Moonhawk
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Posts posted by Moonhawk
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5 hours ago, pinball said:
Why are you asking?
Are you listing something as within walking distance for a specific reason (like real estate or an Air BnB?)
Or did someone list something as within walking distance and you disagree? Or is someone disagreeing with you?
I've been looking at houses. I don't necessarily disagree with the listing(s), I'm just evaluating what a reasonable person would consider walking distance. I haven't had to think about this in a long time. And, I have had a lot of knee problems recently, so I know my perspective is not necessarily in alignment with other reasonable people.
While prompted by life, my question is not an argumentative situation, purely curiosity about the response and what other people consider when they describe something as "within walking distance."
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Is it a mile, two miles? Less than a block? If someone says that they live “within walking distance to downtown”, would you expect to walk half an hour to get there? Is 20 minutes close enough? How do you judge if something is walking distance or too far?
Let’s assume perfect weather and no real rush, but you have something else to do in the afternoon so can’t spend all day walking to your destination, and may be carrying a small bag. What’s a reasonable time/distance to you to call “in walking distance”?
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“The most recent studies show that the top ten list of human activities includes putting refined liquid fossils into vehicles, nasal swabbing, and standing on shortened plants called “lawn”, not to be confused with the other top 10 activity of “lawn-dry.” We have attached the full list for your review. by choosing three normal human activities and displaying them routinely, you will avert suspicion of your true identity. if you feel you have been compromised, use a communication beacon and do whatever you can to appear normal while we route emergency help to your location. Repeat, do everything you can to avoid notice! Please also look at updated slides for current fashion trends, including masks, gloves, and mom jeans.”
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Celebrate with me!
I shared with you guys last summer about my job woes and leaving after a bait & switch, starting a job search that eventually netted a fairly good position close to home in AZ. Well, the ball began rolling with the job search where I had applied to some places out of state, too. One thing led to another, and today I'm sitting in a California hotel, starting my new job tomorrow.
I won’t call it a dream job, but it is better than any position I would have imagined up for myself. I get to use my current skill set at the top of a great organization. They will be training me in additional duties that opens up 2 other avenues for advancement/future careers in this industry. I am considered management level, and I am a direct report to the CEO.
I'm super excited about all of this and its an amazing opportunity, one I wouldn't have thought possible last year, and I'm very grateful that I was able to open the door to it when it knocked. You guys know about the other parts of life that have taken unexpected turns; it feels like this is what I need to pull things together in this new reality.
I actually accepted the position last month, but with turning in a 4-week notice (Friday 10/27 was my last day), packing to move, prepping kid school stuff for this time, finding a short term rental, and the myriad of things that just come up in everyday life, I haven’t actually celebrated getting the job. Like, nothing.
Today is my last day of excitement before reality strikes, so to speak, lol, so I am taking the day to actually drink it in and enjoy the moment.
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I say turn the tables!
"Did your daughter get a phone specifically just to talk to my son? He isn't allowed to date, please make sure she is not trying to initiate anything."
"Did your daughter use my son's face in her Insta? Is she still trying to make them an item?"
"Do you by chance know that your daughter is continuing to pursue my son?"
I mean, the mom's being ridiculous, this is all ridiculous, but if she thinks she has the ground to insinuate it's your son that's the issue (re phone etc), then fair game.
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Okay, well. There may be truth in that, but just because it is that way, doesn't mean it should be that way, or that is has to be that way. So while it may give an excuse to the person, it doesn't really make it acceptable. And just because it is that way, doesn't invalidate your feelings, because it's wrong regardless of normalcy. And in my nursing-education-adjacent role right now, that is not what I see, so definitely it is changeable.
But that doesn't help you in your situation, sorry.
Pretending you never saw the post-its and treating her with niceness and extra than usual is probably the safest course, too. Forwearned is forearmed, though, and now you can prepare in case it's a sign of what's to come.
I would document however necessary. Take videos of your classes if at all allowed, and say its so you can review your presentation, evaluate, and continuously improve your performance in front of a classroom (a valid method, honestly, we did it for all sales meetings). Write down what she had on the post its. Document all interactions, try and keep the communication to text/email if possible (maybe hard to establish new routines now, but holidays are always a good excuse for changeups).
Another idea: You can ask for her point-blank for immediate feedback after every class (don't bring up the post its). She can blow it off and say "it was fine", or she can give actual feedback. But document that you were asking for feedback after every class. So you can show you are trying to improve; and, if she later comes back with a poor final evaluation, you can show that none of this was a problem when you continuously asked for feedback throughout the course. Even every-other or once a month asking for feedback would probably show that you were consciously working and looking for improvement areas, and would discredit anything she says is an ongoing issue. (Caution: This does open up the territory, though, that she criticizes without giving actual feedback you can work with, and that may be an equally bad situation for your morale and relationship. But would also give you a more official reason to discuss with others in leadership how you are not getting the support/direction you need, and you don't think her evaluation will be un-biased.)
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20 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:
I did mention to HR that at some point I think I’ll need a contract to show to a future landlord in lieu of paystubs.
Re all the discussion on contracts to show for lease: I'm finding that an official offer letter, while not a contract, is usually sufficient for most landlords during the application process, so long as it has monthly wage and/or hourly rate + expected hours/we, and a start date. That, plus ability to pay the security deposit, seems to be the bar I'm being held to as I'm looking for housing under a similar situation of job offer + move. YMMV where you are, but the offer letter (that you signed, or will sign) is probably good enough, especially if it comes from a government entity.
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IDK guys, maybe it's a proximity + dosage + time thing. I was in a room with 6 phones going off, in a building with probably 1000s going off, while in the middle bottom floor in a windowless room and I think I was probably the main human body hit by the radioactive waves from the "test." And, this past hour I'm feeling a mite peckish. I could really go for a nice fresh bowl of brains. Like, yeah, with ketchup or something, but that's not my normal go-to snack. I don't need it, but I wouldn't say no, if you know what I mean...
Just, like, keep and open mind. And if your brain happens to fall out while you're doing that, just PM me, I'll help you clean up!
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Uh, no.
I think a basic "Thank you for sharing your condolences, and for the care you gave our mother during the last 2 years of employment. I know you are grieving, too. We won't be sharing any more of her personal effects at this time."
I agree with your "creepy and inappropriate" description, and would ghost if she brought it up again. There's crossing a boundary and then there's taking a flying leap off a cliff, and another request would be parachute territory.
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18 minutes ago, saraha said:
Woah. That is way more crazy than what I am dealing with. I’m so sorry for your family, especially your poor kids!
Yeah, when I first thought about agreeing to this arrangement I hadn’t thought about people piling on more as time goes by, but I totally see that as a possibility now making me more inclined to say no. She hasn’t actually asked me, she asked dh if I would do it. She talks directly to me as little as possible
Just talking about this part: I've learned that if someone isn't willing to ask me directly, it's because they already know it's an unreasonable request and/or they can't justify it if I asked questions. So, they rely on people with more ability to manipulate me (eg, husband, kid) to ask me instead since I will automatically be more willing to do something for these people.
Your SIL is trying to manipulate you by putting her requests through your husband's voice. I think I would take the approach that if she doesn't ask you directly, nothing was actually asked. Perhaps you should ask your DH not to tell his family "I'll ask her", but just say "you'd need to ask her yourself." And see if she actually reaches out or if she gives it up before it even begins.
eta: if she does reach out to you directly, you'd need to be comfortable saying No to her directly, though, and be willing to stand firm to her direct manipulations with guilt/cajoling/etc. If it's easier just to leave as is, that's a valid point, too.
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17 minutes ago, Scarlett said:
How exciting! I can’t remember where you are now…..is it a long move?
I'm in rural southeast Arizona, I can see the border wall from my front door. So, a very big shift in a lot of ways. My half-sisters live in the Bay Area, so it's not a total unknown to me, but obviously my experience if very limited and there is going to be a lot of culture shock for us.
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Thanks for the input! the information about other towns/cities to look at, that was helpful. It gave me more options to look at when I was weighing the feasibility of moving out there.
Today, I accepted the job offer that prompted this post.(!!!) I wasn't really looking for a new job, as much as just browsing and applying on a bit of a whim, so I'm still in a bit of shock at how this has moved so far along.
It's going to be a big change for us, but I think it's a great opportunity for myself and our long term prospects. Very excited about this position!! More responsibility, cross training into two desirable areas but the foundation is my current skill set.
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Specifically Martinez, CA in the Bay area. Anyone know/have opinions on this area? Surrounding towns/cities?
General information is awesome and fully appreciated. If you have very specific knowledge about the area and would be willing to entertain some very specific questions, I would appreciate PMs.
Sincerely appreciate any insight! I need to come to a decision by the end of the week, probably.
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I read the first responses and was shocked, lol. I’m totally cool with wearing the necklace all day every day. It was a gift from a guy in the past. What matters now is that it is hers, she likes it, and she wants to wear it. Slip it under her blouse during the shared classes if she thinks it will create drama, or don’t wear it *every* day, but she has a beautiful necklace that she likes and to me that’s where the story ends.
If old boyfriend sees it as a sign of future possibilities, that’s his problem especially if she is doing what she can to disengage from the friendship completely. Again, under the blouse for limited interactions not because she has to but just for ease.
If new boyfriend is jealous or uncomfortable, I do get where he’s coming from. But it’s a beautiful necklace and she likes it, and if she only sees it as a necklace he should respect that too.
As for giving it back: it was a gift freely given with no ties or strings attached. She does not have to give back any gifts from a previous relationship regardless of worth, there were no promises made with it, and it doesn’t seem to have put the guy in financial peril as a last-ditch attempt to save the relationship (which is the only scenario I can think of where offering it back would be polite but not necessary given the no-string nature).
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Obaji is good, they have two tints I think. Neither quite matches me, but it looks fine enough and I use it as my foundation for work.
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Thinking i may change my username to HoneyCake, lol
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Sunflower oil. I'm a bit concerned I'm the first one to mention it, lol, what do you all know that I don't?
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You don't know all the details, still, about where the money came from. You have made up a story with circumstantial evidence.
Maybe someone put it in the donation box and told your boss "Oh! I thought it was for tips! She was so nice, please make sure she gets it." Or maybe there was another reason that he is using cash from the donation box to pay out a tip to you, that balances in another way.
You still don't know what actually happened or his actual reasoning for giving you the tip. You are assuming it wasn't up-and-up, but you don't know that. Acting on those assumption is a risky path to take.
If you still feel moved to give the money back, just put it in the box quietly. There's nothing to be gained by bringing it up with him again, especially since you may be under the wrong impression still.
You don't look complicit in anything, as he explicitly told you it was a tip and he had deliberately put it into the cash register to save it for you.
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1 hour ago, mommyoffive said:
That is funny. I think I wouldn't mind having a common name that people just couldn't spell but could at least pronounce. I have to pronounce my name over and over and over and then spell it too. Then usually get in a conversation about it, which I can't stand because I can't stand my name. I just want to be Molly or Jenny.
I have a known name (Eve). It's one syllable, easy to say, you'd assume easy to spell. It is constantly misspelled, and sometimes mispronounced. It happens often enough that I have the stock phrase, "Like Adam and Eve, or Christmas Eve" locked and loaded whenever I need it. It's still misspelled, even with this explanation attached.
However, my favorite story is that one time a Starbucks barista couldn't read her coworker's handwriting, and called out "Rue". I only figured it was me because she said the drink order with the name. When I got up to the counter, she gushed over my name and said she'd never heard it before and she just loved it, etc etc. I awkwardly just took the compliment, lol. But she had a great memory, and introduced/greeted me as Rue every time I came in, and for the next 4 years at that Starbucks I was known as Rue.
I guess the moral of the story is, unless its on government paperwork, you can be a Molly or a Jenny, or a Rue! lol.
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Is this like The Price Is Right? If so, I'm going with $1
(But my friend who priced out windows for her moving got quotes from $28k-$68k on a similar sized house, just depending on the brand/installer)
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Another angle: how sure are we that she was actually cornered in her garage? Maybe she'd seen other posts about these dogs, was in her garage one day, and they kinda sniffed a bush at her driveway, maybe poked their heads around a corner, then ran off. But enough boxes were ticked this could become an attention-gathering scenario, and the best audience for this scenario is NextDoor, not you.
She may never mention it to you just because when it's a 1:1 conversation there is more explaining/holes to deal with, and/or because the story was not made to be an attention-gathering scenario for you.
Even if the story is true: if she thought she could gain any leverage/ground/anything from the story she would tell you about it. It's not necessarily a hateful thing for her to hold it back (to her mind), it's just not worth telling you about from her perspective. She may be thinking something along the lines of, "If I tell her, she won't bring the kids over to help me clean because it's too dangerous, or suggest I go live in a nursing home because I couldn't protect myself." <--- Not that this is true, but her internal dialogue can be bringing up self-preservation reasons to not disclose this to you, as unfounded as the actual reasons may be.
All to say, it isn't about you so I wouldn't take it personally. Her motivations. in the end, are to serve herself.
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6 hours ago, Pawz4me said:
Same here. I think you'd get a very stern lecture if you called 911 about wildlife, unless (maybe) it was attacking a human. Animal control wouldn't respond, either. Around here you'd need to call a wildlife removal person or company.
Our 911 is tied to animal control, and they are equipped for snakes, didn't realize that wasn't normal. Last night when I was talking to dispatch about the snake's eventual meandering to the porch, he said if it's still on the property they can/will come out to remove it.
4 hours ago, Scarlett said:That is terrifying and I am not particularly terrified of snakes. Was this at night? How did it get in?
It was at night. WE DON'T KNOW HOW HE GOT IN. Which is the worst part of all of this to me, lol.
Because of a centipede incident the first week we moved in, we are pretty particular about leaving doors open except to go in/out, but sometimes for groceries so long as there's a steady stream of in/out the door stays open. Last grocery trip like this was Sunday.
Three theories: I was on the porch last night for 2 minutes (standing where the snake is in the photo) while on the phone with roadside assistance (I had a flat tire last night, also). I had the screen door to the outside closed but the main door open behind me for the breeze to come through. The theory is while I was on the phone, the snake had already been on the patio for a while and then just slipped in by me without my seeing him, and explored the house for an hour. For this to happen he literally could not have been more than 3" away from me, and I'm vigilant about moving things (see: scorpion sanctuary for explanation) and I don't stand still when I'm on the phone, so idk.
Second theory is that there is a big hole somewhere, maybe in the hall closet, and he came in that way. That door has a gap underneath it that he could get through to the hallway.
Third theory is he came in through an open door on another day and has been tooling around the house for a while. (!!!)
3 hours ago, sassenach said:Where do you live?
Maybe your house needs to be sealed up better? Would diatomaceous earth help with the scorpions? You need a professional.
Arizona.
This house is a 1910's miner's shack that had weekend warrior reno's in the 70's. This house is not built to code or best practices under any definition, lol. There is no way to seal it more, without demo'ing sections.
I agree though -- a professional pyrotechnic!
3 hours ago, mmasc said:All of this story is horrifying. I’m so sorry it happened! My only advice (if you haven’t tried this already) is to use sticky traps for the scorpions. Along the baseboards, in closets, near entryways, etc. My in-laws have scorpions and this has worked the best. I have no advice on rattlesnakes. 😢
Yes! Sticky traps for the win! They definitely help against scorpions and other visitors. Now I just need to put them apparently EVERYWHERE for snakes too, and buy the kids stilts, lol.
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Overall, we are exceptionally lucky with how this played out. All of my luck for the year is probably used up on this.
- if son had come out a little earlier, he might have scared the snake and been bit or attracted it to his room.
- If he came out even just 5-10 seconds later, he wouldn't have seen the snake, or he would have called out too late for me to see what type it was and where it went.
- the hallway, where he saw it leave and go into the room is dark even during the day, with brown carpet, he's lucky to have seen it, period.
- if he didn't see it, we would have left the door closed, so it would've been trapped inside with us without us knowing.
- Occasionally the baby falls off the couch when sleeping. Or I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. If we scared him or he was on the move in the room during those times, even if he rattled first, and even if I heard the rattle, I wouldn't have thought "there's a rattle snake", my brain would go to a kid's toy or something else. It literally would not have occurred to me to assume it was an actual snake inside the room.
- if we did happen upon him in the middle of the night and not get bit immediately, the panic would have been much much worse, and we may not have been able act as rationally.
- OR HE WOULD STILL BE CHILLING OUT IN THE HOUSE WITH THE KIDS RIGHT NOW.
So yes, exceptionally lucky night for us and I'm grateful that it went as well as it did!
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in case you can’t see it, that is a rattlesnake. More knowledgeable posters can correct me, but a western diamondback rattlesnake.
where is he coming from, you might ask.
from under my couch, would be the answer.
yes, btw, the same couch that my little one was sleeping on.
my son just happened to get up to get some water and he saw it go out of the hallway and into the living room. he sounded the alarm. i came around the corner just in time to see the last foot of it go under the couch.
and, what is there to do but run into the room, grab her up and carry her out? shoes be damned, her foot and hand were hanging off the side.
got her out and onto the kitchen table, called 911. we are rural and there was an bus breakdown on the highway so no one could come immediately even tho we are 2 minutes from the fire station. so we went around the long way outside, opened the front door, and watched to make sure he didn’t try to go into another room. after about 10 minutes he went for freedom (pictured). as soon as he was completely out of the room we closed the door.
it’s raining so he didn’t go out out, and we think he’s hiding under the couch on the patio. Police guy came but can’t do much if he’s under the couch, only if he’s easy access. will have to call animal control tomorrow morning and they can investigate if he’s still bumming a room off us.
our house is also a scorpion sanctuary (arizona bark scorpions, the type that can walk on walls and dangerously poisonous). i’m higher-sensitive to them and was stung just last week, making a total of 5 times in 3 years. my other son had one ON HIS NECK this evening but brushed it off and didn’t get stung — he didn’t know what it was til it was on the ground. it is crazy good luck he was not stung, i cannot describe how trigger happy these things are.
once the rain is done, i’m done. just torch it.
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To bring up other job ideas you may have already done/considered: have you looked at your state's job site? Or county jobs? Hospitals usually have openings, non-clinical, for maintenance, cleaning, records, registration, etc. If you go through with the construction class, that may open up your options to maintenance positions, also.
eta: all this to say, I'm sorry your job market stinks, and hope you find a good fit soon. Having so many things in the air isn't fun and you're doing well being as flexible as you can.
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Do you all follow this you tube mom?
in The Chat Board
Posted
I think we see a lot of influencers/Youtubers who forget about reality and live their entire life for clicks. Where they either have no shame or sense of perspective on some of the things they do because, so long as those actions gain views and clicks and subscribes, it is worth it.
But, audiences also forget that these are real people who have real lives and don’t only live to entertain and still have problems, that they may not being on camera. Treating people as only the sum of their youtube personality is easy but not necessarily correct.
Regardless of her personality online, if she did what she needed to do to protect her child even if it would affect her youtube “career” badly — especially if it would — then I can respect that.
Calling the cops for the drama isn’t unheard of, but once you say it’s about a kid, that seems much less contrived, at least to me.