The OP said the student has good scholarships and grants, "so there's minimal debt." This may be a reasonable assumption, but debt comes from a lot of directions that none of us can accurately assess from outside of the situation. I prefer to assume parents are trying to give some good advice, but stink at it.

Debt is the issue, not the dream. When future freedoms are being leveraged against present fulfillment, the choice will necessarily undergo more scrutiny. Not because the dream is a bad dream, but because of the cost to a future you. I have to believe this is what most parents are about when the issue of choosing a program arises, though they may not articulate it well.

But from a parent's perspective, she's taking on debt to become a teacher. She's taking on debt to become a teacher in the midst of a teacher shortage and educational crisis in our country. And, she is going into a field that gets cut first when budgets need tweaking. I dislike a purely utilitarian approach to college education - I have my MA and am thankful for it - but I agree with Maize. The landscape has changed significantly and is forcing this issue. N.B. That anyone should have to take on debt to become a teacher right now is wild to me.

I'll play a bit of devil's advocate here b/c there's a brand of Super Senioring on the rise in my community and I only hear the benefits, not the cost. Here's what I'm seeing - in/around the spring of a high school student's 10th grade year, a family decides to pursue a super senior year. Immediately, some academic pressure is relieved, but socially it creates difficulties kids/parents aren't anticipating. The assumption is that everything stays the same for the student and there's just an extra year to enjoy friends, athletics, and do all the academic stuff. But, the social landscape changes dramatically in high school as seniors leave. Moving through those goodbyes and first-time college experiences with your anticipated class is a huge support. This is the time of year the reality dawns for many students that life is moving on and *their high school experience* has an expiration date even if they stay an extra year, b/c nothing stays the same. I also have concerns about the pressure Super Senioring places on the parental/adult child relationship. Families with the best of intentions can slip into enabling a young adult's comforts and preferences to a point that is not in the young adult's best interest. The general concern I have with Super Senioring is the increasing mindset that there's some inherent value in extending high school and adolescence - one more year at home will give the child what they need to succeed. Without substantive goals and a plan that the young adult is genuinely committed to, the natural drive to discover personal responsibility/independence suffers.

Kids! 🙃 DH and I have no military background and this kid started telling me at 13 he wanted to go to USAFA (still waiting on news there). But USMA is an incredible place with an awesome program DS is keen on. It’s so wild!

DS was just appointed to the US Military Academy at West Point!!! He’s hoping Air Force Academy may have good news in a few weeks, but looks like he’s definitely going to basic this summer!

I think doing some fourth year math is helpful esp where ACT is concerned - it keeps the math brain primed. DS (senior) pulled out two extra points in the math section this past Oct and I don't believe that wouldve happened had we dropped a fourth year math.

Hi, there! Im on my phone and can’t type well, but wanted to offer encouragement. I am mom to an only and am at the end of our 14 year homeschooling journey! I wouldn’t trade it! It was wonderfully special. I have found many families in homeschooling who may have large families, but a caboose kiddo, or large gap between siblings, which created an “only” dynamic. So you’ll find more people than just one kid families trying to solve the same puzzle. Social relationships are going to be important for you and your dd. And, they take work. However, keeping that need in perspective is important. Social relationships should not come at the expense of a child’s safety, family culture, and education. But, they will cost you time, effort, and convenience - a cost well worth paying! We joined a once/week coop I wasn’t completely sold on academically, but which met the need of the moment with the least cost to other spheres of family life. You make it work. I have no regrets! My kid is happy and well adjusted. I hope that is encouraging to anyone with an only considering homeschooling!

Your mil has pancreatic cancer? That changes a lot in terms of the support I would expect from my dh. And that would change the expectations I have of myself/ homeschooling. Too, family farming is a unique family culture dynamic and dils have a tough row to hoe! The right boundaries are important, and I think they look more personal - getting serious about carving out time for you to be you with your family, friends, interests. This cultivates a sense of freedom instead of feeling trapped. But it does require personal agency, consideration, and planning.

DS usually forwards me the emails he knows are important, but that is the problem - he’s not always clear on what’s important! Lol. I was lamenting to dh yesterday about how much of my time is spent communicating with ds about emails. Who sent what, who he responded to, who he needs to follow up with, etc.

@Clemsondana My kid found the same for our state tech school and Embry Riddle - once accepted, all emails are through their system. He added each email to his outlook account, which at least pulls all the emails to one screen. Not his preference, though.

Frustration is understandable. My 17 yo commutes an hour to a university where his instructor routinely cancels class 20 minutes prior to start time. DS is frustrated, but knows the only thing he can do at this point is drop the class or simply work for what he needs. This week, that included an email to the instructor letting her know his unique situation as a commuter and the difficulty he is experiencing surrounding last minute class cancelations. The instructor may not give a flying flip, but my priority for DS as a 17 yo who is leaving home next fall is is that he gains experience problem solving and communicating. WRT office hours… Inquiry is the means for discerning grading criteria or if an instructor is utterly unreasonable, in which case, dropping the course would be clear. I press on this issue b/c most students, in our DE experience, take a passive approach to their education and never engage with their instructors. So much so that when DS calls his calculus instructor, or shows up at office hours, it has always always been to his benefit - but it wasn’t his first inclination. He’d love to stay atop his high horse most days. 😂

As one who came very close to reaching out to a department head over a similar DE issue, I recommend shifting focus. THIS is the greatest lesson your kid will take out of DE - learning to press in with an instructor, call/visit during office hours, ask good questions, follow up, communicate, etc. Ime, pre reqs like comp 1 are aimed at honoring attendance policy, turning in assignments on time, and functional writing skills at best. Students rate this prof highly b/c the bar is low and they walked away with an A, not b/c they were challenged or surprised when final grades were issued. Shifting from content driven focus to that of helping DS hone life skills has been most helpful to me where DE is concerned.

I didn’t read your posts as judgmental @Dianthus I don’t think anyone in this thread has advocated for extremes in terms of social activities. Rather, most recognize the pattern every family experiences periodically of being over extended and needing to re-evaluate priorities and activities. Social activities are great, but mom, relationships, and basic expectations re school are the wheels on the bus, so to speak. Stopping the bus to fix a tire or two is a normal aspect of homeschool family life and not a place to camp out forever.

Being aware that living next door to your in-laws affects things... Being aware, generally speaking, of homeschool abuse scenarios and social needs as represented by your public schooling relatives... I think this represents a lot of fretting that isn't helping you, especially if you find yourself susceptible to suggestion in this stage of parenting. Your oldest runs to grandma's without asking. So, get grandma on board - "Grandma, if it's before 1PM, please send him back home as he hasn't finished school work." Get specific like this about the problem and make a plan. I would encourage you to lay down the "concerns" for a bit and prioritize consistent school times and relationships with your children. Once you have a routine established life is SO MUCH EASIER. As Clemsondana referenced above, when the kids are working with you, that enables you to consider opening your schedule to social activities.

You can do something about this. Activities need to be evaluated in light of your most pressing responsibility - relationships and education. What I wouldn’t do is cast this dynamic as 90% a child problem and go torched earth on the children. This dynamic isn’t their fault. It needs to change, but not without a parent owning their responsibility for the current dynamic. This form of disrespect from your children is not abuse. While I agree with greenbean’s broader point re disrespect, you are not the victim of unruly children. The responsibility is yours, mama, utterly. I dont say that without knowing exactly how heavy it lands - but I know from experience that owning my responsibilities to my family produced the most change. You are literally teaching children how to go through their day, who is in charge, and what you expect of them. All kids without structure and responsibilities are turds. So, get in there and lead by example.

Before the cut - I would encourage a consult with a good stylist. Stylists don't make a living by making drastic changes for clients who then hate it. A good stylist will look at the cut, look at your DD, and make suggestions that your DD may LOVE or HATE. Good to know in advance BEFORE a drastic change. After the cut - I would consider my role to be focused on my kid wearing their decision with confidence rather than regret. What's done is done and no one knows that better than a woman who made a drastic hair decision. 🙂

Knowing when your mom finished up would be really good info, if that's available to you. But I would actually discourage bloodwork - just from the perspective of managing your expectations. If your FSH is elevated, bloodwork just confirms what you already know - that you are heading toward menopause. But even that isn't a guarantee - FSH and estradiol can fluctuate wildly during peri and a hormone panel is just a snapshot of what's going on at that specific point in time. It isn't helpful beyond a general affirmation that yep... meno is on the way. The next month, things could look very different. Big frustrating sympathies. If you're faithful with your annual exam, I'd say you're doing the most you can do. One concern is that you may be experiencing breakthrough bleeding, not an actual ovulatory period. If that's the case, the estrogen your ovaries are able to produce builds up lining in the uterus across months which eventually cannot sustain itself and sluffs off - inefficiently. As long as you are getting regular pap smears to check for hyperplasia, you're likely fine.

This conversation is an impossible one because context matters. As the OP points out and others, our places of residence, our cities, our spouses. It all builds a framework for how we perceive the world around us. I love that the OP is questioning her motives, trying to draw her concerns into a realistic framework. I'd love to see the same of those who are coming into an awareness that their behaviors may cause concern to their neighbors. It's a two way street of understanding. Just because something is legal doesn't justify it as non creepy. Just something to be mindful of as anxiety has been a massive issue post covid. Just my $.02

I think it’s important to contextualize the issue in terms of anxiety/insecurity b/c most parents know that 15 year olds need increasing levels of independence. Her behavior is not the norm for parents of lesser or greater parenting experience. Framing it that way will lead you to make communication decisions that don’t help a situation where anxiety is concerned - just be careful there. 😉

Having been in a similar position once, changing the dynamic required me to operate from a place that felt really horrid. What I hear in the comments is what I know to be true, too. You have to operate differently than your natural mode where someone’s insecurity and anxiety are concerned. I set a once/week boundary for communication to intentionally insert distance. I ditched the twice a week shared activity for a season and opted for another program across town. And then I scheduled other things with other friends and invited the anxious person and her child to a few of these events - we really did enjoy their friendship in smaller doses. I kept to my boundary and responded once a week, even to the “havent heard from you” sentiments with reassuring responses and those invites to events planned a few weeks out. I really tried. Unfortunately, it didn’t end well. The anxiety/insecurity drove her to kvetch to our loosely shared friend group - about me - where she started a whole thing that was nuts. I dont do that kind of drama and peaced out. As others have said, I would intentionally insert distance now between you and this mom, before things become further entrenched. It makes it that much harder for the anxious or insecure mom to handle the distance graciously and gor it not to impact the kid relationships. It’s so sad and it’s so hard!

Just to zoom out here for a sec — Whether we all agree on the speech/fine arts designation is irrelevant. The fine arts options available to you as homeschool parent are those you can justify on a transcript given your state homeschool requirements and the university your kid will apply to. In my school district, speech is designated as a fine art. My state does not stipulate graduation requirements for homeschool students. Zero of the schools my kid is applying to - even his two stem reach schools - emphasize a fine arts credit for admission. However, I think fine arts make for a well rounded human being and applicant. These factors give me a lot of wiggle room to pursue courses, like speech, that benefit my student practically and I can justify as “fine arts” on a stem focused application. I take those opportunities and run with them. 😉 Zooming back in - speech is not merely public speaking. Our forensics club speech categories include platform, limited prep, and interpretive speech categories. Some very clearly fall under a dramatics umbrella. Even seemingly less “dramatic” categories like platform can be dramatic depending on the speech. Characterization and blocking were huge components of DS’s informative speech this year. 😉

Agree with the poster above. Consider speech, which usually qualifies as a fine arts credit - focus on impromptu speaking, presentation content, delivery, and interview skills. Very practical and gets kids thinking about how to present themselves physically and socially. We have a local speech club, too, which has been really enjoyable.

Thank you so much for adding the bit about the counselor letter. Def what I was thinking, but the confirmation helps. Re the CFA, any advice on when to schedule the CFA? DS has been working on it diligently since Feb. He started in the 40s for a basketball throw and just broke 63 ft. Mile time is now sub 7:00 and he's still working on it. Slow and steady!

First, thank you for this response! Great questions. You are correct - we've tried every which way to get Calculus in prior to, or concurrently with, calc based physics. Not an option. This summer is jam packed with equally important Academy items. Pre req is calc 1 for our community college's calc based physics course, and there's no budging on that. All of our science courses were outsourced and honors level - Chemistry was his only B+. He made As in physics and bio. The physics course was probably the most difficult course he has ever taken and the instructor of that course completed one SOE for USMA and will complete another for USAFA. DS's strengths: history, writing/languages, physics - transcript and ACT backs this up. Weakest area is math with one B+ in Alg 2 and it is his lowest section score on the ACT. This is where I think the emphasis next semester should favor Calculus 1 rather than trying to throw in an additional science. Knowing DS, he'd do awesome in the CC alg-based physics course, but Calc 1 might suffer due to time constraints and his interest in physics dictating what he prioritizes. Though, Alg based physics would keep him doing tons of algebra, which would likely help his speed on the ACT (timing is his issue). Pros/Cons. If anything stands out as an "absolutely, do that" let me know. Objectivity is hard to come by because it all seems important. Ah, and yes. DS is completing two computer science courses this year at a CC. He has already completed the two recommended college writing courses. Leadership and Athletics are solid.