You can, but it's hard because you're the victim of a toxic and emotionally abusive family structure, and that sort of thing takes time to unravel. As for setting boundaries vs. walking away completely, if setting boundaries works and that's what you want, then it's better. But if either of those is not true, then it's not.

Actually, that's really helpful. Given that you like walking outside in interesting neighborhoods, and want to do that anyway because of covid, how about a Big Onion walking tour? They definitely have at least one that will mention interesting architectural details.

December's not usually that cold, it's just seasonably brisk. Sometimes a bit slushy, but with climate change that's been, well, changing. January is when it's cold out! What sort of stuff do you normally enjoy doing?

Oh, goodness. You don't sound paranoid at all, and I hope she makes a quick and complete recovery.

Leftover whipped cream? I am unfamiliar with this concept. How would that even happen? I don't understand this.

I never ate prebought whipped cream in my life until adulthood, and we had whipped cream about once a week with pancakes. Our parents just bought heavy cream and had us beat it with a rotary eggbeater - yes, by hand, no electricity! - with powdered sugar for several minutes, and then we got to lick the beaters. Whipping your own cream is easy, and it does not take a very long time either.

Oh, ffs. And what really irks me is that the only reason we file taxes longhand in the first place is because these places are huge lobbyists against simplifying the process! In lots of other places, the government - which already has that information, same as here - sends you the form prefilled, and you review it in case there are any errors. No muss, no fuss. Unless you have some unusually complicated tax situation there's no reason we couldn't do it here other than the lobbyists. Greatest country in the world my elbow....

An ablation is a lot better than living with a fast or irregular heartrate. It's normal to be worried about a procedure like this, but honestly, they do this dozens of times a month if not more. The risks are minimal.

Shelf stable foods are shelf stable. Those best buy dates are meaningless - the quality may have degraded very slightly, so the color is not what you expect, something like that.

Ausmumof3, what do you think we're talking about when we talk about tomato sauce? Because I home cook mine, and that's not *that* unusual. I've certainly never seen it served out of a bottle. A can or a jar, maybe, but usually mixed in before it hits the table.

Sorry, I go on autopilot when it comes to the subject of scissors, lol! I have *very strong opinions* about it, and also about the semi-related topic of pencil sharpeners. (It's the same opinion.)

It's never occurred to me that they should ask! I do expect them to inform me if they plan to bring somebody over to eat a meal, especially if that person has any dietary restrictions. Though I'd be a little put out if I found out that the kids had been going around saying "Oh, my parents would have a fit if this or that" out of nowhere. Like, it's okay if they feel they need to say it to easily get out of an iffy situation ("No, totally can't go drinking with you, my parents would kill me!") but I don't want them maligning me for no reason. Even if it's literally true that I'd be upset, I'd like the phrasing to be more neutral.

My mother would say "It's so people with nothing to say will have something to talk about", and if you think that's mean, try growing up with it. In French! (I literally just realized that probably her mother grew up hearing it in Walloon, a language she spoke about as well as I speak French, ie, not at all. I would sympathize, but I just can't.) At any rate, once you figure out how to order the scissors in the colors you want, don't forget to order some left-handed scissors as well, in some different color. There is no such thing as lefty-righty or "ambidextrous" scissors!

Honestly, if that were her sole concern I'd completely agree with you. Flying is like a bazillion times safer.

His wife should NOT retaliate in this way. That will not help the situation. Your friend, however, should definitely... well, do the appropriate procedure for HR complaints, because this is an HR complaint situation, and that doesn't change just because he's the head of HR and she reports to him.

So his mental health is not your problem. If he has anxiety he needs to speak to a professional and seek treatment, possibly including medication. If you're worried about his anxiety because it's his mental health, you need to work on dealing with those feelings without letting them affect your choices. (Unless, I suppose, you have the leverage to force him to seek help for his mental health as a condition of seeing the kids, in which case, maybe consult with your lawyer and see if that's a good idea.) However, there are other reasons to be concerned, and I think your post touches on those as well - you don't want to create the impression that he can dictate your parenting choices, and you don't want to contribute to his behavior escalating. And that is a different thing entirely, something that you *should* be concerned about! I think it's a bit above Hive paygrade, though. You should bump this up to your lawyer and get their opinion.

Well, I wish him luck!

How... how long is it going to take him to pack? Is this the sort of situation where it might be a good idea to start the popcorn now and put Yakety Sax on loop? Or would it be better to nope out of all this entirely and head to the park/movies/library/whatevs?

I can give you two pieces of advice, but I think you know that I'm pretty blunt. For anybody who is not reasonably able to get themself to the store and spend their own money (or, at most, get cash from you) to spend money for things like "shampoo", then "Put it on grocery list I keep on the fridge" the first three times, followed by "Why are you telling me?" the next two times and dead silence afterwards. If it's not on the list, it doesn't get bought. For anybody who is able to go to the store "Oh. You should probably pick some up, then."

I wouldn't necessarily say it's *more* helpful either, just that it can be beneficial to get perspective from more than one group of people, especially people who you know have been there. Sorta like going to AA in addition to speaking to your best friends about your alcohol addiction. (That's a random example, naturally.) Again, I certainly don't mean that Indigo Blue, or anybody else, should stop posting this sort of thing here! I don't mean it, I don't think it, and I want to reiterate that I do not intend to come off that way.

I don't know if I've said this before, but you might benefit from also posting at a forum or community specifically for people with family dynamics like yours. I don't want to sound like I'm suggesting you shouldn't keep posting here, because I'm not, just that it might be helpful to post over at, say, r/raisedbynarcissists or something as well.

Okay, your family sounds like a lot. Like, just a lot. And I'm saying this in the nicest possible way, but next year - order Chinese the day before, heat it up the day of. If your family makes a face at having egg rolls for Thanksgiving, smile and tell them that they're welcome to bring Mexican next year.

Just the worst, isn't it. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Depends. If she doesn't mind burning that bridge, visibly toss them out in front of her. If, however, she'd prefer to pretend civility, wait until she leaves and THEN throw them out.

They definitely don't intend to, and anybody who ever thought otherwise was kidding themselves. Nobody wants war, except Putin, I guess, but some people already don't have a choice.