First of all, hugs for you Barb! You're a good mom. :grouphug: You've received a lot of good advice here. I'm glad you're so willing to be supportive of your daughter's decision, and recognize that it is her decision to make. As an "emotionally sensitive" person who has dealt with depression, I definitely sympathize with the emotional impact of having to make a difficult decision, no matter what choice she makes. I hope she can come to a decision that will bring her peace. In your original post, you said that you felt the PP appt. was made because your dd felt she had no other options under the circumstances. Maybe part of your role here could be information gathering about the options that she does have, so that she can have a clear understanding of what those options would actually look like in real life. So for example, you could make some calls and find out FOR SURE about the possibility of a medical deferment on the scholarship--get a definite yes or no answer from someone who has the power to make that decision, so she's not just operating on an unsupported assumption, for example. You could also find out actual information about day care programs at the college she plans to attend, and family living accommodations on campus (for her and the baby, with or without the boyfriend). Help her clearly understand what her options are in a concrete, real-life manner, so they're not just some nebulous, scary unknown to hold up next to her PP option, which is already a real-life thing for her. As you implied, it's often easier to feel at peace with a decision if you feel confident that you knew what the options really were, and you made the best decision that you could at the time. I know you said you didn't think she would be willing to consider adoption, but I hope you'll forgive me for suggesting that because this is one of her options, she should also have a clear, concrete, real-life picture of what that would be like. Adoption really has come a long way over the past few decades, and these days most adoptions are as open as the birth mom wants them to be. I have several friends with adopted children who consider their children's birth mom to be part of their extended family, and they regularly send letters and photos, call each other on the phone, include the birth mama in all of the child's important events, and often get together on holidays. One friend just posted a picture on Facebook of him and his wife, their four-year old daughter, and the daughter's college-age birth mom attending Cinderella together. It was a really sweet picture with a lot of love in it. My cousin's family's birth mama recently wrote an article about her positive adoption experience in a major women's magazine, and I know my cousin and his wife consider her a part of their family too. A child placed for adoption in a scenario like this isn't lost in quite the same way that a child who disappears into an anonymous system forever is lost. Is it still hard? Oh yes. Absolutely. But in this scenario, every possible choice is going to be hard in its own way. It would probably be fair to tell a little about my own situation so you know where I'm coming from with this. I am definitely not unbiased. I am a huge fan of adoption. My oldest brother is adopted, and for a while I thought we might adopt one or more children ourselves. I found out when I was twelve that it would be difficult for me to conceive, and the two children we have are the biggest miracles I can imagine. We always wanted a bigger family, but put off trying to adopt until our son was older because he was a challenging child (he has Asperger's--and I agree btw, with the previous poster who said that not having a job due to issues relating to ASD is not the same as being lazy, though I would add that this doesn't necessarily mean he would be good husband material ). When we felt he was mature enough, we decided to look at possibilities for expanding our family. An infant adoption agency told us we were welcome to pay the big bucks and sign up, but that at that point we were already older than most birth moms are looking for and would probably not be selected. A foreign adoption was extremely expensive, and would require more extended travel than would be good for our family (especially ds). We ended up getting licensed as foster/adoptive parents with the hopes of adopting older children, or hopefully a sibling group. What we discovered is that although nobody will say so (because it would be discriminatory) there is a strong bias in the foster system against placing children in a home where a special needs child is already present. We were presented as an option to the adoption committee several times (they are legally required to have 3 to choose from), but were always told that another family had "more time and resources to devote to the child". Always. It was heartbreaking. Finally, we decided it would be best for our family to get off that emotional roller-coaster and just accept that there will be no more children. About a year later, I became unexpectedly pregnant. (After 10 years of nothing.) I can't even tell you what that felt like--it was a profoundly surreal joy! But then I lost the baby. A few months later, I became pregnant again, and again lost the baby. And before the end of the year, it happened again, only this time time the miscarriage required medical "assistance" to complete. During that last pregnancy I had a stroke (the day after Christmas 2012), partly as a result of the pregnancy hormones interacting with two rare blood disorders that I've apparently been walking around with all this time. Now that we know about the blood disorders, the doctors have told us it would be an extremely bad idea to try to have more children because it could very possibly kill me and leave the two we have without a mother. So that's it. We're done. We're out of options. And it's been a hard thing to wrap my heart around. Don't get me wrong, if someone came to me and said they'd like to place their baby with our family in a private adoption, I can't imagine saying no, but emotionally I am too beat up to go looking. So yeah, I'm a proponent of adoption, and I hope that one of the options you will help your dd look at seriously is the option of finding another woman out there, somewhere, who is also in a difficult place, whose arms will otherwise be forever empty, and creating a miracle for that other woman. I hope that if she's not prepared to be a mother herself, your dd might at least consider sharing her child with a mother who has been ready for an achingly long, empty time. I can imagine it must be very difficult for a pregnant teen who just wants to get on with her life to put herself in the shoes of someone like me, and be willing to make the kind of sacrifice that goes into an adoption. I know it's breathtakingly difficult for women in my position to hear about the intentional termination of a healthy pregnancy, even if it is unplanned, and emotionally painful, and terribly inconvenient (I should probably not have clicked this link, but I didn't realize what the topic was until I was already in). And I think it's important for women in both positions to be able to find compassion for each other and not judge. Anyway, I hope you won't just blow off adoption as a possibility without giving it at least a little true consideration. There are so many aching hearts waiting for a woman like your daughter to have the compassion and maturity to reach out to them. I can't tell you how much I wish someone had been willing to do that for me (and my daughter so wanted to be a big sister). But I truly do wish you and your daughter the best, no matter the outcome of her decision. I hope both of you will have peace with whatever she decides. And I mostly just wanted to say that I always find that more information makes for better decisions, so maybe the best thing you can do as the mother (or grandmother) in this scenario would be to help your daughter find good, solid, real-life information about all of the actual options in her particular case (like medical deferment, etc.), so that she can feel good about having made a decision based on all the facts available and won't later run into an "if only I'd known" situation.

I know, I'm a complete nut job. I lived in Georgia for a dozen years or so, and I know the big flying monsters of which you speak. Eew, ick, nasty, get it out of here! Retch. It took ds a while to talk me into the hissers, but they really were a completely different animal. Please note, however, that we only had them ONCE. We now have a dog we like very much, and I'm very glad ds has grown out of the bug-mania stage. Autism-level obsessiveness sometimes breeds desperation in the mama.

Thanks! :)

And now I'm watching this QVC thing. Is this the Shark we're talking about? Am I understanding right that you don't have to change out filters or belts on this thing?

I think I've been reading up on this too much. Now I can't even decide if I want a canister or upright.

Now that sounds tempting, trulycrabby. I, too, have an immense hatred of vacuuming. Which the current state of my carpets will enthusiastically attest to.

Between here and the other thread (thanks for the link!) it looks like Miele and the Shark are definite front runners around here. Does anyone have the Delphi model of Miele? That looks like the least expensive one with the power brush head. I'd be interested in your impressions of how well the brush works. Also, how often do you have to change the bag? Just trying to get an idea. For Shark users, how well does it work on stairs?

Thanks all. Some here I've never even heard of. Will definitely be looking into your recommendations. :) Homeschool moms know best, I tell ya.

I think I need a new one, but haven't done any research on brands or models yet. I can't afford one of the high end monsters, I just need a good, basic vacuum cleaner. We do have a dog that sheds, so there's dog fur to deal with, but it's short and doesn't tend to tangle in a beater brush. Low maintenance would be good. I fence sit about bags versus bagless--on the one hand, I can never seem to find the right kind of bags at the store, but on the other hand, the bagless one we have now loses suction before the canister is half full, and makes a mess when you empty it. I like "on board" tool storage, because if I put the attachments in a closet somewhere they inevitably get buried, or else they're always on the other floor of the house when I need them and I don't feel like running off to fetch them. What else should I be thinking about? What do you love/hate about your vacuum. Any specific recommendations? Talk to me.

My absolute favorite of the caged pets we've had were the Madagascar hissing cockroaches. I know, but it's true. They're quiet, they don't smell, they only live about a year, they don't reproduce at normal room temperatures, they never escaped from the cage, they were slow moving enough that if one got dropped while being handled it was easy to catch, they don't mind being handled but don't NEED to be played with, and they don't bite. We used wheat bran for the substrate in their habitat (which was a "Kritter Keeper") and they ate that and a few vegetable peels and were very happy and healthy. I can't remember what we did for water (it's been a few years)...I think we got the gel water stuff from the pet shop that they have for watering crickets without drowning them. They're also a fun conversation piece, as they're interesting to look at, and make a cool hissing noise when handled (if you don't handle them a lot--they stop hissing if they get used to you, but they'll start up again if you leave them alone for a few days).

You're definitely not alone. My oldest has Generalized Anxiety Disorder in addition to (or as part of, depending on who's handing out opinions on any given day) Autism Spectrum Disorder. He has been on medication since he was seven, that's been one of the two biggest best decisions we made for him (the other being homeschooling). It has been a hard road, but if he's on his meds, he's a pretty cheeful, stable, functional guy most days at this stage of his life. But I think he'll probably always need the meds. My daughter has been going down the anxiety road too this past year or so, and her pediatrician has put her on a low dose of meds. That seems to be helping a lot. I think in her case it's probably a temporary thing while she processes her way through a bit of an emotional pile-up, and I think in a few months, or a couple of years, she'll be fine. She told me the other day that she's sometimes afraid to sleep because she worries that when she wakes up I'll be dead. The last time I had a migraine she missed school for a week (a contributing factor in why she's now homeschooled part time). This is clearly related to the stroke I had two years ago when my husband took me to the hospital in the middle of the night and she woke up to find me gone, in the hospital, and not sure if I'd live, or die, or how bad the brain damage would be. (I'm pretty much fine, but it was scary for all of us.) I think for a while she just blocked it out and wasn't dealing with it at all, so probably the anxiety means she's starting to be able to face it, and process it, and move on; she's just not there yet. But yeah...anxiety in kids is definitely hard on moms. I think seeking help is a good decision. Hang in there. :grouphug:

Oh you poor woman! For what it's worth, MY day now looks a whole lot better. I hope yours does soon too. :(

One thing to consider is that you can do all of them without doing all of them AT THE SAME TIME. You can, for example, do music for half a year, and art for the other half. Or science for half a year, and history for the other half. Or geography for a quarter, logic for a quarter, character/morals for a quarter, and art for a quarter. Or whatever subjects and proportions of the year work out well for your family in your situation. That way you can focus on a few things at a time, more deeply, but still cover all the subjects you feel are important.

Shoot. Here I was thinking what a good life I have, and now I'm all bummed out because we don't have a fish and chip shop here. :( You made me sad, Rosie. Don't think I'm going to forget this.

I've fallen in love with All About Spelling and would definitely recommend you give it a look. But I don't know how it compares with LOE placement-wise.

Drool! Definitely adding that to my wish list. (Also, love your seam ripper signature...it makes me smile a lot.)

I'm not sure you're allowed to say provocative stuff like that without giving a link. ;)

That really is good to hear. I have a similar concern about my writing.

I was wrong. It wasn't JavaScript, it was solid state hard drives. :lol: But I did tell him that I want to spend an hour or so really focusing on some writing I need to get done, and he's (theoretically) going to leave me alone and corral the children. He's a really good guy, he just doesn't always think before he interrupts.

I have to tell you how this made me giggle. It was looking at my bullet journal for the day that set me off on this little rant...lol. I didn't even have that much on the list. (And let me just say, I am truly LOVING my bullet journal. It's the first "planner" that really seems to mesh with the way my brain works--especially after my stroke rewired it slightly. Yay bullet journals!) For the most part, he just has weekends off, and I just do shopping and laundry on Saturdays, and then I try hard not to schedule anything but church and family time on Sundays, so it works out pretty well, and I can be flexible. And when he DID work at home, that actually worked out fine too, because we learned to respect each other's time and boundaries. But the college where he's now teaching full time is not on the same schedule as the jr. high and high schools, so sometimes he has a day off between quarters or whatever that doesn't mesh up well with our days off. He'll usually put in a few hours of prep work or grading even on those days, but he gets up at horrific hours of the day (like 3-4 am) most days, so he's got a full day's worth of work before lunchtime, and after that he's just underfoot. And today he decided he's just going to take a day off. And I'm sure he needs it, he works hard. But it's like he's completely forgotten about respecting MY time, when I'm not the one having a day off. I haven't been able to get a darn thing done today except for dd's orthodontist appointment and picking up some prescriptions. It's ridiculous. And I've given up. He's watching TV with the kids, and we'll just have to do math tomorrow. Sigh. (And I bet if I try to sneak in and get some writing done, he'll be at my elbow in 5 minutes desperate to tell me something about Java Script.)

Like ANY things. School, housework, writing. It's not going to happen. It just isn't. I love the man desperately, but he is a chronic interrupter when he's home and I'm trying to work. And he's completely oblivious to the monkey wrench he's wielding with such gusto. How did I ever get anything done when he used to work from home? How? That is all. PS. I'm venting. Please don't give me actual advice...lol.

Well, it's done. I opted to go with Little Red Riding Hood as the basic story idea, and rewrote it using characters suggested by my family over dinner. The following characters "audition" in the story as Little Red Riding Hood: Attila the Hun Lydia Bennet from Pride and Prejudice Captain Kirk (as played by William Shatner) Princess Leia A monkey with a grenade. It was kind of fun once I made myself sit down and actually do it. The results are on my blog if anyone is interested: www.amybeatty.com/blog/2015/1/28/writing-excuses-homework-episode-104

That's AWESOME!!! Well done! So happy for you!

I only skimmed, but did anyone mention Science In A Nutshell yet? They're well-organized, the booklets have good, solid information (not just wasn't that cool, but we're not telling you why it worked, which seems to be what you get with a lot of kits), and all the stuff you need is in there (except water, or scissors, or that sort of thing sometimes). My kids really liked them when they were that age. And I found them very do-able, even around the Aspie fits and ADHD wiggles. http://delta-education.com/siansplash.aspx?subID=5&menuID=17

Happy birthday! :hat: