I see this differently. Just because you advertise books for sale doesn't mean you have to sell them. The only way you have an obligation is if she paid you for the books before you decided to keep them. It would be nice if you gave her the one duplicate book and she only paid shipping costs. I come at this from the perspective of someone trying to buy used books on a tiny budget. There are plenty of good deals that somehow don't work out. If someone had bought the books a minute before she responded, you wouldn't go out and buy another set for this person. Well, you are the "buyer", since you're now using the books. There are other deals out there, or other curriculum that will do the job. That's what I'd tell myself if I was trying to buy your books.

You've given me a great idea! A cheap track phone that vibrates as well as rings might get his attention. And I know I could teach him to answer it. Plus he wouldn't be calling people and using up the minutes. (Unlike my daughter if you ever gave her a phone!) He would understand the social story, and would agree with the code word beforehand. But in the moment, he forgets all about that. Or maybe I'm not giving him credit. He doesn't take off every time we go somewhere. But the times he does slip up can be traumatic. (For me. He's usually happy during this stuff.) We do dress the kids all in red hoodies in the fall. I like the idea of red shirts. But most of his favorite train shirts are navy. (Way off topic, but he just might change to a new obsession/intense interest! It's been steam engines all the time, but recently slacking off. Recently he's been reading and quoting bits of castle books to me, and getting all excited about the medieval stuff we have for SOTW this year.)

Do you have a link for this? We haven't had a big running off incident at this point. But I'm realizing it's not getting better and safer as the years go by. I also plan to call and bring him by the police station to discuss what would happen if he ever does get way from us.

Way back when I used to deliver the paper, people only tipped at Christmas.

I thought of a question that's been coming to mind when I read the harness post. What is a suitable way to keep an older child close? My 5 year old son has high functioning autism. When he was younger we managed his tendency to run/wander off. I avoided the places where he liked to run off, and places with crowds. We usually only went to big events if I had my DH on Saturdays. We did a lot of coaching. Every time I go somewhere, I go over the rules in the car, especially the rule of "Stay with Mom." We've practiced this at home. We've practiced coming when called. I assumed things would get better with time. But instead he got faster. I can't catch him now. He loves running through the woods. (Maybe I could find a homeschool cross country team someday.) He's not running away because he's sad or mad. He just finds something that interests him and tunes out the rest of the world. At the fair he might slip behind a food truck to analyze how the electrical cords are hooked up. In the woods he might get see an interesting rock, a strange leaf shape, a new side trail. I'm tired of yelling for him in public. He seems like he's not listening, and I think he's so focused it's like he can't process our voices. We all want to go out and do things, especially get my son out in the woods. 2 hour hikes really help his behavior. Yes, we've tried hand holding. But neither he or I enjoy it for long. And his sweaty hand can slip out of mine so easily if I'm not almost cutting off circulation. And my little 3 year old guy wants both my hands sometimes. What would you do in this situation? He's not going to wear a little kid backpack, and I really want my hands free. Would a wrist to wrist leash type thing work? My husband and I have joked that we need something like a shocker collar, except instead it beeps and vibrates when he gets too far. I also saw this, but it has some bad reviews, and is $$. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B001M9NDWA/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

Eta: We've kept things in our cooler cold 3 days. As in, the lunch meat under the ice jug was still partly frozen the 3rd day. And the food feels like straight out of the refrigerator. This is in our minivan to keep safe from bears, but in shade and 90 degrees outside as hot as it got. Can you bring a camp stove? I'm thinking of the camping meals we do. We pack a big cooler and can keep food cold for 3 days. Though that is with tree shade on the minivan. I freeze a mostly full jug of milk, and we drink it as it melts. And I freeze a jug of water as well as other ice packs. The bigger the ice block, the longer it stays frozen. I don't worry about the condensation, just make sure everything is waterproofed. We do pancakes and bacon the first day, with premade batter I just need to add baking soda to. The second day we have eggs. After that we do oatmeal and fruit. I prefer the texture of old fashioned oats with my own mix ins to those instant packets, even if I just add boiling water to a bowl. For lunches we always do sandwiches unless we have leftovers. The first couple days meat and cheese, then peanut butter or almond butter. We pack plenty of fresh fruit and veggies to go with them, and most fruit and veggies will keep a few days unrefrigerated. Carrots, cucumbers, grape tomatoes, mini peppers, avocado, snap peas Etc are usually the vegetable at lunch and supper to avoid cooking. For suppers we do hot dogs and veggies, grilled chicken (packed marinated and frozen) with potatoes and veg. Then as the cooler is less cold we do pita pizza pockets. With jarred sauce, pepperoni in one of those packs, and premade pitas, the only thing not shelf stable is the cheese. After that, when the cooler can't be counted on for food safety, there's a good salad to make with canned tuna and instant brown rice. Or just tuna salad with the shelf stable mayo packets, pickles, celery eaten on crackers. And a vegan taco soup with canned beans, corn, tomatoes. An omelet for supper is good, as eggs last a while unrefrigerated.

Am I a "Millie"? I feel like I'm a low functioning person. I don't get tons of things done. We've missed plenty of days of school this past year to me just not getting to it. Feeling tired and just bouncing from one kid crisis to another. I'm the worst at being busy. I like time to just be at home with a book. I look forward to soccer ending, and get excited when Bible study is cancelled. I'm only starting to have more than one thing (park day, bringing a meal, play date, shopping, field trip, zoo outing Etc) in one day. And I'm awful at that. When I invite families over for a kid birthday party at our house, I am crazy for 2 weeks. I don't volunteer and help with different church and kid activities much. I'm willing to prep crafts, or help in nursery, or bring food, but I don't see it. I have to be asked. I never head something up. I'm the person in the homeschool group who goes to some of the field trips other people organize, but only ineptly plans one a year. When a kid activity we were doing was threatening to disband, I didn't "step up." I'm thinking about starting a book club for 1st-3rd graders at my house or the library. But if I do start it, someone who is better at fun themed crafts and snacks will probably take over. Some of it is that I don't care that much about the activity. I might want it enough to put my kid in it, but not enough to give it a weeknight and hours of prep. I'm not bothered at all that it might not happen. Also, the scripture memory activity I did value, I was teaching once a week, but I don't feel I was doing a great job. If I actually felt the lack of an activity or need, I might do something. But instead there is so much I'm already saying no to. At home, my husband does the bedtime routine more than I do. He's also the one in charge of paying bills, fixing things, and telling me what library books are due. There are plenty of times I'm tired and just leave the dishes, so he does them that night. Sorry for the long post. All that to say, I'm probably this Millie person you're talking about. But I don't know how to change, and don't know if I want to change.

I think you've already decided against coding camp. My husband works in IT and they interviewed some candidates fresh out of coding camp. They were considered, but with that little experience it would be very entry level pay, $35k to $40k. But raises would follow if they continued to learn more and did well. I have family who have done short plumbing courses, electrical work courses, home inspection courses and make good $$ at it. Maybe that's a possibility. Freelance graphic design and coding does sound like a great option for you. Maybe start with just 1 hour (with movie for kids) in afternoon, and 2 hrs after kids are in bed. But I get that you're already feeling overwhelmed, and this might feel like too much. I love reading all your posts, pinkmint, because so often I'm sitting here going, "That is just how I feel! She knows what it's like."

Not always! I "dreamed" that I had a tick on me, and was trying to get to the bathroom to remove it. But I couldn't get up. In the morning, I thought it was a silly boring dream. 2 days later I found that tick in the same spot as my dream!

I'm not saying she should say anything. A picture is worth a thousand words, and her daughter can then decide if she wants to show that face to the world. I'm not suggesting posting it on Facebook or Instagram, or including it in the family photo album. It can be deleted right after sending or showing. A picture can be more helpful than trying to duplicate that face in a mirror. And when my mom tried to imitate my face, it only made things worse. So annoying.

Yes, she might not realize how she looks. I didn't realize for a long time that I had no poker face. What I thought were mild facial reactions were actually over the top. Although I'm probably still doing it sometimes...😳 Take a picture! Send it to her. Just keep doing that and you will not need to say a word.

I'm shopping for boys jeans for my daughter. She wants the thigh to fit looser, and to be able to move better in them. I have bought a few that seemed too boyish once she started wearing them, but a lot of jeans are neutral. But this is partly me being incredibly cheap, because I can pass them down to my boys. I also buy used, so when a knee is ripped out, it's only $2.50 instead of $12.50.

Exactly. I would not be an early adopter. I'd wait til all the bugs were worked out and the price dropped. But it can not happen too soon for me. Maybe those self-driving cars of the future will all have swiveling seats that can rear face for extra safety.

We had a mini trampoline, and baby monitors, but they were broken. We can't afford to keep buying them. :( We might be able to repair the spring cover on the mini trampoline, but it will continue to get ripped apart again. I just looked at window guards. They seems too easy to bypass for a kid who can read the emergency release instructions.

Thanks for all the advice everyone! The exercise outside is the more the better, and I will try to make hiking a priority. We also saw small improvements in him when he played soccer. We have a small hole in the backyard, but he doesn't seem interested in digging a deep hole. He only digs to find bugs. The sand table also doesn't get much play, I don't know why. I will add more sensory stuff, and look at real tools and things he can take apart. We like to make monsters and other things out of Amazon boxes, and destroy them when we're done playing with them. I will look into more things like that that the boys can shred and smash. About sleep: The 5 yr old's sleep is fixed now. He always had sleep issues since he was a baby, and now gets nightly melatonin. The 6:30 to 10:00 is the range when a kid could be awake. Although the 3 year old has emptied every wet wipe container and turned a box of tissues into confetti at 5am before. I assume that boys are asleep, since there is silence, only to find a giant mess. The latest thing is opening the bedroom window and jumping through the screen in the early morning hours. We've gone through 4 screens this way. (Don't worry, no harm came to him. He just hung out in a boy sized hole in the thorn bushes, enjoying the outdoors.) Btw, in this scenario, would you nail the windows shut? I hesitate to, for fire safety etc, but maybe I should. About add/adhd: I have a nephew who has it, but this doesn't seem to be my son's problem. Instead he seems to be able to focus really well on things he is interested in. So puzzles, trains, building things, reading, he can tune out the world to focus on things like that. He doesn't seem high energy, or hyperactive, compared to other kids we've seen.

This is exactly me except I'm only 34.

Barring handcuffs, how do you make that happen? I'm picturing the hour long battle to get him to go to the laundry closet with me. Also, although I'm crazy right now, it really is not nonstop destruction like when he was 2. He can read for hours, play Legos and trains, hunt for buried treasure in the backyard. Do you interrupt any fun activity because you never know when he might start breaking a hole in all the window screens as a break from his track layouts?

The car upholstery was on a road trip with a loud audiobook. I had my eyes on the road. I am really the worst at trying to never leave them alone. I intend to stick with them. But in 20 min when I get dressed, they've got a whole tube of toothpaste squeezed over the bathroom, the towel rod ripped out of the wall, the toilet paper roll in the toilet, and the full soap dispenser is now empty. If I have to be with them every second from 6:30am to 10:00pm I will have completely lost my mind.

I've yet to find an effective consequence for the 5 year old. Spanking, scolding, yelling do not work. Helping clean up, doing extra jobs, losing his toys when he breaks them does not work. Talking and reasoning does not work. Getting him to admit a behavior is wrong and to say he won't do it again helps. But he is stubborn, and will usually say "Maybe I will (bite my brother, mix dog food with cat litter, etc) again." Crazy as it sounds, right now we are having him write lines. And draw a picture to go with it. Talking to him, my script when I'm calm enough to deliver it is to talk about how we want our home to be. "Do you want this to be a house where everybody yells, or talks gently? Etc etc. You are part of our family, and need to do your part by speaking gently to make this a happy peaceful home." This might not be making much immediate difference. But he at least AGREES with it, which feels like progress. Working on our relationship and trying to connect helps some, but not enough. Long walks in the woods help some. Rotating toys and pulling out fresh ones gives him something to do other than wreck the house, but it's not enough. Being gone from the house all day helps some, but makes me crazy in other ways. I'm not good at constant vigilance, and if I had to watch my kid every second, I should have had just one kid. If anyone has the miracle answer, don't hold out on me.

The short story- nothing yet other than us reading up. At 2 & 3 he was not eligible for special needs preschool or other early interventions as he was functioning too well. He is enrolled in a social skills class in the fall. The long story: We went to an evaluation when he was 2 based on answers to a screening at the pediatrician. We did 2 full days of them videoing the 2 of us interacting, them talking to him, mountains of forms. At that time we got a diagnosis of PDD-NOS. Then in 2 more years the next evaluation came out not on the spectrum. At that point they said he had social delays, but did not meet criteria. Just last month I called with concerns and went in. They did a shorter, 2 hr evaluation. They said he is most likely on the spectrum, but we will need to go somewhere to get an official diagnosis. The whole time it has seemed rather borderline. Like where is that edge of neurotypical or not?

Please don't quote the whole post, I may delete so my son doesn't find this in a few years. This is hot button for me. I grew up poor. And we are working hard to get out of debt and fix up our house. It seems like my boys are more destructive than other kids. It's mostly the 5 year old, with the 3 year old following his lead. The boys left the minivan doors open in the rain today and thought it was hilarious that it was soaked. At other times they also "keyed" it with rocks, colored on surfaces on the inside, and ripped out some upholstery. He's intentionally broken doors and drawers of dressers. Broken a light fixture. Poured a gallon of water on the wood floor and let it sit here. Ripped cabinet door off hinges. Flooded the bathroom. Torn out every hook and towel rod in the house. Broken a doorknob. There are currently 4 holes in the wall waiting to be patched. We just can't afford all the repairs that keep on coming. He doesn't seem to break things when angry. It's just that he enjoys wrecking things. It was horrible at age 2 and 3. I thought things would be better now. The 5 year old is probably on the autism spectrum, high functioning. But maybe not. I don't know if this is at all related. Maybe I'm just a terrible parent.

I learned something new! Ground squirrels are commonly called gophers in Montana. So all this time we've been shooting and snaring ground squirrels, even though I've never heard of a ground squirrel. http://fwp.mt.gov/hunting/regulations/nongameFAQ.html I remember as kids a couple of us would stake out some holes. Put a loose slip knot over the hole and wait for him to pop his head up. Then pull it tight and wham! slam him on the ground. I was never good at that slam to kill it. They are jumpy, so plastic birds of prey might help. Borrowing a dog with a strong hunting instinct sounds like a really good idea.

If it's been around for 20 years, it's possible that too small or pointy toed shoes are the cause. I do have thickened toenails on the second toe of each foot from wearing too small shoes as a child. It will never go away, and I have to file down the nails thin enough to clip. I hope yours is treatable fungus.

No. I moved out when I got married. And we ate some burned dinners, bad meals, and really unhealthy processed stuff. It's not that I'd never cooked. All kids in our family, no matter the gender, learned how to make eggs, grilled cheese, salad, spaghetti, etc. Also, and this is awesome, when we reached our teens each of us had a meal night. I was in charge of cooking supper every Thursday night. And I did learn to always have a veggie at lunch and supper. But everything came from a box or sauce packet or jar. I had a lot to learn about cooking from scratch, with fresh ingredients. And a lot to learn about what healthy eating choices are. I've learned so much about cooking technique and the science of baking that I see my past self as completely ignorant. Maybe one of these days I will take a knife skills class, and look back at this slow self and laugh.

My parents did that and I think it's a good thing. I do that too. (Sometimes I haven't met the husband but my kid is only there when the husband is at work. We try to all meet soon.) Not all our neighbors were that great growing up. So unless my parents met, got to know, and trusted the other parents, we only played with other kids outside or at our house. I like having people over, and I don't think it's a practice that should die out. I would probably invite the whole family over, even the alcoholic dad. Having him over for dinner doesn't mean you approve of his choices. If things go badly, are tense,then not again. And you never know with the possibly judgmental family. They might like you. And you might rub off on them. A real life example: Family A thinks that Harry Potter is evil, and that any family who allows their kids to read them is failing. They become acquaintances of Family B. As they grow closer, they discover Family B does read Harry Potter. And somehow none of their children are turning into Satan-worshippers. At first Family A is shocked. But instead of cutting off the friendship they continue cautiously. (And warn their children about worldly influences.) By another year or 2, Family A has changed positions, and their younger children are allowed to read Harry Potter.