JVA
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Posts posted by JVA
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Oh! One can NEVER be too old to appreciate good music. Music speaks to the soul. I'm a classical/pop crossover fan and YouTube has been a great place to find and listen to artists. I've drug my sweet dh to Il Divo, Nathan Pacheco, Alfie Boe and Tenors concerts several times. Don't be embarrassed by appreciating great music. We do....and we're WAY past 30. Our adult kids just smile at us.
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I'm so very sorry for your loss. My miscarriage was an emotional upheaval for me that took me months and months to recover from. There had been other losses in my life but this one was the one that got me to really assess what I believed....it shook me to my core. Eventually, I was reminded of some important facts: God is sovereign (He knew what had happened to me) God loved me (He grieved over the loss of our child as well) God is omnipotent (He would walk thru the pain and carry me to the other side). The process made me look at His character and purpose. It helped me understand the difference between authority and agency. I've been able to work through other difficulties in life because of that dark time...I was now equipped to focus on the big picture and to trust that He is using everything that occurs in my life for my sanctification- if I let Him. I need to remember that my life is still in the middle of the whole story....the great ending is still a ways off in the distance.
Perhaps this article can lend some light to your struggle.
http://www.challies.com/articles/god-does-not-owe-us-a-happy-ending
May you find comfort in His presence for He knows your every need.
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You're pretty amazing, Joanne. I'm so happy for you. God loves you!
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I am teaching my kids that you do the best you can. My oldest knows grandma's colors and we laugh about it. My boy's adore grandma. This is part of the reason I tolerate the behavior. If all my kids were miserable I'd put my foot down.
Well....even if one or 1/2 the kids are bothered and you are bothered, I'd NOT tolerate the behavior. Which kids will be ignored? Which set of feelings will be rolled over? If this is the case, believe me, it will come back to bite you. BTDT. You and your dh have to have a united front. He sounds like guilt might be a tool his mother uses? Hmm. It might be helpful for the future for you two to talk this out with a therapist to make a game plan. We had to do it with a narcissistic family member that everyone gave a pass to. They were all afraid of the fall out when she didn't get her way- which sounds like your mil does this as well.
I'm glad to read you have stood up to her. She sounds demanding and self-centered. But, the biggest thing your HUSBAND needs to do is to tell her in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that her visits and the dates of them will NOT be dictated to you. That is incredibly disrespectful of him and you and your family. Your inlaws need to ASK permission to visit and see if certain dates work for you. Of course she will rebel. Set yourself for that and have answers and plans for her comebacks to your standards. The reason people continue to walk on others is because they CAN. People LET them.
You probably got more 'help' than you bargained for here, didn't you? I don't mean to sound harsh....but I imagine I'm older than you and have mucho experience with a NPD nut job that has torn a family up. No one had a spine to deal with her except me and my dh. And we had to willing to stand alone in our choices. Our primary motivation was to protect our family and keep our own priorities intact. Not everyone liked or understood our choices. I'm sorry you have this situation. Learning how to deal with it is a process and asking others for ideas was a good idea. I just hope you don't feel overwhelmed. Blessings to you and your family!
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Your mil will continue to behave/think in this manner as long as you let her. Your dh needs to tell her what the boundaries are and hold to them.
When she starts her complaining routine, you need to shut her down- hang up the phone, leave the room, close the door- whatever it takes to not listen.
Your schedule and your family are YOUR priorities.
She is being enabled by folks and that's why her disrespectful behavior continues.
Your AND your dh must read the Boundaries book. Immediately.
What message is all this teaching your kids?
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If you have any experience with trying to persuade a 60+ yr old man that an assesment and therapy will help him, let me know how you did this. My bil exhibits many Asperger symptoms and has had lifelong struggles with interactions, reading emotional signs from people and being very offensive with his words and seemingly oblivious to theoseoffenses.
To add to the situation, his family and the extended family are cowards about pointing things out to him and any kind of 'confrontation' is viewed as mean and an attack. Even if it is done in a loving manner, it is seen as vindictive.
He has had a successful military career , a family, is highly intelligent and well educated. He reminds me a great deal of Bill Gates and Dr. Hugh Ross. Smart, but clueless when it comes to human interaction. His wife passed away last year and he married within a year, is very healthy and fit and loves his children and grandchildren . So, despite his age, he has a lot of life to look forward to and we think professional help will benefit everyone. If you have any advice, I'm all ears
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She might enjoy Karen Kingsbury books...there are many to choose from.
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Yup- my 3 Eagles wore their MB sashes. One of them had an OA sash but didn't wear it. It may very depend on what your district people expect. Best wishes to him- it can be a nail biter. I know- we have one more to go.
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We were rapid fans when 24 was broadcasting and watched EVERY Monday night. I even left a rehearsal early each week to get home so to be able to watch with my hubby. Kind of crazy. We also sailed thru in one weekend watching House of Cards. It was a great story- just a bit racey. If you like the terrorism theme, you might enjoy MI-5/Spooks. It's a British series in a similar vein. I wanted to see it because of Richard Armitage. :drool5: He delivered!
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This idea costs $ but I don't know your friend's situation....
I used Ideal Protein for 9 weeks last summer and lost 25 lbs. I was READY to jump into it and think it is worthwhile. They have a daily email for encouragement, daily videos you can watch and helpful staff. I recommend it.
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Faithmanor- I SO agree. Most everything out there is either Queen of Frump or Skanky. Goodness. I'll check Kohl's.
Floridamom- Yup, I agree. But, oh well...i just have to smile. She's a dear sweet lady and has 2 sons and probably just doesn't know this protocol.
Thanks to everyone for their comments. You've given me courage to go for what I reallly like. :)
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Our only daughter is getting married in 7 weeks. I've put off purchasing a dress as I'm still losing lbs and hope to keep at it for a while yet. I'm fair skinned, blonde with blue eyes. I LOVE color, don't wear beige, browns, oranges etc... Most dresses online and at stores (Macy's, Nordstrom, JC Penny) for MOB are navy, champagne, dark purple or MAUVE. :crying: None of those appeal. Is it an unwritten rule that MOB cannot wear pastels? BTW- the bridesmaids are wearing a cornflower blue (which is lovely) , MOG is wearing navy....so those two are eliminated from my choices. Is there any advice for me?
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We have b/g twins and got this question when they were infants. I was shocked then. Our daughter (they're 30) now still gets surprised when people ask if they're identical. I chalk it up to another failure of public education. :glare:
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So happy to hear this! Great news. God is providing.
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It sounds like you need to distance yourself from her. Her response is unkind and critical. If this is typical for her, you ought to read the Boundaries books. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
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Way LESS fat and way MORE protein. My dh has lost 25 lbs. eating it and substituting it for more fatty sources of protein. (over 5 mths) He NEVER would eat yogurt before! I think it's too tart but he likes it...buys the big box at Costco. It's probably an acquired taste. :)
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This recently happened in my dh's family. His brother remarried 11 months after his wife of 41 years died of kidney cancer. She also had multiple emotional disorders that tore the familiy apart as the bil is a complete spineless enabling wimp. It was such a shame. His children (grown adults) have had a hard time adjusting to the idea of dad with a new woman, who appears to be emotionally healthy - yeah!
Our dd, the counselor, says he is a very typical widower....one who had a decent marriage and remarries quickly...statistics prove that is true. It's just hard for everyone else around to catch up to where he is.
I am sorry for your loss. Try to separate his new marriage from your sister and their relationship. It's not necessarily an endictment against her but an endorsement for the institution of marriage. (She also may have told him to find someone new soon- I've heard that before!) I hope you will feel better with time. Hugs.:grouphug:
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Tamara- Thank you for your professional explanation....we did smile at her facial expressions but now, I understand it much better. :)
What I really objected to was Mr. Bloomberg's butchering of the Spanish. Oh goodness. They should NOT allow that man to speak it in public. Horrid. And my 1st language is English but have lived long enough in Latin America to recognize an awful accent- he 'gringo-ized' it horribly! :tongue_smilie:
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Praying for you to have peace and the whole picture tomorrow. Hugs to you!
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I didn't know there was a list....FUN ! So far, since July, I've lost the weight of a 2 yr old. By May, I hope to have lost the weight of a whale's penis !! I will have to tell my dh THAT one. :lol:
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In case anyone is interested, I've got Volumes # 2 & 4 for sale.
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Our niece and her dh have a little Zion- about 18 mths old. Darling boy..darling name. If someone doesn't know about the name, it would be a great lead-in to share with someone about God and His chosen people.
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:bigear: A lurking, btdt mom.
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RUN. As far away as you can. Regardless if it is a poor choice of words or meant literally, it's the attitude that it represents that is alarming.
My son found his birthmother on Facebook -- update
in The Chat Board
Posted
You're such a brave woman, Rose. I am praying from VA that your boy will be safe and that, despite the environment and his issues, he will remember all the wise and loving things you and his dad have taught and shown him over the years so he can make healthy and careful decisions. Hats off to you!