He was socializing with his dad. No other kids were there:)

I agree with this and would never ask him to do laps with other kids there since there are not many kids around here to begin with and I don't want to mortify him.There were no other kids there.

Yeah I know there is no quid pro quo in motherhood. I just felt that way yesterday after months of butting heads on a regular basis. I have happily devoted my life to him while still making sure I have some "me" time which was fairly easy for me especially when I was a geriatric mother and had spent 20 years of my adult life doing what I wanted prior to him. This feeling just hit me in the face yesterday:( Now maybe it has been simmering for a while without me being aware. I have tried gaining his cooperation and input on many things on which we but heads or not but heads but not always with much luck since I believe it is important to not be a dictator so to speak.

Yeah, I cannot believe this got to me so much today especially in light of the fact that I gave my parents a very hard time back in the day and felt mortified all the time by my parents. OTOH he is an angel compared to the way I was.

The pool that did that was in early 1970's and I was shocked too but that was their rule. Yes, but would not it be reasonable to think a kid who was able to do about 10 laps the past 2 summers who does not swim all year long and only in the summers be able to do it again this summer especially when he has done some weight training this year unlike previous years? This is confusing to me since I don't think it seems unrealistic given his past performance.

You are right about picking your battles And I don't want to punish him. I was just steaming mad today because I do so much for him and wanted him to give 10 minutes of his time towards swimming and he did not:(I felt like that I don't ask too much of him and do many things for him that it was hurtful that he would refuse. But this is the culmination of many episodes of butting heads and I know that teens frequently go through this phase which I did as well. It still hurt though and made me mad.

I agree with this in principle but I am dealing with multiple health issues and I am a geriatric mom pushing 60:) Although I am trying to turn it around now that AARP has been sending me invitations for almost 10 years and I have a young son!

They have a lifeguard since we live in a complex so our pool is always manned by a lifeguard:)

I was pretty upset today. We have been butting heads frequently the past 6 months and even more so since he has been off from school since the first week of June and it just really got to me today:( I definitely have to change my approach:)

I see your point but I am not really expecting speed swimming. I am only expecting pretty good stroke form and a slow pace is just fine with me because I don't see speed as necessary. I guess I am having a hard time envisioning it being too hard since he has done it before with instructors which unfortunately we cannot afford this year due to potential lay offs. Also, when I was a kid that local pool had us do 10 laps before we could swim in the deep end. They expected this of everyone. I do remember it being very challenging but I was able to do it despite not having many swim lessons at all.

I agree with it being a priority for me too ideally but I have been struggling with asthma and COPD exacerbation since May. I have been doing the gym though with the recumbent bike and weight training now that my lungs almost feel normal again. In regards to being able to swim 10 laps it is not so realistic for me at this time due to my health issues but I have been modelling walking and doing workouts in the gym. As for lessons this summer, that is out of the question due to money reasons this year:( It is good to know about the elliptical and swimming but he was able to do many laps with instructors past 2 summers without doing swim lessons all year long so is it not reasonable to think that he be able to do at least a handful of laps? I told that ideally it would be at least 10 laps but I also told him if he was short of breath or had pain or felt dizzy that doing less is fine and he only did half a lap!

Yeah I was disappointed. He took group lessons at the YMCA for years and they would teach how to kick, how to blow bubbles, how to float, how to move your arms but never put it together! He could do the doggy paddle comfortably in the deep end and even did across an olympic style pool. That is why I finally got him private lessons since he was getting older and I did not want him being a teen who could not swim. As for 10 minutes the last 2 summers his instructors did have him do laps for about 10 minutes it seemed. Our pool here is about 50 feet long. Plus he can do an elliptical machine for 45 minutes so I am pretty sure he should be able to do at least 2 laps. I think he just did not want to:( I told him that if he was having shortness of breath or pain or dizziness that of course he should rest but he did not have that.

I have tried to convince him since I am a firm believer in giving kid's the rational and reasoning behind my asking them to do something. DH and I are not the best swimmers and are old and out of shape. We are trying to get in shape though.

We did do private lessons for 2 summers which is why he was finally able to learn the swim strokes. As for embarrassment, there were no kids there today and he actually looks like someone who can swim now thank goodness but I still want him to practice a few times a week for even 10 to 15 minutes since this was a hard won skill and a safety issue to me. As for confidence his instructors did have him do that many laps in huge pools but unfortunately we cannot afford any more lessons since my dh works for the government and the current president would love to see his agency severely hobbled:(

I can see your point but we did years and years of lessons since he was about 4 years of age on swimming and he could only do the doggy paddle up until last summer :svengo: This is why I really want him to practice his strokes and be able to do about 10 or 20 laps in the pool. I don't expect him to ever be swim team material or what not. I just want him to be decent at swimming:)

I agree. My dh was in the pool. I was sitting at one of the tables reading my tablet. The other days I have asked him if he wanted to go t the pool I was encouraging him to go to the pool alone without me since he would probably have a better time without me;) I think folks are right that I should set up a rule and a plan with him and not ask but just tell him to go to the pool. Does that sound right?

I like the idea of rewards and we do try to reward him in the sense that we try to things he wants to do on a regular basis. As for rewards with sweets, I am hesitant to use that method since dh and I struggle with obesity. Not to say we never have desserts here but we try to only have them several times a month. Any other ideas for rewards?

I like your reasoning on setting the rules since maybe I have been a little wishy washy here. I like your idea of setting a rule and brainstorming with him.

I can see your point but this summer most of his time has been free time:) And he has refused to go down to the pool several other times this summer despite me encouraging that their might be other kids down there and that he could also practice some laps.

He is 15 and at the height of the age of pushing back against your parents :tongue_smilie:

I can see your point. I did tell him several times that I hoped he would practice his swim skills this summer prior to today and have asked him on multiple days prior to this if he wanted to go to the pool and socialize and also practice a little bit and he said no and I did not force the issue. I guess to me it is really important to have decent swim skills (I was a critical care trauma nurse so my perspective is skewed) for safety and social reasons. I did tell him that I only wanted him to practice for about 10 solid minutes and then he could do what he wanted which to me if not too much. Now if there was a bunch of kids his age down there or any kids his age down there to socialize with I would not have asked but it was just him and my dh. I guess the constant teenage pushing back is getting to me. I honestly feel like telling him that he can do things himself and that I done catering to him but I am sure I will get over this feeling. I am not too happy with dh for being the good cop and making me the bad cop when he knows how I feel about learning swimming and how it took numerous lessons for my kid to just about be able to swim.

I am going through the teen years with my kid who is a very good kid but loves to push back on almost everything! Well, anyway we spent hundreds of dollars on swim lessons as a life and safety skill over the years and he just recently about got the swim strokes down last summer. Well anyway we have a pool here downstairs and he rarely wants to go down which is ok with me but I am hoping for a few times a week over the summer. So we went down with my husband and after they were socializing in the pool for 10 minutes I asked ds if he could do 10 laps of the front crawl if he was able. I said obviously if he was short of breath or having pain or dizziness then only do what he could. Well my kid who is in decent shape does one length of the pool and stops. After few minutes I ask him if he short of breath or what not and he is not and just pushed back that I am expecting exercise. I clarified that I only wanted him to spend about 10 minutes practicing the front crawl and then he could do what he wants. I asked dh to support me on this and he gave a half hearted response which make me furious. So I left. Am I wrong to expect my kid to practice the swim strokes for about 10 to 15 minutes when we are in the pool? Right now I can spit since I really believe it is important as a safety issue for him to be OK with swimming which to me means being able to do 10 or 20 laps in a pool which is not an olympic size pool at all. The constant pushing back is getting to me especially when we try to make sure he gets a lot of free time as well as fun things to do:(

It looks interesting but I would get several opinions before I put something artificial in my body. As a nurse, I have read of many devices that have caused problems for people:( Have you explored your diet and other measures? I am sure you have since it sounds severe:( But I would want to explore all of these other measures. I note that when I eat really fatty foods that I am prone to acid reflux. Eating too much also does the same thing to me. http://www.webmd.com/heartburn-gerd/triggers

I agree especially when many places have a hard time getting folks to serve jury duty! I would be hard pressed to wear business casual everyday if I had to serve since I mostly have mom clothes which includes a lot of capris which I need for the hot summers here.

I would check out some Korean dramas:) Now some of them do treat women as weak beings as we did here in the 1950's but there are plenty of them written by women with strong female characters who may start out somewhat weak but who gain strength. You can watch for free on dramafever.com of viki.com with commercials. Here are some of my favorite: Lie to Me Coffee Prince Master's Sun (it does portray some ghosts but is really not a horror show and is very romantic) Love in Trouble (Suspicious Partner) Radiant Office 1% of Something Shopping King Louis I will warn you Korean dramas are addictive! They typically have 16 to 24 shows which are an hour long.