Until I move. That's usually when the cost exceeds the benefit.

It was exactly the same rate dollar for dollar earned when I was a contractor. As an LLC, it would have been more unless I made a loss. I got a job so it netted about zero and that was not an issue. 40% of income in taxes would be only in very high tax states. We are in the second highest bracket. We pay around 35% including unemployment insurance. However, if you file jointly, you may get some of that back. The tax code does favor uneven incomes in marriage (compared to filing separately).

Yes. And a lot of people actually do have very poor eyesight but resist getting glasses. She could clip a tiny bow in her hair. I'm another person who lives in a metro area where at least once a day I will see someone who could be either. Can she wear pins near her name tag? A bunch of feminine pins could help. And I agree that if she doesn't care it doesn't matter.

I gain weight and feel great when I am building muscle and exercising. Weight training, as long as you can find a program that does not focus on measurements, could work well. It is especially good because you gain and look better and younger. Do not use Beach Body programs for this--while great they are numbers based and would not be mentally healthy for you.

Possibly worse: they started to pull aside, thought better of it, and put the pedal to the metal trying to pass as many cars as possible.

I just saw someone ignore the firetruck right of way (sirens were on). On the fourth of July. I am full of anger right now.

Speaking of context--she has distinguished between them but no she has not said it in that way, "he's not my kid." She has acknowledged that she doesn't have full control over the situation and wasn't involved in all the choices that got him to this point. I do think that there is an important distinction there. I have way less influence over my stepkids but I will also fight for them. And Katy has repeatedly in several threads reiterated that stepfamilies are not families. It's not just hurtful and cruel (though it is absolutely those things), it is unhelpful. I wonder what the desired outcome is. It is not changed behavior because only love can motivate that. Not fear or self-hatred. Which is something a lot of people on this thread could do to recognize.

@Scarlett when a teen buys snacks it is not the same as adults buying food. We buy food for the household. They buy food for themselves. He did not buy milk to help out (that is not what teens should have to do in normal circumstances). He did it to take control of his eating. You should know that and stop arguing that you buy all this milk. Of course you do. You're a parent. The fact that you buy all the food is a given. Our kids buy some of their own snacks... That does not translate into family food. It is their own. They will buy for their own families someday. Until then, the Ramen, the chips, the Gatorade, the Pocky sticks (yes we teach nutrition, but they are kids)... That's something they get to keep. But not in their rooms because of ants.

I know you have issues with your stepmom but your attitude towards stepfamilies is, frankly, disgusting and hate filled. You were hurt, I get it. But some people.were hurt by foster parents--are foster families not real families either? My mom is passive aggressive and has issues, is she not a real mom? Your dismissal of non traditional families is just another iteration of your stepmom's hate. Please get help.

The Russian revolution is a lesson in the hazards of thinking "what could possibly be worse than this?"

:cheers: :clink: ?

Are you suggesting they kick him out at 18? You never stop being a parent. He does not sound like he has the maturity to move out. Our kids will likely all depend on us through college so I know from my side I have to work through expectations NOW. More imprtantly, what it the point? Just to make Scarlett feel bad? What about the grandkids? There are a lot of people on this board and in real life who spend most of their online time looking for solutions to their problems. And by that I mean, ways to turn their kids into someone else. If that makes you a bad parent then there are a lot of folks on here that should throw in the towel. But maybe a better approach would be to focus on the shared journey of letting go of expectations with our kids.

The American revolution according to you. What I'm saying is that I don't define it so narrowly--I think it can be a mere change in leadership or system. I think the American revolution was a big change in systems. It wasn't a novel idea but it included new checks and balances to improve the system. The French revolution was likewise not a novel idea, it was building on existing ideas they'd used before, but they set up a different and better system. I understand that you are defining it differently and that's why I said at this point it is semantics. Booyah for the revolution!

I would say that is an ideological revolution but you can have revolutions which are not ideological. I guess that is a semantic difference. Would you say the French revolution was a "true" revolution?

Here it doesn't get dark until after quiet hours (10 ish) so fireworks are always after bedtime. I just realized if you lived further south you could have a fourth of July that was at a reasonable hour.

Nobody is, it's super hard. That's okay. You can change because you love your kids.

I'm going to try to maintain that discussions of the American Revolution are neither political nor educational. My degree in philosophy should come in handy.

I agree that the Magna Carta and Hammurabi's code preceded the Declaration of Independence and that representation was not new. After all, ancient Greece and Rome and all. However, I don't agree that it wasn't a revolution. The French revolution, the cultural revolution in China, the Russian revolution... They all built upon existing, foreign or adapted ideas. I'd be interested to know your criteria for revolution if the American revolution didn't fit it.

I really don't think that is true. Scarlett has a strong writing personality and comes across like this in all threads and I am the same. People make me feel things. I get way more upset about my bio kids than she is about her stepson though I have learned to let go of more and more. There is a stepparent element to it but frankly...well no I won't be frank because people will flip the freak out but I will just say there are huge parts of the Internet in which parents rank on their kids about behaviors that, while uncommon, are not inherently harmful. And it KILLS me. Fatness, repetition, literal thinking, constant motion, big tantrums... Or even opposition and stubbornness. I give in. You all are right, I can't fix or heal that. I need to love them. And I think Scarlett is on that same journey now. Some kids are easier than others but that doesn't make them better.

The way you are using the word "help" here is synonymous with "fix" or more charitably "heal". Stop trying to fix. Stop trying to heal. Just love. That is it. You will both be so much happier. Another poster mentioned Al Anon for overeaters anonymous. Another option would just be counseling for you so you can work through this with a less judgmental crowd. I am definitely a fixer and my mom is a healer. Both of those imply action on an object to change it. And they are easily confused with love. Especially when it's hard to work up the feelings it is easy to find something to "help" with. But that is objectifying. It is not love. You don't have to help or fix or heal here. Your job is to love him. And as needed keep a pantry box for baking supplies with a polite note, "baking supplies, do not use for snacks, thanks!"

He has to love himself first. There is also.a good chance he views milk.as a health food and is using it to stave off other eating without understanding how snack calories work. I really think that with respect to weight, Scarlett is going to make 0 progress. Never seen it happen even with a bio parent. Ever. "Well my mom nagged me my whole life about losing weight but one day she talked about calories in milk and blammo, I changed my attitude." Not gonna happen. Focus on love and not food. Everything else falls into place.

The way you are framing help is controlling his eating and weight. That is his battle. The more you do to "help" (influence, teach, direct, limit) the more I bet he will resist. Your husband is right. Be there when he is ready. Otherwise the help you can give is love and acceptance without strings.

Agreed. At least I hope so. That's not allowed. In my state you get paid for training. Minimum wage and at-will employment but you get paid. He should absolutely report it to the franchise. Three weeks is a lot. That's not a one-day walk-around "free tour"!

Just because you can't control it? (edit: him?) No. Who knows what he will grow into. What I'm saying is, it's hopeless for you to create love out of a desire to shape this person into what you think he should be. I struggle with that a lot myself so I know how hard it is to let go. But you have to let go. That's where you will find love and maybe he can take comfort in acceptance. There is hope for love. The weight is a whole other issue. Far less important.

He's 17! How is it hard to accept that he is unable to fix a public health crisis of unprecedented proportions or the fact that he has been in an unstable home for the last decade +???? It just seems so obvious to me that this is something that is happening to him and that you need to love him through, not in spite of. Like I get the milk thing, that's annoying but... Jesus.