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Ameena

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Posts posted by Ameena

  1. Since you asked WWYD, I'd have to say that I'd not force my daughter to wear a "training" shelf just because she has beginning buds.  You've used some strong words -- detest, force, furious -- if these are accurate, then you're daughter isn't ready for this next phase.  It's okay to not be in a hurry to grow up.   Now you did mention she was uncomfortable with the boy's glances, so use this as a starting point in your discussion. Is she uncomfortable enough to want to change her wardrobe?  Does she need a safe place to talk to mom about it?  Does she want to learn how to tell him to "knock it off" or would she like the moms to handle it?  All of these things let her know that mom is on her side and willing to be there for her.  You've got a lifetime ahead with your dd so now's the time to build your relationship so that when the major things hit her, you can be there on her side. 

     

    After having three boys and then a daughter, I totally had no idea how to raise a girl.  My dear mil only has boys and my mom isn't interested in family relationships so they weren't the help that I needed.  I was so desperate that I began to look at the families we were around and notice which moms had great relationships with their daughters and  seemed to have the same beliefs that we did.  I found several of these moms and approached them about being someone I could talk to.  Two of them were willing and still help me along occasionally in our journey.   It's been about nine years now, and these ladies have  been such a blessing to us.

     

    As an aside, you might want to take a look at your daughter's early development.  I'm not sure how much her "booty" has developed, but if it was a year ago, then we're talking about development in a six or seven year old.  If you're seeing puberty type development, then a talk to your pediatrician is probably in order.

     

    Best wishes as you find your path.

     

    She isn't willing to change her wardrobe - she pretty much wears whatever she likes that covers & is comfy lol. The brighter the color & the more sparkly it is, the better. She isn't uncomfortable with the looks per say - just she didn't understand the WHY behind it & the lack of knowing made her uncomfortable. After I explained, she was okay with it. I should probably mention that this is the first boy she has ever been anything close to friends with, and it's on account of him being the cousin of her 2 best friends. She still is very much at the boys are icky / bullies stage with the exception of this one who is "just another kid" according to her. Her logic - not mine. I think it helps that her friend still looks like he is about 8 even if he is 11.

     

    I have been concerned with her early development lately. The booty development was surprising, but tolerable with the exception of I'm getting comments on occasion from moms about have I considered DD becoming a model or acting {apparently she has the build for it, according to a local mom who does child modeling}. I discussed her development with her Dr at her last checkup, but he wasn't overly concerned given the family history of early puberty, and apparently 8 while on the early side is still considered normal. He did say that had it not been for the family history of early development, he might have considered suppressing it hormonally, but I am not comfortable with the possible side effects of that either :(

     

    Its a wonderful idea to find some local moms to help with the knowledge. Unfortunately in 4 years of homeschooling & 8 years of being a single mom, I've yet to find any kindred spirits with the same or similar mindsets. Most of the local homeschoolers here that I've met are much more religious / puritian in thinking than myself. We are much more relaxed.

  2. My guess would be that they would match the price before coupon, but not after. Whenever there is a part B to the sale I think the merchant leans toward not honoring that price. I hope you can get what you are looking for, though :)

     

    Does anyone know if/when Lego sets would go on sale? I didn't see anything in my Black Friday links about the particular things I'm interested in. I'm eyeballing Hobbit sets.

     

    Normally you're right, but in this case I think it will work as the ad clearly spells out the sale price of $4.99 and the price of $2.99 after manufacturers coupon.

     

    Worst case scenario I can go to Toysrus when I am over that way this week.

  3. Toysrus has Hasbro games {cootie, chutes & ladders, candy land, memory} for $4.99 today in their ad. With the coupon in today's inserts for $2 off {also available I think at hasbro rewards}, they are just $2.99.

     

    They also have Life, Battleship, Scrabble & Operation for $11.99, and there is a $3 off coupon same as above, making them just $8.99.

     

    Walmart & Target should price match :) I am probably going to pick up a couple. Not sure if they will be for dd or go to toys for tots.

     

     

  4. Ameena? IIRC, you have a background that shapes issues of sexuality and development in ways that make it difficult to "see" situations in a healthy, normative, way. Forgive me if you are not the poster I am thinking of; my brain does not work as well as it used to.

     

    Nonetheless, there is room here to back up and relax. Even if "boys" are looking at your dd, there is nothing wrong with that. It is normal behavior.

     

    Wearing a bra is culturally normal, not a biological imperative. The term training is a bit of a misnomer. There is nothing in reality at just turned 8 that this should be a big issue. I encourage you to take a step back and let her need to be an 8 year old girl "win". There is nothing at risk or wrong with that.

     

    Actually, I think you do have me confused with another poster. I made the comment about the boys looking at dd because it made HER uncomfortable honestly - she asked me why the 11yo boy she plays with kept looking at her the other day when she was wearing tight jeans & a tank top.

     

    I get that wearing a bra for most is a cultural norm. Nevertheless, it is the norm here especially for more developed girls. If my dd is like me {and I suspect she is}, we have about a year at most until she is a C cup. So fast forward a year - 9, a B/C cup, and still not wanting to wear one. WWYD then? I am trying to prevent what happened to me at age 10 when my mom finally took me to buy one against my will. I was a D cup and really should have had one earlier but I like my dd wasn't one to talk to my mom about private things at that age.

     

    What about the kind of camis that have a built-in "bra?" They are basically a half-layer that doubles the top thickness. Still cool and comfy, but with a teeny amount of extra "support"/coverage.

     

    I kinda understand her "growing up" thing--it's not time yet, and she knows that. If you make growing up all about covering and being uncomfortable with her body, that's not going to be good. It seems she's got that idea.

     

    So maybe you could cull the thinnest and tightest clothes from her wardrobe for now, get some doubled camis, and then just let it go. Of course, you may not be able to find them in her size.

     

    Dd came to ME and told me herself when she felt she needed a bra. We used sports bras for a while. 5th grade is different than second grade, though.

     

    Where would I find doubled camis? She wears a size 8/10 girls depending on the fit fwiw. We normally thrift shop for clothing so I honestly have no idea where to find them. I know Walmart here doesn't have any as I looked.

     

    I'm not making it at all about covering up everything. But on the other hand I am trying to preserve her natural sense of modesty while dealing with a rapidly blossoming body.

     

    DD is not the type to come to me about anything private, honestly. She never has been, even as a baby. I'm okay with that - she just is intensely private about herself. If I have a concern or want to know what is going on, I read her diary.

  5. File this under potentially embarrassing mom questions that I don't have anywhere else to ask lol. I think bOOkhelves is the board term if I recall correctly, but if not feel free to correct me.

     

    DD just turned 8 two months ago, and starting to "bud" pretty rapidly on the top. She already has filled out in the booty department about a year ago. In the last month or so the buds have become noticeable if she wears a snugger top or at the right angle from the side in anything but a loose / thick top. I have noticed the boys she plays basketball with from time to time noticing it, so it's apparent. Given my family history, she is probably going to develop fairly quickly and at an early age.

     

    The issue is - she detests the idea of wearing training bOOkshelves. I bought her 3 for starters, and she won't touch them with a 10ft pole, even though we made a special trip & she helped pick them {based on color only - she refused to comment as to fit / styles}. I know some folks just layer camis at this age, but most of the year her normal top is just a cami due to heat so I don't want her to make doing that a habit. Her two friends that are girls both wear them, so it's not a early development issue {I don't think}. We've read Care & Keeping of You, so she understands what is going on {I think}. She is a mild Aspie & very stubborn when she sets her mind to something - and she's pretty much set her mind to not wearing them.

     

    WWYD? I hate to force her to wear them, but she is going to have to start wearing them pretty quickly for modesty reasons. I also don't want her to be like me {my mom never bought me trainers, and when I started needing a real one it was a huge adjustment}. She also hates the idea of growing up, so anything that make her seem to be moving towards that is out. I'm at my wits end, and every time I bring up the matter with her she ends up either furious or in tears. I've even tried bribes :(

  6. Bumping - we aren't doing one, but love the concept. If I could find a less missionary type group doing it I'd be all over it.

     

     

    I don't know if it's in every area, but when I was a kid the county ag office that ran 4-H did a Christmas event every year for families living in the colonias nearby. We did stockings, gifts, and a hot meal for each family, and you were able to pick from a list of children.

  7. I was homeschooled 4th through 8th in the mid/late-90's.

     

    The things I remember are:

     

    ~Hating Saxon Math {though now I use it with my kid}

    ~Mostly unschooling, after we got through the bad habits I'd picked up in public school. I did a lot of reading on my own. Mom made some of my workbooks herself & I really hated those.

    ~Not really fitting in with the rest of the local group as we weren't homeschooling for religious reasons & didn't use abeka / rod & staff.

    ~Loving the freedom to do family history for history in school. I developed a love for the history of my family that is still around today. And my college professors said I had the best grasp of US history they'd ever seen.

    ~Homeschool 4-h. We had yearbook, rocketry, and sewing :) And Holiday helper at the ag office.

    ~Third Thursday Thingamabob at the library - aka each one teach one / public speaking.

    ~Y2k, and the wierd survivalist movement that went through our homeschool group.

    • Like 1
  8. It looks like it is is for all teens, not just girls or boys, which I like better

     

    http://www.amazon.com/Changing-Bodies-Lives-Expanded-Relationships/dp/081292990X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415302907&sr=8-1&keywords=our+bodies+ourselves+teen

     

    And no kids that age are thrilled to be in a group setting when talking about their bodies etc, lol. But the group leaders are trained to deal with it. I have taught the 4-6 grade class (I don't teach it to 4th graders...too early IMO) and it goes a lot better than you might think. The older class is quite age appropriate for 8-9th graders, my older son has taken it and he loved it.

     

    And I am curious about what you think the class would 'encourage'? In my experience of teaching both the first grade OWL and the 5-6th grade OWL and seeing my husband go through the training to be a 8-9th grade OWL class and teach it I don't see sexuality education as encouraging much beyond thoughtful discussion. I have seen it dismissed as irrelevant when a kid is too young. That is why we don't offer the 4-7th grade class to 4th graders. For the vast majority of them, puberty is seen as being too far away to be of interest.  They don't find the information relevant and they tune out. Once they get a year or so older though, they get plenty interested and ask some great questions. They ask anonymously, everyone is required to put an index card in the question box at the beginning and end of every meeting. They have to write something on the card, song lyrics or 'blah blah blah' or 'I don't have a question' etc. But you would be surprised at how often they take the opportunity to ask some fantastic questions. 

     

    And the website for planned parenthood has for teens is useful as well. I made sure my son knows how to get to it if he needs factual information.

     

    http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teens

    Because he might have  question that he doesn't want to ask me or his dad, and I want him to know where he can find reality based information.

     

    I don't think it's so much that the class would encourage it per say, but on the other hand discussion can lead to action sometimes. I can easily see her going to this class, then coming home & discussing it with her friends {2 girls & 2 boys, all her age or a few years older} who live next door & 2 houses down. While her friends are mostly good kids, they are much much more wise in this area than dd & sometimes the topics they discuss get a bit adult. I think also I was possibly envisioning the class differently than it may actually be.

     

    But I would like dd to beat the odds of my family - most of my sisters {and several of my brothers} all had kids before turning 18. My sister L had twins at 13. While I was the odd one out {I was 21 when dd was born, and considered an old maid by most of my siblings}, I can easily see how dd would think that it's okay / normal to be sexually active / have kids at a young age from looking at our family & those of her friends. I guess what I'm looking for in a program really is something with the mindset of "Okay I'd rather you weren't sexually active at this age. Or for the next couple of years at least. But if you choose to be sexually active, here is how to do it safely & hopefully not end up with a bunch of kids before you finish high school like your aunts / uncles / your friends older siblings."

     

     

    Not sure if I explained that very well or not....sorry. I hate that I'm having to think about this much earlier than I had planned due to dd's early blooming.

  9. Well, my church uses the OWL curriculum.

     

    http://www.uua.org/re/owl/

     

    I do know that some homeschoolers have bought the curriculum and adjusted it to use with one kid. But if there is a UU church nearby you might contact them and see if they are offering OWL for her age? Our church always welcomed OWL participants from the community. There is a middle school level (grades 4-6) and a high school level (8-10th grade). The middle school level is mostly about puberty and becoming teenagers. The 8th grade version is about decision making, values clarification, and factual information about sex, sexuality, birth control, gender identity, relationships etc It is pretty darn thorough. Ours always ends with a visit to the local Planned Parenthood so the kids know where it is and what it offers. One of the OWL teachers at our church is both a member and a staff member of PP so it works out well.

     

    And I think there is a Our Bodies/Ourselves that is geared towards teen girls? Is that the one that is too wordy for her? Or is the one for adult women?  My son has the teen boy version of Our Bodies/Ourselves and he really liked it.

     

    You can also contact your local Planned Parenthood and see what information they have. Some have bigger educational departments than others. But maybe they are hosting some workshops etc that she could attend?

     

    Sounds very interesting. I am not sure dd would be willing to do a group setting type class though - she is very private when it comes to this issue because she is not really wanting to grow up, yet she is quickly catching up to her friends who are a year & 2 years older. I am not sure if the 8th grade class would cover this material too late for her though. On one hand I don't want to encourage her at a young age, yet on the other hand I'm trying to be realistic based on my own experience as an early bloomer, and I know by the age of 12 I was a hormonal boy crazy mess that only stayed single because of my dad & the fact that all the neighbor boys were afraid of him. If there were something like the high school class, but geared towards middle schoolers it would be perfect.

     

    The Our Bodies Ourselves I have is the adult one from the 90's. Didn't realize there was a teen version - will have to look for that next time I am at BN.

    I will check into PP. I don't know that ours does much educational stuff anymore - most of their services were taken over by the local hospital system which only does an abstinence class :(

  10. Been a while since I was here, but I thought since this board is more open-minded that perhaps someone could help. I'm working ahead on laying out our coursework, and I am trying to come up with a comprehensive health / sex ed program for dd. Can anyone suggest a book / program to use? Would be used probably in 5th / 6th grade, but I'm okay with maybe a program geared towards high school age as well since dd is an early bloomer.

     

    We've already done Care & Keeping of You this year as dd is beginning to bloom - loved it, but it really doesn't deal with the sex ed portion of things. I have Our Bodies, Ourselves, but it's too wordy & boring IMO for dd. Is there a good resource out there that isn't preachy that covers the fine details & health aspects? I really want something comprehensive similar to the course I took in college {which of course had no book :( }.

     

    A secular program would be great - does such a thing exist?

  11. I don't live in the area but I was really wanting to go.  Did you go?  We are considering moving to S.A. at least for the next 5 years.  I was wondering if the book swap was any good.

     

    I did go, as a seller. The book swap is great IMO for picking stuff up very cheaply. I sold about $100 worth - not as much as some but that's because I also sell online & don't sell at the dirt cheap prices that many do at the swap.

  12. Just curious if there is enough of us going to have a WTM meet-up :) I will be there selling tons of stuff, including Sonlight stuff. Hours are 9-12 tomorrow at FEAST. $2 admission for adults if you aren't selling, or bring a box of stuff for the Goodwill drive & get in free.

     

    I know a few of us that are in the area talked about the sale a bit a while back when it was convention time, and several were interested in the used book sale.

  13. I love old houses. I looked at some 1920's ones when hunting for my current home, but the price was just too high for my budget.

     

    Instead, I ended up in a 1969 built home - that has many of the same issues y'all talk about. TINY bathrooms. Foundation issues - the floor is actually cracking up in 1 room. The entire house slants towards 1 end - except for the added part in the living room which slants towards the other end. The drywall is a mess, and bowing in several places because the guy who owned it prior didn't install / tape it correctly. It still has the nasty old single pane windows, except that the previous guy's renters broke most of them & he replaced with thin plexiglass.

     

    I can't complain too much though - it was only $35k for the house. It's paid for except for taxes annually, and those are only around $800.

     

     

    I have dreams of someday when I come into money knocking out some walls, turning this 4 bed 1.5 bath into a 2 or 3 bed, 1 bath. And making the kitchen into a big enough space to actually work in with countertops to use - as it is now my dd & I don't fit in the kitchen at the same time lol.

  14. Have you been checked for MTHFR?

    This can deplete a lot of these vital hormone levels along with glutathione.

     

    What is MTHFR? I've never heard of it, so probably have never been checked.

     

    I'm just starting on this road and sorting everything out but I would say that low stomach acid goes hand in hand with hypothryoid making it difficult to absorb what you do eat. I know I'm crazy low on iron and I eat meat ALL the time. I'm having tests run now to see what else I might be low in and why but that is one problem for those with thyroid issues. For some of us just eating the right food isn't enough. I'm curious to see my b and d levels. I know when I added in sublingual b's in Jan it made a big difference in how I feel, so I'm anxious to see what the tests say. Someone just mentioned pernicious anemia to me on another thread and I'll be investigated that as well.

     

    I am HYPERthyroid, fairly well controlled with medication. I have high stomach acid & take a high dose of Zantac twice daily to keep it in check {Otherwise I am the fire breathing dragon & get ulcers}.

     

    My Endo ran the following bloodwork last time:

     

    TSH 1.698 normal

    Free T3 3.0 normal

    Free T4 1.1 normal

    Sodium Serum 139 normal

    Potassium Serum 3.8 normal

    Chloride Serum 102 normal

    Carbon Dioxide Total Serum 30 HIGH

    Anion Gap 7 normal

    Glucose Serum 82 normal {wasn't fasting}

    Blood Urea Nitrogen Serum 11 normal

    Creatinine Serum 0.70 normal

    Calcium Serum 9.2 normal

    Phosphorus Serum 3.5 normal

    Albumin Serum 3.9 normal

    Vitamin D 25-Hydroxy 15 LOW

    Vitamin b12 Level 367 {test says normal, but she called it borderline low}

    GFR >60 Normal

    White BLood Cell Count 7.7 normal

    RBC Count 4.82 normal

    Hemoglobin 14.2 normal

    Hemacrit 41.1 normal

    MCV 85.3 normal

    MCH 29.5 normal

    MCHC 34.5 normal RDW 13.1 normal

    Mean Platlet Volume 11.1 normal

    Platlet Count 245 normal

     

    Half of that stuff I don't know what is, honestly lol.

     

    I think the B 12 can be hereditary. Many in my family have had to have the injections no matter how much red meat they eat. I haven't had to have those yet but I do have to take a good supplement in addition to eating red meat often. I also eat a breakfast cereal with 100% B 12 added.

     

    I know my mom was always anemic, but it was due to low iron. I've never heard of anything b-12 related.

  15. Take Cod Liver Oil.

     

    Eat lots of red meat.

     

    If the Cod Liver Oil also makes you feel yucky, it may be because the company added in synthetic D in order to standardize the amount. The only company that I know of that doesn't do that is Green Pastures. They have a new product out that has lots of goodies emulsified into coconut oil. It's not tasty, but it's not awful either.

     

    Is the red meat for B-12? If so I don't understand how I possibly could be low - we eat beef at least a couple of times a week if not more. I tend to alternate beef nights with chicken or fish nites, but we go for more beef as i have a history of being anemic if I don't get quite a bit of beef/bison in my diet.

     

  16. Yesterday I had an appointment with my endocrinologist for my thyroid. As part of the bloodwork, she tested both Vitamin D & B12. My vitamin D was borderline low last time, but this time was critically low - 15. My b12 was borderline low as well.

     

    What could be causing this? I eat a fairly balanced diet. The Vitamin D I understand being low, as I know it comes from sunlight & I am a very modest dresser covering all but hands, face & feet. I was taking both Vitamin D & B12, but stopped as they were making me feel really yucky.

     

    What can I do to raise my levels naturally?

  17. When you say more exercise-- what did you do? One of my children has insomnia problems- but not this severe.

     

    Well, on a regular day she gets quite a bit of walking. Not sure exactly how much, but the walk just from our house to the bus is .5 mile each way, and she regularly walks / runs it. She also plays outside a lot, normally running / jumping mostly.

     

    I have tried taking her to the park & letting her have a good hour or two of free play in addition to the walking, which for her means lots of climbing on the jungle gym, slides, etc.

     

    We have not done any "formal" exercise. I have considered putting her in something like Karate, but she does not do well in a classroom setting & I don't feel she is ready for that maturity-wise.

  18. :grouphug:

     

    It doesn't help to put her to bed earlier and wake her up earlier? Or to wake her up even when she doesn't actually fall asleep for a long time?

     

    Not really. Putting her to bed earlier is an exercise in futility. You can put her in bed, but getting her to stay is impossible. She will play possum until she hears me go to bed {thinking she is asleep}, then get up & play all night in her room.

     

    Waking her early is sometimes possible if I can catch her when she is less deeply asleep - KWIM? Otherwise it's pretty much impossible as she is a very very deep sleeper once she is asleep. But the times I have managed to wake her early it did not improve her sleep schedule at all - if anything it made it worse. When she gets over-tired, she gets very irritable and wired instead of sleepy.

  19. Something my kids strangely love is eating lunch at the local elementary schools—they have a free summer lunch program for ages 1 to 18. Maybe it's the novelty of a cafeteria atmosphere? I also like not having to make lunches at home those days.

     

     

    My dd loves this too!

     

     

    For us, summer is the busy time. We spend a lot of time away from home soaking up free a/c since we don't have a/c {our house is set up for a/c, but the system is non-functional :( }. For us, that means lots of time at the library, thrift shops, walmart, etc. We haven't really done movies - I need to look into that this year.

     

    It's funny - our rest / down time is Winter. When it's cold, we stay home, relax with a nice cup of hot chocolate or tea, watch movies, play board games & do lots of read-alouds. I work on the house {if it's not too cold}.

  20. DD has always had issues sleeping. Even as a newborn she just didn't sleep enough - she never napped but would sleep from around 9pm til 7am or so. Fastforward to now, she is 7 and gets maybe 6-8 hours a night on a good night. Normally she sleeps from 2-3am until anywhere from 9am to noon. With her waking so late, it means nothing gets done - by the time she wakes up, eats breakfast & we do school the day is pretty much over with. That is with taking melatonin - without it she will stay up all night & just nap a few hours in the morning. She takes 1/4 of a 3mg Melatonin tablet. Prior to using melatonin, we used benedryl at bedtime. We've tried increasing activity - all it did was make her wired & irritated. I've tried cutting out caffeine for her - no effect.

     

    Is there anything else I can safely try to get her onto a regular sleep schedule? I'm at my wits end.

  21. Flyers are just annoying - they mostly go straight to the recycle. I try to get them off the door quickly as sometimes they re used to see who is home & who isn't.

     

    Now actual people at the door OTOH - they get cut off in the 1st 5 seconds. I am not interested. Does it look like I have money for XYZ from the state of my house? NO. During brush pickup we get a lot of tree-trimmers - I do put up a sign then saying not hiring.

     

    The ones that really annoy me are the religious ones. Because even after you say no, they tend to stand on my drive / porch and "pray" for me - loudly.

  22. Seriously though - it seems like a lot of us want to renovate or repair our houses, on a tiny budget. Let's share tips, tricks, and tutorials? Sometimes I know what I want to do, and the general idea of how to do it but not the nitty-gritty. And then I end up paying someone to come do what I could have done myself.

     

    Maybe we could each list our next 3 projects, in case someone has any experience in them?

     

    My next 3 projects are:

     

    1. Deal with the sewer drain line issues. It's probably either collapsed or full of tree roots. It needs snaked to clear it, but has to be camera checked beforehand to see what the actual problem is.

    2. Renovate my kitchen. Replace the cabinets & countertops with a configuration that works better than the current one. Add TILE backsplashes instead of the horrid painted walls.

    3. Paint the laundry room & Dining room. I have the paint already - it's a wonderful warm green called sugared lime that I fell in love with years ago & got a gallon of back when one of the paint companies had a freebie. Since both rooms are quite small, I think a gallon will probably do it. But after painting dd's room, I have discovered I detest painting lol.

  23. I love the neighborhood - it's one of those ones where everyone knows you, everyone looks out for each other, and is friendly. People talk to each other, get each other's mail, etc.

     

    I love that my house is paid for. After having a house with a mortgage I said never again will I do a mortgage.

     

    I love that we have a lot of birds - we've seen other the last year vultures, red tailed hawks, scissor-tailed flycatchers, blue jays and more. We have multiple pairs of cardinals that nest in our trees, and dd loves to watch them.

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