Cz mama
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Posts posted by Cz mama
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Thanks for all the ideas!!!
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I am looking for a book for my DH to use with our boys. Not a curriculum type set up, but more of an idea book of science projects with a basic explaination of the science behind the project.
DH will be doing it with boys age 11 and 7.
Thanks
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I am not very good with grammar. I tend to like 'fill in' type text books like Spelling Workout. I am leaning towards having my 11 year old who actually enjoys grammar and sentence diagraming (he did it regularly at the private school he used to be at 2 years ago) use Rod and Staff English 5.
Is there a systematic review of the parts of speech?
I have looked at the Rod and Staff grammar books in the past and they seem daunting (and dry?) to someone like me. But it was recommended in the Well Trained Mind book, and I tend to get overwhelmed with the amount of curriculum to choose from, so I just thought I would go with that.
Is there another 'fill in the blank' kind of solid grammar curriculum out there?
Sorry for being all over the place. 5 weeks postpartum and fighting the flu... :(
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I have a 10 year old who does not have any formal typing experience. Any suggestions for online (free?) programs?
THNX -
I don't doubt that her response is unhealthy, and I agree you're right to be concerned. However, if you put aside the question of whether she is on the spectrum or not, reality is other mothers in that situation do the same thing, giving money to the addict and enabling. It's COMMON.
Honestly, I don't see where belaboring the spectrum thing gets you anywhere. What you're looking for is a compelling argument to change who controls her finances. So you want to pull POA and declare her incompetent? Does she have a will? Who is her POA. That's the person you should be talking to, because they're the person she designated as having trust in to advise her as she steps into times where she's less able to act for herself. If she *doesn't* have a will, that would be a fabulous opportunity for you to act in her best interest. You would come together, all the siblings, and have a sit down and say Mom, we think you need to get your will and your POA in order. And when I did that with my loved one, I very politely suggested that since we were making the will maybe we could help set up online accounts, etc. to be able to help with finances if at some time they needed the help. Then you've quietly gotten more *supervision*.
And if you build some trust that way, with someone there having the in, then you have a sit-down and you say this is how it is and lay down the law. NOTHING can be given to an addict. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Not gift cards, not money, nothing. Anything you give they trade for more drugs. If you love them you will go to nothing. And it's ugly and I'm sorry it's that way.
And if she doesn't agree to that, when you have that relationship already determined about who has her POA, then you have this come to Jesus talk where that person says Mom if you make this choices then you are unable to pay your bills and eat and I cannot legally allow you to do that. Then you pull the strings. But you got it all sort of nicely, congenially, hopefully.
Moms have enabled drug-addicted children before, and they will in the future. You might need to set this up very carefully, by getting her to make a POA document and will and develop that relationship with someone. The ASD issue is going to it *harder* yes, but she's doing something many people do, unfortunately. Are you wanting to have her declared incompetent? She could have a low IQ. There are a lot of quirky families that *kiss* the spectrum but are not on the spectrum. She might have low IQ *and* spectrum. So you have to go back to the basics, like how you're going to get control to protect her for her best interests and how much the law allows you to do that.
Btw, I think one reason maybe people are suggesting there could be *another* diagnosis/explanation for her symptoms (like early onset Alzheimers, whatever) is because you haven't indicated that any of the dc have SN. Honestly I'd be shocked to see a situation where the mom is on the spectrum and has 6 kids and NONE of them are on the spectrum. It's genetic. That's not probable. If there's another explanation, there might be meds for it. Might be a good idea to do a basic doctor visit if she hasn't had one in a while.
This gives me a lot to ponder, thank you. And yes, you make a good point about it being common that many other (non spectrum) moms enable drug addicted children. I think that the reason I bring up the possible spectrum/low IQ is because it really alarms me how naive and venerable she is (like not having the big financial picture in mind...losing sight that she may not be able to pay for her necessities if she keeps giving him money).
I will discuss the POA/will idea with one of the brothers that has his act together with business, personal finance, etc. He is one of the older/dominant brothers.
Thank you for your thoughts...
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I wouldn't want to be in your MIL's shoes. She's getting hit from every side...from the drug abusing son who wants her money, the other brothers "confronting" her because she's giving him money, and possibly at their request she'll soon have her siblings confronting her, too. But she no longer has her husband to give her some emotional support. No wonder she's immersing herself in Frozen, puzzles, and laundry!
Just my opinion, but I think the family should do things to show that they care about HER and her well-being, and aren't just concerned about her money. Does anyone offer to help her around the house/yard, or do her children just call her to tell her what she's done wrong this time? She's got one son who is clearly only interested in her money, but are the other sons really showing her that they're all that different?
The other sons are very loving towards her (she doesn't seem to 'take in' their actions of love though), they stop by often to visit (she usually just watches TV while they want to converse), they fix her deck, get her wood and chop it for winter, collectively buy her new appliances (on Christmas, they got her a new dishwasher and she LITERALLY had no reaction. No thank you, no smile, just was like "do you want to hook it up tonight?" (monotone). The boys love their mom, it's been pretty hard to see her struggling with this and being so defensive and careless about this all. Plus everyone's concerned about the youngest brother too.
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In regards to her signs of aspergers, her strange behaviors have been life long. Her brother said she was a 'strange, non-typical, non-emotional girl.' Growing up my husband said she never showed ANY affection, no interest in their lives, never once told him that she loves them, or hugged them ever. She had her obsessions then. She would spend hours watching soap operas and playing puzzles, while her sons ran amok (one of her sons graduated high school and does not to this day know how to read!). She's monotone, shows no excitement except for when it's something she likes. She didn't cry at her husbands funeral, or another example is when my DD was having seizures/brain issues she babysat for us while we went for DD's MRI, and when we got home the only thing she said to us was "your kids sock drawers were really mismatched. I found this many (---) mismatched socks in his drawer. But I fixed it." No asking about DD's MRI. This is typical behavior of her. She's always been very venerable/naive and loans money (and usually doesn't get it back) to coworkers, family 'friends' etc.
And we do try to show her love, in her own way, like today I went over and conversed with her about her puzzles and food bank volunteering.
Just thought I would further explain her lifestyle/personality. I'm somewhat familiar with dementia, but after these explainations, does this still remind you of dementia, and if so, why? Thanks!!
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1. I think all of the siblings should know the dynamic of what is going on. Leaving the aspie end of things out of it---just say, "Brother has a drug problem, and mom is pulling money out of her 401K to pay for his daily habit. Also, she's gotten violent with the grandkids. What should we do, if anything? I just wanted to make sure everyone knew, especially since so many of you live out of town."
2. Early dementia warning bells are going off in my head. I'd look into senior support services in your area and see if they have any advice. The only way that you're likely to be able to curtail her bankrupting herself is to get a financial power of attorney over her or to convince her that this is a bad idea.
My husband and I have (privately) discussed her being aspie in the last year or so. He mentioned it to 2 out of the 5 brothers and they were somewhat in agreement, somewhat sceptical. Like I said, communication/complex thinking and emotions are not generally handled well with all the brothers, so up until this point, we haven't really fully put out our concerns that she has Asperger's with all the family. I think the general consensus would be denial, and possibly mocking us for thinking that MIL is a 'retard' or something to that extent (I think that's mindset of some of the brothers).
I think when family is interacting with her over money spent on druggie son, they are confused because a neurotypical person would NOT be acting like this (many in the family probably know close to nothing about the spectrum). There is a lot of frustration and confusion about how to deal with her.
So in summary, the aspie issue is not really talked about by the brothers, MIL has no clue she's an aspie and I just don't know if this issue (her asperger's and diagnosis possibly?) would help shed light on WHY the heck MIL is acting like this, or if it would stir up all sorts of other family drama while this is going on.
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My mother in law is 60 years old and I am almost 100% sure is a person with UN-diagnosed aspergers. (She is obsessed with Disney's Frozen, puzzles and laundry. She shows little emotion, has strange hygiene habbits, etc. etc. etc. I could go on about things that make us suspect she is an aspie.)
She has 6 sons and some (privately) agree that she may have it. (She is also a widow, now, which is making her self-regulation/life decisions more eradic since my FIL is not there to sensor).
***Family dynamic side note: most of the brothers are TERRIBLE at communication skills/critical thinking/emotions b/c of their upbringing with an undiagnosed aspie mom. Talking about her having asperger's in itself will be a mountain to climb...***
Her youngest son has developed a serious drug abuse problem. She is enabling him by still helping pay his bills, and if he calls her up for drug money she will give it to him, (KNOWING that it is going to his drugs). He now owes her about $8000 and she is tapping into her 401K/retirement money for him.
He calls her daily for money now. ($100 here and $50 the next day). When confronted by her other sons, her response it "It's my money, I can do what I want." And when told that her money to him maybe cause him to overdose and die her response is "oh well, if he overdoses, that's his problem."
She also has been displaying more outrages towards the grandkids due to her (?) lack of ability to cope, etc.etc. with all these complex family issues/emotions.
Would talking to the rest of the sons and discussing an actual diagnosis of aspergers HELP us to figure out this family dyfunction, or is that another battle for another day?
Any other suggestions for anything? Intervention? I feel like she has slipped past the medical communities help/therapy for so long and this is a serious issue that she cannot realisically cope with.
We were thinking calling her siblings and getting them to talk her out of this outrageous behavior, she probably would hang up the phone on them (they are long distance).
She is not in a great place financially (my FIL paid off the house and cars though--she is a part time lunch lady), and her giving him money is making it hard for her to pay for her medication, but she is just NOT seeing clearly and if very defensive/angry when we try to talk with her about it.
Help!! Thanks
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I'm so sorry...What a feeling of violation!! The bank should absolutely reimburse you and be able to do some detective work and establish how this happened. FYI we have zander iD insurance (recommended by Dave Ramsey) and it's about $12 a month for our whole family, they 'clean up the mess' when identity, and theft happens. Best wishes, I am so sorry this has happened.
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I love aquasana...my amazing chiropractor recommended them. Practical, affordable and does a great job...
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Im so sorry...My husband has had type 1 for 28 years...I call myself his 'secretary' and on days that I'm on the phone all day with insurance I remind him that his secretary needs a raise... :)
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Thanks for all the replies ladies! I have contacted the local school district and how they interpret the state law is he cannot get services since he is full time homeschool. I will look into lips...thanks
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My DS is 6.5 and has a diagnosed 'language impairment,' which looks like a speech delay, expressive problems (word recall) and I suspect is (moderate-highly) dyslexic....
My plan is to have him keep up with speech therapy, then when he can 'hear' and say the sounds phonetically correct, start Barton (Susan Barton, herself, recommended this order). We are working on Handwriting without Tears (capital letters) and he is just now beginning to remember the names of the letters. (His preschool speech teacher and I had been 'introducing' the alphabet for about 2 years to him and it never caught, it was all greek to him).
Current: I am feeling insecure that I'm not on the right 'time clock' and by not having him in public school special resources I am doing him a disservice. Just feeling overwhelmed and insecure in my abilities. I'm pretty sure that our local (small town) school district he would fall behind and they wouldn't give him what he actually needs and the pace he needs. Also, for religious reasons, I really don't want him in a public school environment. I know his strengths and weaknesses and how to work it, I'm just feeling unsure of what I'm doing (I feel like people around us are thinking 'he would be getting so much more help at a public school').
Also in the mix, my husband and a few of his brothers were pushed through the public school system locally and were never really helped. Their mom was also totally disengaged. My DH barely has any education, his brother graduated the local high school and cannot read. Yeah.
I'm kind of wandering through my rant, but just needing reassurance that I can indeed help my little guy best and if it's common to have insecurities like this. Thanks ladies...
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My DS is 10 and has Tourettes. His tics come and go in intensity, seems like lately the vocal tics have been minimal, but a few days ago, he developed a mouse-like squeek tic that is very loud and very high pitched. So, off to mass we went today. We sit up in the choir loft during mass because he tics less when around less people in church. ANNND,,,,,he squeeked all during church. He also threw in a few throat clearing mucous sounding tics. It was rough, but after being dx d for about 3 years now, we are used to Tourettes, but some tics are harder than others. One time his complex verbal tic was "Sasquatch is taking a leak, you better take a peak..." That one was funny. Guess you gotta laugh through the tears sometimes.
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I am so happy, Angelica, that your husband and you have come to an agreement. You are right that these are hard parenting issues that challenge a marriage and require communication that is difficult. I have a similar family situation and although it was hard to cut off family ties, it is best for my children and the other party involved are able adults that can deal with their own feelings/frustrations on the issue. I am mom, I help pave their future (physically, emotionally) by keeping them safe. Best wishes, another mama bear
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Hello, I will be moving from *totally* laid back Idaho HSing state to Washington state. I have looked on washhomeschool.org for general information. I have a decent idea in my head of what is needed by law. I'm just getting nervous because I haven't had to do any formal declarations or anything. Any advice from Washingtonians!? Thanks.
Also, if we are formally residents say on March 1st, should I do the declaration this year (it's almost over) or wait until the next year. I think compiling all of the needed things and getting testing, etc. would be stressful right after a move...
ps- my son is 9 and Tourettes and Aspergers and testing would realllly stress him out right after a move. Hopefully I can wait until fall!
Thanks Ladies
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Thanks for your comment. Yes, our little 5 year old son has pretty substantial dyslexia signs as well. When I order Barton, I am planning on experimenting on husband then son. ;)Dyslexia can run in families, so you might want to be on the look - out for early warning signs of it. The Learning Challenges and special needs boards here are terrific resources and support.
And just another idea... If your dear husband and you are willing, you might look into including his dyslexia remediation as part of your homeschooling. Maybe. He could be your guinea pig as you learn programs like LiPS and/or Barton. That would certainly change the dynamics and involve him in your homeschooling!
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He basically slipped through the cracks in the local PS. I would say his reading is about 5th grade level, writing/spelling/grammer about 3rd. Crazy, huh? His brother, who is now about 31, is illiterate. Cannot read a simple book, and yet they both graduated the local school system. Parents didn't care about their education, obviously. When I started h.schooling my 9 DS I started to think about helping my husband. Long story short, we researched dyslexia and bam! it all came together and made sense. I am planning on tutoring my husband in the Barton system this next year and hopefully that will give him more confidence and open up some doors for him professionally. He is a really brilliant guy.How did he go so long without realizing or someone noticing he had dyslexia? Are there programs for adults to help with that? I would totally hand off experiment, handicraft, PE time while he was up and at home. No matter what, I hope you find a moment for rest and renewal. We need that break, that refreshment.
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We are finding our way with homeschooling--its a journey for sure. My 9 DS is an English/language guy. His fantasy would be staying up all night reading the Story of the World books. He despises math. We had him in a classical private school k-3.5, took him out half way through the school year because of some health issues. The school used Saxon math exclusively (I like Saxon also because it's no frills, methodical) and I am using Saxon at home to ease transition, etc. Long term, I really want to stick with Saxon because it seems like a great black and white system and I like the script for parents. The problem is that for various reasons, DS just HATES math. Every time I bring it up he groans, moans and so forth. I think part of it is that in school before he was a little behind the class curve and he didn't feel in his zone, the teacher harbored a secret hatred for Saxon (maybe the kids got a negative vibe from her hatred of it?), and she and his 2nd gr. teacher would use math fact sheets as punishment. For example, if he talked excessively in class, he would get a '100s' sheet, consisting of 100 math facts on top of his normal homework. The tears, etc. would happen. My plan is to re evaluate his appropriate math level (we are on Saxon 3, and I'm thinking we need to backtrack some for better understanding). I've tried to explain the importance/life applications of math--and that some people love math, and hate LAs--he said "that's ridiculous!" lol. I'm also going to try and focus on using a fun "rehab" math book like Sylvan Learning Math book from Costco that has fun games, pics, etc. and gently integrate Saxon back in. I honestly don't have the ability/money or time to investigate too many other math programs. Is that ignorant and stubborn? I feel overwhelmed in general with our life right now, how does one go about trying out/seeing other math programs without the investment, how does that all work? Thanks
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I was having slow thyroid/adrenal glands, and instead of going with meds, I got onto Dr. Christopher's Adrenal Supplements and Thyroid Support. Amazon has many reviewers love it, and people that were not responding well to typical meds have seen good results. Good luck! If anything, you are making healthy changes, even if it's not showing up at the scale...Stick with it!!Checking in ladies. I haven't been posting much here because there is nothing to post. I'm feeling loads better than I was in June but my weight loss is stalled. I've been bouncing back and forth in the same range for a month now. I'm much more active. I'm exercising; biking, kayaking, walking, yoga, HIIT, strength training (not all at once)- ironically or not. I'm feeling better, sleeping better and moving more but the stupid numbers aren't moving. My inches are the same as well. I know I'm building muscle but cannot get rid of the fat! However, by the most important measures I'm doing better.
Dh is losing at a steady clip and is down over 30 lbs from when he first started a few months ago and almost down 20 lbs from his start at the end of June. He is still motivated and feeling better.
So ironic that I'm helping him lose weight but I cannot myself. I got some of my thyroid results back and I have had some improvement but my numbers aren't quite what they need to be. I want to ask him about my meds. I have less than 2 wks until my appt so I'll just wait until then. I had thought it was the benadryl and it went down a bit after going off but I've not went down any more at all and keep bouncing around, which brings me back to the fact that I haven't lost any since decreasing my meds. I started tracking my food. I'm eating about the same calories which was leading to a loss before. I should be losing a little bit but I'm not.
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I was a *serious* coffee drinker (aka former barista) and I also needed to give it up for my adrenal health. I started drinking do* matcha green tea, and I've actually converted! It has amazing health benefits and energy...good luck!!!Current weight 189.3 lb
I lost a pound-ha!
Goal: 140 lb
Trying: LCHF, low carb high fat, low carb, no carb, paleo sort of.
Still starting out so am learning. Basically no refined sugars or
flours, no peanuts, no potatoes, no fruit juice.
Goal: seriously cut down on milk intake as I think I am allergic.
Goal: give up coffee. It messes with my sleep and then I am
exhausted the next day and starving and no energy. I can't tell
the difference between my exhaustion from being unhealthy
or my exhaustion from lack of sleep--I am sure they are related
in all sorts of ways.
Goal: move for 1 non-stop hour each day. Cleaning the house counts.
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Thanks everyone for your suggestions! I contemplated all the suggestions today and I feel better having mulled them over. Yay for mama-help! Sometimes it's hard to see the clear solution from the inside. Thanks all!
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My DH has fairly severe dyslexia (we just kinda realized it recently), so that complicates things a little. But yes, he does like to do hands on project/building/experiments and also dad/kid PE time. ;)Could you hand over a subject or two to your DH?
Rod & Staff 5 English ease of teaching?
in K-8 Curriculum Board
Posted
Thanks for the replys