My kids are still young, but that's what I was thinking too. I would (and admittedly do) suck it up sometimes and deal with parents I don't particularly enjoy so my kids can see their friends. But as they're moving into their teens, could you start to look for, and possibly organize, activities that they can do that don't require immediate parental supervision. When I was in middle school, my parents would drop me off at the mall, movies, or skating rink for a couple of hours as long as I was with a group. Although, that said, I have been surprised at how hands-on parents of my kids' friends have been, even well into elementary school. At my daughter's 7th birthday party we entertained (unexpectedly) not only her friends but at least one parent of each, and some siblings too. And this was at a local pottery painting shop, so i'd really thought most people would drop their kids off and return an hour or two later. That poor shop was only big enough to hold about half the people we had crammed in there! :P

Trust me, dh got an earful. :thumbup: The explanation that I'm getting goes something like this: The communications committee (yes, ANOTHER committee is now involved), in an attempt to be helpful but without really knowing what was going on, got together and wrote a job description and voted to advertise the position. They don't have the authority to advertise it, but one of the members, who's also on the vestry exec committee, took their recommendation to vestry exec. Vestry exec approved the motion to advertise the job. PA is telling me that, since it's gone to vestry her hands are tied, but that the advertising is more or less a formality. That's all well and good, but it still leaves me with questions: 1) why the rector (who sat through the vestry exec meeting as this vote was taken) did not bother to tell the vestry exec committee that the church had already entered into an agreement for a trial with me, or, alternatively, 2) if he didn't want to pick a fight with vestry exec (as PA claims, although I don't see why it would have been a fight necessarily) why he (or she) didn't let me know that the position was going to be advertised. Even if the advertising/telling the parish that I'm "filling in" is all a ruse to appease the vestry and they intended all along to hire me permanently, I'm still not comfortable with it. And I don't think that's what it is. I don't know why I'm surprised by all this; this is a prime example of the rector's manipulative tactics, and it's nothing new to me. He uses information for control -- hence the reason he wouldn't tell me about the vestry or the vestry about me. He seems to think that giving full disclosure somehow diminishes his power. That is especially frustrating when your job is supposed to be COMMUNICATION. As to why I want the job... I have no clue. No, I do not feel any special calling to it, although I'm not sure I subscribe to the theory that there is such a thing. There are few jobs I have come across that will allow me to work fully from home and completely on my own schedule, and the pay is definitely better than anything I could get part-time in retail, etc. I have had some freelance jobs in the past couple of years, but they are few and far between; IME, churches are either large enough to have a communications person on staff or small enough to expect everything for free. But at this point, it might be more about not letting him "win" than anything else. I think my solution is to restructure the offer as a freelance job, with a contract, for a duration of three months at a premium rate (150%). After that, both parties can mutually agree to continue month to month at the regular rate. I should have insisted on a contract from the beginning; I let them drive the conversation, and that was a mistake. We've obviously got WAY too many people involved here; I need the responsibilities clearly laid out, because this kind of "communication issue" will happen again. And there's no sense in making it an employment situation when I will rarely be in the office. My sister (an attorney) is looking over my freelance contract now; I had to modify it since this is more complicated than the jobs I usually do. They may or may not agree to this, but if I can't have some basic protections for myself, I think it's time to walk away.

I would use the crutches, personally. I don't think there's anything unprofessional about needing crutches if you are injured. It doesn't sound like the injury will impair your ability to do the job. And I think walking in with a limp would just look weird. At least with the crutches it will be immediately obvious that you have a sprained ankle (or whatever). My two cents. Good luck!

Okay, I have emailed PA to see if I can get some clarification as to their intentions. I told her that their advertising the position and telling everybody that I'm filling in while they look for someone makes me think their real end game is to have me step in to buy them some time while they consider all their options. I said that I'm happy to do that but that it changes the parameters and I want to know going in what the real deal is. I also told her it sounds like there is some disconnect between what she and I agreed to and what everybody else who's involved (the committee, the rector) understands. I said that I thought we were agreeing to a ninety-day trial in good faith, with the hope to continue after that if it was satisfactory to both parties. Ninety days should give sufficient time both to see how the arrangement works and to make alternative plans if necessary. We will see what she has to say.

That's actually very helpful to know, thank you. I did think both sides were giving this a ninety day trial in good faith. I knew that it would take that long to work out the kinks, given that this is a different arrangement than they (and I) have been used to. I need that time to make sure I can make things work for my family. They also need it to see if it will meet their needs. I have told them repeatedly in this process that if they did not feel that what I am able to offer meets their needs, I would not be offended if they decided to look elsewhere. I have been very upfront about my availability, given my other responsibilities. If they didn't think it would work, they should not have offered me the job. If they do, great. If they're not sure but want to give it a chance... well, it seems to me that that's what the trial is for. I LOVE your suggestion that, if they want the privilege of exploring all the options while keeping me on a leash, they will have to pay a premium. At the end of ninety days, if they are happy with the way things are working with me, we can discuss long-term options. If not, they are free to find someone else. I think that is fair to both parties.

Yeah, I'm afraid this is exactly it. I don't understand why she's not being honest with me, but I guess that's a different issue. The money is pretty decent for the time commitment. We won't get rich off of it or anything, but it would go a long way toward finishing off our debt. :001_smile: My mom and my sister both agree with dh: treat it like a temp job, get what I can out of it, and no hard feelings when it's over. And, as my sis says, on the off chance that both parties agree to re-up at the end of 90 days, it needs to be with the understanding that we're agreeing that the arrangement works as is, so no more of this funny business. I'm really not so peeved that they decided to advertise, per se, but that they didn't tell me they were doing it. I understand that they may be anxious to cover their bases. But I feel like they would have blindsided me with the news that they had hired somebody else if I hadn't happened to have heard from this other person that they were looking.

Sorry, I wasn't clear on this. They already have a part-time person in the office who was looking for more hours. So the plan (theirs -- not mine) was to move this person into a support role for the communications position. I would not be resuming the full role that I had when I started there (although after a few years it became a part-time position for me). I would be handling the "skilled" work that requires specialized knowledge (web design, etc.). The support person would handle the less-skilled tasks. But they would NOT be looking to hire anyone, because this person is already on staff. Between her and myself, that should cover all of the communications role. There is nothing to advertise for, unless they are already planning for this arragement not to work out.

That's fair. I can appreciate that. But assuming that's the case (and realizing that I worked with and knew these same people for close to 8 years), wouldn't it also have been fair for them to say, "We feel that we need someone who can commit to the job long-term. We're going to go ahead and advertise the position. Would you be interested in filling in until we hire someone?" The thing that bothers me most is, THEY approached ME. I wasn't looking for this and wouldn't have applied if I happened to hear about it. I guess I felt flattered that they came calling and now disappointed that it appears they were using me. I also have more experience with church politics than I care to remember (and not just this one church). That's exactly what makes me think I need to move rapidly in the opposite direction.

I am so mad right now I could spit fire, so this is partially a rant and partially a request for advice. Bear with me... A few weeks ago, I was approached by a former employer, a church where I served as communications director for several years, until I left about two and a half years ago to stay home with the littles. I was and have remained good friends with my boss, the parish administrator. The rector and I, on the other hand, butted heads fairly often. He's a passive-aggressive, manipulative control freak who has something negative to say about everything (or, on the rare occasions he doesn't, swipes the idea and passes it off to the parish as his own). God only knows how he'd describe me, but the rest of the staff was always highly complimentary of my work. The parish administrator told me they'd been having some trouble with the person who took my place as communications director. She wasn't qualified for the job when they hired her (ahem, church politics), and she'd since become very stressed and was not able to handle the responsibilities. She was unhappy in the position, and they were unhappy with her work, and she has given notice. The PA asked if I would be interested in resuming some of the job on a part-time basis from home. We just began homeschooling in August, which she knows. I seriously struggled with this decision. We could definitely use the money, and I think it would be good to keep my skills fresh and something on my resume, just in case. But I doubted whether I had the mental energy to pile the creative work the job entails on top of my other duties as wife/mom/teacher. And I was concerned as to how well this would work with the control-freak rector. Formerly, it was the times when I worked from outside office (e.g., maternity leave) that he seemed to be at his worst. Having a thumb on his employees via their physical presence in the office seems to be of prime importance to him. But, she convinced me to give it a 90-day trial, starting November 1 (i.e., this Friday). I have rearranged our daily schedule to make a couple of hours available for work, provided for baby-sitting/preschool pickup on the days I have to go to the office (45 minutes away) for meetings, etc., etc. I was nervous, but also excited that this was coming together. I had hope that after the issues of the past few years the rector would be more appreciative of my abilities and allow me to do my job in peace. That is, until this morning. That's when I got an email from another former colleague who works for a ministry affiliated with the church, asking about a freelance job (I have done freelance work for her for ages). As an aside, she also happened to say, "I hear you're going to be helping us out [at the church] while we look for a new communications person." Oh. Huh. I thought I WAS the new communications person. I texted dh to ask what he thought about this. Instead of responding to me, he took it upon himself to text the PA and ask her about it. (We three, along with the PA's dh, have been friends for a decade, so this is not as inappropriate as it sounds. However, I was angry at him for not talking to me first, and I let him know it.) I found her response troubling (okay, infuriating): "The vestry exec committee made a decision to advertise the position. [Peachy] will be included. Sine we are doing this as a trial with the job divided we have to have a backup if it doesn't work. [Peachy] and I agreed we will try it. I feel like it will work." Am I completely out of line to feel insulted that they are going to advertise the job, while offering it to me, before we even begin our partnership, and without bothering to tell me? FWIW, this is not a huge church. They rarely advertise any job opening, as they prefer whenever possible to hire people they know or who have some relationship to the church. Regardless, why would the PA, who is supposedly my friend, not tell me what was going on? It's completely possible that my former experience is tainting my judgment here, but I feel as though I'm being manipulated. The PA is denying it, but this looks to me as if the rector is already gearing up for this arrangement "not working out" and is using me to fill the gap while they look for somebody to replace the current communications director. It's not as if I would walk away at the end of 90 days, leaving them holding the bag. I didn't do that before (in fact, I gave a three-month notice and was told I was no longer needed a full month before my agreed-upon end date), and I wouldn't do it now. And it's not as if they aren't familiar with the quality of my work. So why would they feel the need to advertise now in case they *might* need somebody three months from now? DH thinks I should work whatever time I can, do the bare minimum, and take the money and run. I am very disappointed because I wanted this to work out, and I tried to be over-the-top clear with them about my availability and expectations from the beginning, hoping to avoid some of the problems we had before. But now I am second-guessing even wanting to get involved with these people again. I don't want to go back only to end up being jerked around. What would the hive do?

I agree with others that this is something you and your dh need to work out between yourselves before you try to take on your mil. If you can't come to an agreement with him and present a united front, it will be nearly impossible to reign her in. Trust me, I've been there. Perhaps you two have a friend or a couple who can help you work through this? Good luck! :grouphug:

I helped DD8 make her costume -- the dish that ran away with the spoon. We used round cake boards for the plate. My mom has one of those fork-and-spoon wall decorations (which she hates and has never put up), so she's borrowing the spoon. She wanted to be a whole place setting but we decided it would be too hard to carry the fork, spoon AND her candy bucket. I made DS3 a kissing booth costume out of a box, a couple pieces of dollar-store foam core, and some ancient bias tape I found at an estate sale. He doesn't really have an opinion about what he wears yet, so I figured I'd better take advantage of that -- might be my last year to make him cute!

Okay, I have to go WAY back... :tongue_smilie: When my parents were in college, my dad's roommate and my mom's roommate were dating each other. They were at different colleges about three hours away from each other. My parents' friends decided my mom and dad would be perfect for each other, so they cooked up a party at the guys' college to introduce them. Except my mom was getting over a bad break-up and had sworn off men... and my dad showed up with another date. But eventually they really did end up getting married, and so did the other couple. Fast forward a few years, and the other couple's son, J, and I are born just a few months apart. (No, he's not my DH!) Our families were close growing up -- went on vacation together every year, etc. We went to different schools, though, so I met a few of his friends but never really paid attention to them. When we were 15, I spent about 5 minutes chatting with one of them, W -- he was actually trying to set me up with another one of their friends! About six months later, J decided it would be funny to tell me that W had a crush on me, while telling W the same thing. We wound up talking on the phone for several weeks because neither of us had a driver's license. When we finally met for our first date, he was so nervous he let the door slam back and hit me in the nose. But he had really pretty blue eyes, and we've been together ever since -- 19 years this month (married 13)! For years my mother said we would have to send my two younger sisters over to her friends to find them husbands!

So sorry... what a giant pain! We went through all kinds of hassle selling our last house to a crazy person, including having to lower the price more than $7500 a few days before closing (long story). We're renting my grandmother's old house now and hope to build our dream home (by which I mean a little house that's exactly how I want it -- nothing fancy) next year. If I have my way, we won't ever sell a house again!! Hope this all works out for the best in the end!

This. Tullian Tchividjian has a new book out called "One-Way Love." I have only read excerpts so far, but what I've seen has been fantastic. You might find it helpful -- and I think it would probably be appropriate for a 13-year-old as well. There are excerpts on his blog.

I was on last night and again this morning with no issues. Hope you figure it out soon. Sorry I don't have any great ideas... :confused1:

We're FINALLY seeing the sun again today after two weeks of rain and general blahness! I really thought I was going to have to get some antidepressants. How do people who live in really rainy climates take it? It was supposed to be a low-key weekend for us, but we've suddenly got birthday events galore. MIL's birthday was yesterday, so we're taking her out to dinner tomorrow night. DH's best friend's birthday is Sunday, so we're taking him out to lunch. And all my spare time and energy seem to be going into planning DS's birthday party for next Saturday! Have a great weekend everybody!

Wow, look at you!! Keep it up, you can do it!!

Actually, the $600 million rumor turned out not to be true. The cost reported ($634 million) was the total of all the contracts between CGI (the main contractor on healthcare.gov) and Health and Human Services for the past seven years. The actual cost of the Obamacare website was closer to $94 million. Of course, that's still an awful lot of cash wasted on a thoroughly unfunctional site that's the laughingstock of the IT community. A lot of people are now starting to speculate as to when the administration shuts the entire thing down until the bugs are worked out. Apparently another one of the contractors that was once touting its role on healthcare.gov on its own site has now scrubbed all traces of it. Big mess.

:grouphug: Hugs and prayers heading your way.

I like that idea -- thanks! I wouldn't want to start something non-local, but I thought somebody might know of something that already existed. I think it has potential locally, though. Might be worth pursuing with the co-op, or even just among friends. We know several hs families with kids in a similar age range. Thanks for the suggestions! I was thinking when I wrote the OP that it would be great if the library had things. We certainly use it enough for books/CDs/movies! But as far as I know, no games or puzzles, etc. I should check at the larger library in the next county, though! Thank you!

Praying that this will be a time of healing for your family. The advice you've gotten here, and your subsequent plan, are excellent. Be strong and stick to what you know is best! :grouphug:

Seriously??? NC got A Walk to Remember? :cursing: What about Look Homeward Angel? Cold Mountain? Heck, even Jan Karon's Mitford series would be better...

The Rainbow Resource Christmas catalog came this afternoon, and I was just thumbing through it and checking out all the cool educational board games. I know some families are big board gamers, but we're... not. We might play a game a few times, but it doesn't seem to take long before it's relegated to the back of the closet somewhere. I would love to have more options for educational games to use for school, to help add some spice to our daily routine. But I just can't justify the cost, nor do I have anywhere to store dozens of board games. So I got to thinking: Wouldn't it be awesome if there were some kind of board game "swap" where you could trade games (and maybe other nonconsumable resources) with other families? I'm thinking locally, although I believe I've read about a company that does something similar with toys through the Internet/mail. IDK, it might be a total logistical nightmare, but it would be nice if it worked. Anybody have anything like that where you live? How does it work?

Welcome, Emily! I'm new too. We just pulled out of public school in August. I had always thought about homeschooling but it wasn't until I read TWTM that I felt like I could actually do it. This forum has been a GREAT place for me to learn -- so warm and welcoming! Best of luck!

Welcome! "The Story of the World" Curriculum Facebook group might have some resources for you: https://www.facebook.com/groups/168451126599666/ At one time there was some discussion about also opening groups for each of the four volumes. Don't know if that has happened. Good luck!