Sharon77
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Posts posted by Sharon77
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"daily grocery shopping"????
That in and of itself would drive anyone insane!
I hate hate hate despise loathe feeding teenagers. Absolutely hate it. It killed my enjoyment of cooking. Throw homeschooling in there too and I disliked the last years of my sahm mom years.
By the time my kids were in late teens, I had the house fridge, the biggest upright freezer sold at Lowes, a huge chest freezer and a refrigerator-only fridge. I loaded up my freezers with meat and frozen food once a month and bought 30 dozen eggs at a time.
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I would check for intestinal parasites. And not using the traditional tests. Find a integrative medical doctor.
With the globalization of our food supply (i.e.bagged salad from Chile) parasites are much more common in the US than people realize.
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I am 46, live near a major city and all i wear is skinny jeans with spandex so they are tight but comfy. no one around here wears eddie bauer
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9 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:
Yes, it is. Since I wasn't born into it, I recognize how incredibly awesome it is. My husband has no clue that it is special or abnormal. When we were dating and he suggested that we take his toddler niece to the zoo I was floored (and decided he was a keeper) and he was equally floored that I was floored. Like, isn't that what all the twenty something year old men do on the weekend?he is definitely a keeper!!!!
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6 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:
We are really really lucky in terms of family support, all from my husband's side of the family. Right now, we're in a difficult spot and leaning pretty heavily on them, but they've been involved all of my kids' lives. For example, I've never hired a non-family babysitter, and my oldest is 12. Of course it's a two way street. As childless young adults we babysat my niece regularly. When she started having things like dance concerts and soccer games we went and cheered her on. When my kids came along and I was home with them, I did a lot of after school childcare, and then it turned around and she did a lot of babysitting for us. Similarly, my husband's grandfather is our after school childcare provider for two of our kids, and we in turn provide support to him by driving him places (he just gave up his license), mowing his lawn and shoveling his snow, taking him grocery shopping etc . . .. So, my kids have lots of adults involved in their lives. Initially, it was a big adjustment for me since my family of origin in not like this at all, it's been great for the kids.
This is what we do, which works really well for most of us. It has the schedules for all the kids, mine and their cousin until she left for college this fall, and also has the work schedule for the adults. We've got several adults, including my DH, in law enforcement, so schedules aren't as simple as M-F 9 - 5. We've got 3 family members for whom it doesn't work. Two 9 year olds who don't have phones, and great-Grandpa who can't figure out the newfangled technology, so we've also got a white board calendar in our kitchen that we update regularly with color coded wet erase markers. We try hard to keep them "synced".
I know the family checks it, because they often show up at events. As I said, right now we've got a kid with a health issue that throws a wrench in the works, and they are amazing at looking at the calendar, figuring out when we'll need support, and calling to offer before we need to ask. For example, I'll post a change in the schedule, and within a couple hours, someone will call me and volunteer to pick up a kid from practice or otherwise solve whatever problem the change created.And yes, I know we're ridiculously lucky, and it's not the norm. I can't imagine my grandparents or aunts and uncles doing the same thing.
This is the most beautiful example of a family I have ever read.
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I appreciate people responses.
In the end, Although I COMPLETELY support a parent's right to decide what their gets and to protect them, it's too bad that rather than one or two kids get something, none will get it.
I recently had 4 courtside seats to a Lakers game to see Lebron James. I never asked my sister about my nephews, but they saw my instagram.
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29 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:
Rotate, and do it sort of evenly to split up equitably until they’re adults. Yeah, that sort of favoritism is hurtful and noticeable. The idea about picking a special age is a great one - surely taking out the twelve year old to go bowling isn’t tough to manage every year or three, and a lot easier to handle than four or five bowlers at once. Or maybe come over and just eat dinner with them an some maybe do some cookie decorating - it doesn’t have to be a big dramatic thing to matter.
Time and interaction does look different with a bigger family. A movie date or lunch date isn’t common because yes, it is expensive. Consider a picnic or cooking time together instead. Also it’s fine to foster close relationships with individuals over certain things, but not to the EXCLUSION of time with other family members. Because the kids will notice, and it may very well bother them.
If you make a fair shake at being loving with each family in specific ways that’s all good, it doesn’t have to be minute for minute and dollar for dollar sameness. But there was some undertone of your post that really rubbed me wrong as disdainful, and that’s what I’d watch for.
If you’re worried about food or seating or whatever with a big family be smart about it - ask if they can bring extra chairs (we are happy to!) and pick foods that scale cheaply, like sloppy joes or salad and taco bars. It’s not rocket science here 🙄
It's not rocket science but I just dont do things like that anymore. I dont enjoy bowling or sloppy joes. I enjoy restaurants and Broadway and pro basketballl games. I enjoy inviting a child along for those things. my lifestyle is different that's all.
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3 hours ago, Quill said:
Is this accurate? Are there not lots of ways to spend time with your nephews besides the mall-date thing? There’s no way to meet them at a public park or go with the family to the county fair or whatever?
I would not allow an aunt to shower affection on just one of my kids. We’re a package deal. Find a way to have fun with the whole gang, or stagger the attention two at a time.
Of course there are lots of ways to spend time with people. When I invest in a relationship with a child, I invite them into my world. I love eating out in nice restaurants and travel on short trips (New York at Christmas). So when there is a fab restaurant, I will invite a child or two who are in my life. This also allows for deep relationships to develop. I have time to listen to the child, tell them stories that are relevant to their life, etc.
I completely understand about the jealousy that would occur if one or two kids got what I offer. I've heard many people say that "we're a package deal". But surely, they do realize the children won't always be a package?
2 hours ago, Medicmom2.0 said:I am the oldest of eight kids. There weren't eight kids my entire childhood as I was 17 when the youngest was born, but we were always a larger-than-average family. I felt a lot of stigma, but I was also a sensitive child. The churches and homeschool groups we attended never had large families. After church a lot of people were always talking about going to other people's homes, but we were never invited over. We were extremely well behaved children, far more well behaved than my own children now. I can remember a total of three times we were invited over and it really did bother me as a pre-teen, because it did make me feel different. My dad's sister, when my parents had six kids, announced she was no longer buying us Christmas or birthday presents since it had gotten to be too much. My other aunt was once overheard saying to her sister in law she dreaded family birthday parties for her own kids because we ate too much. She's an incredibly nice person and was always a great aunt, so I suspect they were in financial straits at the time and she never intended my grandmother to either hear that vent or to repeat it to my mom, but of course it happened that way. It was very hurtful at the time, though as an adult I understand. I also understand that we did eat a ton, because, frankly, there was adequate food at home for meals but never enough money during that time for fruit/snacks/fillers, and my mom ate like a bird as a teenager and had no idea how much food we really needed. We probably did eat a lot at my aunt's simply because we were always somewhat hungry.
I don't think you're being a mean aunt. Your sister has chosen to have a large family and some sacrifices come with that. However, we were split up sometimes. For instance, my great-aunt had children late in life, and they were in my age range instead of my mom's. My great-aunt went out of her way to take my next oldest sister and I for weekends and such as we were good friend with her girls. She didn't do the same with my other siblings(though one lived with her during grad school). The second aunt mentioned above was basically a second mom to my third sibling, as that sibling and the aunt's child were born days apart and grew up as close to twins as cousins can be. I don't think it was favoritism, and never felt that way. It just made sense.
I suggest doing what you can to foster relationships with your nephews and nieces, and calling it good. Frankly, large families have a lot of sacrifices. For the record, my mother has strongly encouraged all eight of us to limit our family size. None of us have more than four and my three youngest siblings are adamant that they don't desire children. I think in our family the sacrifices and the stigma have stayed with all of us.
I am so sorry for your pain, I understand. I've seen that in the eyes of some kids, and have wondered. But I am also in the process of growing and learning that I can't fix everyone's problems as I wish I could for some of these kids.
I had always dreamed of being a awesome aunt, but the picture in mind was one of long talks and special times together. Not just hosting a mass of kids, kwim?
Thanks so much for sharing so honestly
2 hours ago, OKBud said:Well I've got three kids (lol I just typed two. I definitely have three), and I don't want people giving them toys anyway. So knock that off your list.
Stop spending extra money on them and reel in what a visit with Auntie needs to be.
Maybe you don't like some of the kids because you don't know them, and they don't know you, so they're not responsive to you? I mean, maybe they're really just brats....but... even the brattiest of brats usually grows up to be a regular person, and they'll spend a lot more time being your adult nieces and nephews, than your little kid ones. Plus younger kids are accustomed to having their older siblings...some of them aren't as impressed by aunts and uncles as the first couple kids tend to be and you really have to wedge yourself in their lives 🙂
I dont give them toys. I take them out to a favorite restaurant, then tell them they can choose any activity. At the time, it was the Lego store. I then take them to the Lego store, give them a set amount and talk with them about how to spend their money.
For me, its not about being an aunt or a role of some sort, it's more about developing a meaningful relationship with someone. My oldest nephew called me recently because he wanted to tell me he liked someone and wanted my advice on how to ask her out. He didn't ask his mom, she knows he likes someone, but he wanted my opinion about how to go about it.
I also had another niece reach out to me to tell me she's struggling with depression and that she's scared. Her friends have told her about cutting and she asked me about that too
Things like this wouldn't happen if it wasn't for the ongoing private, individual time I spent with them as children
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18 minutes ago, Meadowlark said:
I don't know how to explain how I know, but I'm 99% sure it WAS in response to me.
I'm really sorry. That is sad and disheartening.
At this point in mid-life, my answer is different than what it would have been 10 years ago. And that is, I would straight out ask him. I would also try to bring closure to the incident from years ago. Even if they do not change their stance at all, just clear the air. Know what it is they want to keep and dont want to keep in the relationship. Otherwise, things will keep happening, a big pent up blow up will follow and then relationships may be fractured beyond working repair.
That much strain going on for years would be too much for me to take.
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For the amount of hours you spend out of the house for your kids, I'd go insane.
After many house buying mistakes, we bought our current house solely based on location. We paid $550K for a tiny, old house. Basically a dump. One of our kids cried when he saw it. He is a homebody and loves his space. We only moved 15 min away from our old house and if we were willing to move 20-30 min in any direction, for $500K, we could buy a McMansion.
But no more of that for us. The traffic around here can be a nightmare. The commute, soul crushing.
It is tight space wise, but the overall quality of life has been so phenomenal for us.
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absolutely yes. with the most dramatic results seen from not using Cascade. That stuff has bleach. and also no burning candles or any type of air fresheners, including no plug ins. basically, if you can smell it, it was a no.
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5 hours ago, SKL said:
I don't know. When I was a kid, we felt a need to do well in school because many if not most of us would be physically punished, grounded, etc. if we didn't. We also considered it a given that we needed to support ourselves by the time we finished high school.
I do think most of us didn't seriously start college / career planning much before 11th grade (other than the general expectation that we would or wouldn't attend college). But we had other responsibilities that many of today's kids don't have. Many of us were responsible for our younger siblings, cooking the family meal, and various other domestic responsibilities, in addition to managing our academic and social lives and often earning some spending money. And we had anxious feelings, though it wasn't really discussed as a societal problem.
Actually in polling some of my close friends as adults, most of us had so much stress that we considered suicide at different times. I say this because I think it is a mistake to assume that anxiety is a thing of the present. I think it's something rather natural for adolescents in all time periods. Making life easier or less complicated on the outside doesn't prevent the hormone-charged mind from overreacting on the inside. Actually it might be more helpful to make some things more challenging for younger kids so that they can experience their ability to overcome. Like when I was an elementary-aged kid, I was given enough independence to get myself into some scrapes. Having to find my way home after getting lost, escape bullies and bad guys, patch up my own injuries, and put out my own fires. Or face the music when I couldn't fix things. There is research suggesting that the removal of many of these experiences from young kids' lives is making them less able to deal with the stress that adolescence brings. That said, I don't think the answer is less responsibility but probably more.
truth
i wholeheartedly agree
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15 hours ago, klmama said:
Do you mix with vinegar, or just straight?
For my sink, I just use it straight and clean it like I wash my plates. I use a non-scratch dish sponge to scrub and a microfiber cloth to wipe off. I have never had a problem. If the drain is particularly yucky, I will pour a little rubbing alcohol on it and scrub with an old toothbrush that i throw away.
for the tub, i mix dawn with baking soda and hydrogen peroxide. If I'm feeling lazy, I just use straight Dawn. It's clean...not bleaching level white, but I don't care. My health is too precious to subject it to toxic fumes. I haven't used anything with bleach or ammonia in over 15 years.
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Costco has a more "natural" dish soap they sell, it's by their house brand, Kirkland Signature. It's very good. I use it for hand soap refill too, it's gentler on skin than Soft-soap or Dial brand and it cuts grease very well...not as great as Dawn, but good enough!
I've tried Mrs Meyers, Puracy, 7th gen...ALL of them. Some work, some don't but in the end, I use a combo of the Costco brand and Dawn. I feel like these are good enough and I go through so much soap (I cook from scratch and have teens so lots of dishes) the fancy stuff is not worth the $$ to me.
I use Ecover for my dishwasher.
I also use Dawn to clean my bathroom sinks and showers/tubs. I think the most important thing I can do is just not use bleach or conventional cleaners.
I've never understood the Grove company stuff. They offer nothing special, you can buy all of it off Amazon or at Target. And wit amazon, you can do auto delivery too!
That's why when all those Youtube and bloggers say that they only sponsor companies and things they love, I feel like it's so deceptive cause I'm thinking, you always talk about how much you love Target... do you not check their prices??!!!
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Thank you for your replies...this is making me think and realize that I think it’s because I’ve entered a new chapter in my life and my friends have not. I’m not a stay at home homeschooling mom anymore
I think I need new friends.
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When I was younger, my kids and I did lots of play dates. Whether with one mom and kids or in a group. I used to be very social! I used to love getting together with a mom and getting to know her
Now as I’ve gotten older, things have changed. I’m sure some of it has been my patience being decimated from raising teens but I just get so bored when I’m with one person. I’ve been preferring group events because then there are other people to talk to so I’m not stuck with just one person.
It has made me start to avoid my friends because I just don’t want to hang out with anyone anymore.
Is this normal or should I work to change it?
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I normally would not comment on anyone's health issues because most people are not helpful, but my heart is breaking for your daughter! Cystic acne is horrible enough but all over her neck and back??
I will share with you what I learned. All the external treatments in the world will not work. There is something wrong with her body and it is freaking out. I know you said you cut out dairy but I would urge you to cut out wheat, soy, sugar, eggs, corn, all nuts and definitely ensure that she is cutting out even minuet traces of dairy. The best way to do all this is to just eat protein, rice and veggies. Absolutely no sugar drinks. Only water. No sugar substitutes and no processed foods. And she needs to drink 3quarts to 1 gallon of water per day to help her body flush out whatever is inflaming her.
I will say a prayer for her!
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Me and dh, and three college kids. Our food bill runs about $2000 a month. That does not include toiletries, only food. We live in a moderate cost area, meaning food is expensive but I can find cheap food if I wanted it.
We eat everything organic, farm raised meats and eggs and only wild caught fish. No wheat, corn, dairy or processed foods.
My food bill does cause me pain, but what can I do? My 2 boys and dh can consume 4 pounds of salmon and $15 of veggies in one meal!
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Because of my own parents' hardships which led to a difficult childhood for me, I've been thinking hard about parenting since I was 8 years old.
I observed, criticized, and admired many moms and dads over the years and took very good notes.
So I can say that I am the mom I always wanted to be.
BUT...even as well prepared as I was, now having raised three kids into their 20s, I can say parenting is very hard and I fully realize that so much of it is out of our control.
I have been humbled and broken about how difficult it is and judge no one.
Although I have nothing to complain about, my kids are thriving but yikes!! I am enjoying the years now and never want to go back!
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Yeah, it is bad parenting.
My three kids NEVER misbehaved in public cause if they did, I immediately dropped everything, took them to the car and switched their legs with a thin stick.
Only takes a couple of times (maybe more for a stubborn child) and you've got no problems.
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I sent my last off to college in August and have been decompressing since. I've been spending time reorganizing my life from homeschooling!
I did not join/volunteer or do anything that required me to be anywhere and just wanted to contemplate what I want to do.
Not having kids at home is definitely a slower paced and low stress life. I could see how my days could still be filled up, but would feel much more controlled and relaxed than being a SAH-homeschool mom.
But I am aiming to have a high paying career and make as much money from here on out. I have been watching a lot of Youtube videos about the retirement crisis for older people and it is scary.
If you consider my grandparents and parents, I could easily live for another 50 years!!!! I am only 45 now!! And although my dh has a high paying job and we are well off for now, I am realizing it is not enough.
I know this one older couple who semi-retired in their 50s cause they hated working. They were kinda hoping their kids would pick up their financial needs but it hasn't happened and they are paying dearly for it now. And conceivably, they could live another at least another 20 years!
And when I read on here, all these older women who don't work and just volunteer a lot, I wonder about their retirement savings and if they considered all that before making the choices they've made.
I know a lot of women do not and women are the ones who end up in poverty in their old age.
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WOW! Thank you everyone for responding!
I will have her get it.
I've never seen such a large group of hsers all agreeing on one topic ! LOL!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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First thing I would do is check to see whether the school requires it. The schools around here (Indiana) tend to insist on vaccinations.
No, it's not required. I can sign a waiver. Thanks
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Pennsylvania WTMers
in The Chat Board
Posted
I live in SE PA, 20 minutes away from Philly, so I'm right in the thick of it. I love it here. But I think you should consider your reason for moving which is your children for Autism services. There are some areas that have much more than others and I would think ease of obtaining and getting to those services would be a huge factor. I know some parents who have specifically moved to smaller homes/condos so their children have access to public transportation as they get older so it really depends on what you want. Perhaps you could contact some of the Autism groups and try to meet some families who can give you more guidance?