Even within our family, my kids and our relationships are different enough that what works for one doesn't work for all. Four of my sons have left home so far. I have very close, open, chatty relationships with two of them - we talk on the phone regularly and have long, wide-ranging conversations when we see each other in person. I never hesitate to tell either of these sons about things that are going on with our relatives/friends and they share a similar amount/level of information about their friends, partners, partners' families, etc. I don't feel like I'm rattling off a list of news items or accomplishments, because most things come up naturally during our conversations and they ask lots of questions as well. They don't have any problem telling me when I repeat a story they've heard before, start talking about something they're not interested in, or hit a sore spot. One of my other sons lives overseas and is not as much of a talker - when he calls it's for a specific purpose and our more general conversations happen when he comes home to visit. We talk less, so of course I end up sharing a lot less with him (it would be unnatural to spend more than a few minutes of our limited time together talking about other people) and sticking with things I know he would be interested in hearing about. I do make sure to text him about births, deaths, and other major news so that he can send congratulations/condolences. PhDs, promotions, etc. would not warrant a text. He's doing really well and hearing about other peoples' successes wouldn't phase him at all - I just don't think to mention those things. If I started telling him about acquaintances' professional achievements he'd probably think I was trying talk him into a career change. 😁 My other adult son is struggling right now and doesn't have the bandwidth to hear much about other people's successes (or struggles) outside of his immediate circle. It's something we've been through with him before (the transition from high school was hard - hearing about other kids' college plans/successes) and something he's working on, so I don't expect it to be this way forever.

The Bipolar Child was recommended to me when my youngest was diagnosed with Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. My takeaway was that the author was basically describing DMDD and laying out the argument for it to be considered a separate diagnosis - years before it was actually added to the DSM. It seems to me that many children who would have been diagnosed with "early onset bipolar disorder" previously are now being diagnosed with DMDD.

If fostering (or having any kids around the house) is a real possibility, I'd keep the books. If you have any extremely long series, I'd keep the first ten or so. A kid who wants to read the eleventh book would probably be thrilled to take a trip to the library! My oldest son and his husband became foster parents this year and I've had a lot of fun helping them build their home library. 😊

We've got a good mix here - keeps things interesting!

One of my (not neurotypical) adult kids is like this! As a kid, he'd often sleep 3-4 hours one night and 13-14 hours the next. His brothers made sure sleeping past 8am was impossible, so after one or two bad nights of sleep he'd often fall asleep right after dinner. When he got a bit older and I let him move his bedroom to the basement, he'd sleep 3-4 hours most nights during the school week and 13-14 hours on the weekend. During Covid (he wasn't working), he got into the habit of sleeping 13-14 hours and staying up for about 24 hours - he loved being on his own schedule, although that probably had more to do with not having to work than it did with sleep (🙄). Now that he's working nearly full-time, he often sleeps until 4pm on his days off, doesn't sleep at night, goes to work, then hangs out with his girlfriend, which means he's up for about 30 hours. Seems to work for him, but I get exhausted thinking about it!

I also have to agree with your friend and the other posters - he's ready. What stood out to me most from your first post was what's missing: his disability. A learning disability is a legitimate and permanent disability. He doesn't sound like an unequipped young adult to me, just a young adult with a disability. Another year studying geography and spelling doesn't guarantee that he'll learn more and I don't think anything he would learn would be worth the toll a year like that would take on you both. Poor working memory makes it so difficult to commit abstract connections to memory (like state you've never visited to it's location on a map or a word to its spelling) that learning geography and spelling beyond what he needs on a daily basis may not be realistic. He'll learn the geography he really needs to know over time. Technology can take care of the rest. My Ds24 is severely dyslexic and his spelling/texting has improved a lot since he graduated from high school from using voice-to-text and autocorrect. Making sure he knows how to use those tools effectively will likely be more worthwhile than any spelling curriculum.

Absolutely. I would consider any type of "initiation" event where there is a power differential between the participants to be a form of hazing. The kidnapping aspect only serves to give power to the older girls and embarrass the younger ones. These types of events were the norm when I was a teen, but none of my kids' schools, sports clubs, etc. have allowed them.

With reading comprehension, listening comprehension, and general learning issues, I would start with a thorough SLP evaluation. Find out whether her receptive and expressive language skills are age-appropriate and go from there. Once a language disorder has been confirmed or ruled out, I think you'll be in a better position to decide whether another psychoeducational assessment will be helpful. It sounds like her scores were slightly too high to qualify for a learning disorder diagnosis at 11? She may now qualify for a specific learning disorder if her scores have dropped slightly or the psychologist determines that she is achieving only due to "extraordinarily high levels of effort or support".

I'm not on the spectrum or adjacent. I have two kids who've been diagnosed with ASD, but no one else in our family has autistic traits/characteristics. In spending time with other families of autistic kids, I've always been fascinated that the "broad autism phenotype" seems to be common in some families, whereas in others autism seems to have an "on/off" switch. Out of curiosity, I tried out the test and scored a 9. I suspect Dh and our neurotypical sons would score lower.

The WNV is a very brief measure that includes 4 subtests - matrices, picture arrangement, spatial span, and coding. It yields an overall "Nonverbal IQ" score, but no index scores for processing speed, working memory, visual spatial, etc. The WNV said that my child's Nonverbal IQ was below average, because it includes coding where he scored in the 1st percentile. The WISC said that his FSIQ is average (coding is included, but as 1/7 rather than 1/4), GAI is above average, and processing speed is very low. Which is quite a bit more informative than "below average Nonverbal IQ".

That stat sounds about right to me. I've always heard/read that 40-50% of people diagnosed with autism have ID, but it makes sense that it's quite a bit lower when Aspergers/ASD Level 1 cases are included. Ds15's scores have fluctuated over the years, but even when they were "low" overall he scored high enough on some subtests that it was clear he didn't have ID. Those psych reports were full of caveats and detailed explanations of why certain scores were or weren't likely representative of Ds's true abilities. That's just weird. We had an almost opposite experience last spring when Ds15 was assessed by the public school psych. Because he has ASD and a history of language delays, she said she had to administer the Wechsler Non-Verbal rather than the WISC. This is *after* she saw his testing from 2016 stating his overall language and verbal comprehension were in the average range. The WNV is very brief and doesn't include index scores, so we ended up getting a WISC (and a few other tests) done privately over the summer and talking his school into considering both reports.

According to my 16yo fashion guru, there is a trend in some areas for teens to wear "mom jeans" ironically, but they buy them from teen brands (like these ones from Hollister) or from vintage stores. The Eddie Bauer jeans you linked are "real" mom jeans and would be very out of place in any high school. If the "mom jean" trend hasn't hit your area, skinny jeans / jeggings really are the only trendy style of jeans for teenage girls. The Aeropostale pair you linked look great, especially in navy! Tight, light-colored jeans do tend to highlight curves, so sticking with darker colors might be a compromise you can both live with?

We're in the same boat as you - we signed an IEP two weeks ago for our always-homeschooled 14-year-old with ASD2 who will be starting public high school in the fall. He's set up to take a full academic course load, without any non-academic interventions, so we'll have to keep up his therapy and interventions outside of school. I'm satisfied with the IEP as it stands, but I know it will take some time for Ds to learn to make appropriate use of his accommodations and we will likely have to make some adjustments depending on what works and what doesn't. I have a good relationship with the high school guidance counselor (my older son has been in the school for two years) and he, the middle school guidance counselor, the middle school special ed teacher, and the school psych all contributed to or reviewed the IEP. Ds will also be assigned a special education teacher as his "case manager", but we won't know who that is until the fall. Ds does have an LD in written expression ("partially remediated", according to the school psych report!), so he'll be in a co-taught English class with a special education teacher to work on writing goals and help with AT. Otherwise, he'll be in regular education classes (honors just for math) with a slew of accommodations - taking tests in a quiet testing room with extended time, completing assignments in the resource or testing room when he needs a break from the classroom, breaks from class as needed either in the sensory room, resource room, or a lounge outside the guidance office, etc. A big one for me is that the teachers will be required to provide him with copies of notes for every class, so he hopefully won't be too afraid of missing things. Ds has also visited the school several times, and will visit again the week before school starts to meet all of his teachers. We did ask about having non-curricular classes or a study hall in his schedule, but the guidance counselor explained that several years ago the district mandated that all students on the diploma track be on a 4-year graduation plan, so they no longer have any non-curricular courses for diploma-track students. He said if Ds were to be placed in a "social skills" class now, Ds's classmates would mostly be non-verbal. Ds will be allowed to have a study hall in his schedule after freshman year if he earns an extra credit by playing on a school sports team or taking a summer school class. So I've already signed him up for cross-country lol.

We have a simple plastic Fisher Price kitchen that has lasted through six boys (and hundreds of cousins/friends). It's still in my basement for the occasional young guest and ready for when the yet-to-be-born grandkids visit. My older boys played with it until they were at least 7 or 8 - they would type up menus and take dinner reservations, so they couldn't have been much younger. I don't think it's odd at all that a 7-year-old would want one and I think most 3-year-olds would enjoy it, especially with a sibling to play with.

Your daughter absolutely handled this the right way. My 21yo has Aspergers and the girls he's gone out with have mostly done the same thing - kept things very friendly/positive while on the date, then clearly let him know that they're not interested in a second date by text.

We usually play a few rounds of charades after dinner. There's no prep work, so no one is put out if people don't feel like playing.

One of my sons was able to work through a course syllabus independently, coming to me for help like he would to an outside instructor, by his senior year of high school. Another got there by his sophomore year. They (and my 16yo who is now in public school) could follow a daily checklist much earlier (4th grade?), but we only used them when I was sick or unable to teach for whatever reason.

My oldest son has a friend who won around $4 million. He was a year or two out of college, and went back to get a Master's degree in mathematical finance. So he's probably doing okay. I also have an older relative who is much more financially comfortable than would be typical for someone in his line of work (teaching high school), because of the investments he made in the tech industry in the early 1980s. I would suspect good investments, a side business, or a large inheritance before a lottery win if someone I knew seemed to have more money than they seem to be making.

My adult son borrowed one of these from a friend to try out and decided not to buy one for himself. He found that he couldn't actually work while pedalling, perhaps because his legs are so long, but he did like the way he could have one foot on each pedal and kind of "seesaw" the pedals back and forth. I tried it very briefly and understood what he meant. Instead of using it as it's intended, he liked it as more of a fidget toy for his feet?

Neither of my boys (14 & 21) attended social skills classes at that age, but Ds14 is participating in the PEERS teen class this semester, and I am hoping Ds21 will be open to taking the young adult class some time soon. Looking back, I can see that starting social skills classes a little earlier could have been beneficial (I wish the PEERS class had been around when Ds21 was 14), but 8 is very young and I feel like the skills taught at that level can likely be taught through other means. Kids that young also tend to do better with shorter, more frequent sessions, so meeting weekly may not be the best format. The teen class meets weekly for 90 minutes, and the parents meet at the same time with another facilitator to learn how we can help our kids apply their new skills throughout the week. He comes away each week with homework, which he (so far) has really enjoyed and has completed with enthusiasm. They have a very thorough intake process, and one of the criteria for being accepted is that the teen is highly motivated to improve their social skills and relationship. My son says that all the kids pay attention, try their best, and complete the homework, and we haven't heard of any disruptive behavior so far. We pay roughly $100/week, and the program is 16 weeks long.

Based on that policy, you are not obligated to report him. Do what you feel is right.

I was taught James' in school, but have taught my kids that either is fine as long as you're consistent. My son James prefers James's.

Yes, my older kids have been traveling alone internationally since they were about 15 (usually to meet up with my husband on the tail end of a business trip, no crazy adventures until much later). The only real obstacle we've encountered is finding hotels in North America that will allow teens under 18 to stay without an adult. In other countries, it hasn't been an issue, and we've never had trouble with airlines or any other transportation agencies.

BakersDozen - I'm so sorry that you're in such an impossible situation. I do hope that her in-laws are keeping an eye on her. From my experience and my kids', things seem to move a lot more quickly than they did 30 years ago. When I was dating, we went out once or twice a week and didn't hang out in between except for the occasional lunch date, which was definitely a "date". After a few months of "dating", we'd become a couple. Now, young people seem to spend a lot more time together, which means that they get to know each other and become emotionally invested in a fraction of the time. My 19yo broke up with his longterm girlfriend in July, after dating for about three years. They're both very independent and went off to different colleges last year, which seems to have turned the relationship into more of a friendship, and neither of them seem to have been too upset about it. I really, really like her and I know she was good for him. I think they'll remain friends. He's since jumped into the college dating scene, and I'm glad she set such a high standard. I absolutely adore my oldest son's boyfriend of nearly two years. They were friends for several years before becoming involved romantically and I liked him from the moment I met him. He's gentle, level-headed, and a natural caretaker, and I absolutely hope that they last.

My oldest son and I chat on the phone for about an hour every day while he drives home and cooks dinner. I know I'm just keeping him entertained, but it's one of the best parts of my day. And my kids who still live at home are relieved to be left alone for that hour. ?