Wanted to chime in, if you have guns, get them out of the house ASAP. They can be sold for quick cash or used in a crime or against you. If they are stolen/sold and then used in a crime you could be held responsible. Your son is ill and unpredictable. Don't take any chances here.

I appreciate this statement. When I was in social work school in 1990 the prof I had for child psychopathology was still teaching that autism was the result of the "refrigerator mother". That thought haunted me when our son was diagnosed in 2000. Today I know that is garbage, but it is a pervasive thought that has not completely gone away. Blaming the mothers/parents for the crimes of the mentally ill child often seems to be the first reaction.

Therapy with a highly skilled therapist who was able to remain neutral and teach us skills and techniques we could use every day.

These are my recommendations. I say this as a recovering person who needed my parents to give me a kick in the a$$ when I was drinking/drugging from 16+. I love my parents and they are great people but they believed my lies and hoped I was going through a "phase". 1) Funding for school ends if you are helping him unless he goes along with the plan 2) Do not let him drive if at all possible. If you pay for insurance, cancel it. He has not come home high or drunk - that you know of. Don't buy that. Addicts are very, very good. If you can tolerate it, he can go visit his friends but he should plan on crashing with them until he is clean and sober. Be prepared for pleading and rage at this. He will tell you how unreasonable you are and so on. Too bad. If you are going with your drinking/drugging buddies stay put until you are sober - And I will meet you at the door when you come home to deny entry if I suspect you are high/drunk. 3) Talk to your younger children. They probably know already. Now is not the time for secrets and tip-toeing. 4). Did you search his room. Getting rid of alcohol/meds in your home is a temporary solution. If he can leave the home and drive to visit friends, he will get stuff. My guess is this has been going on for some time. Substance use/abuse may be masking other underlying mental health issues which is why I strongly suggest a full health and mental health screening. ETA - my suggestions will differ from those of others here. This is why I strongly suggest getting in to see a substance abuse professional ASAP, even if your son will not agree to go with you. Talking with a skilled professional will help you and your husband (and two younger children) hammer out a plan you can all live with and present a united front. You will all need to be on the same page with this for it to be effective. Again, my prayers are with you.

Thank you for the additional details. If your son struggles with a serious mental health issue you may be able to take emergency guardianship of him but that process takes time and is not easy and you may not have the luxury of time. It is important not to let thing go back to the "status quo" after he wakes up and you all have a chance to talk. He may be contrite, apologetic, tell you he was upset and does not really have a problem, will never do it again, blah blah blah. Don't believe it. He may say anything and even do anything in the hope you and dh will let this drop and then he will go right back to the behavior. Crises can be a great motivator and now is the time for action. If you are funding him (school, car, pocket money) you will need to stop. Especially if he is using and driving. Assistance from you can only come if he is willing to play by your rules. Your house, your money, your rules. Since he is 18 you cannot legally control him but you can control the resources you give to him. No using in the house. No drinking/drugging friends in the house. Submission to room searches and random drug screens. Substance abuse counseling, therapy and physical/mental health screening. You will need to be part of that process since addiction is an illness that impacts the entire family. If he does not want to adhere to this you will need to decide what the consequence will be. He may not be able to live with you and you will need to be prepared for this heartbreaking possibility. Let him know you love him but cannot have him live with you and behave that way and that you are ready to throw 100% support behind him when he is ready to accept the plan being offered. I am so very sorry for this turmoil you are going through and am lifting your family up in prayer.

I'm so sorry. Since your son is over 18 there is not much that you will be able to do because of HIPAA. I am an advocate of detaching with love. It might be time to tell your son that whether or not he remains a guest in your home depends on his decision to receive and follow through with a treatment program. I suggest that you tell him this only if you and your dh are prepared to follow through. I would also suggest you and your dh seek counseling for yourselves, even if your son refuses to participate. I'm so sorry - I am sure your mother's heart is hurting.

Riding my bike everywhere and exploring the neighborhoods and nearby university, being outside all day, going to the library and used book store, listening to favorite albums over and over and over, taking care of my pet frog, learning about the things I was interested in, long car ride vacations and camping, hiking through snow to get to school . . .

We would pay off our house and do some home improvement projects. We would continue to help our daughters with school/career plans. I would want to eventually set up a group home for adults with autism or a foundation. Illinois lacks in long term services.

My dad and I had this conversation years ago. We live in the Chicagoland area. Some years ago one of the young men who was an heir to the Walgreens fortune died of a drug overdose. His girlfriend and mother of his children lost custody and also died of a drug overdose. Here is a very wealthy, powerful family with terrible, heartbreaking trouble. In my opinion, money could certainly help a situation which may eventually bring happiness (i.e. Therapy or drug treatment, etc.). But I do not believe having money guarantees happiness. Americans are very wealthy compared to so many in other parts of the world. Yet so many struggle with discontent and unhappiness. I am not talking about those who face mental illness but rather those who are always seeking something external to make them happy. In that situation money may bring temporary happiness but not necessarily lasting contentment and joy.

I have not read all the responses but I do believe much has to do with the owners. I was absolutely terrified of Dobermans and Rottweilers until I met my cousin's husband. This gentleman researched dog breeds and worked with his dogs. They were wonderful, obedient dogs and I enjoyed being around them and became less afraid of these breeds (they have since passed away - this was over the span of 20+ years). I am not a dog owner (due to allergies), but I do believe so much has to do with the training.

We had raccoons in our attic. The mother raccoon climbed right up the drain spout and squeezed in through some loose shingles. We had a service come and set a live trap with peanut butter.

Congratulations to you all!

Thinking of you and praying.

Unless I am mistaken the recommendation is exams be done every 3 years now unless there is a history of cervical/uterine cancer. And I agree - find someone else. The exam should have stopped immediately when you said it hurt and the doctor should have found a way to make things more comfortable. Sounds like someone was in a hurry!

Don't mean to hijack but can you watch Doctor Who this way? We don't have cable here and I miss the show since it was dropped from Amazon Prime. Thanks.

I'm not sure if Home Storage Solutions has a plan such as what you described. Motivated Moms might have what you are looking for, but is is not free. Here is the link for you to take a look. I think the app may be customizable so you may be able to add those tasks where you need reminding. http://www.motivatedmoms.com

My dh is an electrician. This is what he said after I had him read your post: Lights above sink were probably added after ceiling light was already there. It is important to know if your house is wired in conduit, or if in Romex or BX or some other form. If house is wired in conduit, this is easy to fix. If Romex or BX or similar, this may be a very expensive fix. You would probably have to re-feed by cutting open the plaster or ceiling and then patching after the work is complete. If you are very lucky and if you have a basement or crawl space underneath your kitchen it may be possible to re-feed the existing switches from underneath and disconnecting them from the ceiling light completely. This is a fairly tricky task but is do-able.

Do they live far away? I help a friend with her dog but since I'm allergic the dog can't come to my home. I go over to my friend's house 2-3 times a day to let the dog out. We live about a 5-10 minute drive away. My kids love spending time with the dog and I am happy to help my friend (who takes care of our guinea pigs when we go away). It does make for a busier week but if you decide you want to help maybe that could be a solution?

I was also overwhelmed with FlyLady. This year I am trying the declutter schedule found here: http://www.home-storage-solutions-101.com

I would like to learn meditation skills but I do not know where to begin. My specific questions are: How did you learn meditation? Through a class, book, video, audio? I am looking for an economical way to learn techniques. What have been the benefits and how often do you meditate? When do make the time? Is there a spiritual component? I am Christian and would be interested in "Christian" meditation if there is such a thing, but that is not necessary - I would just like to be aware of options. Thanks in advance for any tips!

Hugs. I understand. I was so sad when my dh said no to me about a fourth. He felt three (including our special needs son) was all we could handle. In time I was able to let go and find peace. I am sorry for your sadness.

Since she has been ill and has medical (physical therapy) appointments I wonder if you can get a statement from her doctor excusing her? I believe in our civic duty but I have been excused from Jury Duty twice - once after the birth of my oldest (she was nursing and I told them I would be happy to serve but needed to bring her with) and more recently as I am the primary caretaker of our son with autism (doctor statement was provided).

Waiting for Saturday to go buy the latest popular LP record, then taking it home and listening to it over and over again in my room on my turntable. Riding my bike all over the place . . . without a helmet. Lots of fun TV programming comes to my mind: Saturday morning cartoons - Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Hour . . . and SchoolHouse Rock songs interspersed throughout the morning. All watched on a little black and white TV. The Mickey Mouse Club, Family Classics on Sunday afternoons, Ray Rayner, Bozo's Circus (my mom and I made it on that show when I was 5). The build up to and finally the wedding of Luke and Laura on General Hospital. Watching the test flights of the space shuttle when it piggy-backed on the jumbo jet. Being ticked off that the Watergate hearings interrupted regular programs. We were on a camping vacation when my mom turned on the car radio and we heard about Nixon's resignation.

I don't mind aging except for the aches and pains in my knees. Mentally I feel "young" but am frustrated when my body does not seem to want to cooperate.

Fourth of July for us. We go to the parade together as a family, and then picnic and wait for fireworks. While I love other holidays and getting together with extended family, the Fourth is "our" holiday. We stay in our community and celebrate in a simple, peaceful way.