JVA
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Everything posted by JVA
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If you are a Christian, may I suggest contacting Focus on the Family for a referral. I did that once and saw a therapist in my area...I have recommended him to many others since then. He is terrific! Therapy isn't necessarily a linear process...expect ups and downs. His decision/desire to go is a HUGE milestone. Rejoice in that and stay strong and commited. It's not easy but worth the effort. Have family/friends pray for you and him. God Bless you!
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I guess I'll just never understand her - my sister
JVA replied to HappyLady's topic in General Education Discussion Board
Sweetie- You need to read the Boundaries book/s. You sound like a very giving person and your sister isn't. You'll have to decide how much you want to keep giving w/o her respect. -
Depressed Spouse who Won't Seek Counseling/Help
JVA replied to umsami's topic in General Education Discussion Board
:iagree:Absolutely. -
Hey! Guess what I saw yesterday!
JVA replied to Chris in VA's topic in General Education Discussion Board
I saw it recently, also, in Centreville. Odd-looking! -
What are the best movies from the last two years?
JVA replied to Amira's topic in General Education Discussion Board
The King's Speech Jane Eyre The Help Salt- gripping and a little gritty The Bourne Legacy Mission Impossible 3 Midnight in Paris -
Undercover apostates (from Christianity) CC, obviously
JVA replied to Ginevra's topic in General Education Discussion Board
:iagree:Thank you, Shelly! This is my experience as well. I am sorry that others have felt put out and ostracized by their doubts and questions. It shouldn't be that way. Jesus himself demonstrated how to address doubts/concerns with Mary and Martha, Zaccheus and Nicodemus....straight on and with love and concern. -
Undercover apostates (from Christianity) CC, obviously
JVA replied to Ginevra's topic in General Education Discussion Board
I'm sure there are some at our church....it's a good-sized body of about 1500 and part of a large denomination but with a strong individual identity. Knowing human nature and our predisposition, in some cases, to go against the tide and question, it's inevitable. It's not my perogotive to determine the state of someone's heart, that's God's business- He says He knows the hearts of man. However, one can certainly ascertain where someone is coming from by their words, questions and actions- I'm not blind. Given the tenor of the teaching and the intentional efforts made to encourage, stimulate and help people to grow in their faith, I'd say the numbers of 'apostates' as you call them is quite low. There are bound to be spouses that are 'dragged' to church and some teenagers not happy to be required to attend..there have been a few of those type of kiddos in our house at one time or another. The concerted efforts of the pastors, elders, teachers and ministry heads is to move all of us to examine ourselves, know scripture and APPLY what we learn in an environment of openness, acceptance and love, above all, love...the sermon this past Sunday was about that very thing. My 'job' is to be that caring and accepting person who loves on people anytime we get together... for now, my areas of influence are in the worship ministry and MOPS. You asked a good question! -
Life changing, awesome book suggestions, please!
JVA replied to ChristyB in TN's topic in General Education Discussion Board
Mere Christianity Evidence that Demands a Verdict How Shall we then Live? The 5 Love Languages Love and Respect How to Study the Bible A Mother's Touch Well-Trained Mind Home-Grown Kids Better Late Than Early Boundaries ...those are some of the heavy-hitters for me. They CHANGED my life. -
Oh, bless his heart. I'm so very sorry for his loss. This is so hard. :grouphug:
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What movies do you watch over and over again?
JVA replied to Michelle My Bell's topic in General Education Discussion Board
P & P (the Colin Firth one, of course) Sabrina North and South (the Richard Armitage one, of course) Patriot Games -
Please recommend a good dog breed.
JVA replied to dsmith's topic in General Education Discussion Board
We've had 2 Golden Retrievers and LOVE them. They're great with kids and so affectionate. You can't go wrong. -
Wow, Chris ! That is impressive. 20 violas? She must be in a huge orchestra! Our ds is a strings teacher in Manassas. What school is your dd in?
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Straight talk about NPD...questions.
JVA replied to I.Dup.'s topic in General Education Discussion Board
Yes, we can probably all find characteristics about ourselves in the DSM. To actually meet the thresholds and criteria for a diagnosis, the DSM lays out the descriptions very specifically. One can have what therapists call 'non-specific symptoms'...but not meet the requirements for a full-blown diagnosis. This would be having less than the necessary requirements or having them in only certain parts of one's life. I think you need 5 out of the 9 NPD characteristics listed to qualify. There are also time-related qualifications. An NPD diagnosis should not be given out willy-nilly...as it could be devastating on a person's career and personal life , if it was known. A liscensed professional would be very cautious to diagnose someone, knowing the implications.....at least, that is what our dd, the counselor, has told us. We had a family member who had NPD...and , indeed, it's NO FUN! While this woman was never diagnosed- as Joanne said before, NPD folks would RARELY seek mental health help-and has just recently passed away, out daughter diagnosed her while having to memorize portions of the DSM. The effects of this woman's behavior negatively changed the extended family and caused great relational problems. It's so very sad. This might be helpful: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html -
Wanting advice on inlaw situation
JVA replied to CAMom's topic in General Education Discussion Board
Ronette- Our dd graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary last spring with a degree in Counseling. Therapists use the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual to help them make diagnoses. Since we've had a NPD person in our family, I remember that to meet the thresholds for a true diagnosis, the patient needs to exhibit 5 out of the 9 characteristics. Ours had 6- easily. This link will give you the details: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html Hope this is helpful. -
Wanting advice on inlaw situation
JVA replied to CAMom's topic in General Education Discussion Board
Amen, Denise. :iagree::iagree: -
Wanting advice on inlaw situation
JVA replied to CAMom's topic in General Education Discussion Board
Ronette- You've been dealing with this woman for a LONG time.... she appears to have NPD from all the stories I've heard about her. I'm sure you've heard/read the Boundaries books. If not, time to visit the library and read it. You'r dh should be the one dealing with her and your sil. BUT, you two should agree on how that will happen. We had a NPD person in the family who passed away last year. Most of the family enabled her, but we chose to have limits/boundaries that , of course, she didn't follow or recognize. After 20+ plus years, my dh finally had to cut contact. It was on his side of the family. If it had been up to me, I would have cut the contact 30 years ago- she was a nut-job then and, as I predicted, the situation just detriorated and got worse. We aren't popular with the rest of the family but we had to protect our children (like you need to do for your little guy). Also, we lived closer to her than anyone else in the family and sometimes there were years when her behavior was an onslaught..never ending. You have to do what works for you. I know you are being honest with your kids...it's painful that relatives become the object lesson of what 'not to do' ! We helped our kids see that we were approaching the NPD person and her husband in a scripture manner....but, to no avail. Hang in there. It's not the worst thing in the world to not have a sane grandma....she could be insane and have regular contact. Ugh. -
Does your husband answer his cell phone?
JVA replied to msjones's topic in General Education Discussion Board
Yes. We mostly text now because he's so busy and is often in meetings. We had to have an understanding about the purpose of our phones. They need to be working (as in charged up!), handy (as in on our person- pockets are best) and if we can't answer, we text when it's convenient. Not answering or returning a call is disrespectful. He and I agreed on all of that and we've had no issues, really. There have been a handful of times when we couldn't get each other on the phone and in talking about it later, found out it was a bad reception issue. Now, our boys have been a whole different ballgame. Since we were paying for their cell phones at first, we had to INSIST they answer/return the call. We weren't contacting them to talk about the weather, there was a real purpose to our call. They needed a few reminders, one son in particular, to understand that it was a matter of respect. Now, we all know that if a call does not get returned, it's because of being busy at work or bad reception. -
Loose skin after significant weight loss............
JVA replied to Joanne's topic in General Education Discussion Board
I just saw my doc this morning and this topic came up....I'm in the weight loss process myself. She said there will be less loose skin if the loss is gradual ~ 1-2 #s a week. Folks who have gastric bypass and/or lose weight VERY quickly are more likely to have loose skin that may need to be removed surgically. Interesting info. -
Square peg family - force ourselves to fit?
JVA replied to fastforward's topic in General Education Discussion Board
:iagree::iagree: Kathleen, again, is so wise and is focused how God can use her. I needed to hear this. Thank you! -
I'm sorry. It hurts that your mom/grandma isn't interested in the kids. BTDT. It hurt me for years and I finally had to let it go since it never changed. I found another 'gramma' type from our church that was thrilled to be invited to the twins' events and outings. She was enthused and excited by what they did- just what a grandma should be like. :) You'll probably come to a point where you can honestly believe and accept that she's just not that interested and if and when she ever does show up, it will be a BONUS ! Drop your expectations, try not to mope about it and make things bright by changing your focus. It's not supposed to be this way, but some people are just selfish and don't have the same perspective we do. Your kids are worth celebrating and you should surround them/you with folks that join in and agree with that. Hugs to you! :grouphug:
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Praise the Lord !! Jean- are you in Newcastle, WA ? I used to live between Renton and Issaquah. So glad to hear the good news re your dd. Hope the headaches subside soon. Blessings on you.
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Does your dh intervene? It's really a respect issue....our son #1 did this. A. LOT. It changed for the better when dh told him he wouldn't tolerate ds disrespecting his WIFE. Punishment ensued: his bedroom was emptied, priveleges removed, life came to a halt for this kid. He sort of woke up and saw the connection. He then had to earn every privelege. No fun, but it does pass. It's miserable in the middle of it. :grouphug:
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When your MIL almost brings your DH to tears
JVA replied to jujsky's topic in General Education Discussion Board
Julie- I'm sorry you all have this situation. Have you heard of the Boundaries book(s)? They'd be a good place to start for you to protect yourselves. I hope things improve.