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Home'scool

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Posts posted by Home'scool

  1. On 3/22/2024 at 4:21 PM, Melissa in Australia said:

    Personally I would find having a brother or sister in-law living  extended years in my house a terrible strain on my relationship .

    Wow. Being the one who has lived with my sister and brother-in-law for the last 9 years or so, this is very hurtful.

    I know you don't know our situation, so you don't know how and why it actually does work for us.

    But I am always aware that I landed there as a charity case. And sometimes at 3:00am I am kept awake by thoughts of that and how things could've or should've been in my life. That at almost 55 years old my life was so shredded that I had no where to go and was taken in by the kindness of my family.

    Your comment will be one that will pop up on some of my bad days. Maybe think next time you throw out a blanket statement.

    • Like 1
  2. Okay I guess a little more context is needed.

    I have spoken to my sister about this already. The plan is that she is going to leave my BIL soon and that she and I will live out our lives together.  Their marriage has not been working for years now. Please do not judge on that it is a very involved story. He will probably move into his father's house that was left to him.

    I made up my will so that if I die before my sister she will get my 401K and savings. That is so she can feel safe if I am not there to contribute to expenses etc. 

    I am asking for a reciprocal agreement so that I can feel safe if SHE is not there to help with expenses. 

    I told her I would like some type of Living Will or something like that and she agreed. I just didn't know what type of things I should be asking for.

    So, I guess I am asking a general questions: assuming all parties are on board, what type of agreement should I be asking for.

     

    • Like 1
  3. It is not so much what I feel like is my right, it is the fact that I don't want to be in my 70's or 80's and have to move without anything. 

    I am extremely grateful that they took me in. I do consider the payments and contributions I made as part of my responsibility for living there. 

     

     

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  4. Right now I live in an in-law apartment connected to my sister and brother-in-law's house. I have lived there for about 10 years now.

    My concern is if my sister passes away before me. My brother-in-law is a really great guy, but I need some type of protection. I have learned that situations and people change ....

    What should I be looking for? Right now I pay half the bills, including the mortgage, and also paid to put in a new septic system. I have also paid for some cosmetic things like a new deck and a gazebo (both were things I wanted to make the back yard a nice stay-cation spot).

    My sister and brother-in-law have lived in this modest house for 30 years. My BIL has worked two jobs for the last 30 years to pay the bills.

    When I moved in I had nothing but a disastrous marriage and divorce behind me. They took me in with no qualms and no expectations about paying my share, etc. It was just "you are family and have a place here" so I want to be very respectful to my BIL regarding how hard he has worked for this house and how gracious he was to take me in.

    Any advice as to what I should be asking for? 

    Thank you in advance! 🙂

     

     

  5. I CONCUR!

    My marriage of 28 years collapsed after years of narcissism and cheating finally caught up with him. I was devastated. Felt like I was unlovable, that there was something wrong with me, what would I do without him, etc etc. 

    It took us 5 years to get divorced because he didn't want to give me one single thing.

    Fast forward to now and I have never been happier. The freedom to be me, the peacefulness I now have in my life ..... it's priceless. And I don't even think about him anymore. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

    I belong to a group on Facebook called Small Space Living and so many women post a pic of a small house or apartment and say "after X number of years married I am divorced. I went from a 3000 sq ft home to this 900 sq ft. apartment and I have never been happier!" It is a recurring theme and it always makes me happy to see other women breaking free and finding that life after divorce can be very very happy.

    • Like 6
  6. 15 hours ago, Scarlett said:

    I had been VERY unhappy with him for a long time. But I compartmentalized and created my own happiness with our son, family, friends, my faith, homeschooling. I would have done that until I died. But my line in the sand was other women. 

    The day I made the decision to divorce him was both freeing and terrifying. I felt like the Taylor Swift lyric, ‘the bravest thing I ever did was run.’

    It was definitely a crisis for me but I knew I had no choice. 

    Wow. Your statement about "compartmentalizing and creating your own happiness ... and was willing to do that until you died" really resonated with me. You just don't realize you are doing that until you step back.

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    • Thanks 1
  7. My Ex hubby definitely had a mid-life crisis, which forced me into one. 

    He did all the usual .... started working out, lots of man-scaping, started coming home late, started an affair with a woman he knew in high school. 

    So we went into divorce mode. I cried a ton, couldn't sleep because after 30 years with this man I did not know who I was on my own, and was not sure I wanted to be on my own. I spent at least 3 years in a constant state of anxiety.

    Fast forward with lots of therapy in between .... I am SOOO happy being single. 

    One of the best things my therapist said to me: I was telling him that I felt I had been thrown off my course of life when I met my husband in college, and that 28 years of being married to a narcissist completely blotted out any part of who I could have been. My therapist simply said "Well, start that now. Go back to who you were at 18 and start making decisions based on THAT person and not who you were changed into."

    That statement gave me a lot of freedom to explore ME. 

    I have a big Thank ya! to my ex if I ever see him again.

    • Like 14
  8. I am upset right now. 

    I work in an office with another other woman. While one lady was at lunch a huge beetle came marching across the carpet. I have a HUGE phobia about bugs. If I am home alone I will deal with it an try to kill the bug, but it brings me a lot of anxiety (and sometimes broken furniture haha). So I put a trash bin over the beetle to wait for the other woman to get back from lunch.

    When she got back she told me she would not kill the bug. She *jokingly* told me I needed to grow up and face my fears. I tried to say "it's a phobia that I deal with the best I can but if you don't have that phobia could you just kill the damn bug!" No .... she wouldn't do it! And at any other time this woman is so nice and bends over backwards for people.

    The thing is, I have had this happen before. People will say "Oh, I can't kill a spider! It will make it rain! hahha" and they they DONT kill the spider.

    If I was afraid of heights would you make me stand at the edge of a cliff? I guess for some reason people think a phobia of bugs is childish, but I just don't think that is for someone to judge.

    I can take good natured ribbing etc., but to flat our refuse to kill the bug just seems mean to me.

    I am leaving the trash bin over the bug for the custodian to get. 

     

     

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  9. I do find it odd that he was found guilty on complete circumstantial evidence. But I think he is 100% guilty.

    And OJ Simpson was found innocent even though there was a ton of physical evidence.

    I followed the Scott Peterson case and have read some books on it. I believe he is guilty. The fact that two days after Lacy went missing he had the cable package updated to include p*rn, and a few days after that he updated it to an even more graphic p*rn channel.

    I know behavior does not always equal guilt, but Scott is a real piece of work. But I think without the testimony of Amber Fry he may have gotten off. 

    • Like 2
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  10. I was listening to the radio on my ride into work. The DJ's were talking about people who have a story from their past that makes people stop and go "Wait, what?!?!"

    The DJ said when he was 3 years old he was kidnapped by his mother. The story involved a bad marriage, etc. 

    I don't have any story like that, thank goodness. 

    Does anyone have a story like that?

  11. I have always loved to sleep. When I was little, my mother would pick me up from kindergarten and once I got home I would hop into bed for a nap. She would try to stop me because she thought I would be up too late at night, but as soon as she got distracted I would happily run to my bed. Most toddlers fight their naps haha.

    When I was raising and homeschooling my daughters I always got up about 6:00 am to up before them. And now I work a full time job so I am up every day by 7:00am for work.

    BUT, when I have a free day, I love to sleep. I live by myself so I am not responsible for anybody, and I love being in my own home with some quiet time. But sometimes I think maybe its a weird extreme how much I can sleep? 

    So, if you had a free day with no responsibilities and were so inclined, what time would you get up after a full nights sleep?

    • Like 1
  12. When my nephew was really young my sister had a picture of Abraham Lincoln in their dining room. After she hung it up my nephew was trying to eat his breakfast but kept suspiciously looking over his shoulder at the picture -- it was obvious he was a bit freaked by it. Then he said to my sister "Who is that guy?" and my sister said "That is the guy who wants you to finish your breakfast!"

    So now Abraham Lincoln is not a former president or anything, he is the man who wants you to finish your food!

     

    • Haha 1
  13. I commute 45 minutes each way to work. I love to listen to books on tape, etc., but I always hear a lot about people loving listening to podcasts.

    I don't like "pundit" shows where people blab at each other about their speculations. I just want a straightforward story or talk on a certain subject. Two people talking usually ruins it for me. (So, yes, I am picky haha)

    Does that exist? I love true crime, anything spooky or unusual, missing persons, etc.

     

     

    • Like 1
  14. Coffee!!!! 

    I know, I know, it's almost a sin to say it, but I hate coffee for the following reasons:

    • When you serve coffee, you can't just serve it. You have to ask: caffeinated or decaffeinated? Milk or cream? Sugar or sugar substitute? IT'S A WHOLE FRICKIN PROCESS!!
    • People who think it's ok to be grumpy until they get their "first cup"
    • Constantly having to stop on road trips for coffee. 
    • The panic that sets into coffee drinkers if they think they won't be able to have their coffee in the morning

    To me, coffee drinkers are like smokers. They are constantly thinking WHEN will I be able to have some, WHERE will I be able to buy it, HOW will I manage on vacation, etc.

     

    • Like 5
  15. I have used them a few times. Always have had a good experience.

    One funny story ........One time we needed the attic cleaned out, which meant the men were pretty much walking throughout the house. Just to be on the safe side (having a police officer in the family makes you extra aware of stuff) I decided to let them see my vicious dog so they wouldn't get any ideas about coming back at night. Only, my dog was not vicious, just HUGE. And he was afraid of everything, so whenever a stranger was around he would bellow his loudest bark which made him seem very intimidating.

    So when I heard them coming down the stairs I let the dog out of the room I was keeping him in and pretended to "hold him back". The guys rounded the corner, the dog started bellowing his barks, and the three guys literally bumped into each other trying to back up. I said "Oh, I'm sorry, he escaped out of his room. Let me just put him back" and then pretended like it was a big wrestle to get him under control. 

    Just in case. ...... but based on their reactions I did sleep soundly that night haha.

     

    • Like 1
    • Haha 3
  16. I have a theory on this (totally untested of course) ..... 

    If aliens where to land in the middle of Times Square the panic would be awful and the country would fall into chaos.

    IF the government knew of the existence of aliens, what better way then to sloooowly disseminate information about alien technology, alien sightings, and then eventually admitting the existence with proof. Giving us the information in small bites in between all the other news to try and minimize the effect such news would have on the public.

    It's like the saying about the frog in the boiling water (if you don't know that one, it says that if you put a frog in boiling water it will suffer and die. But if you put a frog in cool water and slowly turn up the heat, the frog won't even realize he is being boiled alive and will just die.) Are we the frogs just having the heat turned up and one day we will be like "oh, there really ARE aliens!"?

    There have always been news stories about alien sightings, etc., but I feel like lately the government is starting to have more and more "experts" come forward to give credibility. 

    IDK -- #thoughtsfrom3AM

    • Like 1
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