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*Alyssa*

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  1. As an orphaned child and former foster child, I'd like to chime in, if I may. Depending on his background, he may not understand "I love you" the way you do. You don't say how old he is, but it is possible he is still grieving in a way you cannot see. He very well could be oblivious to the fact he's not saying it in return or it could be a sign he is grieving more than you realize. Only you will be able to figure that out. I wouldn't compare a foster child to any other child, because being taken away from all you ever knew is traumatizing. Every child's story is different and unique to them. As a foster/adoptive parent, I wouldn't take it personally, but see it as an opportunity to help him heal and grow. If you do well with verbal affirmations, I wouldn't ask him directly about why he doesn't say it, but ask him lighthearted general questions such as, "Tell me about what you love the most. Why do you love ______?" From there, I'd encourage him with positive affirmations about the thing he says he loves the most. If you want to be even less direct, switch "love" with "like". If you create an automosphere of talking indirectly about the things he loves or likes, you can help him start seeing those things more often, including when you're saying, "I love you", to him. The end goal is not to get him to say, "I love you", to you. I know you need to hear that, but honestly, the best thing for him is to heal and grow in the best way for him. How that will play out for him is better suited for a professional counselor to help with. A counselor who is trained in play/art therapy is especially helpful with younger children, if he is still young. I know it's not easy for you to not hear him say it in return, but it is very likely nothing personal. I'm sure you're a great mother to him and in time, he'll likely show that appreciation in a way you feel validated the way you want and need. :grouphug:
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