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Everything posted by DesertBlossom

  1. I think we also need to send a loud, clear message to both boys and girls that when you go on a date with someone, whether it's one date or 25 dates, you do not owe them any kind of physical intimacy, nor do they owe you anything. It's disheartening to hear that some believe they are owed something when they pay for a date. No. Just no. I don't care if you spent $100 on dinner, you're not owed more than a high five or a firm handshake at the door. Physical intimacy, even a simple kiss, ought to be an expression of mutual attraction and not an obligation.
  2. I think this is tricky. I don't think feelings of guilt are necessarily bad. We feel guilty when we make choices outside of our value system. If I steal something, I am going to feel bad. And that guilt will hopefully prompt me to right my wrong and make amends. If someone feels guilty about making a choice outside their value system, they might be able to push past it and/or decide that value is no longer important to them, etc. But feeling bad about a choice we made can be a good thing. On the flip side, we don't want our children to be made to feel like they are bad people or that somehow they are damaged because of the choices they made. The beauty and gift of repentance means that we don't have to define ourselves by our past mistakes. When it comes to teaching chastity, I think we go wrong when the message we send is "having sexual feelings is bad" when what we actually want to teach is that there is a right place and a right time to act upon those sexual desires. We are sexual beings. God made us that way. It's how we act on those desires that can be for our good or bad. The line dividing appropriate and inappropriate behavior may be different for everyone. And kids who are taught chastity a certain way may grow up and decide they don't believe it or don't want to live by those rules anymore. As parents we love them anyway. Their value and their worth is not diminished in any way. In one of the podcasts I listened to Finlayson-Fife says that the law of chastity is protective, not restrictive. It's empowering to be able to say, "this is my body and I will choose when and with whom I share this sexual side of myself." It's hard. I think we sometimes send unintentional messages to our children. Or maybe they sometimes interpret them wrong. I don't know. But I think we need to be able to have ongoing conversations with our children about this.
  3. I have listened to a bunch of Jennifer Finlayson-Fife's podcasts on sexuality. She is an LDS sex therapist, focusing on women. I have learned a lot about myself and how things I was taught as a young adult affected my thinking. I mean, ai feel like I have a pretty good sense of my sexuality as an adult, but listening to her as been very eye-opening. I really, really like her and her approach. As I've got 2 teens (and 5 more on the way) I want to take her online course on teaching children about sex. I just feel like she has a very healthy approach.
  4. My mom had hip replacement surgery at age 57 or so. Both of my sisters, who are about 50 years old are beginning to have hip problems. One walks with a noticeable limp. I spent the last week sleeping in an RV and hiking around National Parks, and after a couple miles of easy hiking my hips would start to ache. I am afraid that hip problems are in my future. If I did get dealt the "defective hips" card, is there anything I can do to prevent things from getting worse? Or at least postponing the problems?
  5. I do kinda feel bad for the guy. Maybe he's actually a decent guy. And your DD can take it as a compliment that she turned him into a bumbling idiot. Hopefully he has learned some lessons from this for the next time he wants to ask a girl out.
  6. I would hope the guy isn't dangerous. But then again if he set up a stalking app.....
  7. I have no idea, but this is so creepy. I agree that someone should take her phone and see if he shows up. Someone he might not recognize who could watch him if/when he showed up to analyze his behavior. Like, is he looking around for her, checking his phone like he's trying to pinpoint her location, etc.
  8. When DH was deployed 3 years ago we could video chat and text all day. I thought a lot about my grandmother, sending a telegram to my grandfather who was serving in WWII about the birth of my mother. I just can't even imagine.
  9. When natural cures don't cure cancer, you're stupid and idiotic for not trusting mainstream medicine. When chemo kills you faster faster than the cancer would have, well, we don't acknowledge that.
  10. Having watched "Harry and the Hendersons" as a kid I knew there was a whole family of Bigfoot/Bigfeet/Bigfoots. 😁
  11. We have rented an RV and will be gone for almost a week. We probably won't be staying more than 1 night in any place. So far w have a KOA reservation for one 1 night where our main event (and reason for travelling) will be. It's in a large city where public transportation will take us right to our destination. We will not be towing a car. We will be visiting some of our old stomping grounds, spending a lot of time outside, stopping in to see some family, and spending a couple days in a National Park. (Is that vague enough but with enough detail? Lol) This feels so immense. I don't even know where to start with the packing and planning. We do a fair amount of camping and some travelling in general. But we have never taken an RV on the road. We have 7 kids who are not picky eaters and I would love easy meal ideas that won't require me packing up my entire kitchen to prepare. Besides that, I don't even know what I need to know. Lol. DH says this is our trial run for a cross country trip someday. 🤪
  12. 1908 and 1911. While not the oldest, I do think it's cool that my grandmother was born in the territory of AZ.
  13. Walmart will replace them anytime within a year... no matter how many times. At least ours did. I had to replace the same pair of glasses at least twice (maybe 3 times) for DS and as long as it's within a year from the purchase date, they will replace them.
  14. My oldest 2 are 7th and 8th graders and I am just dipping my toes into this parenting teens thing and I'm terrified. The other day when I picked up Dd from school I asked how her day was, and with a wicked snarl she shot back, "it was just a school day." I had never heard that tone of voice before from this child. For reals though, can I get some book recs? I need some solid advice about finding the balance between allowing teens to express their emotions because I am their "safe space" and not being steamrolled by selfish, rude little buggers. Minutes after acting like I was ruining her life by asking how her day was, she was asking for me to take her shopping. I think I got whiplash.
  15. My dd just said "I bet $5000 it won't be better." I agree.
  16. I wonder if this is not a blood sugar issue. I have always heard that blood sugar meters can be off by 20% either direction. So two blood sugar numbers of 134 and 111 taken 20 minutes apart may not mean your blood sugar is actually dropping that far that fast. It's possible you are feeling a blood sugar drop, but I would expect either a bigger drop or much lower numbers before you could actually feel it.
  17. We need a new fake tree too. Every year I say I am going to buy one after Christmas. And after year I feel like we overspent on Christmas so I don't buy a new tree.
  18. Actually, the swim coaches for my kids during the summer are teens. I don't know how that's relevant though. Sometimes the swimsuit wedgies are because athletes size down significantly so that it reduces drag. But sometimes it's the cut of the swimsuit itself. I have a niece who is a very competitive swimmer and my SIL remarked that at least this year's team suit covered their bottoms.
  19. I don't know if 2 piece competitive swimsuits are actually a thing, but I know diving into the water with a regular 2 piece will likely result in losing one's drawers. I think it's okay to draw a line for competitive swimsuits for the same reason I am teaching my 3 year old exhibitionist that he needs to wear clothes, especially when guests are over. There are parts of our bodies that are sacred and private and hanging our butt cheeks out of our swim suits doesn't make anyone swim faster.
  20. I can understand an unintentional wedgie, which this sounds like it was. Sometimes you can't help that. But I will say that I have seen competitive swim suits that were pretty shocking. A few years ago there was a swim coach for my kids' summer city swim team whose suit literally only covered half of each cheek. She was curvy and it may have a specific suit required by the city, but it looked uncomfortable and well.... inappropriate. But it's none of my nevermind....
  21. This is normal in my family to ask each other to watch kids. A year and a half ago we divided up my kids among my siblings so we could go on a church related activity. We sent the kids to the houses with their same age cousins. I have also watched nieces and nephews when a sibling needed care, whether for a romantic getaway, or a new baby in the house, etc. As for your original question.... I wouldn't criticize anyone who chose to leave their responsible 14 year old home alone. Personally, I would feel more comfortable sending them to a relative's house. I also think they would inclined to some anxiety staying home alone at that age.
  22. I do feel like the more I am up and moving around the heavier the bleeding. As far as I understand, it's like have a giant internal wound where the placenta had been attached. So you need to give yourself time to heal. So in that respect, maybe? My last few pregnancies I drank a lot of red raspberry leaf tea in the 3rd trimester and I do think it helped reduce the bleeding.
  23. We used to live in the same neighborhood as a family that ended up having 13. I don't know how well my kids remember them though. I come from a family of 7 and we have 7. Another family we are friends with have 8. We know a lot of families with 5 or 6. In fact, 5 or 6 kids in my circle seems more common than 3 or less.
  24. It's always nice when husbands get a glimpse of our daily lives and maybe/hopefully come to appreciate what we do a little more. DH has a coworker who had a baby just before we did. Both he and his wife work FT and the baby is bottle fed so they take turns with the baby at night. Some days coworker comes in completely wrecked after being up with the baby all night. Since I breastfeed and hopefully/maybe/theoretically could nap during the day, I have never asked DH to stay up with the baby. It was so nice to hear him acknowledge how good his life is because of that. Lol.
  25. So the other night I was having a very serious convo with DH about how the stress of 7 littles and everything that goes with it was getting to me and that I needed to develop a hobby and/or make time for myself somehow. He said, somehow with a straight face and didn't know he should duck for cover, "Isn't homeschooling a hobby?" I almost popped him in the face. But I managed to calmly say, "That's a job, not a hobby." DH is still unaware of how close he came to death that night. I do sometimes fantasize about what my life would be like if I put all my kids in school. I'd have 2 at home all day. JUST TWO!! It is funny to look back on how "hard" I thought things were before. And it was hard when I had lots of little babies and I didn't know what I was doing. But now, when even just a few of them are gone, it feels so much easier. My very favorite weekend of the year is when DH takes the boys camping and leaves me with the girls and a baby. It's almost a vacation.
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