So, to clarify: we need methyls to make serotonin (and, by extension, melatonin) and Bs. So, if we are chronically dealing with over-methylation, that means something is broken in the process of making all of some of those things (serotonin, Bs, etc)?

PeterPan, thanks for the detailed methyl/vitamins/minerals explanation. None of it was Greek to me- I’ve been studying the methyl pathways off and on for the last year or so. I use all of that (niacin, 5HTP, D, plus many other things) on myself in varying amounts at various times of the year. For example, I’ve had chronic nightmares most of my life that resolved when I began taking 200mg of 5HTP every evening, and I’m also one of those who needs to keep my D at the top end of normal or higher to feel decent). My kids already take D, fish oil, and magnesium, but I’ll be looking into expanding that. Clearly, running genetics needs to move to the top of my to-do list 😊.

I like to take my chicken salad and lettuce to make lettuce wraps. I often bring hot dogs in a crock pot with both regular and gf buns so my kids (gf/df, etc) have something to eat (silly boys don’t like my chicken salad). I always bring a bag of chips that I know my kids can eat. And I bring an allergy-friendly dessert. So, I end up bringing all the food my family needs plus extra to share. 🙂

I’m going to derail my own thread and talk about the comment Peter Pan made about oranges and methyl donors. We’ve been struggling so much with my youngest’s behavior for going on 2 years now. He’s often delightful, likely very gifted. I do not suspect spectrum because I don’t see any warning signs beyond inflexibility and meltdowns, but we’ll see (testing pending reaching top of wait lists). But he gets into funks that go on for weeks where he is the angriest little guy I’ve ever met (and I’ve met a few, including another of mine). No cooperation. Saying things I don’t even know how he knows to say. Tantrums and meltdowns. He’s at the local school for K and they are at their wits’ end with him after the last almost 2 months. You mentioned orange juice, which reminded me that I’ve suspected that my DS2 has issues with oranges for years but I’ve never been able to nail it down enough to convince myself. At this point, DS2 doesn’t like them anymore, so it’s been a non issue (he has a long list of food issues including such weird ones as green beans and peas, along with the more common ones). But, youngest ADORES citrus. Lives on the stuff. Was eating 2-4 clementines a day. You said “orange juice,” and all my alarm bells went off. I got rid of the box of clementines. Within two days, he was better. Three days, he was a new kid. He hasn’t had a meltdown in 5 days. Since the end of October (when clementine season started again), he’s has meltdowns almost daily, usually more than one. This week? No calls from the school. It’s downright miraculous. (For the record, I subbed the clementine consumption with apples so that it wouldn’t just be a reduced sugar consumption thing - this is not my first food elimination experiment). My husband noticed. DH is hard to convince about the food things. He noticed. Told me to never bring citrus back into the house (before then reminding me that we WILL have to test this - after a couple of months of peace 😂). Our whole family feels like it can breathe again. So, what are the other methyl-donor foods? Beans, right? (Pinto, kidney, black. Things we almost never eat because DS2 can’t and I don’t feel well on them either). If it’s a methyl issue, I need to educate myself on the foods to watch for reactions (he’s already gluten and dairy free).

I have a 16GB and I have to be aware all the time of what I have on it. I add and remove as needed rather than keeping them allnob there, store photos in the cloud, and still have to pay attention. I do not even attempt to use a higher memory app like Facebook anymore. I just don’t have enough memory. I’d look around for a phone with more memory.

Quick answers because I have to run. Thanks, Lecka, I’ll grab that book.? Yes, I’m working on all of these goals with them. I set most of the goals, not my ABA people. We are a family later to get diagnosed, oldest was 7, middle was 6, but I’ve been working, focused work, since the beginning because the challenges were there even if we didn’t have the name, the diagnosis. ABA is new for us, only began, what? 3 months ago for DS2, 6 months for DS1 (moving cross country twice plus waiting lists don’t mix), so this definitely isn’t a “do what the professionals say” situation. They are just part of my team. The BCBA we worked with at first was stellar. Older, raised her own kids, listened to me, stellar. Insurance stopped covering her, except as a supervisor. So, I still have access to her, but she doesn’t work one-on-one with my kids anymore. The therapist that just quit? I’m not happy about the timing of her quitting (this is a very bad time of year for DS2), but I’m happy to see her go. She’s a young person with, what appears to be, minimal experience with kids due to her inappropriate commentary about how when she is a parent, she’ll never allow xyz. 😂😂 She almost has her master’s, but she could use some real lessons. DS1’s current therapist means well, but my frustration there is mounting too. She’s also young and inexperienced. We’ll see where we go as time goes on. I’d bet my house that our family is full of methylization issues. It’s on my radar to investigate that (my health improved radically with methyl B’s and 5hTP supplementation). My youngest has some significant behavioral issues too along with obvious giftedness, so there’s that. We don’t suspect diagnosis of spectrum for him, but he’ll kiss it, I’d guess. I’m working on getting a full eval for him. It’ll be a while before we are through the waiting list. I do not have the funds for a para. I’m barely holding it together financially with what we do. Thankfully, DS2 gets 4 hours (2 sessions) of in-home ABA a week and it only costs me their mileage after deductible. Yes, DS2 needs constabt 1:1. He’s gets lost in his movement (flopping about around the furniture for hours on end) if left to his own devices. DS1 has 1, 2 hour session a week. They both need eight thousand other things (DS2- speech, all the physical activities but he’d need a para to help him, mental health therapy, OT) (DS1 - PT, more extracurricular than I can afford, more PT, OT, social skills group). It’s a never-ending process to get it all set up and juggle the bills. 😀 As you all know. I feel like I’ve seen RDI stuff before, but I can’t remember. What book?

I have heard about the functions of language, but if you have a book recommendation, I’d love to learn more. I’m very patient with it all because I can see that there’s a lack of “ability” not necessarily “willingness.” That’s why his goals are things like responding to his name and answering yes/no questions, saying “help me,” and learnjng to use an escape phrase (I’ll be right back), not “carry on a conversation.” It’s always interesting to see him start talking about an interest (he’s late to develop them). His focused interests for the first six years of his life were 1) me and 2) the cat. Now, though, he’s very interested in Ramona books, Henry Higgins books, and Harry Potter books (DH and I read aloud and he has access to audiobooks). It’s fascinating to listen to him explain the plot of a book or wonder about how something could have gone differently. He can go on, eloquently, for some time. Ask him if he’d like to go swimming and suddenly he can’t find words. It’s fascinating.

(All boys here) Both of my ADHD/ASD boys are on meds. Oldest on a traditional stimulant, extended release type. It’s a good fit for him, and we get about 7 workable hours every day with it. The rest of the day is just management. 🙂 Second son takes an alpha 2 agonist for his ADHD. It lessens the chronic movement and anxiety a bit, but doesn’t do much for the inattentiveness. Unfortunately, stimulants set of his anxiety in a scary way, so this is what we have for now. Both boys do in-home ABA with behaviorists. They are supervised monthly by an amazing BCBA who initially worked with my oldest until insurance refused to pay for her anymore. By the way, send me meds of my own because DS2’s therapist just abruptly left the agency and there is no one to fill in right now. He’s in his typical autumn through holidays crisis already and I was already nearing the end of my rope. This is not good. 😫 ABA works on social interaction with oldest (looking at face - not necessarily eyes, reciprocal questions, reducing questions - he would ask questions about his passions all day long, showing interest because you like someone, even if you think what they are saying is boring), flexibility of thought/activity, crossing the street safely, picking up toys quickly instead of in the stereotyped way he prefers. We’ve conquered a few major behavioral challenges already, so these are current areas of focus. With DS2, they work on responding to his name, responding to questions, telling someone why he is leaving the room, some safety concerns, asking for help instead of melting down, recovering from meltdowns, flexibility when transitioning. He has excellent language, but he often doesn’t use it I’ll be doing the Social Thinking stuff myself. I think the ABA people will be open to adding in bits, but I don’t know for certain.

Alright, I’m taking you all at your word on this. 🙂 As I said, I was only looking at SuperFlex because my middle guy isn’t even ready to touch social stuff, so I’m targeting social stuff at my oldest. But, he has significant deficits in really weird places (which I’m sure is very common). Like, how he can describe and demonstrate all the steps for safely crossing the street, but when he looks both ways, his eyes don’t actually track. They keep look straight ahead while he moves his head. That’s not a social example, just an example of how the deficits are in unexpected places. But, my youngest could use some We Thinkers too, so it sounds like it will be helpful for the whole family.

I homeschool my older two (10 and 7) who are both 2E. My youngest is in K at the neighborhood public school. Idealogically, I would like to homeschool all three, but I can’t do it practically. Youngest also went to preschool the last two years so I’d have time to work with the older two. I struggle a bit about feeling guilty doing fun things with the older two that youngest misses out on, and, as a year-round schooler (by necessity as our spectrum kiddos need the consistency of school), I’m having a hard time handling the school breaks, but I’ll figure it out. 🙂

Nicest thing: last week, when I thought I couldn’t make it through another moment with my currently in behavioral/mental health crisis child, my friend offered to take him for a few hours, then sent him home with a big craft project that she had purchased for him. He’s still enjoying working on it in his calm moments.

One of my autistic sons is prone to panic attacks (he’s 7). He responds well to a large, very powerful box fan close to him, blowing on him, while he’s wrapped in a blanket. I often lay on him to give him that deep, calming pressure (he refuses to use a weighted blanket). If I catch it early, before it’s full panic, tight hugs and deep breathing (mine...he won’t do it) makes a big difference.

I love Strength for you Quill! Three years ago (for 2016), I chose my word and set up all my goals to map with that (exercise, my career, homeschooling, housework my brain, I don’t remember what else). I really enjoyed it. I wrote it on the top of my calendar every month to keep me on track. It really embodied all of my goals and I liked that. About halfway through the year, life got crazy with a surprise (and unwanted) cross-country move and the included house rennovation and sale. I spent the rest of the year in survival mode and forgot about the word until it was time to pick my word for 2017. I pulled out my notes and saw my word for 2016. I had chosen MOVE. Ahhhhh! I did not pick a word for 2017. I was a bit terrified about what I could accidentally do to myself if I picked the wrong one. 😂 Incidentally, we moved across country again in 2017, so really, I could have picked any word. 😂😂 In 2018, I was still a bit terrified. I couldn’t settle on a word that wouldn’t accidentally take me across the country again. But I’ll pick one for 2019. Diligence, or Routines, or Consistency, or something like that. Actually, typing that out, I really like Consistency. That’s been my focus these last couple of months anyway, and I have a lot of room to grow in that area. And as I head back to work part time, being consistent (including consistent in hugging and cuddling) will be even more necessary.

Could you clarify: when you say e-modules, do you mean the paid ones you found? Or the free ones?

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. I’m sorry I posted and disappeared. We’re caught up in a crisis period with my middle guy so I’m in not-even-survival-mode right now. It’s try-not-to-die mode. 🙂 I’ll try to answer some questions. Yes, the Denver conference. I’m looking at day 3, which appears to be the Social Detective curriculum. While I’m sure all four days would be helpful, I have to be reasonable about cost. However, I’m noting what you said, Peter Pan, about the We Thinkers curriculum vs the Social Detective. Hmm. My boys are 10 (ASD1, gifted, ADHD, motor delay), 7 (ASD1, ADHD, severe anxiety, transient depression), and 5 (no diagnoses. We don’t suspect ASD, but something is going on (depression?) because he’s acting out like crazy this year and steadily worsening. We’ll be getting an eval for him soon). Yes, I need to update my signature. I wonder if it would be better to go to the younger sessions instead of Day 3? I was eyeing Day 3 because I’m seeing this curriculum as something to use with my oldest. He’s socially challenged but extroverted and the older he gets, the more frustrated he becomes. He is making good strides socially with his ABA therapist. Ugh. My middle guy is nowhere near ready for social thinking. He’s still trying to learn not to dart into traffic or run away when overwhelmed (I’ve ordered the Interospection books for my work with him). So, I guess I need a better idea about We Thinkers vs. Social Detective for a 10 years old quirky 2E. As to the enchilada question. My kids are whole enchilada kids. Middle even more so than oldest, but oldest needs enough support to call him an enchilada kid. He’s not going to go through the curriculum once and get it. It’s just a piece of a very complicated puzzle. Thankfully, he’s a hard worker, dedicated, but yeah, he has a lot of deficits. If I just had him, I’d have a full time job. But I have two more, and one of them is at least three times as complex as my oldest. So, I’m crazy 🙂 I am a person who used to learn really well from print (and I still think I’m that person), but I’ve found that when it’s related to the issues my kiddos deal with, I’m so better in person. I get paralyzed by books, and I avoid the online modalities (paralysis coupled with just not liking that type of learning). I think it’s because I feel chronically defeated, so I look at a new curriculum and just fold. I think I’ll do well to be in the setting of group learning. I like to ask questions, and I might even meet some good, local people. I’m actually talking with our sons’ ABA supervisor about attending as well. So, I think I’ll do well in person, really learn, but, yeah, I’m afraid of wasting the money. I do live here, so, I’ll have no hotel costs.

I suggest that you try EMDR. It’s life-changing and kicked my panic attacks and sleep issues to the curb. The issues I have now are minuscule compared to where I was a two years ago. I’m sorry, but I have no sleep med suggestions.

The Yoga Kids dvd arrived last night and DS7 has already done it twice. It’s perfect! Thank you.

I Social Thinking is coming to my city in May, and I’m wondering if any of you have attended their conferences. I think I want to attend the day they covers the Social Detective/Superflex curriculum. I almost buy that curriculum every few months and talk myself out of it. Any thoughts on their conferences? Worth my money (it’s expensive for me) and time? Thanks!! edited for autocorrect errors

It’s that time of year when I start desperately searching for new ways to burn the ever-present energy in my three boys. I’m looking for a yoga dvd or download that is kid-friendly but calming. Any suggestions? I feel like every kid yoga I’ve ever seen is intent on making it So Much Fun, which just translates into making the yoga feel frenetic. But, surely, there’s a good yoga video out there that aims for relaxation? Thanks, everyone!

Nope, that sounds very extreme. My middle child was like this at that age. Into everything, epic meltdowns, held the whole family hostage with his behavior. Cutting all food dyes helped a bit with the frequency/duration of meltdowns, though not the intensity. He was never violent, just out of control. He was already off dairy/gluten/legumes/soy/peanuts by that age (still is), so he’s just a sensitive guy. Intelligent, understood everything (he did have an expressive language delay back then). He’s 7 now with diagnoses of ASD1, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. We all suspect bipolar, but that remains to be seen. Not saying your beautiful toddler has any of that, just that you are describing extreme behavior. You are in shock for a reason. 🙂 hugs

I would not speak out on public like that. I do with people I know. Over ten years ago, I was once very nearly t-boned by another vehicle. They ran a light that was very, very red and barely hit the brakes in time. I honked at them. The driver proceeded to chase me through traffic, crazily changing lanes, yelling out their window, finger flying for the next 5 minutes, until I was about to pull into the police station that I had had the presence of mind to drive toward when I realized what was happening. This very much colored my opinion of what I will do with strangers. Some people are crazy. I’m not willing to risk my life or the lives of others to posfinky upset a crazy person.

My in-laws are “vegans” who eat fish, chicken, eggs, and Greek yogurt. ? I like your original plan to pick up chicken salad. I’d also get a big head of good lettuce and make up a big green salad.

Some of you have commented on the behavioral aspect of this forgetfulness. I see this is many families, but in my house, even when someone cares about the thing that they need to remember, they usually don’t remember. My older two have significant EF challenges too. Last night, for example, they negotiated to watch the What Does the Fox Say video after putting on pajamas. That’s it. Only pajamas (I know better than to ask them to brush teeth too. Also, we are practically a zero screen family, so this was a BIG deal). They forgot. I reminded them three times. They forget....it was ten minutes between the negotiation and the third reminder. My husband is like this too. I can’t tell you the number of times he forgets that he was to meet a friend, or wanted to take a bike ride, or intended to buy ice cream (and that’s the only reason he went into the store). Motivation is useless here. ?. To counteract that, I have the kids make visual signs with the motivator on them (do my school checklist so C can come play), then we stick them up in 5 different places around the house. It helps a tiny bit because they WILL do the thing if they remember the motivator. They just all forget the motivator. As a mother/wife, it’s exhausting. ? I try to be patient though because none of them are doing this because they don’t care or love each other/me. They all care. Their brains are busy with other things.

My husband forgets all of those things. He has significant EF challenges and minimal workarounds in placd to support his memory. I’ve mostly learned to do all the things by myself. I have decent EF skills (not great), but I also have MANY and varied reminders in place in my life so I remember all the things that I need to make happen.