My DS isn't particularly large or tall, but he could speak articulately and with a large vocabulary from a very young age, so he too has often been expected to be older and thus more mature. And he has all the physical and impulse control issues of your son - as well as the history of being the only one reprimanded or punished. He has improved over the years, but is not yet where he needs to be. Jenny's post about her son's improvement gives me hope, but I am still afraid DS will never get there! I can't tell you how many times I have said "hugs aren't supposed to hurt" before he stopped bowling people over with his enthusiasm. And just yesterday I asked him if he remembers me saying that, and he said no! I guess I should be glad he got the message but doesn't remember the sheepish feeling of having his behavior in the spotlight.

SKL, Impish and Catherine all have made good points, IMO. (Others too, of course, but those three resonate most with me.) There are just too many situational caveats to make blanket statements, or to declare "rights." Sure, I will answer "why?" when it is reasonable to do so, but I don't care if the child doesn't think it's a "good" reason, and I'm not going to debate it for half an hour. Conversely, if a child makes a request of me, and I ask why, I do expect a reasonable justification, and sometimes the answer will be no regardless. Can my kid spend twelve hours straight on the computer? No. Can he expect me to pay for and allow him to participate in Boy Scouts despite my philosophical objections? No. Can he wear the same outfit for three weeks straight because he wasn't interested in doing laundry? No. But, as farrarwilliams pointed out, we do let him pursue some interests that are just time-wasters/eye-glazers (like most of his Nintendo DS games). We keep a lid on the amount of time spent, though. I think Catherine's take, that it stems from a "school vs. unschool" perspective, is probably what the writers intended.

Yeesh, the grammatical errors alone have me in a tizzy! People who write curriculum ought to have some idea how to, you know, write. Grumble grumble. Off to finish reading posts before I spout off on the BOR.

I'll do it after eating snack foods that leave "dust," like Cheetos or salted nuts. I'll wash my hands afterward, of course, and I don't lick my fingers and then reach back into the bag unless I'm the only one eating it. Then there are the times I'm eating a super-juicy peach outdoors ... no napkins there. :)

:huh: Wow. This isn't about snowblowers, folks! jrn, have a little nap on the couch after lunch and see if you feel better later.

For one chapter? That would really concern me, and I'd want to take a close look at both the requirements and her note-taking skills. Is she working efficiently or is there a lot of daydreaming/breaks/distraction going on? Is she uncertain about what material is "note-worthy" and what can be left out? Is she writing summaries that are longer than the chapter itself? It may get much easier for her to handle as her skills improve, but she can't improve her skills by no longer practicing them. I hope you can find a good solution!

Maybe instead of sending the noise ordinance info you could offer to shovel his driveway for him next time. Sure, shoveling is a lot harder on the body and takes a lot longer, but at least your other neighbors could stay cozy in their beds. Win-win! ;)

Holy moly. That would send me off the deep end and I would undoubtedly do several regrettable things in response. :boxing_smiley: (<--- well, maybe not that.) Wishing you the strength and foresight to do otherwise. :grouphug:

Agreed, for the most part, but the idea confuses me somewhat. I know the reasoning is to keep the kids from having the satisfaction of pushing my buttons, but shouldn't they also learn how their behaviors affect their relationships? And isn't it OK to let the kids know that parents have the same emotions every other human has and we don't have to tolerate whippersnappers stomping on them just because we're parents? Urgh. I had no idea what a whirlwind - or should I say cyclone? - this whole parenting thing could be.

I know myself. I would have to eat the ones that are slightly burnt ... and the ones that are not quite crisp enough ... and then what's the point of making two lousy bacon roses? MIght as well eat them, too. I could probably just show DH the photos and call it good. ;)

The University of Chicago campus is amazingly beautiful and definitely worth exploring! They also have the Oriental Institute (http://oi.uchicago.edu/), which is lesser known than the top-dog museums but still very cool. You could easily fill an entire day in the Hyde Park area, especially if the University is in session when you visit. Get yourself a guidebook and poke around the internet. You will have no trouble at all filling four days! :)

I too have a DS11, who clearly has much in common with your daughter! I'll try to offer a few tidbits, and if you don't find them helpful, at least know I'm out here trying to tread the same water. Assuming I had some patience, I'd say, "You asked for ten more minutes, stretched it to 15, then complained when time was up and yelled at your brothers. How is that not causing trouble?" My reasoning here is that the child needs help looking at the scenario factually, and identifying where a rational person would call foul. I agree that these statements are intended to be manipulative. Or, if she is not consciously trying to make you feel guilty, she is simply wallowing in "woe is me." I would either ignore it or call her on it. This is the most difficult part for me, too. But DS does indeed need to learn what constitutes obnoxious behavior, and needs to realize how it affects his relationships (or, more accurately, lack thereof, where potential friends are concerned). I try to help him notice other people's reactions to his annoying behaviors ("I've asked you three times now to stop grabbing my hat; have you noticed that I've sounded more aggravated each time? Do you think continuing to do that would make me more or less eager to hang around with you?"), and I also point out his own annoyance at someone else behaving the same way toward him. It is a long slog, though, and while he seems to be making progress, it isn't happening fast enough to make any of us claim success just yet. Good luck, and hang in there.

We're pretty loosy-goosy about it. DS has a savings account; he knows that we will match any deposit he chooses to make, but other than that, it has been maddeningly difficult to illustrate the value of a savings account when his interest rate is .01% (seriously!). So far, he has not been allowed to make a withdrawal, although we haven't set firm rules about that. Otherwise, purchases must be approved, but we can be pretty easy-going with that because he realized quickly that he didn't want to blow $5 of his hard-earned money on some goofy plastic thing (which is not to say that he didn't ask us to buy it for him first - just that when we said "you can buy it with your money" it suddenly wasn't so desirable anymore). Charitable donations are up to him, although I will admit to guilt-tripping him more than once; that's not how I want him to feel about it, though, so I have changed the way I address it. Now I might alert him to an opportunity but the decision he makes about it is his. Lastly, there have been times when I've required him to replace something he broke or lost, such as school supplies that he mistreated. It does seem to help him understand the importance of taking care of one's things. ETA: Two more tidbits. He spent his own money on Christmas presents this year, of his own volition; and as for withdrawing from savings, whenever he has asked about it I remind him that he wants to be able to drive in about 5 years, and to do that he will have to have insurance and gas, etc. blah blah blah, and that seems to get his mind off buying more Legos with it.

Some rambling thoughts: When DS was 4-5 years old, if we were watching football on tv, he would pay attention only to the commercials. Now that we have no tv, I have noticed a LOT fewer "stuff" comments from him. Another reason for that reduction in comments, though, is that he somehow decided we are "poor." I do talk about money a bit, and I must have been unclear about why I don't buy certain things for him to get that impression. Last year he played in the school band, and happened to choose the most expensive instrument. That was fine by me. Then he wanted to change to tuba - another expensive instrument. I told him I didn't want to pay for a second instrument unless he showed me some real dedication to the first one - i.e., practice well and daily without being reminded to do so. Well ... when the whole summer went by and the baritone sat in its case, never once seeing the light of day, I said no to the tuba. He then told the band director that he was quitting because we couldn't afford it. So I tried to make it clear that I do have the money but do not care to waste it. (I also suspect he said that because he didn't want to admit that he blew it, but that's another topic entirely.) I have since taken opportunities to point out to him my choices. For example, I can afford to send him to two camps this summer because I stopped wasting money on cable tv that we rarely watched. Because I don't buy him candy at the gas station, I can afford to take him to Legoland. I try to make a bigger deal out of "this is what I want to do with the money I have earned" instead of "I don't have money for that." I'm sure he doesn't have the full picture just yet, but I think I am making progress. As he gets older, maybe a sophomore in HS, I will share much more with him about the state of our finances and give more thorough lessons on financial planning, but for now it is more important that he know we are stable and secure - without knowing any numbers.

:smilielol5:

In my first house (when I was single) my cats used to "break in" to an empty kitchen cabinet. I never kept food or anything else in there, so I didn't mind. I called it their office. :D

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

Shredded, S&P, with onions. Egg fried over-easy nearby or on top is a big plus, and cheese never hurt anything. :D

If you can avoid the discussion, that's the route I'd take. It sounds like you are not a co-worker in the same place, so anything you say is speculative. Even if you *are* a co-worker in the same place, if you are not the one who made the decision, it is still speculative. If it is unavoidable, then I'd go with Dandelion's advice.

Excellent news! Way to go! I predict it will be a source of comfort frequently. It just feels so secure to know you have a little cushion.

Oh my goodness, the Shampoo Helmet! BTDT, for sure. Seriously, what makes them think that counts?!

I have declared 2013 to be The Year of the Good, Quick Shower. I just cannot believe I have to remind an 11-year-old to use soap. Thankfully, he is getting better - and is also getting better at showers that last fewer than 25 minutes. But, ugh, I did not expect this particular stretch of the road to be so arduous! I think how you handle your DD depends on her age. And didn't your DH tell her why he had to crack the window?! That could have gone a long way to waking her up so she can realize it isn't just you.

Don't forget to bring comfortable shoes you can walk in! I also agree with JFJ's recommendation for layers/rain gear. Are you bringing the kids? What are your/their interests? How long will you be here? No matter what the answers are to the above questions, the Field Museum is a must-see, in my opinion.

Thanks for the confirmation, ladies. Good thing I didn't hang around with him for very long! :auto:

Last night I was driving behind an ambulance that had its lights flashing. For some reason it reminded me of a long-ago boyfriend, who turned out to be a liar. He told me had been an EMT, and told me that ambulance lights flashed in different patterns for different situations - e.g., if the patient was already deceased, the pattern would be different than it would with a living patient. I assume he was lying about that, too, but thought I'd ask you far-more-trustworthy invisible people inside my computer. ;) Are there different patterns, and if so, do they indicate anything in particular?