Well, that's one reason why I'm not ready to condemn him fully... perhaps he doesn't understand how he comes across. It SEEMS like he does, and like he uses his tone/volume on purpose, but maybe not.

Thank you, I love how you phrased this.

Oh, and the kicker is, after he went on and on to the last kid, he said, "You know I'm here to help you, right? You need to come talk to me when you don't understand assignments so I can clear things up for you." Uhhhh.... NO! There is absolutely NO WAY any of the students are going to him for help because they're all terrified of getting yelled at (their words). The A+, quiet, sit-in-their-seats-with-no-problems kids can, because they never get reamed out, but my ADHD students with other LDs are never, ever going to do that.

Thank you for asking! It's school vacation so I'm trying to think of what to say. **Please don't quote, I should probably delete this later** I don't care what he says when it's just me, or when he has a complaint that he airs in a staff meeting. I just explain the reasoning behind whatever it is and move on. An example of something that really ticks him off is when I schedule meetings on Friday afternoons. He's complained about that in a private conversation with just me, in an email to me AND everyone on the team AND the principal, and AGAIN in the hallway with another teacher present. The third time it happened I just said, "Gee, I heard you the FIRST TWO TIMES!" The other coworker laughed. I mean, really... it's so minor and dumb. Nobody wants to meet on Fridays which is why Fridays are available for meeting! I'm not a magical wizard that can convene the 8 people required BY LAW on the specific day HE prefers. The thing I object to most is when he comes to my room (or asks me to step out in the hall with him and a student), then lays into the student, going on and on about whatever the kid supposedly did wrong (didn't turn in homework, told their parent it was done but it wasn't, etc). I'm always standing there, unprepared, and it must seem to the student as if I'm okay with what's going on. I'm usually in agreement about what the kid did, but the approach is totally inappropriate. The last time it happened I tried to head him off, but he said, "Not now, Mrs. Kanin!" I'm doubting myself, though, after someone here asked if he was actually yelling or just a guy that has a loud voice. He has a loud voice, and isn't yelling, but even I feel intimidated by it. However... I might be particularly sensitive to raising voices - I've been told that. When kids cry when he leaves the room, and I'm left with them crying, it's not right.... right? I don't want to teach middle schoolers that "some people are just like that" and they have to let it go. A student did tell me that that teacher doesn't respect me and treats me like one of the students. Ouch! I went to the principal and offered to talk to this guy for me. I said I'd rather talk to him on my own first. I'm drawing a blank on what to do, though. I should probably prepare for a variety of responses but honestly I feel major anxiety when I even think about planning for this. Ugh. I don't know if anyone has asked him to soften his tone before. All of the people I could ask about the history are bound to talk about it with other people, so I don't want to even bring it up. **Please don't quote**

No advice, but I'm like this too, and I usually wake up feeling exhausted from whatever happened in the dream.

I have a lot of thoughts about this matter, and I'm not sure if any of them are a "but." I think they're "ands" because I'm thinking all of them at the same time. - It's really sweet of the bus driver to help that kid. AND - It's unfortunate that dress-up days make some kids feel left out and sad. AND - Dress-up days are a lot of fun for some people AND - Dress-up days are no fun for a some people AND - I personally enjoyed some dress-up days at our spirit week last week (Western day was surprisingly fun, also 60s day because I could wear my Beatles t-shirt, and sports day because it's the one day a year I can wear a hat), but some were not fun and I felt left out, even as an adult (example, twin day). AND - I'm not sure if I'd eliminate spirit week because it does bring joy to many students. As someone else posted, every "special" day has the potential to make someone feel left out. I'd just keep the amount of days reasonable, unlike Terabith's district!

Wow! That's an excessive number of dress-up days. Thankfully my school doesn't do this, but don't forget the many schools were kids can buy carnations for Valentine's day, or candy-grams, or whatever that also make other kids feel left out when they don't get one.

She's so cute!! My kitty likes to eat black beans! All beans, actually, but black beans are his fav. He won't eat cheese or anything dairy. Cats are awesome!

Good question, maybe he's just a jerk.

Oh wow. Was the boss a friend of the bully?

Well, yes. I'm going to talk first, then escalate.

Ha! Love that.

Yes, this! Clearly this behavior has gotten them what they wanted in the past. It's an open secret that the rest of us are over it - but I don't know if anyone's addressed his behavior to his face. I've only been working here for a few years, compared to some people who have been here 15-20+ years.

I did this yesterday. I'm going to approach my coworker and discuss the behavior before asking for backup from admin.

I'd classifying it as raising his voice rather than yelling. He's got a belligerent expression on his face while doing it. He's persistent that I do things the way he wants them to be done - like arrange a meeting in person rather than on Zoom, because he wants it that way. Or saying he's not going to do something that I suggest because he doesn't believe it needs to happen.

I do, and I agree!

The title says it all. I work with a bully! He is nice 95% of the time, and then loud and pushy for the other 5% of the time. His way of getting what he wants is to raise his voice (and boy, can his voice project!). I am disgusted with myself for being intimidated by it, but I am. There is also a 20+ age difference. I want to address this with him directly, because I think it's important for co-workers to be able to talk with each other, and because I also hate the idea of going to a supervisor before trying to work things out first. I just have absolutely no idea of how to go about it. Every scenario I play out in my head ends with a raised voice and sarcasm.

Oof, all of this sounds awful. Do you have a hot water bottle? That's great for stomach pain.

The two best people!!

Oh no! Sending good vibes your way.

And also, I think it's a horrible idea for teachers to get bonuses for student achievement! Teachers get the group they get. Sometimes it's a high-achieving group and sometimes it's not. I would never work in a district that did that.

I totally agree with you. My DH works in an organization that's very committed to recognizing employee efforts and successes. They regularly recognize employees in small ways and large. I can really see how it boosts employee engagement with their workplace. For me, working in a school? Not so much. We occasionally get a "thank you for everything you do!" email from the principal, or snacks from the PTO. It's nice, but it doesn't really feel like we're being specifically recognized. It's so general as to be pretty much meaningless. And moving up the ladder? There's no ladder unless you switch to administration. No opportunity to make more money unless you're on a committee - no bonuses.

Me too. I decided I don't care enough to work on it right now. It's not on the priority list.

I suggest the I Mom So Hard podcast. It's hilarious and you feel like you're hanging out with two friends 🙂

Do you think you may have ADHD? Inability to begin things (task initiation) is a hallmark of ADHD.