Ooooh, count me in.

For me, I think it would depend on whether this kind of behavior was a one-off or not. Some kids have a hard time getting around to repayment as an ongoing practice despite multiple polite reminders just because it's Mom and Dad they owe. And this kid is 22 and living on his own. He sounds as though he's (supposed to be) a self-sufficient adult, not a forgetful 15-year-old. At some point, a parent has to be able to let go of the responsibility to hold a kid's hand and say "This is the final reminder. If we don't have it by X date, we will need to do Y." And follow through. It's unfortunate things worked out the way they did. OP's kid should put things on his own credit card in the future if he can't understand why it was important to reimburse his parents on time.

Am I the only one who thinks we need a pinned thread called the "Quotable Rosie"?

But this thread is about personal conscience and acting on that in one's private life, not politics.

Not sure where you got that in what I said. I simply reversed YOUR example.

I'm sure I'm going to regret even wading in here. (I've deleted this post a couple of times.) You can turn this argument around, too. A couple (same sex or otherwise) says they definitely know what is right or wrong and expects others to feel the same regardless of their different religion or beliefs, so what if they (the other person) are harmed,* rather than showing love. I think that's what makes these conversations so hard. It does cut both ways. Murphy isn't telling anyone else to believe anything. She's saying what she would feel obligated to do personally. Everybody else gets to do what they like. Isn't that what people were saying earlier about religion needing to guide your OWN actions? She's not imposing anything on anyone else. Support can manifest itself in many ways. I had a fairly close family member refuse to attend my wedding because she believed my church was wrong. While I disagreed with the basis for her decision, I respected her right to make it. That one day did not prevent her from showing her love and support for me outside of my wedding day. And that one day did not define our relationship going forward because relationships are built over time and on many experiences. (I realize that's slightly different from the specific example being discussed, but I think the principle is similar.) This thread has gone way off track. Best wishes to Scarlett and her family. *on a spiritual level

Aww, Scarlett. I'm so sorry what should have been a happy time was spoiled. That's not fair to any of you. I hope you and your DH are doing kind things for yourselves.

I took what she said to mean that she would go forward...because what other choice is there? Of course it would break a parent's heart to have a child cut off contact. But if I child did--and it wasn't the parent's fault--that parent still has to be able to build some kind of satisfying life despite the heartbreak. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt every day.

Fromm what you're saying here, it sounds as though your DS is having an adolescent temper tantrum because he can't get his way on something he probably knew better than to ask. It stinks to be on the receiving end of that. It's incredibly painful. I'm glad the people in the know about the situation (including your XH) are supporting you. You have an otherwise good relationship with your DS. It may take time, but eventually he'll realize that he's acting like an idiot. Hang on until then.

Exactly. In my case, I was told with a shrug, "That's your problem." There's no way that response doesn't affect a relationship going forward. Mutual respect for different points of view fundamental issues demands more.

It's hard to say without knowing what the situation is. I completely respect that you don't want to share the specifics, Scarlett. Given that, though, my opinion might change depending on what the actual deal was. I apologize in advance for rambling. First, I guess what I'd do is decide if the person has always known my stand and that of my faith on the issue. If so, it shouldn't be a surprise that I've taken my position. Respect is a two-way street. If someone close to me wants me to respect their view, I'm entitled to respect for mine as well even if we disagree. What penalty does the faith impose for the behavior in question? That would drive things, too, and I'd want to be clear on what those parameters were. Next, I'd think about how involved I was expected to be. As others have said, expecting me to permit something in my home is different from someone doing something forbidden (but legal) in his or her own home out of my presence. Expecting to me fund or otherwise make the forbidden activity possible is not reasonable. For instance, if my faith forbids sex outside marriage, I can refuse to permit unmarried people to share a bedroom. I would still welcome the partner in my home, however. If my religion forbids abortion, I can refuse to take the person for the procedure. (I would expect to care lovingly for the person in recovery after the fact, however.) If I were helping to pay someone's rent and cohabitating were proscribed, I could decline to continue to pay even if it meant the person had to leave school or whatever. But I wouldn't reject the couple. Adults are entitled to make legal decisions. They aren't entitled to insist that others fund them. I'd try to examine the situation in the reverse as well. What if I were doing something my faith required that the other person strongly disagreed with? How would I want to be treated? Hope you're able to work things out, Scarlett.

Hmmm...sounds like the perfect topping for vanilla ice cream. You planned it that way, right?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this issue. How stressful! When we were having trouble finding a specialist for DS because nobody was taking patients, I was very surprised to find that the insurance company was willing to call around and try to get us an appointment. Depending on how your insurance works, maybe that's an option given your high-risk status? We're sometimes been assigned to family advocates or something similar who have been very helpful. If your insurance is the kind where you call and get a different rep each time, it might not work. But possibly if you push, they might have someone who can advocate for tough cases. Good luck. (And congrats on your new addition.)

That's the thing, isn't it? The balance is so delicate sometimes that the momentum of keeping everything going is the only thing that keeps YOU going. Hugs, Tap. You've got so much on your shoulders.

Prayers, absolutely. I'm so sorry you're facing yet another trial, Ethel. I hope the scan gives you reassurance. As for K, sometimes no matter what we do or how hard we try and how much we love someone, things are out of our hands. You and the rest of your family matter, too. You need to be safe as well. I so admire how you have pushed through every difficulty with such love. Best wishes.

I'm really liking some of the practical suggestions people are making (thank you, fairfarmhand). So here's mine... in addition to sharing chocolate with LMD, I'm going to take DS and head out for some exercise. Then I'm going to block off a chunk of time this afternoon to do a thorough PT workout instead of trying to squeeze it in between other stuff. Exercise doesn't change a whole lot (well, maybe the PT will), but it's something good I can do to make me feel more in control of things. You guys don't know what a godsend you are.

Aww. You're so sweet. You're making me puddle up again!

Another one who hears you. I went to bed last night and just cried. I'm so deep-down weary of everything. Unemployment (again). Homeschooling a lightly motivated special needs kiddo (whom I love deeply, don't get me wrong) and the constant cheerleading and hands-on effort that requires . More loneliness than I ever expected. Lack of extended family. Years of unfinished projects (and being reminded of them at every turn). Health problems. A future I don't feel excited about. I tell myself that my perspective is skewed... that I'm blessed in so many ways... that others daily struggle with things far, far worse... that this, too, shall pass when I pull myself together. But right now? I'm pretty pathetic.

That is beyond precious. You don't know how much I needed to see something sweet this morning. Thank you!

I remember losing it on a family member while waiting for biopsy results. No one would let me talk about my nagging concerns even though I was trying to stay positive. One day I'd had my fill of the "Don't worry. I know it's going to be fine" comments, and I snapped, "No! You don't know that. The doctors wouldn't be biopsying it if it was known there was nothing to worry about." I tend think these kinds of comments are less about the person dealing with the issue and more about the person speaking wanting to reassure himself/herself or at least feel that they've done something "helpful."

Not helpful in the least UNLESS the person is prepared to roll up his/her sleeves and do something practical to make relaxation possible. In fact, that kind of advice just ramps up my stress level because so often it is just a throwaway comment that only serves to make the speaker feel better. If I'm not taking time to relax, it's because there is far too much on my plate. (Gee...thanks for that ever-so-insightful suggestion.) Telling me to relax does nothing to free up that schedule/mental space to make relaxation possible.

Awwww. They're a blessing to each other.

Saying this gently...I think you're taking what Grandma said way too much to heart and giving it far more weight than it should have. Of course, your DS can have whomever he wants as his favorite person. But it sounds as though (as others have suggested) Grandma might have been a little hurt and/or that she was trying to give him some well-meant advice to help him grease the social skids. There's nothing in what she said that makes me think she in any way was trying to usurp your parenting. If kids are going to spend lots of time with other relatives, that's a good thing. But you can't expect people to tiptoe around the entire time in case they dare say or do something that doesn't line up 100% with what you want. It's one thing if what's being said or done is harmful. What Grandma did isn't that. It's GOOD when people take the feelings of others into account and err on the side of kindness. (Just look at what's going on in the world to see what happens when we don't.) And there's nothing wrong with kids--or anyone for that matter--learning the value of and the place for the unexpressed opinion. You sound kind of stressed, honestly, and with medical stuff going on it's no wonder. I hope things work out well for you and that whatever worries you have are unfounded. Let kiddo go play with Grandma. Their relationship sounds precious.

Sorry about your MIL, Faith. Jumping off what Ottakee said, you might want to read up on something called hospital psychosis and keep the info in your back pocket so to speak. It's a condition that can develop in hospitalized patients. I had no idea it was a thing until my mom (in her 70s) experienced it while hospitalized. Best wishes.

No advice, but, dear Lord, I'm so sorry for your DD and your family. Stay strong, Mom and Dad. I have to believe that regardless of what happens legally, your DD knowing that you and your DH believe her, support her, and will protect her to the very best of your ability will make all the difference in how she copes and moves forward. What a horrible, horrible situation.