Oh yeah I know but also I get little fulfillment out of hobbies, friendships, and jobs. I always long for deeper connections than these things provide. I’ve done it all. I do like the gym but ruled that out after seeing the drive. And I’ve never made friends at gyms, anyway. I don’t have a real game plan now. I just logged into the app to remember what it was like. I don’t plan to use it.

I think Coffee Meets Bagel stinks lol it was featured on Shark Tank. But I never had luck with it. I reopened it tonight to see what it was like and it just gives very few choices and they want you to pay with “coffee beans” for more features. I prefer the apps that are more popular just because more people are on there. I have a pretty good idea of spam accounts so I swipe left on them immediately. And it’s a red flag if the guy asks you to swap to Wh@t’s App or S!gnal to chat. Listen, loser, talk to me here. I don't want your cryptocurrency pitch. Dating is the worst. And I promise some have prompts they copy and paste. 🤮 Marriage is not really my goal in life now.

It said it had been delivered. I drove to the house the other night just so I didn’t leave a package on the porch. And it wasn’t there at all nor tonight when I went by to test the water.

I have to learn things the hard way 🤦🏻‍♀️ if I’m “too much” too intense, too quick to text… maybe don’t try to date me? I’ll have to figure out texting needs/wants early on. And attachment style in relationships. And probably several other things before I allow myself to get attached.

So the last time we spoke I was the one that reached out (to confirm the tentative plans). That was Friday. Silly me, I thought by now he’d have reached out to ask about my new job. No, I don’t think I should reach out. I have to be better about choosing who I invest in… see how communication goes for several weeks before getting attached. Because after a short time they all seem to drop off in some way. I’m taking a break from my social media. If they want to know what’s going on in my life they can contact me directly. I don’t care if this looks like protest behavior. I’m just done.

Paid for water but it’s still not on. I dunno why I got a note saying I wasn’t home… that shouldn’t matter? And Amazon said they delivered a package but it’s not there. I can’t report it missing for another day according to their contact us. I don’t think it was stolen. I think the notification was wrong. And no, they don’t send me pics of my deliveries.

Since I’m now considered a social servant and there are policies to adhere to I think I should stop posting much or at least not certain things. So don’t be alarmed if this thread disappears or I don’t post much.

Well the locals told me the water dept usually takes longer than their estimate. They open at 8 and I have work at 9. But my landlord said if you’re one of the first ones there you can get out in 10 min. However, I don’t know if there’s a line at the door. If I can manage tomorrow I’ll show up early and try. But I’ve been so physically exhausted. I did not check on the cat today. It’s in the opposite direction and difficult to head that way from the library due to traffic and one-way streets. I’ve also been freezing for about 2 days solid. The library is cold and I wore a jacket one day and a thick sweater today but we all agreed it’s cold. And it’s cold outside so not looking forward to literally standing outside the water dept if I need to line up. My main motivation to try before my day off is that the water doesn’t heat up well in the cottage. Also I have no way to do much here. I bought a couple frozen meals but have to store them in my friend’s deep freeze in her garage as all I have here is a keg fridge which just fits a few bottles or something small like a yogurt cup.

I’m so sleepy but maybe I can try the water dept tomorrow if I go really early. Did a test using the parking info and it won’t cost an arm & a leg.

They even give the teens temp bus passes in the maker space so they can travel to the branches easier. They have to go through certain courses on the computers here to get access to other certain things (like time inside the recording studio).

I got to practice some stuff today and activated my library card. It comes with perks!! I can get me and others (number varies by facility) into local places like museums & the zoo. So basically I can take the kids for free. It’s good once every 30 days. Toured the grant funded maker space. They have so much there (button making, T-shirts, music recording, sewing etc). Some is off limits even to us but we were allowed to play with certain things. I played the drums 😆

I don’t feel adequate at all in my language knowledge

I think I’m too overwhelmed to pursue all this now. It’s sounding like more and more work.

I’ll try to find out from someone else what the test entails to know how in depth it is. I do still own Spanish books (Getting Started with Spanish). But I went through like 22 levels of Duolingo and never felt like I could speak it

I don’t know what languages they accept but I know way more about Spanish than ASL. The test is over the phone so I doubt there’s an ASL test.

Drove to the gym to test location. Not worth it. Crazy traffic and took over 20 min. Online estimate was faster. When I can I’ll get back to using my exercise bike & at-home strength training equipment. It sucks because I like the “get out of the house” option the gym grants me. Oh well. I checked on kitty and the house was freezing. Don’t ask me why landlord left it on 55 a/c. He was in there last because he was finishing something as I left the other day. I moved it to heat. Poor kitty. I like the staff but I won’t actually work with most of the people I’ve met… different branches. My unemployment money is processing. My food stamps will automatically end in Dec so I won’t do anything. You can get a raise if you’re bilingual and pass a test but I’ve failed every attempt to learn Spanish so not sure how much I’d have to do to meet the requirements. They do have Mango (never tried. I’ve tried just about every other popular language program plus 4 college Spanish classes).

I don’t want to jump into school now but there is some tuition assistance for an MLS/MLIS. No idea pay grade. I got a tour of most of this branch. The teen zone is amazing. I’ll have to take ds… though it may or may not appeal to him. There is a music recording area and other cool things. Apparently Best Buy sponsors these teen zones for several places, constantly upgrading the computers in the teen zone. They have a large population of illiterate people (40%) and a lot of people that still check out CDs and DVDs. 600 DVDs in that branch and typically 300 checked out at a time. You can take home 30 at once! Hearing this made me feel like “ohhh this is a population I can connect with” given my experience with a very poor area (and my own financial obstacles lol I get not always wanting to pay for streaming!). I asked if I could wear my combat boots lol they said yes. Screw these heels 🤣 I figured yes when I saw an employee wearing red ones getting into a library van.

My dental & vision is included. The other info is like if you want to pay for additional insurance (like orthodontic care). I ask questions lol I asked for clarification on a couple things. I think I’m older than the ones training too ha

I had trouble finding the water dept. Half the street was blocked off and I don’t understand the parking at all yet. What do I owe if I pay using the app? There are no rates marked, no actual meters for quarters. There was a parking lot that charged $9. I parked illegally for less than 5 min to run inside and see what the wait time was. They said a little under an hour probably. I knew I had no time. Plus traffic was so bad you have to add onto the GPS estimate I got last night. Traffic was a nightmare really… all these one way streets, forks you don’t expect (gps suddenly saying “stay left of the fork”), streets without visible street name signs. My gps says turn on ____ street. Ok is that here?? I see no label. I normally avoid pastries these days but they had complimentary food at our morning presentation/training. I was the only new employee that took one lol I don’t care, I’m not embarrassed. I believe am older than the other new hires. And none of us will work in the same branch after training. We were sent to a room to do paperwork. We won’t meet back up til 1 which means I have enough time to go get lunch. I might go to a nearby hospital cafeteria so I don’t have ti drive. The staff agreed that the water dept is a nightmare and takes forever so I’m not sure when I’ll go back. At this rate I might have to go there on Friday (my day off) as I’m scheduled to work at 9 the other days and the water dept opens at 8.

I told my friend that my cat was like I didn't sign up for a roller coaster today!

I talked to my neighbor that works at the gym I want to join to ask if she knew of any upcoming deals where maybe they waive the start up fee or annual fee. She said they aren't given deal info in advance but she gets a friends & family discount so if I come in when she's working she can sign me up that way and I'll get some sort of discount on the membership. I'll try to do that on Friday. We exchanged cell phone numbers and showed each other our apartments/met each other's pets. They are not identical. I decided it was better to just bring the cat so that I'm not far from her and she's not stuck in a room with no window (don't ask me why but there was no window in the last room I stayed in. It didn't appear to be an add-on, either. So strange!). I'm sure she's a bit lonely tonight but she has full reign of the house!! I'll do my best to get to the water dept in time to set up water tomorrow. My friend that I'm staying with tonight said that groceries were significantly more money in LA than MS when she moved here so depending on where I drive I might want to stock up on groceries outside of the area. I don't know if I'll get unemployment for this past week but I filed just in case. I forgot to pack a lunch and it's a nightmare getting in/out of the branch I'm working at tomorrow. I don't know if I can buy something and toss in a work fridge last minute or find someone to carpool with at lunch maybe? Or maybe there's somewhere to eat in walking distance!

You speak to me as if I’ve never been single. And ok with it. But ok. Thanks for your input.

I know initially my fear was “losing” this person. Oh they will move on and meet someone else soon and that’s that. I’m too demanding so they could meet some chick that doesn’t mind their crazy schedule. I don’t know. I think too much.

That’s a fair question! And I’m probably not qualified to answer 😆

Yeah we discussed the bad timing. I’d like to think “right guy, wrong time” but it might just be wrong guy. Heck if I know. We had a spark 20 years ago, then recently. I’d like to think if we’re meant to be it could be there once things settle down for both of us. One thing I really like about him is he doesn’t live beyond his means. No debt. He doesn’t even have a cc.