It sounds like you have a finite and known conflicts for childcare. Are there ways your SIL can flex those 4 days / 5 days on her side to find an alternative for C? It sounds like she only needs 8 hours/day, not 24 hours, so either her taking time off or finding a stopgap would be easier than you having to find 24 hour coverage. That doesn't mean MIL isn't seeing/caring for C the other days that she needs it. But these 4 / 5 days were, I assume, known and pre-planned. Even if she flexes to cover 2-3 of these days each month, that greatly relieves the burden on you/DH. I feel for SIL and C, who are not causing trouble, this is just life; I'm just saying maybe there should be a pause to determine if this should shift to be totally on you, or if you can gently ask that your needs/the already agreed-upon watching can stay the same. This isn't necessarily just your issue to solve, your SIL I think should be just as invested/involved/(dare I say inconvenienced) to make the solution.

Update: so, the interview was on Friday. Today I was called to ask for permission to contact my references. There are a few more hoops to jump through before I am actually given an offer, but it does seem like I'm the frontrunner based off of what the HR lady said and the fact that they are moving forward with this next phase so quickly. At the very least I am the reserve champion, lol. So, bumping this thread to see if there are other opinions/knowledge on the area, or if anyone wants to mention other factors I need to consider during the decision process.

I totally get you. I have no spot. I can take over the kitchen table for a couple hours at a time, but then have to pack it all up for meals. It is tiring and nothing long term can get done that way, or at least not easily. That playroom looks like an ideal guest area. If that couch is fold out, or maybe moving the bed from the middle-son's bedroom to there, it seems like a temporary person/s sleeping in there wouldn't be a big disruption on the few occasions it happens. The two sons can split the other bedroom for personal belongings, or maybe you give middle son a claim to the playroom when he's visiting. Then, you can take that bedroom more permanently. Yes, that may mean that DH will have to be a bit later on his bike ride when you have guests, and not go in/out of the garage so much (like only after the guests are up, or he can go the long way around). But, it would be a temporary and small disruption to his routine, and doesn't impact his permanent spot, and allows you to have a permanent spot. He could also move the bike into his office during those visits if that small inconvenience of time would matter that much.

(I'm not wading into the "should you do this" side of things, just the "how to do this" approach) So, instead of having to self-report whenever you feel like you have missed X amount in a random amount of time, could you instead say something like "Mass at least 40 (42? 45?) sundays of the year, to allow for illness and other serious reasons." ? That way, say in February everyone gets a case of sniffles right after another, and you miss 5 weeks in a row, you don't have to report that you've missed 50% of Masses for the year so far, or whatever. Instead, just one report at the end of the year, and no justifications/explanations or worrying about his reaction if you have a rough few weeks. Also, I'd be very careful about listing reasons they could miss Mass. Growing up, there was no reason for me to miss Mass other than illness. If I was traveling for school, or a performance, or a game, I was still expected to attend Mass, it wasn't even a question that I would figure it out. (And I did not go to a Catholic high school.) So, I would stick to the official language of the church, which is something like "due to illness or other serious reasons." That way, you don't give him the idea to disallow your judgement calls -- I don't want to put a list in front of him of allowable reasons you could miss, just for him to say, "I wouldn't agree to them missing for xyz!" And then your hands are tied. So leaving the reasons to miss to just the official language and allowing for your judgement in realtime. (eta: or just not say anything about reasons at all, not even the Church's wording) If I'm a conservative Catholic, looking to enforce it in an agreement, and Mass has already been handled, confession is going to be my next bone to pick at. A conservative Catholic would probably want to encode at least once a month. Re confession and confirmation, maybe saying something like "children have the ability and encouragement to receive other sacraments whenever they request and the set opportunity to do so at least 4 times a year." That way confirmation is not singled out as something you must do -- since you can't force it anyway -- and confession doesn't become another obligation on a certain schedule.

I am sorry that you are having to negotiate this, and are in the position. I understand it is just one more thing you don’t want to have to deal with, but have to deal with. I would say weekly mass as a goal as much as allows, religious formation classes through confirmation, and opportunity to attend other events (reconciliation, ash wednesday, good friday) as wanted by the child/ren. I’d be concerned that not spelling out confession would be the next thing he jumps to if you spell out the masses, so including confession as “other events” would hopefully head that off.

Quick background: For those of you that don't know/remember, I resigned a position last September and looked for a new job. Since we don't have strong ties to the area, I cast a wide net during my search. I did start a new job in my area in December, have been there about 6 months now. Fast forward: End of May, an organization around Sacramento area reached out based off the application I did in November. I passed 1st phase on the phone. The HR lady strongly hinted for 2nd phase I should go out in person since everyone else being considered was local, and I did (last week). I've made it to the final phase, I'm one of 2 candidates. The final interview is next week. SO Now I have to consider, while I'm preparing this interview, would I actually want to accept the offer? Normally I don't like to do too much thought around this topic to avoid let down, but the nature of the offer is probably going to be such that I will need to make a decision fairly quickly, AND move fairly quickly, so I need to have the hard thoughts now that way I have some basic understanding of what the decision entails. Obviously the actual acceptance depends upon the final offer, benefit package, if I click with the boss (who I will meet next week), etc. But I still need to consider for the area: -home school environment: is CA a good state for homeschooling? The area is much more urban than where we are, so naturally more resources for kids, but I am unfamiliar with current CA homeschooling requirements. I know a lot of Boardies are in CA, and I have friends who homeschool there, but I've lost sight of what that means regulation wise. -environmental concerns: what's the outlook for 30 years? My current area is... environmentally tenuous. I know wild fires are a thing, but is it getting worse, faster, are water table levels a concern? What else am I unaware of? -economic outlook for the area: it seems like everything is booming when I'm looking online, but that's hard to really gauge from a google search. Are industries dying out, are major employers moving out or in? - policies (not politics). I haven't been paying attention to CA as I once did, but saw the threat here about the one insurance company pulling out of the state. What else concerning (or maybe good?) policies or trends are going on that will affect living out there? Lots of bills to raise taxes? "Everyone knows" that when XYZ goes into affect you can't raise chickens? Idk what I'm really asking, but hopefully someone else understands, lol. The actual office I'd be working in is Auburn. But anywhere within half hour drive is open for moving -- I drive 35-40 minutes one-way to work everyday already. This job's pay range is not a high roller pay, lol. But taking into account COL, it would be comparable to what I make now or up to a 15% raise, just depending on where they fall on the offer. So, I won't be able to buy a house out there, but I can live farther afield to keep down rent, etc. TLDR: What are the issues with moving to this area? What are the benefits? Any insight people familiar with the state or the area can give would be very beneficial. I really appreciate any insight given. If I do get an offer, this is one of those fork in the road decisions that will greatly impact my future, and my childrens' futures.

DH has done EMDR. Definitely the most effective therapy/method for him, and has helped resolve a ton of things. He's taking a break right now but it really pulled him back from the brink at one point. Talk therapy, in contrast, did very little for him.

"Later today" can have multiple meanings in a business context: To my boss? --> As soon as I'm done putting out all of these other fires you've put on my desk To my counterpart? --> As soon as I'm reasonably sure I can do it without causing more fires To a director? (ie someone important but I'm not responsible for) --> by the end of their workday To a random employee? --> by the end of my workday, which is probably after they've left, so whenever I feel like it before they start the next day To Ronda in accounting, who seems to forget I am not her underling nor do I even work in that department so I really have no idea why she keeps asking me for things? --> whatever, Ronda.

Right, other than a novena just being 9 of something, I would have thought so, but I know my parents have different novenas, or a series of novenas where they do 3 or 9 in a row, for a certain something. So maybe it was a 3-series of novenas for a special intention, that was made to a month for ease of doing or explaining?

#1 sounds like a Gregorian mass but with a twist? I was raised with it being 30 days consecutive after a person's death, as soon as you can start, and I thought it was supposed to be a Mass offered for them (where the priest announces "This Mass is being offered for..."), not necessarily you yourself going and personally dedicating it in your heart, but I could be mistaken on that part. I know that my parents sometimes do different things for special intentions and persons -- a Novena of masses, for example, for an upcoming medical procedure -- and depending on different prayers done they may have different names. I'll ask if they know of a 30-day personal devotion for Masses. #2 is Adoration, or Eucharistic Adoration. When it's a 24 hour thing, it is called Perpetual Adoration. Some parishes do not offer 24 hours, but some do. If the Eucharist is on display there should be a person there. And, if the person slated after you is late, at least how I grew up you just stayed until they came. Your FIL/MIL were very kind to take the harder shifts. eta: the small room off to the side was maybe a chapel? Our parish does Adoration in the main church unless there is a funeral or a wedding or a special event scheduled, then it's moved to the chapel. Which is basically just a room to the side with a tabernacle ad an altar and seating for however big the room is.

Telling family about #4 wasn't fun, I did get hung up on by two family members, but after she was born everyone fell in love with her of course and then practically acted like it was all their idea. When I was pregnant with my 4th, a guy came over at a party and asked if they were all mine (my kids were crowded to me at the time). He really was pleasant enough, seemed like a nice guy, but he only had a 4yo and no intentions of other children. And so I gushed oh yes, how much fun it is, actually, and how the long term plan was to have 10 total, so that there would be a birthday cake every month! And so far so good, once you included DH and me, we had a whole 6 months covered back to back, just needed to fill in summer! What, he stuttered, if you have two kids born in one month?! I pretended to think a moment, then replied that I'd still want at least one birthday a month, so guess we'd have to keep trying til we got our timing right. Now, I was joking, but the poor guy didn't seem to get it. We were at a Halloween party, the lighting was bad, he hadn't met me before, so he couldn't tell all the cues. Anyway he walked away quickly from me and avoided me the rest of the night. At some point I got chummy with his wife and we were talking about 4yos, he came and ushered her away from me, just in case my crazy was catching I think, LOL. So now my go to is that we are trying to have a year of birthdays and so far so good, only 6 more to go! With strangers, sometimes I change the number to imply I have 9 or 10 and they are only seeing a sample. Usually does the trick!

This album. on repeat. forever. and two extra times for la bamba. https://music.apple.com/us/album/serie-20-éxitos-mariachi-vargas-de-tecalitlán/299597115

Feeling for you deeply, and will keep you in prayers. All the hugs.

Also, just to note: the parents may be in agreement with their kid. By lifting a flag to this behavior, you may be stepping into unintended consequences where the parents reinforce the kids' beliefs, affirm that the meme is funny, and encourage their kids to distance from the group chat. Even if the parents don't necessarily like the format or content of what was shared, they may agree with the underlying themes, and that can be a tricky thing. And either way, you run the risk that they'll feel criticized by association and you don't know how that may go.

I'm sorry you're dealing with something so difficult. Your husband loves you and wants you to be happy, please don't focus on the cost when you are worth so much more than what it will be. It isn't wasted money, it's an investment in yourself, your future, and your happiness, and also your husband's future and happiness. See if your PCP is comfortable doing a prescription for you. Even with bad insurance, going through a clinic that focuses on mental health help and connects you with either a psychiatrist or an psych NP for prescription, it will not cost more than it is worth. DH was resistant to medication for a very long time. He did not want to be dull to the world, among other things. The first time he felt a bit of relief with medication, he started to cry because he didn't realize how heavy the depression had been, it was just crushing him beyond what he could tell. It did not cause him to be dull, it allowed him to engage more because he didn't have to put so much effort into just surviving. You may be in a similar position where you just need a bit of relief for you to realize how much it would help.

Someone with 20+ items in the 15-or-less check out line. *mic drop*

Molly had taken the position at the castle because there was no more room in the cottage after the new baby came, she could send a bit of money home time to time, and go home every fortnight. And the castle smelled much better than Johnnie's pig sty, who wanted to be the pig farmer's wife? And at the castle every servant girl got a bit of lace on their mobcap. Real lace! Good bye, stinky pig wife. "Just stay out of the way of the master," was the refrain of all the other servants on her first day of the castle. He was a kid and prone to tantrums, but what kid wasn't? She'd seen enough in her own home. And with no parents, it really was to be expected. The butler and senior servants were giving a gentle hand: the deference due his station, but quiet counsel when he was calmer to listen. It would take time, but he'd get there. Her second day in the castle, the boy prince had sneered at the state of the cutlery. So now her task was to polish it all, every last spoon and fork. Polish, polish, polish. How many spoons and forks did one person need, even if they live in a castle? The housekeeper assured her it would only take a few days, and she could drink all the tea she wanted while she sat there. So so sat there she did, and kept polishing, polishing, polishing. Polish through lunch. Polish through supper. Polish through dinner. Polish through whatever commotion was happening in the first front vestibule, even though half the kitchen staff had run off to eavesdrop; she still got lost two hallways past the back stair, so she didn't even bother to get up. And this silver wasn't going to polish itself. Polish, polish, pol--- When she thought back on it later, how she wished she had been polishing a bowl, or a cup, or even a spoon! Instead, here she was. A butterknife. A butterknife! How embarrassing! Her brothers had always teased her for being all flats and angles, what would they say if they could see her now? She thought about it through her tears, or she'd be crying if she could, anyway, and privately swore if she was ever a girl again she'd go straight to the village and see Johnnie and sleep with the pigs if she had to til he gave her another offer. A butterknife! Oh! Why a butterknife?!

Well it's time for me to slink off to Google school because apparently I cannot use it, LOL. And she's tried too over the years, but I guess she gave up a decade ago. eta NEW THEORY after reading the description: her mom totally knows what book she was reading but didn't want to tell her 4yo what she was named after, LOL

Hello book lovers, I have a book to find but literally only two pieces of information: 1) A character is named Gentilissa 2) Published before 1997ish. We think it's a novel, and it was probably a paperback? But we don't know for sure. *don't quote this next part* So, my friend is named after a character in this book, her mom was reading it while she was pregnant. But her mom can't remember the name of the book, or anything about the book, just that she loved the name of the character. (I wish I had read this book when I was pregnant, lol, it's a gorgeous name!) So we are trying to figure out what she was named after. Casual Googling has not found it. Help us, Hive, you're our only hope!

Yes, in all public places that we go, except for my work (for multiple factors). But, stores, church, doctor visits, all are still done with masks, for all members of the household. We did get Covid November 2022, from my parents who are anti-vaccine/anti-mask. Kids and DH got it bad but were back up in about a week. For me, 3 weeks of complete illness where I couldn't even get off the couch except to go to the bathroom. And more than once I just sat on the floor in the bathroom for a while instead of walk back to the couch (20 feet max). DH had to spoon feed me if I was going to eat anything for at least a week (and he force fed at some points). Mild case or not, I do not want that again, and a mask is an easy preventative measure that costs little and does much.

OMG we JUST JUST had this conversation this morning for the first time, as I was running out the door this morning. DS9 gave me my sweater, that I was going to forget, and I said "5 points to Gryffindor!" And he laughed and said he always thought he'd be a Hufflepuff, which makes total sense. DD14 said, "I'll be Gryffindor then!" and DS12 said, "Yeah, I'm Ravenclaw." Just then DD6 walked in the room and all three chorused together "Slytherin!" So yes, anyway, we have all 4 represented just in the kids. I'm Ravenclaw. No idea what DH is but I'm going to ask him and see; he loves personality tests and I can't believe we haven't discussed this before. Maybe he's Slytherin

Honestly, re "I hope I didn’t destroy anyone’s childhood innocence", you probably did more to preserve it. Scary stories, if not used to deter geniunely dangerous situations/acts by children, I think more quickly chip away at a child's wonder for the world. Scary stories taint the wonder and innocence with fear and distrust. Thanks for protecting them, even from an unnecessary scary story!