NewIma
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Posts posted by NewIma
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On 2/3/2024 at 12:45 AM, popmom said:
We are struggling similarly. My dd is a senior though, so it's too late for her (for high school). The pandemic really ruined any chances of a normal high school experience (homeschooled). I feel so guilty that our family had to take COVID seriously while all of her peers were getting back to life as usual by the end of 2020.
Currently, my older dd's are making suggestions like creating a "group me" for her co-op classes, and then emailing and/or irl inviting fellow classmates to join--just as a way to communicate less awkwardly. She wants to go to her senior prom, but has zero friends currently. Older dds are telling her that she is not the only one in her classes that feels the way she does. But everyone is afraid to do something. That is why they are telling her to start a group me.
It seems like everyone already has a friend group. And they definitely can't be bothered to include anyone else.
I volunteered to be one of the senior coordinators for our co-op. I co-hosted a football game party at my house in the fall. We had a decent amount of kids show up. Everyone seemed to have a good time, but... no lasting connections were made. That SUCKS.
My older 3 were really involved in church and/or their cover school. They had friends and plenty of opportunities to socialize. It has just been so different for my youngest. Most of the time she is okay, but she does feel like she is missing out sometimes. I have tried to get her involved in extracurriculars, but she shoots down all my ideas.
You must feel so conficted about this. There is no easy button. And no guarantee that being in school will make your child less lonely. It really depends on their personality, I think.
I'm so sorry you guys are struggling with this too. It is so difficult, and so frustrating to keep putting in so much effort to build teen community and not having it develop.
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On 2/2/2024 at 3:15 PM, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:
Are there friends outside of the homeschool community? I was homeschooled but my mom never really fit in with the local homeschoolers so we didn’t do a lot of that after a certain point. We did community theater, a choir thing that had a lot of homeschoolers but also a lot of public schoolers, youth programs at the library, my sisters did a ski club thing.
My kids are thriving in all different kinds of schools right now, and honestly, whatever you decide to do—it will be okay. Also, it doesn’t seem to matter where the teen is schooled; they seem to just want to be home and not go anywhere or hang out. My own teen and tween included. I am sure screens are a big part of this but it is so different than when I was a teen(30 years ago but still).
Thanks for this. It does seems like kids are less invested in hanging out with friends in general. I'm guessing it is screens too...
She is in lots of other activities-dance, girl scouts, youth group, etc. But none of those things seem to lead to more intentional relationships. The other kids have school friends they see everyday and another kid they see 1x a week is more of an afterthought. There is no malice in that! Just that they are naturally going to prioritize the kids they see everyday.
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I was homeschooled from 3rd-12th. I've homeschooled my kids from the beginning and the are now dd17 in 11th grade, and dd13 in 7th grade. Dd17 will graduate as a homeschooler and wants to become a Medical Laboratory Scientist. I am proud of the education my kids have received and for the freedom homeschooling has given them.
Now I am thinking of sending my dd13 to public High School. I am so tired. Not of homeschooling, but how freaking hard it is for my kids to find friends. We don't fit into the large conservative Christian homeschool communities in our area. If we did there might be enough teens in our circle to make friends. As it is, we know 4-6 homeschooled teens and they couldn't really be bothered. They don't respond to texts. They don't make plans. They would rather be home alone. My kid always has to initiate everything. Other parents don't seem to care either. It all feels so forced and awful. My dd17 honestly doesn't have a single real friend. She has tried so hard. She is lovely and welcoming and funny. The other homeschooled teens just can't be bothered with putting any effort into friendships.
I don't want to put my dd13 through this. It isn't fair. I always thought I would homeschool forever, but we are going to a charter school open house for her next week. I can give her a better education at home, but having friends does matter. I'm heartbroken, but too exhausted to keep fighting this fight.
Thanks for listening.
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My dd12 and I still like to get cozy and enjoy Christmas picture books together. We have, however, one problem. She doesn't like Christmas stories that make their readers teary. Her favorite is Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree and we read that over and over last year as she doesn't want to read my other favorites. For those who like emotional Christmas stories, my list of favorites is below! Please share any suggestions you have for books to expand our Happy Christmas repertoire! Picture books through middle grade novels all appreciated!
Fabulous Emotional Christmas Stories:
The Clown of God by Tomie dePaola
Christmas Tapestry by Patricia Polacco
Uncle Vova's Tree by Patricia Polacco
The Miracle of Jonathan Toomey by Wojciechowski
The Christmas Day Kitten by James Herriot
The Gifts of the Magi by O. Henry
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I've put together my list of materials that I've used to teach my children American History, and thought someone else may find it useful. It contains living books, documentaries, novels, and films to engage kids 3rd grade-8th grade in US History. I hope it helps someone!
American History Upper Elementary/Middle School Book List
Indigenous Stories:
Turtle Island: The Story of North America’s First People by Yellowhorn
Birchbark House Series by Louise Eldrich
Kaya American Girl Series
Jamestown-Early Colonists:
Written in Bone by Walker
1607: A New Look at Jamestown by Lange
Pocahontas by Jones
Colonial Period:
Bound for America by Haskins
Building a New Land by Haskins
Women of Colonial America by Miller
Fort Moses by Turner
Revolutionary War:
King George: What Was His Problem? By Sheinkin
Shh! We’re Writing the Constitution by Fritz
Yellow Fever:
An American Plaque by Murphy
Lewis and Clark Expedition:
Lewis and Clark PBS documentary
War of 1812:
The War of 1812 PBS Documentary
Star Spangled by Grove
Slavery:
Jefferson’s Sons by Bradley
Harriet Tubman: Conductor of the Underground Railroad by Petry
The Life of Frederick Douglas by Walker
The Civil War:
Two Miserable Presidents by Sheinkin
Pink and Say by Polacco
Gettysburg: The Graphic Novel by Butzer
The Address Documentary
Suffrage:
Rightfully Ours by Hollihan
Child Labor:
Kids at Work: Hines by Freedman
Newsies Movie
Counting on Grace by Winthrop
David Copperfield Masterpiece Theatre
World War 1:
The War to End All Wars by Freedman
Treaties, Trenches, Mud, and Blood by Hale
Prohibition/20’s:
What were the Roaring 20’s? by Mortlock
The Dragon’s Child by Yep
Against the Odds: The Artists of the Harlem Renaissance PBS Documentary
Harlem Stomp by Laban Carrick Hill
Poetry for Young People Langston Hughes
Depression/New Deal:
What Was the Great Depression? by Pascal
Bud, Not Buddy by Curtis
Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken Movie
World War 2:
Attack on Pearl Harbor by Shelley Tanaka
What was Pearl Harbor? By Demuth
Who Were the Tuskegee Airmen? By Smith
What Was D-Day? By Demuth
Diary of Anne Frank
Civil Rights Movement:
My Story: Rosa Parks Autobiography
Through My Eyes by Ruby Bridges
Who Was Martin Luther King Jr.? by Bader
What Was the March on Washington? by Krill
The Cold War:
What Was the Berlin Wall? By Medina
The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain by Sis
The Butter Battle Book by Seuss
Balloon (movie)
Vietnam:
What was the Vietnam War? By O’Connor
Space Race:
Who Was Neil Armstrong? By Edwards
Hidden Figures film
Apollo 13 film with Tom Hanks
80’s:
Who Was Ronald Reagan? By Milton
What is the AIDS Crisis by Medina
90’s and 2000’s:
What Were the Twin Towers? By O’Connor
What Was Hurricane Katrina? By Koontz
President Obama’s Victory Speech
Dream Big Dreams by Souza
Who is Hillary Clinton? by Alexander
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I hope it went smoothly today. We just discovered my dd15 has a huge lip tie. We had a horrible time for the first 3 months of nursing and now I wonder now if this lip tie is why? We discovered the lip tie, 15 years later, because the lip tie was so strong it has pulled the gum down off her bottom front teeth. She had gum grafting done last week to repair the damage. I'm glad this is on your radar and that you are getting it checked out!
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I am on my second Mirena and will encourage my kids to get one. Insertion is easiest during your period, as the cervix is slightly open. Both times i had a brief sharp pain (2 seconds) and then mild period like cramping for less than 24 hours. My periods started getting lighter immediately and after a year I only had very very light spotting for a day, every 3 or 4 months. I no longer have PMS or cramps. It has been glorious!
The Mirena is more effective than even a vasectomy!
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Sending huge hugs your way. I have lived that struggle and it is heart wrenching. It feels like drowning 24/7. My dd16 struggled from severe anxiety and extreme unsafe meltdowns from the age of 4. I was afraid of medication and intervention, and didn't seek outside help until she was 11. She should have been on medication from the age of 8 at least. It has not been an easy road, and she still struggles with anxiety, but she is now a happy kid who enjoys life. Medication literally gave her a quality life. I know it is scary, but I remember holding dh 2 weeks after dd started medication and crying in relief that our child was having this painful burden lessened.
One thing to tuck away is that there could also be a mood disorder component in addition to the anxiety. It took us years to figure out that piece, and it has made a huge difference for dd.
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7 hours ago, Katy said:
I’ll be the voice of dissent. I’m not sure you can have a close friendship without seeing & talking more than that. Do they text or chat online constantly? If not the other girls may see her more as acquaintances than friends. That’s a problem I’d think warrants therapy. OTOH, if all the girls are similar introverts and she gets invited to things like birthday parties, it may be fine.
I've thought about this too. If the friends were in public school, 1x a week would feel to them like they were acquaintances for sure. These friends are also homeschooled and I know the affection goes both ways. Dd is not a fan of texting, but they do do some.
There was some conservative parenting book a while ago that was all about how to keep your kid more bonded to you in their teens than to peers. I never read it but I think it was discussed here. I never wanted that, but somehow I ended up with their ideal scenario. LOL
DD still needs a lot of scaffolding in most areas of her life-academics, social, etc and I beat myself up that somehow that is my fault and that somehow I created that situation. In my kinder (to myself) moments, I think, this is where my kid is at, and she is just going to need a little more time, and that is ok.
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Thank you all. She is happy. I will hold onto that and work on letting my anxieties go.
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I was homeschooled from 3rd-12th and was very social. I was always making my own plans, talking on the phone to friends, etc. My dd16 has mental health struggles, including severe anxiety, which she is in ongoing treatment for. That, along with covid, has gotten us to a point where she takes almost no initiative to see friends. She has two good friends we see once a week so no arranging is needed. She is busy with Girl Scouts, Youth Group, and dance classes. She enjoys these activities but makes no effort to build relationships with the kids in her activities outside of the programs. She seems happy seeing her 2 good friends 1x a week and otherwise hanging out with us. For a long time I kept trying to organize friend events for her, but I've stopped. Is this within the realm of normal? Should I keep worrying or let it go?
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I am holding you all in my thoughts. One option to explore for quick cash is donating plasma. Unfortunately, you wouldn't qualify, but your husband and daughter might. The 1st month you can usually make close to $1000 with bonuses, and after that around $500 a month.
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4 hours ago, Terabith said:
Oh yes. Guidance counselors. Assistant principals. It’s very well known. I was told by administration that they weren’t allowed to teach anything, even incidentally, after state testing because of equity.
Do you have any further insight on what they mean by this? How is equity compromised by learning after testing?
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5 hours ago, regentrude said:
One more thought, as I have wrestled extensively with the midlife issues in the recent past years:
One message middle-aged women are often hearing from media (and the self-help-book industry that thrives on this clientele being miserable) is to delve deep into our psyches to "find" ourselves, spend time journaling and introspecting, discover "purpose" and "meaning". I found that this kept me just in a state of being miserable and depressed. For me, the key to a fulfilled mid-life was to just do the things that bring me joy, without worrying over the meaning and purpose of life. The rest will follow just fine.
I find the culture of excessive navel-gazing to be detrimental to psychological well-being.Do things that bring you joy. That about sums it up! Thank you
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1 hour ago, elegantlion said:
I started college in my 40s, more as a response to real crisis (super messy divorce) rather than mid life. A decade later, I'm still in school, getting my PhD in medieval English history. I have no idea what kind of job I'll have when I graduate. It won't be teaching (that was never my goal). I'm toying with some ideas, and now that I have time to breathe this summer, I'm exploring some. I don't necessarily recommend this path, lol.
In the process of schooling and being able to invest in myself for the first time since I was a teenager has been weird and gratifying. Along the way, I've picked up some other interests:
- learning languages - most of these are long-term goals, but along the way I've learned Latin and French (albeit badly). I've studied a smattering of Old Norse, Old English, Anglo-Norman French.
- Music - I had just bought a guitar when I got divorced then I had to sell it to pay the bills. I recently bought a new one and started again. I also have a keyboard that I use mostly for stress relief playing.
- punching bag - it's not set up right now but that has been great for stress relief and cardio.
Most of my adventures are more for the mind as my budget is small and I have some health issues that limit my outdoor activities. I'm in my mid 50s now and really feel like I'm just living another life.
Medieval English History sounds absolutely fascinating! My mom homeschooled us and then went to college to become an RN. It feels like she has had two different lives too-both super fulfilling and interesting!
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4 hours ago, smfmommy said:
I haven't read all the replies and don't have suggestions. BUT I do have an encouraging example. My mother got her master's in psychiatric nursing (so she could start a new career in teaching), visited Africa 5 times, taught in Vietnam for a month, and went to Venezuela. All after turning 50.
What an amazing woman!!! Thank you for sharing!!
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9 hours ago, Murphy101 said:
Contemplate divorce. Seriously. If the marriage is good, that’s great. If it isn’t, it’s time to change that. And if it’s abusive, you are never too old to live free. It’s also not too late to decide to love each other again.
Plan for your interests just like you do for the kids extracurriculars.
Make your home a haven for you
travel with girlfriends at least once a year at least once state away or further for a week
walk more
swim more (learn scuba diving. I’ve only ever met one scuba diver I didn’t like)
worry less (always a challenge!)
Daily mass is a balm to the soul few in the world can avail themselves of - don’t squander the chance.
Tap into all kinds of feeds to see what’s going on around your town state or wherever. And if it’s something you can do - just go do it. It doesn’t have to be big to be great fun and good memories. Maybe it’s a tourist site maybe it’s a painting glass. Last month I discovered I can take free stained glass classes locally. Who knew?!
I love the idea of making my home a haven, and daily mass! I actually was confirmed on Mother's Day in the Episcopal Church (20+ years after I took Confirmation classes!). Our church has a short service with communion on Wednesdays, and that might be a wonderful thing to add to my schedule.
And free stained glass classes?!?!?!?! How cool!!! Please share a pic once you make a project!
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11 hours ago, TexasProud said:
Honestly, it doesn't matter what you plan. Life circumstances will prevent it. I used to think empty nest would be such an exciting, adventurous time. No. Taking care of parents with health issues, spouse with health issues, pandemics, hundreds of our children and other innocents being gunned down. I am tired of fighting for fun and adventure. I am still doing it, but the lighthearted play I thought would be there, just isn't. Whenever, I relax and do something fun, the other shoe falls. I can never ever let my guard down.
Make the list. Just know. It won't change anything.
I'm sorry you are struggling so much. We've been stuck too for a long time dealing with my dd's mental health struggles. Sending good thoughts your way.
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12 hours ago, Bootsie said:
It sounds counterintuitive, but I have also found returning to something from my youth can be invigorating--taking ballet classes again, doing a crochet project that my grandmother taught me as a child, re-reading a novel I enjoyed in my early 20's, cooking my grandmother's cake that I haven't eaten in years... It can be a way of recapturing joy, remembering what types of things brought happiness before life was so busy, while at the same time providing a reminder of how much I have grown and changed.
How true is that! I am rereading The Secret Garden to my youngest right now, and it brings me such pure joy!
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12 hours ago, HomeAgain said:
Do what makes you happy and has you feel life.
Things I have done in the past 5 years:
-cut off my hair
-traveled
-learned a new skill (and then another, and another..)
-went back to school
-volunteered
-tried a LOT of new foods (food subscription services are good for this!)
-took up a new exercise
-climbed mountains
-instituted new traditions
-wrote
You just have to find what might bring you joy, even in a little way.
Love this! Any food subscriptions you have particularly enjoyed?
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13 hours ago, Ottakee said:
I have done a lot in the past few years.
i added some pod casts that make me think deeply.
i took up mountain biking….in my case it is mostly riding a mountain bike through easy wooded trails with just a few small hills, but it is fun.
i have taken up hiking and even backpacking. There is something g powerful about time out on nature and carrying everything you need to survive for a few days on your back. This weekend 2 friends and I hiked 18 miles on 24 hours and only passed ONE person that entire time….on a holiday weekend.
I started DDPY yoga just over 2 years ago and lost 50 pounds and have kept it off. Great for strength and balance and so doable and easy to modify has needed.
I am doing a 1000 hours outside and 1000 miles outside challenge. I completed both last year. This year I am not as far along but it is still a great challenge…..even do 100 hours or miles and enjoy the memories.
i am trying to connect with people I care about on a more regular basis….from watching my son’s bio brothers boys once a month over night to visiting a 90 year old friend to chatting with overseas friends on line.
I am working on downsizing my house and wardrobe and keeping just what I love and use. When I need something I am trying to buy stuff I love that is quality and not just something to get by with. For example 3 pairs of jeans that I love vs 6 pair that are just OK. And right now my favorites are the Walmart brand so it doesn’t have to be expensive.
i am working on Duolingo to learn more Spanish to be able to even converse a tiny bit with many in my community.
and as to a tattoo….I am wanting to get a very small butterfly one.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful list! I love how you are prioritizing being outdoors and connecting with those you love. Wonderful!
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15 hours ago, regentrude said:
Travel is good. So is taking classes. Or taking up a new instrument or sport.
For me, the most important thing was to deeply think about what I wanted to do with the second half of my adult life, (re)discover my passion, and start working on it seriously.
In my late 40s/early 50s, I resumed rock climbing, took up kayaking, began taking classes towards a possible 2nd degree, and became a poet.
How wonderful second half of life adventures! ! I think the question of what I want to do with the second half of my life is exactly what I'm starting to wrestle with.
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18 hours ago, MissLemon said:
I'm a little cynical tonight, so maybe I'm being a sour puss, but what do you hope to get out of your "adventure"? And what do you mean by "adventure"?
I think I am looking for a little more joie de vivre. Everything has felt so stagnant for so long and I want to shake things up again.
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19 hours ago, Spryte said:
My mini mid-life change/new habits involved improving diet, exercise, changing up the wardrobe a bit, trying some new products, and adding new scents (I discovered niche perfumes). DH and I formed some new habits, too, with more time for hanging out and having fun together.
I've started doing a little of this too! Trying to add some healthier habits, and starting to wear earrings and mascara every day. It feels really nice. Care to share some links for what you mean by niche perfumes! That sounds intriguing!
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Giving Up
in The Chat Board
Posted
Thank you for this. I've been grieving and processing all week and told myself this yesterday. I homeschooled because it was the best path I could offer my kids at the time. If public school is better for her now, that is continuing to give dd the best situation for her at this time.