We don't really count. We do a lot of family gifts and then each kids get 3 or 4 individual gifts. But then they get tons from mil, fil and his husband, aunts and uncles.

I've never understood this idea. I understand it is an expectation for many but man I just wanted low key, low pressure first dates that had good conversation so I could figure out if I was interested enough for a 2nd

I will say, I wouldn't be excited to go to any of the above mentioned restaurants on a first date. I would do Starbucks because I love drinking coffee and chatting. But if I'm eating I meal none of those restaurants are appealing.

Where is one supposed to go on a first date? This makes me realize I don't know where my first date with dh was. I guess his house. We would hangout after he got off work and watch new episodes of The Office and other shows he set to record while he was working. First public date was at a sandwich shop called Pure Bred

We just buy 2 big bags of candy, leave it out in a bowl since we walk with our little kids, and when it runs out we turn the lights off. This year there were like 5 pieces of candy left at the end of the night whe

A day of relaxation

We have 6 kids ages 3 to 15 and spend at least an hour a day of together time without the kids. Usually it is 2 hours but sometimes we get too busy for that. Then at least once a week, on the weekend, we spend maybe 4 hours together without kids. We do this by going to the gym together at 6am every morning. That is an hour together chatting and bounding over a shared interest in our health. Then every night once the young one are in bed and the older ones are doing their own thing we play a game, do a puzzle, just chat, watch a show/movie, or do something more intimate. We also make it a priority to do separate things but in the same room so we can occasionally make eyes at each other or cuddle while doing our own thing. The weekend time is either spent after young ones are asleep, when my brother is watching the kids (we swap kid care regularly) or we pay the oldest to watch the youngest ones.

Books for d&d can be expensive. So, if you can figure out any books future sil might want/need one of those.

Gift card to a local game shop if there is one. Do you know if they paint mini figs? Because that is something a lot of d&d players do and paints for minis can be expensive. A cool set of gaming dice. She me packs of Pokemon or magic cards.

Good thing you aren't in this house because I'll be watching horror movies until the weekend after Thanksgiving. Then it'll shift to Christmas horror movies! But also normal Christmas movies too

This is a picture of everyone's. Sidenote, we grew our own pumpkins by throwing seeds into the ground and forgetting about them for a few months.

And mine for this year is in the middle of this picture

We love pumpkin carving! This is my Audrey 2 from last year.

I love this idea. When I've got my meal prep game on point I easily eat that much in fruits and veggies. But I haven't had my meal prep game on in a few weeks, so I will join in. Dh and I just got back from the store to buy stuff to meal prep for the week so I'm prepared

Made the decision not to stress about the kids getting school done. I've been sick since monday and am just not getting better. Just a cold but I've strained muscles coughing so much and haven't slept well because of coughing at night. So, today I'm just going to rest and let the kids do whatever. We'll catch up on school when I'm better

Exactly. Now that dh and I are in a healthy marriage where we communicate well there are no issues with dishes or other chores. While we have designated tasks in theory we are both always trying to make things just keep running smoothly, so we handle things like dishes as they need to get done. Or pick up the slack when one person is struggling, with zero resentment attached. But it took time and a lot of work to get there again.

I will say, I was actually willing to leave dh over our division of labor issues. Not because it really was about the housework getting done or only about that. It was a reflection on his inability to be a partner in our marriage and appreciate me in a way where I actually felt appreciated. I knew he loved me, but I didn't feel loved. I didn't feel like I mattered enough to him to put in the real effort it took to fix the issues in our marriage, which once again weren't just division of labor issues that was a symptom of other issues, mostly communication. That is why when I asked for a separation he felt completely blindsided. He saw us fighting over something, spending a few days mulling over it silently, apologizing, having a heartfelt discussion about making changes, and then making up as working on our marriage. Where I just saw it all as empty promises that were slowly chipping away at my ability to give a shit about salvaging our marriage. The intention of the separation wasn't to end up divorced. But it was to show that I was no longer willing to go on living my life the way it was because I didn't view what we had as a marriage anymore. I made it clear that I was willing to fix things but I was no longer willing to be the person to come up with solutions. I left that all in his hands because I had been doing it for our entire marriage by myself, in a way. That was the kick in the butt dh needed to finally be able to figure out how we could make real fixes. One of the first things we realized was that our thought processes were entirely different and we both needed to reframe our thinking to understand each other. We were only separated for 3 months but it took a good year and a half for us to feel like we had really figured out how to be partners again in a healthy marriage and for me to trust the changes were permanent.

Our division of labor is ever evolving. Early in our marriage I did everything because we were in a small house, he worked full time, and raising a few babies/toddlers was not difficult. As our family got bigger and finances got tighter I started working again part time. So, he started trying to do more at home. He'd fail at that a lot. Then I started homeschooling multiple kids while also having littles,we got a bigger house, and he started working only 40 hours a week. But he was also experiencing depression for the first time in his life so he still couldn't contribute the way I needed him too. Marriage was difficult because I felt underappreciated and undervalued. dh would try to assure me he appreciated everything I did and wanted to do better showing it. But in my eyes he often failed at it. It was a really confusing time because we were best friends (still are) and loved spending all our time together. Dh saw that connection and thought all was good, while I saw it as me ignoring my feelings because I didn't want to feel that way while having time with him. But it also exploded into hurt feelings when things got too stressful for me to keep quiet. Things didn't get better until we started meeting weekly to work on our communication together and really figure out what things he could take off my plate that he would actually do consistently. We started with him taking over the weekly bathroom cleaning. I just stopped paying attention to the bathrooms and some weeks they'd get cleaned and others they wouldn't. He also had a different definition of what cleaning the bathrooms meant(still does.) I'd step in to clean if they started smelling and would mention that during our weekly meeting. It took time but he now consistently does them and is receptive to me expanding on his definition of bathroom cleaning (for example, sometimes the shower and tub need to be cleaned, or the floor needs to be mopped.) He still doesn't take the trash out. The other thing he took over was making breakfast every morning and making dinner on the weekends. This works to his strengths and interests because he likes cooking and baking, while I hate doing both. Now that he comes home at a normal time most nights I start dinner and he finishes it. We also do a lot as a team. The dishes is a team effort. Kids put away clean ones. I handle breakfast and lunch dishes since I'm home. after dinner cleanup is done as a team. one of us does the dishes and the other is clearing the table, wiping things down, and sweeping/mopping. figuring out what works for your family is important and figuring out why one spouse is carrying less of the weight is usually a deeper issue than the tasks themselves. Dh and I were able to figure that out on our own without couples counseling. But it likely would have been less painful if we had a third party leading discussions.

Well we wake up at the same time to head to the gym at 6 am. But he is always downstairs and ready before me. When I get down there he hands me my pre-workout drink,which he's measured out and added water to, as we walk out the door. Does that count? When we get home he makes me a hot breakfast and he does in fact pour me a fresh cup of coffee he made in the french press. That is most days. Other days I help him cut up veggies for breakfast and make the coffee for both of us.

You are not being selfish not offering up your seat.

I just don't see it. I showed the doll to dh, who is a big fan of the books and most of the show. With no context at all, he said the princess from neverending story. Then when pressed to continue naming people he said maybe Elsa but the dress color is wrong.

No the character in the show starts season 1 as 17. In the book she is 14.

Today I cleaned the dining room and kitchen. We've had a really busy week with dh working from home so I can help with the Coppelia production my dd is in. So, I've been gone every evening most of the week from 3 to 8:30. During the day I've been too exhausted to keep up with the regular tidy up of those rooms. Today it got to a point where it was causing me stress and anxiety just looking at it. So, dh and I finished our morning coffee and tackled the rooms together.

We are pretty relaxed about cleanliness here but dirty dishes isn't something we leave for days on end. I'd likely start doing the dishes myself but also let my dh know that his inability to hold up to his side of the chores responsibilities is a marriage issue and we need to figure it out together when he's able to

I long for us to reach the point in our financial security where dh can work because he wants to work not because he has to. He really likes his job, which I'm so grateful for. And his company treats it's employees pretty darn well, especially compared to the small business he used to work for. But I'd like him to experience life at home with the kids the way I do if that's what he wants too.