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maize

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Everything posted by maize

  1. I think I hear women talk about their children more often than men, but I hear men reference love for their wives publicly more than the reverse. I was serious about the social obliviousness though. I come from a super neurodivergent family and fitting in has never been our forte. I was raised by a woman who thought that trying to follow social norms because they were social norms was complete nonsense, so...I'm sure there are all kinds of contexts and expectations that I'm genuinely unaware of. (I've had to learn as an adult that there is genuine value sometimes in adhering to social norms; I had to really mull the idea over.) You'd probably like my mom if you met her, but she is an exceptionally quirky woman! Back to the voice thing though...neurodivergence also makes me wary of judging people's voices and speech mannerisms. I have six kids with diagnosed speech issues ranging from articulation to prosody and pragmatics. I have several relatives with atypical speech presentations--I don't even know how to describe them, maybe similar to what people might call sing-songy but also not. I'm really not a fan of judging anything about people based on their speech.
  2. Since we have experience in the same culture, I must be either oblivious or untrainable. I can't remember ever thanking anyone for asking me to speak. Can't remember talking about my husband and kids unless I had a relevant anecdote to share. The last talk I gave in church was around the 4th of July last year and I know I was chosen for being a veteran. I based the talk largely on George Washington's condemnation of party politics; got more positive feedback than I have for any other church talk. I've had nothing but support for taking up a new career. I happen to strongly prefer skirts to slacks but my oldest daughter habitually wears slacks to church, including for her missionary farewell talk (and will definitely do so for her homecoming talk in a couple of months). I'm not suggesting your experiences aren't genuine. I'm sure they are. They're just not universal. (And also, yes, I'm not in the habit of noticing or complying with social norms. Like all traits, that can have both positive and negative impacts...oblivious and untrainable can be both good and bad 😅)
  3. I'm wondering if this company has sent the men to training to "learn to listen to females and take them seriously regardless of the way their voice sounds"? 🤔
  4. I think we step into quicksand if we start analyzing and criticizing the way women speak, because women in general have often been perceived as childish because we have voices that are higher than a mans--more similar to a child. If some women have been explicitly taught to exaggerate the childishness of their voice, that's unfortunate. But if people are pointing to specific women and criticizing the way they talk as being childish, that just seems to me to be another way to point fingers at women for a trait that could in fact be entirely natural. This just feels a step too close to the kind of criticism that calls women who raise their voice screechy, women who speak firmly bossy, women who show emotion whiny; it comes right back to criticizing women.
  5. Was it a private school? You might try looking it up on here for more information; closed schools are included; usually there is an entry for a custodianof records: https://www.cde.ca.gov/SchoolDirectory/districtschool?allsearch= &simplesearch=Y&page=0&tab=2
  6. I think in this case I'd try to go up the chain to whoever can approve an exception at your institution.
  7. This sounds like an excellent mindset to be in!
  8. Isn't this the real tragedy? Control is the antithesis of a healthy or happy or mutual relationship. They can't coexist. If there is one thing I want to teach my children to understand, it is to let go of control. Don't let others exert control over you, and don't try to control them. It's a little tricky for parents to navigate because with small children in particular we do sometimes have to exert control; they don't yet have the maturity and experience to navigate life and keep themselves safe. I don't think we do much good though through control efforts past the "yes I am going to buckle you into your car seat and hold your hand in the busy parking lot" stage.
  9. A friend posted this on Facebook today and it felt relevant here:
  10. OP isn't required to be a perfect child to have the right to establish personal boundaries. Was her response a bit defensive? Possibly. Doesn't matter. She's allowed to be an imperfect person who gets flustered or defensive at times. There is nothing at all that requires she comply with her mother's demand in order to be a decent person or a decent daughter. She is clearly making an effort to maintain a relationship with her mother and to interact with thoughtfulness and kindness while maintaining appropriate control over her own time and her own life. When the other person regularly steps outside of a healthy range of interaction, attempting to manipulate or control the people around them as a way of managing their own anxiety and experience, it is necessary to establish defenses against such inappropriate incursions. It is healthier to establish boundaries than not to establish them. It is better for the overall relationship. It is better for personal peace and mental health. It is ultimately better for the person doing the overstepping. @saraha comes across as genuinely caring about her mother and trying hard to make the relationship as healthy as she can from her side. Criticizing her efforts for being imperfect isn't helpful to anyone, least of all her mom. It simply isn't possible to have a truly healthy relationship with someone whose brain is not up to healthy relationships. You just have to do the best you can in imperfect circumstances.
  11. @saraha, does your mom read texts or emails? Since this is stressing you, I think a message now letting her know you won't be calling every Sunday might be best. Get both the communication and any reaction from her over with so it's not hanging over your head (it would drive me crazy to leave something like that hanging). Something along the lines of: "Hi mom, I've thought about your suggestion that I call every Sunday; it's not going to work for me, my schedule is too variable and I don't want you to feel stressed if I don't get a call in. I'll just plan on continuing to communicate the way we have; feel free to call whenever you want, if I'm available to talk I'll pick up. Love you!"
  12. She means people who educate about early retirement, not retired teachers. The kinds of finance gurus who sell books and financial planning services.
  13. Had mom presented this as an idea she thought might work well for both of them and been open to input or counter-suggestions from her daughter, the "deal" might be worth considering. That's not what happened here. This wasn't a deal at all (deals involve two-party negotiation and a willingness on both sides to consider compromise). This was a demand, made in an attempt by mom to exert personal control over the daughter and all communication between them. It's not a healthy or appropriate way of interacting, nor a healthy manner for mom to manage her anxiety. Since mom can't seem to see the inappropriateness herself, it is up to the daughter to establish and maintain appropriate personal boundaries--including maintaining control over her own communication choices. This is critical if the daughter wants to preserve the relationship. This is something that isn't always intuitive to people; it's easy to think that compliance is the path to a good relationship with someone who is controlling. Habitual compliance is interrelational poison--it doesn't actually improve the relationship with the controller (because pandering to anxiety just strengthens the anxiety; they will just find more and more things to worry about and try to control)--and it is guaranteed to result in resentment on the part of the person being controlled. Nothing will destroy a relationship faster than a deepening pit of resentment. Maintaining appropriate boundaries is critical if you care about someone with controlling tendencies enough to want to maintain a relationship with them.
  14. Call her, say this, then sign off and hang up. It may be anxiety driving her efforts to control you, but controlling other people isn't an appropriate way to manage anxiety.
  15. Maybe just put the wrong name on it; it would only be breaking HIPPA if the letter had been sent to someone other than you. Since it came to your address and includes only your family's medical information it's not in itself a hippa violation.
  16. I caught that and immediately ascribed it to brain fog! I remember how difficult thinking was when I had a concussion; anything that impacts our brain makes thinking hard (shocking correlation, isn't that 🤔 😐)
  17. Oh wow, I'm glad you are OK! Have you ever had a carbon monoxide detector go off in the house?
  18. Were you both crazy worked up or just him? My husband has turned irrationally ragey rather frequently; far less so in the last few years than in the first 17 years of our marriage because we finally found mental health treatments that are more effective for him. In his case, it's all a symptom of mental health issues. I don't call those instances us fighting, I call it him being in an irrational rage. A fight suggests far more equal responsibility.
  19. He used to live in my county and had support from many in the local homeschool community long before he and OUR became widely known. Lots of people supported him and OUR because they genuinely believed they were helping fight evil. I know some who are trying hard to grapple with what has come out and are feeling duped and betrayed and others who are doubling down on claims that he really is a hero and the people making accusations against him are bad actors. It's hard to look your own mistaken trust in the face.
  20. More people harmed by Ballard and co.: https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/sound-of-freedom-tim-ballard-angel-studios-lawsuit-1234974841/amp/
  21. The devices themselves are readily identifiable as too complex to have been produced by an illiterate society though. It should be clear to anyone following a scientific approach to archeology that data was being analyzed and transmitted on a large scale for our technology to be as advanced as it is. For a human society, that requires literacy. Alien societies...who knows. I'm going to presume these future archeologists are human though.
  22. Wow, what an amazing opportunity! I haven't yet had the chance to take my kids to visit most of the places I lived, but I'm hoping to get back to Guatemala soon with at least a couple of them. It's been 34 years since I have been there!
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