Gals, are you having trouble actually purchasing the extra hard-drive components for the Wii? I'm caving under serious Wii pressure (and also to make giving away our dog an easier pill to swallow), but the nice man at the gaming store told me getting Wii components like the balance/fitness bit or the dance pad was next to impossible. Your experience?

I agree with you, Ellie -- forgiveness doesn't mean folly. It was the lovely Beansprout who pieced it together for me. Forgiveness is between me and God. Reconciliation between me and my friend. Warmly, T

Thanks Colleen - some people do this relational thing so easily. For me, it's unquestionably my growing edge. xoxo

SolaMichella, thanks for your post. Yes, I understand where you are coming from and I appreciate your perspective. I've watched for your posts and I must say that you have kept a very soft heart despite injustice and I'm inspired to keep walking with grace when sometimes I want to throw a temper tantrum. My nature is to clam up, so the fact that I'm actually validating my feelings and not squashing them is a big deal for me. Warmly, Tricia

Thank you, Hivers. You are delightful. I haven't ordered anything for art just yet - I think I'll have to do more research based on what you've tossed my way. Artfully, Tricia

This is ***exactly*** what I'm working towards. Is this a natural talent you possess? It's a bit tricky, because we were pretty tight for quite some time and are together in situations where we are treading deeper in a group setting (sorry - can't elaborate more than this.)

Hi there, WTMindy. In order to continue the friendship like it used to be, I would need them to engage with me for a few minutes about why their words hurt and really listen, instead of deflecting, being defensive, saying they don't remember the incident (???), or telling me this is my issue and let's move on. I would love for them to be able to say "I'm sorry that my words caused hurt" instead of the old stand-by, "I'm sorry *but* I'm right about this." The but in my mind negates the apology. It feels like the need to be right has over-ruled the desire for the friendship to carry on in a positive way. I want to be heard. Is that wrong? Should it be enough that God and I know what happened and just carry on? To be clear, these are not in any way evil, horrible women. They are lovely women. I wish they were horrible so I could drop them both like hot potatoes and never need to look back (lol). I see God's Glory and Goodness in both of them. My heart doesn't feel safe with them. I have stewed over this now since March, trying to figure out the best way to carry on. For now, I just kinda fake it . . . but we both know that something is awkward. hmmmm. Thanks for your help. Tricia

The situation is "vague" because people here attend my church (nothing about them ;) but I'm very careful about slime-ing or gossip -- I'm truly just trying to figure out how to walk gracefully and wisely with people who've hurt me but aren't able to acknowledge their unkindness.

I need more time than I have right now to respond to this . . . I absolutely do speak blessing on both of these women. I don't feel at all vindictive or vengeful. I just can't rest my heart with them, which is awkward. Part of me thinks I should just get. over. it already, but the other part of me wants to honour my feelings on this. In the past, I've done exactly what you wrote about -- the whole "fine, I forgive you but don't ever expect me to talk to you again." I'm trying to figure out how to not do what you spoke about, but in the same breath, walking wisely in the friendship. Thank you for your wise words. I'll check back here later today! Tricia

I don't think I'm struggling with the forgiveness part -- I'm trying to figure out how to walk wisely in relationship, knowing that neither seem able to receive or acknowledge the abrasiveness of there words. Wouldn't a wise person navigate those friendships differently than other friendships? This is my struggle - I don't want to hold these women at a distance but based on experience, it wouldn't be wise to do anything but hold them at a distance. I understand where you are coming from -- the mental re-hash is a clear sign that things aren't well.

Hivers, I have to decide . . . I toss and turn, not wanting to make the wrong decision . . . I feel drawn towards the Harmony program . . . but many of you hear rave about Atelier. We spent **alot** of money on private art lessons last year, but sometimes it felt like we were missing technique. My boys are almost 10 and 8 and dd is 5. I need a dvd component for technique. I can't draw my way out of a paper bag.

This is the tricky part . . . I've tried twice to gently and gracefully explain why I've needed to draw back . . . with very little success. I hesitate to jump back into that conversation again . . . it's seems so futile and pointless. I don't want to put on a fake smile and pretend it's all A-OK again -- I also don't want to continue dragging this around. I think I understand reconciliation a bit better and that gives me something to mull over. Thank you, PD Tricia

Yes, I agree with you here -- expectation kills relationship. I guess I feel surprised that neither of these women (who I regard as spiritually mature) had the ability to acknowledge or validate that their actions/words were very inappropriate. Neither of them can understand why I need distance or why I have a hard time placing my trust with them. TY, Tricia

Thank you -- this is the information-wisdom that I couldn't get to on my own. You see, both of these women are lovely and I fully understand that we all have our package of hurt/brokeness which hinders present relationships. I long to be merciful and graceful despite my own hurt from the situation. You've spoken to my core issue: trust. I do not feel at all assured that this relational style (which I find abrasive and hurtful) will not rise to the surface and bite me again. Their reaction to my hurt was not well received and so I hesitate to lean into them. You can appreciate how tricky it can be within a church family that puts emphasis on hashing out relational problems . . . how do you gently tell someone that their response to a hurt only added fuel to the fire? Sometimes I feel like these moments can't be taught -- they have to be caught. I think it's a Holy Spirit revelation moment . . . Thank you. Tricia

Hivers, please tell me your thoughts on forgiveness and reconcilation. Over the past year, I've found myself in tricky friendship situations . . . and so, there's been two different moments of feeling very cut or hurt by a friends words or actions . . . I feel that I've forgiven both of these folks. I understand forgiveness. What I'm grappling with is the reconcilation part . . . I don't feel reconciled with either of these women, which means I don't feel like I want to lean into them or press into their friendship offerings. The tricky part is I genuinely like both of these women. At some point, I'll need to revisit these relationships and try to explain that I don't feel reconciled -- I don't feel like I have any words to describe that "Yes, I forgive you" but "No, I don't feel like our relationship can progress based on how you handled my moment of feeling cut (defensive, angry, how-dare-you-point-out-my-weaknesses sort of attitude?) Any wise thoughts about forgiveness and reconcilation? Thank you, Tricia

Ladies, I've been deeply impacted by this thread. On one level, I feel affirmed in our relational, non-spanking approach to walking gracefully with our kidlets. On a deeper level, I despair over the pain/trauma that some of you experienced at the hands of your own parents. (((Pam))) and there were others (((Wheezie))) . . . the fact that you have done the intense emotional work of walking out forgiveness, that you see a different way of parenting. I guess I just need to say that I have such respect for those of you who have walked out of deep personal injustice, and yet continue to carry on. Such integrity and amazing inner-strength . . . I stand in awe of you ladies. IRL, I too would be loving and hugging you; validating your worth and goodness. xoxoxo Tricia

Yes, Joanne's perspective is on the $$$, in my opinion -- grace-based parenting has revolutionized our family life. Good luck!

For the first time in a long time, I read every single response in this thread. No surprise what I think about this: absolutely inappropriate to spank teenage children, and in terms of worshipping at the church, my only response is "run for the hills and quickly." People fully engrained in such dysfunction will not take kindly to a sweet, young lady pointing out that they are doing the parenting thing wrong. My question for you, Calming Tea is this: In terms of your own beliefs, would you call yourself a first-generation Christian? T

Hi, we too live in a unfriendly biking town -- but I think our city politicians are least debating the possibility of bike lanes at some point in the future. T

Hi Betty, thank you for posting your experience as a biking kid. Our main suburban street is busy, heavy traffic, buses during the commuter times of the day . . . but I am optimistic that we could learn proper bike safety - the over-emphasis you spoke about is what I'm tossing around these days. My children are young but I haven't ruled out the possibility of biking most of the time for our local summer travels -- it may have to wait until next year, with another summer of biking experience under their belts. T

I thoroughly enjoyed Juno . . . thought-provoking on many levels. I had a big cry towards the end of the movie, when Juno and the baby's father were curled up in the hospital bed together . . . her crying, him comforting. I don't think Juno had any idea how many more tears she might cry over her baby - not in regret for allowing her baby to be adopted, but for how her heart would be forever changed by her pregancy experience. My only criticism of the movie is that it seemed to present a pie-in-the-sky attitude towards how a woman is affected by pregnancy. It somehow just seemed too easy . . . the pregancy, the birth, and in a blink of an eye, they're in love, playing guitars together at the end of the drive and doing the happily ever after, "we're in love" thing. Ahhh, if real life were only that easy?

Hmmm, thinking about a back-passage to get to our favorite spots on our bikes . . . and I'm not all the way sure we could get there without hitting a heavy-traffic zone . . . Thank you for bumping me -- I had no idea what "bump" meant. lol Tricia

We live fairly close to our suburban core -- we "could" bike to the library, do groceries, church, Staples . . . anything we'd need on a weekly basis is very accessible either on our feet, year-round and by bike for 7 months of the year. At what age do you think children can handle the danger of biking properly on the street? Hand signals, street-wise etc etc. It's a given that I'd always be with them on my bike with my youngest (5) on a back-bike. Would taking a cycling safety course help us manage the dangers? I question the safety of back-bikes. (The one-wheeled bike that attaches to the seat post of the adult's bike - child pedals and steers on her own 1/2 bike.) My oldest son is 9.5 and second son is 8. I just can't imagine taking my children on the street, with vehicles zipping by, but neither can we just bike on the sidewalks. We have a substantial amount of pedestrian flow with little bike ease to speak of on our streets. I'm very concerned about safety . . . Has anyone else ventured out into free transportation on their bikes, in an unfriendly-for-biking town? Ultimately, we'd like to return to being a one-car family . . . with that one car being a hybrid. I'd also like to avoid becoming a shack-wacky homeschooling mother who will be at home all. day. every. day. Tricia

Winners: Lively Latin, GWG, MEP (free Math program from UK), Brave Writer SOTW: not a winner and not a loser -- I have to figure out a way for everyone to be more engaged. Losers: SWR (*sigh* - after finally figuring it out, I decided there had to be an easier way . . . AAS in the fall.)

Late as usual to the thread, but I'm still laughing like a hyenna. :lol::lol::lol::rofl: Doran, my eyes are tearing over from laughing.