I would only do this if I planned for it to be my forever home. Selling in 10 years wouldn't be worth the huge amount of work and expense of making it habitable. And you can't depend on the housing market to be better in a decade. My sister and her husband bought a property that they loved that has a small, weird house on it. They are living in the small house while building a new house right next to it, then they will knock the little house down. It took them years to make this final plan (they had other ideas first) and find builders, and it has been a huge amount of work. But their little house was habitable, just weird and not what they wanted, so they were able to sell their other home and use the proceeds to fund this project. They bought this to be near their only daughter and her family and plan to live there forever, so it's worth it for them. What you describe would only be worth it if you would LOVE the laborious and expensive process of turning it into your dream home and property. And then be willing to pass it on to someone else. I would save the money and buy something you love in your new location when you retire.

I've been reading a lot and keeping tabs on the reading threads, even though I haven't been posting. I'll try to join in again this month!

I agree with other replies. I think some away will be beneficial, but I also think it's wise to have a plan for when she returns. It sounds like she is dependent on her dad for money, and that he is not a fan of paying for school anyway, so perhaps she can tell him that she plans to take a year off to work and decide what to do next. That way she can continue to live at home for a year while saving the money needed to move out on her own. And then, yes, move out and plan to pay for her own education. It may seem like a long time to her to wait until she is 24 to try college again, but it will be much more affordable then, because at that age, parents' income is no longer considered for financial aid. It's also worth noting that this is also true for married students who are under the age of 24 (just in case her relationship with her boyfriend moves forward). Her grades are obviously disappointing -- to her, I'm sure, as well as you. If she can avoid telling her dad, that might be best, if he will respond in a harmful way. If she must tell him, she might want to work on her wording first and admit that she wishes she had done better, and that is one of the reasons that she is going to take a break from college for a bit. Stopping college may seem like a terrible option to her. You can be her support person and make sure she knows that plenty of people pursue college at older ages, and that it will all turn out well in the end, even if it takes her longer. She will grow in maturity and determination by making her own way.

Unfortunately, I really get it. Although my ODD/ADHD/ASD 19 year old son doesn't drive yet and has a different set of immaturity issues, we can really relate. DS is not willing to learn from us, and he chafes against necessary boundaries. He is very hard to live with but is too immature to live on his own (and has trouble with employment). DS's most recent counselor even stopped working with him after a year, because he wouldn't work on things or take her advice, and she even said that it was pointless to get him more therapy until he wants it for himself. It's definitely our hardest parenting challenge. I think you've gotten some good advice so far, and I'm taking some of it under advisement, myself. We also restrict his apps, etc., even though he is of legal age, because he needs it. I agree about asking for an adjustment to the medication to help more with the impulsivity. I hope you can get into counseling sooner, and I hope that he will listen to a counselor. Mostly, I am feeling very empathetic. It's not at all a fun club to be in, but maybe it helps a little to know you are not alone.

I am so, so sorry for your unimaginable loss.

We walk the dog in our neighborhood three times per day, but our neighborhood is one long residential street, so there is no other daily-life purpose that I can accomplish just by walking (other than things like the grocery store). So I walk purposefully on the treadmill several times a day and do between 10,000 to 15,000 steps. Yes, I know that 10,000 is a made up goal, but it beats being sedentary and is good for my health and helped me lose weight, even though I'm not doing high intensity speeds. More walking definitely equals better health for me.

Is there any possibility of dropping your teen off at work, so that you can have the car?

I think I got the bookseller job! The second interview went well today, and the store manager told me that he needs to check my references and run a background check to cross the T's and dot the I's -- which may take a week -- but that he expects that I will be called with the job offer toward the end of next week.

I prayed for your family and hope for the best.

I'm very sorry. Our 14 year old cat had kidney disease, and, in retrospect, I wish we had helped her out of her pain earlier than we did. Our vet told that on a pain scale, she was at least a 5 out of 10 all of the time, and probably in more pain than that. It's such a hard decision, but it also sounds like time to me.

I've been thinking that ankylosing spodylosis sounds like a possibility, so it's interesting that a couple of you have brought it up. In sure that the sports doc will refer us to a rheumatologist within the same children's hospital system. But our insurance should let us go to a specialist without a referral, so we can do some research. We live in a big medical city and near enough to others that we could travel, so I can see if we can find a specialist in spondy. Thanks for that idea. The rehab therapist has mentioned several times how tight DS is and has made a point of working on his flexibility. He did also have some plantar fasciitis a couple of years ago. @Pawz4me thank you for the article! It's interesting that it can take a long time for markers to show up in bloodwork. The sports doc did say that the absence of them did not mean that arthritis is off the table.

Arthritis is what the sports doc thinks should be checked for next, if the osteopath doesn't find a way to solve the issue. He was checking the bloodwork and MRI for signs of arthritis and autoimmune issues, but there weren't any detected. If there had been, he would have referred to rheumatology right away. Now, he will probably refer to rheumatology when we see him at the end of June, if DS does not improve before then. Do you think the lower back pain and the upper back neuropathy could be linked through an autoimmune arthritis? I did a quick google earlier this week, and arthritic neuropathy seems more connected to limbs. @prairiewindmomma thank you for the link. I'm going to read that next.

Thanks for your thoughts so far. Some more details: Iron -- The sleep doc ran some blood work, and his iron was at the bottom of the normal scale, so DS has been on ferrous sulfate for almost three months. Sleep doc says that he will not bother to recheck the iron levels, because the supplements should bring it up, and after the refills run out, he doesn't need to take it any more. I asked if low iron should be on the radar for DS for the future, and the doctor said there should be no concerns. I question his lack of ongoing concern in my mind. DS is due to switch from pediatrician to regular doctor, and I think his new doc should have it on his radar to check periodically. Inflammation markers -- The sports doc ran blood work, and I'll have to pull that up to see what all was included (I looked but can't remember). The inflammation markers were within normal range. Vitamin levels, etc -- I'll have to check to see what has been tested, but nothing but the iron was out of normal range. They may not have tested B12, magnesium, vitamin D, etc. For awhile during the pandemic, we were all supplementing with Vitamin D and a multivitamin, but I don't think DS has been taking them recently. MRI -- this was ordered by the sports doctor, not the neurologist, and it was only for the lower back. My BIL is a radiologist and commented recently that he's shocked the neurologist never ordered any imaging for his upper back issues; this is what prompted us to decide to look for a different neurologist. So there has so far been no looking for a pinched nerve or anything like that.

In the 90's, I chatted with Michael Dukakis at a T (train) stop in Boston. For those who don't recognize the name, he was the Democratic nominee for President (who lost to George HW Bush) and past Governor of Massachusetts. He was famous for taking public transportation. We were both headed to the airport at 6 am and for awhile were the only two waiting for the train. I felt awkward about saying I knew who he was, so we just chatted generally. I told him I was in grad school, and he told me his daughter was interning at NPR. When we got on the train, another guy engaged him in a political conversation. Getting to the airport took two train/subway transfers and a bus trip, and we were together the whole way.

While at college, DH danced with Brooke Shields. They went to the same college, and he knew her, of course, but she didn't know him. At a college event with a band, she sidled up to DH, put her arm around him, and swayed a few times, then disappeared in the crowd. DH is 6'5", so his height may have been a factor. He also played football with Dean Cain.

Poor DS18 has chronic pain in several parts of his body. Right now he also has an unrelated foot injury that has him in a boot and on crutches. He's had leg and knee pain related to being a long-distance runner, so he sees a sports medicine doctor and receives rehab (like physical therapy) from an athletic trainer. This has helped his legs and knees but not his chronic pain. The sports doc has referred him next to an osteopathic doctor at our local big university hospital. That appointment is at the beginning of June, and we have a follow up with the sports doc toward the end of June. He says if the osteopath doesn't help, he will give us another referral. I'm glad that he is not giving up, but DS is understandably depressed about the chronic pain, and I thought I'd reach out to Hive experts for other ideas. Here are some details about his chronic issues. I'm wondering if they could be related to one another, though the doctors seem uninterested in that idea. 1) DS has neuropathy in his right shoulder blade area. The area is numb to the touch and sometimes has sharp stabbing pains (like bee stings). He's been seeing a pediatric neurologist for this for about two years. The doctor prescribed Gabapentin, which helps the pain but has not helped the overall issue. DS feels the numb spot is spreading, and now the other shoulder blade is starting to get the pain. At the first appointment, the doctor said that sometimes nerves will repair themselves and sometimes not, and only time will tell. He didn't do any kind of testing but just prescribed the medication. We've had follow up appointments regularly, and he's adjusted the med dosage but that's it -- always just says to come back again in six months. We are going to look for a different neurologist. The Gabapentin really helps him, and if DS realizes that he missed a dose, he starts to panic, because he knows the pain that is going to happen. He's good about remembering, but it happened one evening last week. He took his missed dose but still the pain came on, and he was doing deep breaths to endure it and ended up crying. We held ice on it. gave him Tylenol, and rubbed Aspercreme on it -- everything we could think of. It took about 15 minutes to start feeling better, and he was in agony. I know that pain was intense then, because he's had some intense pain this past week with his other injuries and never cried. 2) DS has lower back pain, near his hips. This started at the end of last summer, maybe. He'd been seeing a chiropractor over the spring and summer, first for neck pain and then for general back pain, so we first made an appointment with them. His hips were hurting him so much right then that he was worried about walking in the halls between classes. It also hurt him to sit at school, because his tailbone hurt him. (They had made his neck pain better and had helped with the back pain previously.) The acute pain in his hips and tailbone reduced, so that he no long complained about walking, but the lower back pain never really went away, and chiropractic didn't fix it, though it would feel better while he was getting the adjustments. No issues showed up on their x-rays. 3) Back to things I mentioned at the beginning of my post. DS was having pain behind his knees after his cross country season, which kept him from participating in winter track and the beginning of spring track. I think we went to the sports doctor in January or February, when it was clear the knee pain was not getting better, and we also talked to him about the lower back pain. He took his own x-rays and didn't find anything. We had seen this same doc a year or two before for IT band pain. As before, he sent DS to rehab, which eventually helped his knee pain, but not the back pain. Doc ordered an MRI, which showed everything looks normal. The sports medicine doctor put forward one hypothesis and told us where he will probably refer DS if the osteopathic doctor doesn't help, but I'm going to save that for a follow up post, because I don't want to steer the Hive's thinking. Do you see any connnections between the upper back neuropathy and the lower back pain? The neurologist and sports doctor are each only interested in one part of the back and not the other, but I wonder. Also, DS has had trouble sleeping, so has been working with a sleep doctor and counselor. I'm not sure that is a related symptom but thought I might as well include it. Thanks for your thoughts! He's so discouraged with feeling that his body is in so much pain at such a young age, and so are we. We want to help him.

My phone interview with the bookstore went well on Saturday, and she invited me to a second interview in the store with the store manager on Friday. This job is 15-20 hours per week, 3-4 days, which is perfect for me. A reason to get out of the house and interact with others (otherwise I am a homebody) and be around books, which I love. DS19 (ASD and hard to get along with) just graduated and is not going to college and right now only works one shift a week at Goodwill, and it will be good for multiple reasons for him to see me regularly spending time out of the house.

I got a call today from one of the bookstores where I applied, and they set up a phone interview with me for tomorrow afternoon. This is a Barnes and Noble. They pay not much more than minimum wage, which stinks, but I'm not looking for work for the immediate money but to do something that I would enjoy. I would likely put my paycheck right into retirement savings. Since I make $0 now, it would be a raise! She said they got so many applications that they pulled the job posting after two days (I thought they must have filled it and was surprised to receive the call). So, of course, there is no guarantee that they will offer it to me, even though I do have bookstore (management and bookseller) experience. We live about halfway between two B&N stores, and the other store posted a part-time position today, so I applied there, too.

DS19 is graduating tomorrow from public school. There was a chance in the fall that he wouldn't attain all of the state criteria, and for awhile he was threatening to drop out, so it's a big relief! DS actually doesn't care about graduation at all and would prefer not to go to the ceremony, but we didn't give him the option to skip. DH and I worked so hard to get him to this point that we want the ceremony! He has not taken senior photos and doesn't want a party, but we are having family over for Memorial Day anyway and celebrating his graduation as part of that. Congratulations to all of the other families that also have graduates this year! This board really helped us so much along the way. Thanks to you all!

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you this morning.

This must have been very traumatic. The article I read said that police were involved and included a statement from the police. https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/17/americas/harry-meghan-car-crash-intl/index.html

I'm very sorry. *personal details deleted* There are a couple of years for things to change, and I hope they do, in some way that will make things better.

I'm so sorry! I'll be praying.

I haven't been there recently, but Walmart has had patterned leggings in the past.

DH's parents had a second home in Fruitland Park, near The Villages (15-20 minutes). They liked to go to Florida from January to April each year and would rent a mobile home in Fruitland Park. So they got to know the area first and knew that they liked it. One day, they heard that an owner's son was selling a fully furnished mobile home down the street for very little money. The owner had died, and he just wanted to get rid of it. FIL and MIL bought it for cash on the spot, for very little money. Now, they were lucky to find a deal. But the point is that living near the Villages but not within it can be an inexpensive option. And because it is a popular area for snowbirds, it seems easy to find rentals there. I would also recommend that he rent a place for while before moving.