's a tiny school and he's a musician who apparently doesn't like red tape, so.........)

I have never heard of faculty routinely reviewing undergraduate applications EXCEPT in the case of arts students. My dd applied as a music performance major, and at various auditions profs did mention various parts of her application so they had clearly reviewed her application. In the normal academic arena our experience is that if a student really impresses a faculty member and the faculty member mentions this to an admissions person, the admissions counselor takes that VERY seriously. (My dd had a neat conversation with a prof who bustled over afterwards to the admissions person and mentioned this. I was late picking dd up from the scholarship weekend so the ad con was hanging out with dd making small talk and he mentioned that the prof had come and recommended her and that that was VERY unusual and they would take it very seriously.) YMMV

FWIW, my kids' cheapest option was NOT the in-state 4-year college. Even living at home, the Public Ivy down the street from us was not my kids' cheapest option. Merit aid from private colleges rained down on my kids, and by far and away their cheapest option was 4-year private colleges -- even a top-20 LAC rained money down on them. My advice would be to apply to a WIDE variety of colleges -- public OOS, tippy-top private, less prestigious private, etc. You never know what peculiar interest of your dd's might appeal to a particular admissions counselor and result in crazy amounts of merit aid. Do remember that not all colleges give merit aid! Among the colleges that give generous merit aid, some give it widely (some aid to many students) and some give it deeply (super-generous amounts of aid to a few students). Only a handful of colleges give merit aid both widely and deeply. Do your homework and figure out if the wide but not deep allotment will do for you. If it won't give you enough aid, then you need to focus on schools that give DEEPLY. See College Confidential for lists of colleges that give full-rides. Cast your net wide!

I listed Algebra 1 and Latin 1 on the transcript under "courses taken in 8th grade" but I did NOT provide grade or credit information. In other words, I wanted the colleges to know that my student took those classes but the classes did not influence the GPA in any way. That is the way my high school did it in the 80's and it made sense to me. If my students had needed either more credits on their high school transcripts or a boost to their GPA's, I would have handled the 8th grade classes differently.