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Sweetpeach

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Posts posted by Sweetpeach

  1. Hi Mama T -- I lurked your thread about your daughter coming up against that tough sequence and really happy to hear she could perform when it counted. Congrats to her!

     

    (I may offend my fellow Canucks with my next statement, so I apologize in advance) . . . our Canadian dynamic is much different than the American way of competing. Clearly, TeamUSA Any Sport knows how to win.

     

    Mama T, it seems that your coaches are doing a grand job of teaching the mental slice and you've figured how to keep the family unit stress-free and happy so that competition nerves don't derail the train. Way to go!

     

    I have the sense that gymnastics in the USA attracts the very best of coaches. They are highly competitive, well-qualified, I suspect fairly well-compensated for what they bring to the table. What if the sport our kids are involved with doesn't have the same resources in terms of coaching, especially at the state/provincial level? These are coaches who love the sport, but can't make a living off being a coach.

     

    If you felt like more was needed in terms of the mental slice, where would you turn for resources?

     

    This is the information I'm looking for.

    Warmly, Tricia

  2. If other people are interested, perhaps it doesn't have to be a "message me privately" situation.

     

    My kids are not athletic phenoms by any stretch of the imagination . . . I didn't want to give the impression that starting this thread means my kids are cruising at high-speed to the top of the pack. They are exceptionally hard workers and I think mental strategies would give them an edge over their more physically-gifted counterparts.

     

    I'm very interested in other people's experiences with high-performance athletes.

     

    I really hope some experienced folks will weigh in or at least point us in the right direction!

     

    Cheers, Tricia

  3. Hi Elise --

     

    Thanks for popping in on this thread . . . could you do some under-the-rader investigative reporting around your club and find out if other parents are actively reading/thinking about the mental slice.

     

    I wonder if mental strategies are more "caught" than "taught" . . . even so, I'd like to educate myself so I can throw out tidbits here and there about coping with the crazy of competing!

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  4. Hello Hive,

     

    I have a few questions for those of you who are parenting high-performance athletes.

     

    At what age did your child start to need mental training, so they could figure out ways to harness their race-day energy/nerves and channel that into performance?

     

    (I'm asking b/c I shared coffee this morning with an experienced paddling mama who was telling me all about "muscle memory" and race-day strategies that her daughter used to become a successful, nationally-ranked paddler. It got me thinking about the mental edge of competing.)

     

    Was this coaching based on "age" or "level of competition?" Have any of you sought professional sport psychology coaching? Would you consider sharing the experience with me, from a parenting pov?

     

    What are the best resources you've come across for unpackaging the mental aspects of training and racing? Do you have specific authors or bloggers who you follow? Do you know of resources aimed at the younger crowd?

     

    I'm thinking parents of swimmers, gymnasts, tennis players, paddlers -- kids that have to learn how to perform under high individual pressure. I'd like to be able to start building some common language in our home around training, performing, pressure, adrenalin . . . so they can start to recognize or become aware of the mental slice of their athletic pursuits.

     

    Would you consider private messaging me if you have thoughts or experience about this?

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  5. :bigear:

     

    My oldest Mr hasn't drowned in the wild, open sea of AoPS Alg 1, however, he has capsized a couple times and found himself floundering. If we didn't have our amazing tutor, AofPS would have chewed up my oldest. It is helpful to have someone come alongside that understands the whole picture. Our tutor has been able to back-fill the gaps.

     

    That said, I'm also looking for a student-led Alg 1 course that doesn't take those giant steps over small details. I need to find the right curriculum for my Middle Mr who might be able to stay afloat with AofPS but certainly not as a first run. Maybe one curr. would fit the bill for both boys?

     

    T

  6. Hello Hivers,

     

    Over the years, I've made many basic jean quilts out of reclaimed jeans. They are simple squares, easy to sew, durable.

     

    I would like to applique words on this quilt I'm making right now . . . but I'm stumped for ideas when it comes to cute sleepy sayings. I searched online but the quotes are way too long.

     

    I want something more original than "always kiss me goodnight" . . . I would like to sell these quilts so the saying has to be something that won't get me into copyright problems. I'd enjoy making toddler/preschool cozy quilts that would be just right for naptime but I'm hooked on the words idea and can't come up with anything creative.

     

    It's my curse -- I can sew lots of great things but the creative edge always seems to allude me.

     

    Suggestions?

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  7. I get annoyed when I hear Christian HSers say in a smug, self-righteous tone: "I'd rather my children get into Heaven than into Harvard". I feel like smacking them because the two destinations are not mutually exclusive. :tongue_smilie:

     

    Self-righteous anything makes me crazy. I agree with you, Harvard and Heaven are both doable . . . can we do Harvard, Heaven and also be in good relationship with them for a lifetime?

     

    The kids have to make their own choices about faith, and they have to decide how hard they want to push themselves academically . . . I can drive an agenda and make us all crazy or I can try to see where they are going, what is inside them that needs to surface so they can live a life that feels right for them.

     

    As a mother, that's what a really want for our children.

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  8. and my final thoughts:

     

    I really like your comments about doing hard things and it can be hard for young teens to find the strength to press into the hard stuff. I've done alot more hand-holding this week, let them enjoy what they enjoy and plod along with what feels harder or less enjoyable -- the key change this week has been with me. Change always begins with me. By backing off, not taking everything so darn personally, understanding that I have no right to expect anything from them by way of gratitude, that I'm doing what I'm doing as a homeschooler because I still think it's the right path - these tidbits have helped my headspace.

     

    My boys don't want to go to public school. Believe me, I've asked them many times, even encouraged them to give it a try. They like their life at home, which I guess means they like me. :001_smile: I need to grow into this new chapter of what it means to be in relationship with my young teen man, my tweener man and keep things rolling in a positive way while maintaining academics that will keep the doors open in the future.

     

    Thank you, Nan, for posting. The knotty, churning feeling in my stomach has decreased substantially.

     

    With deep gratitude,

    Tricia

  9. It doesn't mean the child is going to love everything he does or try his hardest at everything. One of the things you can do to help teenagers is acknowledge which subjects are just chores, things they are doing because they trust you when you say they need to do them. They are more likely to cooperate if you agree to let them put more time and effort into the subjects that are interesting to them or important to their own current goals, and less time and effort into things they dislike or don't see as important. One of the nice things about homeschooling is that you can choose how you want to cover the basics. Plugging through an intro-level textbook is a pretty efficient way of covering something something fast.

     

    Be wary of putting lots of time and effort into custom-designing a course. It is likely to lead to hurt feelings on your part if it involves teenagers. If it is something the teenager wants to learn, he is likely to have strong ideas about how he wants to learn it, and if it is something he doesn't want to learn, then he isn't going to put enough effort into following your plan and you will wind up feeling unhappy. There is nothing wrong with saying, "We are going to study this because I want to learn it. I work hard redoing high school all over again so you can homeschool. Studying this with me is a way you can say thank-you." It is, however, not a very good idea to expect your children to be spontaniously grateful to you for all the hard work you do homeschooling them, especially if they have mixed feelings about homeschooling in the first place (something fairly common). They didn't ask you to sacrifice years of your life to homeschool them. They don't want to think that they are a burden.

     

    If you don't want to homeschool them, if you aren't enjoying at least some of it, it probably would be better for both of you if you found some way to outsource their education, somehow. That doesn't necessarily mean sending them to the public high school, but it might very well mean finding some sort of online or correspondence school, if they aren't mature enough to educate themselves. Even just outsourcing one class can be beneficial to the relationship. If your family is like my family, one or two classes account for most of the friction. If you can outsource those, you may find that the student has a few he can do independently and that leaves you with only a few courses to teach. We have found that ours needed to learn to learn from a textbook and learn to learn in a classroom situation. That meant using outsourcing as a transition between home and college. (We used community college classes.)

     

    A major source of friction between teenagers and parents is teenagers not being able to do things. That might seem laughably obvious, but when you apply it to homeschooling, it isn't so. When you know how to do something and are good at it, it becomes easy to do. When you don't know how to do something or are bad at it, it is hard to do. If you make sure your middle schooler has strong basic academic skills, it will make homeschooling high school more amicable. I'm not talking about knowledge, but about skills. A good part of that busy-work that public schools do is meant to build basic skills like remembering to put a header on one's paper and being able to write down and follow directions and being able to pick out the main point of a paragraph or chapter. These take practice. They are boring. This is where being Draconian is important. This is where being Draconian when your children are little is important. If you wait until high school to teach these skills, it will cause much more friction than if you do it gradually beforehand. People are much more likely to like things that they can do easily than things that they can't do easily. Obviously, high school is an important time for advancing academic skills, but if the student has basic academic skills, it is easier to improve them AND discuss history and literature, cover math through calculus, become proficient in a foreign language or two, and absorb the masses of information and skills involved in science and technology, all at the same time, AND let the child work on his own enough to satisfy his (perfectly appropriate) teenage need for growing independence. A teenager who has basic academic skills is able to do his schoolwork more independently and with less time and effort than one who does not.

     

    Jane brings up another good point - going away. We found that our relationship with our teenagers was much better if we let them spend plenty of time away from us. For our family, that meant letting our children go live elsewhere for several weeks or months of the year. That made them happy to hop onto a 30 foot boat and be trapped literally within arm's reach of us for 5 weeks every summer. We also encouraged ours to go away to college. They will probably live with us afterwards, but even if they picked a near-by college, we would encourage them to live in the dorms. When the student knows his parents are working with him to make him independent and adult, that helps the student to feel less misunderstood.

     

    Feeling misunderstood, feeling incompetent, and feeling overwhelmed are all things that can contribute to friction over homeschooling high school. Make sure your teenagers feel that they can talk to you about those feelings and that you are willing to do something to change things. That doesn't mean you do their work for them, but it does mean that you work with them to adjust their work-load until they have learned whatever it is that will make the their work-load easier.

     

    Most teenagers feel better about themselves if they are contributing to their family and to the world somehow. That helps decrease friction and gives them confidence to tackle their schoolwork. It also helps them to see why they are working hard at the academics.

     

    I agree with Jane about academics being easier to accomplish if one's family is fairly academic. If all the adults never do anything academic and never use their own academic education, it is hard to convince the soon-to-be adults to go to waste all that time and effort on something so useless-seeming.

     

    This is a good time to find things that you both like to do together, too. My family, including my father, recently took up cribbage because it is something we can do with our oldest (24) that he enjoys. We take the middle one (21) out for sushi and do crossword puzzles while we wait. We play Traders of Carthage with the youngest (17). They all say all they want for Christmas is the annual family ski trip. Find something that builds good memories, fun memories.

     

    Just some ideas... As I said, it is a tricky balance. In general, I feel successful if my children were alive and still talking to me at the end of the day. Sigh.

     

    Nan

     

    Hi Nan, I humbly thank you for taking time to write out this post. I have never figured out the beauty of multi-quoting in a post . . . in any case, I've used your wise words and applied to my situation.

     

    Blue: Math is a huge chore to me. Writing is a huge chore to my boys. Funny that I didn't realize this until reading your post about 10 times. If I never had to look at a math textbook again, wouldn't I be a happy camper? My boys feel the same way about the endless reading that I do . . . they enjoy reading (certainly nothing I pick out for them) and don't enjoy writing (though they will do the WWS and history outlining - some days it's a grumble-fest). I react to their grumbling, but now, I can tell myself that the work they're bickering over feels like a chore that they don't want to do but know they need to do it. Your post helped me not take it all so seriously or personally. All of us understand that writing, reading, processing are important skills but there are going to be moments when they just don't want to do it. I have to be alright with that. If I had to go back in time and do math everyday, I'd complain to anyone that would listen.

     

    Purple: Again, this is another epiphany that I only got after reading your post many times. I have poured my life into my children and we do life so our kids can have a great foundation with which to carry on into adult life. I admit, I do want them to be thankful, grateful to us and I didn't truly realize that expecting them to spontaneously break out in song and dance because of what we're putting on the table for them is an unrealistic expectation. Thank you -- this is a huge growing edge in my life.

     

    Green: Yes, we outsourced Math this year. He's doing online math, we hired a tutor and my contribution is to correct the end-of-chapter problem sets. I can manage some correcting but I have no desire to try to teach math. I'm still teaching my youngers and their math grumbling triggers me everywhere because there are many days (even in AofPS Pre-Alg) that I just don't always get the whole thing. I feel like I'm squeezing my brain into a whole that doesn't fit so well, so they could at least "try" to stick with me. Again, way too emotional and expecting way too much from my boys.

     

    Orange: Our boys spend lots and lots of time away from us. They paddle, they play, they do youth groups, they go snowboarding . . . we aren't a family that thinks everything has to happen inside our four walls. The truth is, I'd be batty.

  10. Perhaps some of us lead lives that are academic by nature so this dichotomy that you see is not apparent to us?

     

    Admittedly my son is a reader so I never related to posters whose children argue over assigned reading. That was never an issue in our home. In fact, if I asked my son at age 14 would you prefer to read Herodotus or Thucydides, he would have said both.

     

    Writing was another story. Nan and I have written repeatedly on how our boys would argue over writing assignments. If they just sat down to tackle them, they would have been finished long before their argument against the assignment wound up! So the question becomes is the young man manipulating his parent/teacher to avoid the work or does he have a legitimate complaint? I found that by listening, he often did have reasonable issues. This might lead to a change in the assignment--or not. By the time my son was in 11th grade, I knew that someone else had to be involved. Thus he was registered in a Basic Composition course at the community college. Worries that I had over my son's writing proved to be without merit.

     

    A study was released last week that indicates teens who argue with their parents are actually better off in the long run. When placed in challenging peer settings, kids who have argued with parents have learned to take a stand for themselves and not just follow peers.

     

    I am not suggesting that school should be a battleground, but some discussion as the students take charge of their academics may be expected for some personalities.

     

     

     

    Getting the work done may require setting consequences, particularly for your 8th or 9th grader who is not accustomed to the growing work load of high school. When my son was given a weekly list of assignments, he would do all of his reading, history, and science during the earlier part of the week, leaving writing assignments until Friday which meant they would not get done. So I did some hand holding. I gave him daily assignments for Math, set up appointments during the week for writing, etc. So perhaps on Monday or Tuesday he would present me with a general outline or a topic sentence or some aspect of written work that served as a foundation. The next day he would build on previous work. This sort of hand holding did not last for all of high school. Your thirteen year old is not your sixteen year old. But habits that are established at thirteen can remain. And weekends do not bring automatic breaks. If the work was not done, well Sunday afternoon was a fine time to finish it.

     

    Knickers in a knot? This can be a good thing for some personalities as it inspires them to move forward. If he is just in a rut and digging himself deeper, then he needs to switch gears. At age 13 or 14, I would toss my son outside and suggest that he go off with a cast net to catch dinner for the birds at the rehab center or go rollerblading or bike riding. Do something physical! It is the rare boy at this age who does not need to blow some steam. And I did not supervise this--I just sent him off.

     

    Essentially your son needs to be the one pushing himself. I think our role as parents is to help our kids find their passions. This does not mean that they necessarily embrace our passions or live the lives we want them to live.

     

    Dear Jane in NC . . . I'm usually super quick to fire off a response, but I've sat on this thread for more than a week now . . . watching myself and watching our family do our days together. My oldest Mr is very capable of pushing himself and he does. He gets the crazy math finished, he sat for hours this week playing with electronic stuff and figuring out how capacitors and resistors (and all that stuff that I could care less about anytime ever) and I backed off and let him have at it. I want to read books, read poetry, learn languages; neither of my boys sail that boat.

     

    A big level of my "stress" is they aren't doing what I think they should be doing. When I stepped back from myself and watched what was happening, the boys were getting math done, they were reading history and talking about what they were reading, mapping, playing guitar, getting lots of exercise and fresh air.

     

    I'm realizing that school is so much more than what happens when I'm "teaching" something . . . do I trust that they are absorbing what they need in the moment. Something must be working because my oldest said to me a few days ago that he'd like to be a math student for a long time. He's looking fwd to the next AofPS course, enjoys Khan Academy, loves coming alongside his younger brother as we're working in Pre-Alg.

     

    Neither of them love writing but both will do it -- what I realized from your post is "hand-holding" is not a bad thing. I've done lots of hand-holding so that this math Challenge Set gets done without a family melt-down and we're all happier.

     

    I guess I always need to be looking at my expectations and what is motivating me in our homeschool. If they are bucking my wishes, my first obstacle is to listen listen listen and see what it is that is pushing them to frustration. In a non-emotional way, assess whether the boys are pushing back due to human deficiencies of laziness/procrastination or if they really are climbing a wall that feels difficult and then, how can I creatively come alongside?

     

    I took 10 deep breaths many times this past week, re-read your comments (along with Nan in Mass') and I think I've got enough in me to carry on for a stretch.

     

    Thank you.

    With gratitude,

    Tricia

  11. Taking into account the videos: how much of a help were they to your student? (This question is directed towards those using AoPS Pre-A) I think they look really helpful.

     

    I wouldn't attempt to teach AofPS Pre-Alg to my son without the videos. Seeing the video list online is what gave me the confidence to walk out the math with my 11 year old. [The prof is so funny: Very Very Very BAD things will happen if you try to take the reciprocal of zero! :)]

     

    What OP's have said above about not enough practice questions and a huge jump between chapter work and end of chapter questions -- I completely agree with the others. It would be very helpful for me to have a practice supplement.

     

    I think AofPS is smarty-pants math and I like how they think about math. I wish AofPS would give online extra worksheets for kids that need more practice but I'm not sure that they would put the effort into meeting that need. They are pretty clear about their mandate: we do what we do so gifted kids can be challenged in their mathematical thinking.

     

    I think extra practice comes with Alcumus, which is free. You just have to sign up your under-aged kids by sending in a permission slip.(Fax or snail mail) I have my older keep an Alcumus notebook so he can refresh his brain when the harder questions pop up.

     

    (Wouldn't it be wonderful is a mathy WTM mom felt compelled to make practice worksheets that correspond with the AoPS Pre-Algebra chapters? I would pay for that pdf.)

     

     

     

    T

  12. My 2 cents:

     

    My oldest son is pretty mathy. He can handle a challenge and is learning to manage his frustration when Alcumus kicks his butt. AofPS is a great fit for him because he has to work at it. He likes the online classroom setting and the discovery approach works just fine for him.

     

    Middle son is a completely different story. We're working through PreAlg at our own pace and yes, we'll definitely need to "supplement" or I refer to it as "plain ole practice" what we've learned together. I could not give my son the AofPS PreAlg text and say: "have at it" -- he would completely lose his mind. The teaching videos are amazing; funny, informative. PreAlg with my middle Mr is my favorite part of the day.

     

    AofPS is written so that kids can "discover" the beauty of math but if middle is anything like me, this type of math thinking isn't going to come naturally or easily to him. For now, I think it's worth the effort, but I may have to reassess our AofPS journey if Alg 1 turns out to be a wash for ds2.

     

    Every kid takes a different path to competency and I'm ok with that.

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  13. Great poll! Again, more about how to be relational and academic . . . the more I press the academic gas pedal, the more effort I have to put into the relational. It seems that my academic expectations are often tied to the amount of energy I have to keep propelling them fwd. As soon as I lose my temper, I feel like I've taken 10 steps backward in the relational end and then I'm in damage control mode. I hate that feeling.

     

    I'm trying to figure out how to increase the academic workload without pushing everyone to frustration.

     

    I guess it's a process that I'll have all figured out once they've left home.

     

    T

  14. Many days, it is one minute/one lesson, one day at a time. There are many days when I sit there on the couch while going through a grammar or Latin lesson with ds, secretly looking at the clock, and trying not to panic about the list I have yet to go through with dd next (or the laundry I forgot to put in the dryer, or the bread I need to make this afternoon, or the receipts that need to get entered into the budget, or....). And then I step back and see that ds is concentrating hard on puzzling through the grammar exercise or Latin translation, and I have to just wait. If I start to get impatient, he starts to get antsy and frustrated. I have perfected the art of deep-breathing quietly, lol!

     

    I also have learned how to make him laugh. If I can make him laugh, it relaxes him for the moment so that he can move forward or realize that it's not all that bad. Lately I've been saying, "Oh, stop giving me your 'thirteen-er-isms!" He thinks that's hilarious.

     

    I also remind him periodically about the specific benefits of the lessons to his future adulthood. "Remember, ds, when I explained to you that grammar will help you to think more clearly, understand communication better, and express yourself better? It's still true - that fact hasn't changed." Or, "Yes, ds, I hear that you think these writing lessons can't possibly have anything to do with your hoped-for future in math. But, how are you going to explain math concepts to anyone else, unless you know how to express yourself? Writing skills are thinking skills, and they will help you with math."

     

     

     

    "I know, ds, that you'd rather do algebra all day and never do Latin again, but remember how you liked figuring out all those Latin grammar forms a few months ago? And remember when you explained to me how it related to English grammar? Wasn't that neat?" (he tells me it was actually boring and he doesn't care anymore; but he's now distracted from his original complaint, and he knows I was listening)

     

    "I know, ds, that you are tired. It's because you're almost 14 and growing like a weed. Would you like to sleep instead of read after lunch today? No? Alright, that's fine, it's your decision." (smile)

     

    "I know, ds, that you'd rather read programming books all the time now, and I'm glad you have a computer to practice programming on. Now, which of these three new literature stories from the library would you like to read for the next half hour? Here, let me read the first paragraph to you....Just half hour, and then you can read programming books to your heart's content." (an hour later, he has forgotten the programming books temporarily)

     

    "You want to tell me about the latest program you've created? Alright, go for it - but I might need you to explain some things along the way." (this really makes him light up, and then he knows that I am interested in what he is passionate about)

     

     

     

    My kids know what snacks they can go get for themselves in the mornings and afternoons (usually fruit and muffins). But sometimes, for the especially difficult days when they are tired/sick of school/frustrated about a lesson/whatever, I say, "Alright, I've had it. WHO WANTS COOKIES????? (or whatever "treat" happens to be in the house) Bring some for me, too!!" (kids run to the kitchen, deep scowls having changed to relieved smiles)

     

     

    Colleen in NS, thank you for taking time to respond to my thread. Your kind tone delivered via this public thread is appreciated.

    Warmly, Tricia

  15. Jane in NC and Nan in Mass . . . thank you for your kind, encouraging words. I'm in the middle of a math crazy stretch today, so I don't have time at this exact moment to process all of the advice your offered. Thank you for taking time to help me in my moment of need. I'll will print out your posts and carefully match up our day-to-day realities with the advice you've offered and get back to you with some of solutions.

    Warmly, Tricia

  16. Jane in NC . . . I've been reading over my posts from the past few years and I think you've thrown your pearls my way before about the same issue . . . keeping academics and relationship in the sandbox.

     

    Yes to appointment making . . . with a big assignment due on Friday, I'll make an appointment to check his progress.

     

    Yes to hand-holding . . . my middle disappears without the nudge and encouragement and I forget that he's 11 and not 14. Thank you for reminding me that my expectations have to line up with his ability.

     

    Both of my boys get lots of exercise via their paddle training. Perhaps I need to teach them to take a quick jaunt around the neighbourhood, have a shower and a hot cuppa tea etc etc . . . some strategies that will help when the slogging gets tough.

     

    Thanks for chiming in. I'm always so appreciative of your kind words.

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  17. Hi MomSuz123 -- yes, when my children were younger, academics was just regular life around here. Enjoy these years -- it seems they slip away super quickly.

     

    As the boys get older, the work load progresses and it has become harder for me to keep school fresh. Sometimes, it feels like a slog and they both moan and groan.

     

    I'm trying to navigate my way along that and wonder how other families with teenage men have managed to keep academics at the forefront without banging compliance into them.

     

    What sort of key phrases do you use? For ie, we used "First Things First" for the longest time. University is a long ways off, so I can't really say: do this so you can get into university? That wouldn't have motivated me as a 7th grader.

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  18. If you were to take a survey of people who know me either IRL or virtually, I suspect that you would learn that I am Draconian by some standards, overly lenient by others. Such an indulgent mother--or is that too austere? Strict in terms of academics--but why didn't he take more AP exams?

     

    I think what is lost in these labels is that I tried my best to do what was right for my son. Now some people assume that what I did for my son is my standard for their children. On the contrary. Most of us who homeschool, I would like to hope, are constantly balancing what is best for each of our children and our families with the reality (and limitations) of our lives.

     

    There are people who would accuse me of making academics my "family idol" (although I really am not sure what that means) because I did insist that my son take AP Calculus. He does not particularly like math. Parents in my real life circles would have their students take College Algebra at the CC and be done with it. But I knew my sons goals. He attends a Liberal Arts College that does not accept CC credits. But they would accept a sufficient AP score. We battled our way through Calculus but now he thanks me that he has fulfilled his math credit. It was, unfortunately for this Math Mom, a means to an end.

     

    Did I explain my motivation to the casual observer? No. Frankly it was none of their business. Yet I might have been accused by some of being overly zealous with academics. Oh well.

     

    So my recommendation to you is to determine what is right for each individual within your family and proceed from there. For all you know, one of your children may ask to translate Homer.

     

    Back to those family relationships: for some that means that children do not leave the nest. Not for us! Our son is becoming a fine young adult with his own interests. As much as I enjoy his company, it would hinder his spirit if he were to live at home while attending college. The key to healthy relationships with teens and young adults is to listen, talk, and listen some more. Respect ideas. Neither party should make unreasonable demands--except for Calculus. ;)

     

    Yes, this in blue is what I'm looking for to encourage my own journey. I want all of my kids to soar with whatever talent they have in them, but at some point, it becomes hard work. I want to listen, talk, listen some more and also, get the work done. (I thinking specifically of the AofPS challenge sets that my son has to complete; loves math but he can totally get his knickers in a knot when he bumps up against a concept he doesn't get right away!)

    I wonder how mothers help their young men keep their momentum moving in a forward motion without being overbearing, reactionary etc etc. Or, does the end justify the means, as you state above with calculus. It's just so hard to know the next few steps, how hard to push, if I should push at all as we find ourselves in the middle school years.

    Warmly, Tricia

  19. Yes, it's a false dichotomy: that you can't have relationships AND academics. When you have a mom that tells you that (for the third year) that they "just couldn't get to math because they're building a new church building", something is out of whack.

     

    Certainly!

    If you consider your teaching philosophy to be wildly academic and your mothering-style to be fabulously relational, how do you respectfully draw your child forward so that the relationship stays intact when the going gets tough with school? It reminds me of another thread awhile ago about boys being mostly under the tutelage of mom and how that effects their growing up years, into middle school and beyond.

    Is it possible to help your children soar academically without relying on draconian tactics to get them there. These are the strategies I want to know about!

    Warmly, Tricia

  20. This is one of those things I wrestle with. I think there is a place for competition in sports and games, as it teaches skills that are needed in some places in life, but I think there is too little cooperation and too much competition in life in general.

     

    I am not big on all the non-competitive sports and games. Some of the most hyper-competitive kiddos I know come from families that use those. They never learn to win or lose gracefully in their own home, so then when they do something competitive outside the home, they make everyone else miserable whether they win or lose. They pout, or they taunt.

     

    Our family is very much about cooperation in many areas: we share all of our money, we share all of our belongings, we stay far away from people who are toxic and competitive about homeschooling and parenting. But we do play games with winners and losers, and we teach dc how to be both with poise, because life will demand that. I am a fan of cultures that have a greater sense of cooperation within the family unit. And I try to make sure that my dc never take something that shouldn't be competitive and make it so.

     

    I really like what Angela in NC has to say about this topic.

     

    Learning to compete is a marvelous adventure for young people. They figure out quickly that there is always going to be someone a bit stronger, faster, smarter, more able than they are. Somewhere, they learn that training becomes a competition with themselves and they have to fight against that little voice in their head that says: quit, stop, this is too hard. They learn how to stare down the weakness that wants to give up and figure out how to press into it. I believe competition refines people and helps them to win well and lose graciously.

     

    Like Angela, the people who I sense are competitive about how they parent, how they school, how their kids are turning out, etc etc etc -- I also stay far far away from those folks. I want to love and teach my kids in a way that feels right for me. Nobody can tell me what that should like because they aren't me!

     

    Yes to competition contained in the proper arena.

    No to competition/comparison in life.

     

    Warmly, Tricia

  21.  

    "Happy 2012! I know you are all thrilled to have your kids back in school and life back to normal, unless you're homeschooling, or have had a terrible tragedy and life will never be "normal" again. Please disregard if you don't for recognize the Gregorian calendar, or are not thrilled to have your kids back in school because they're having a tough year, or if you thrive on variety and despise routine."

     

     

     

    :lol::lol::lol: Har Har! Good one!

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