Catherine
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Posts posted by Catherine
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As you know I'm a veteran of the American system, and despite considerable free help with scholarships and grants, I graduated in 1990 and promptly married someone who also had huge educational debt! Between the two of us, we owed about $130,000. In 1990, that was enough to purchase a nice house in our area. And despite my chronically working part time, and his choice to be an academic (less $$) in a low-paying specialty, we paid off our debts at an accelerated rate before we'd been out of residency for 5 years. Yes, it meant living like students a little longer, but was more than worth it. My point is only that doctors can count on having at minimum, a decent, if not huge, income. Loans can be paid off. It's not like borrowing 100K for a partly-completed degree in English.
I don't know much about the Caribbean medical schools, but I will say that I've never once regretted the money I borrowed for a good, private secondary and professional education. When I was a medical student, it was assumed that students did not go to the Caribbean unless they failed to get into an American school, and the few people I knew in that category reinforced that idea. Things obviously could have changed since that time, but IMO, it's a professional liability that he would have to overcome forever.
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Does she have menstrual periods yet? Iron deficiency can manifest this way. Even if she doesn't have period yet she might be iron deficient. And even iron deficiency, without anemia, can cause it.
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She thinks that cooking and caring for children is so special, so she doesn't understand why blacks had to do it for whites *because* they were inferior people.
The dynamic of servant help is confusing. Your daughter sounds like a very insightful girl!! Caregiving is still unpaid labor in the USA. There has been a movement to force the US government to accord it an economic value, which would change the lot of SAH parents, but I don't think it's gained much traction.
I think the simplest answer to why blacks did servant jobs is that they were shut out of almost all forms of legitimate employment.
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Another voice echoing-get it checked out right away. Since you have a recent fracture\immobilization, you are at high risk. There is no harm whatsoever in an ultrasound-totaly risk-free. There is the cost, though, if you have to pay something out of pocket.
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When we dealt with this, the kid was younger, so we had more influence, just simply in terms of how he spent his time. I think the Gordon Neufeld approach is excellent, but in our case "self-medicating" (a term I loathe, but anyway) was most of the problem. Because of this, when I caught and confronted my son, I was able to basically put a stop to him spending much time alone. Not easy...and I feared greatly for his safety and future at the time, and our relationship, which was very fraught with confrontation for awhile. What is interesting is that he could have put up a much larger fight than he did-he was a big kid physically and certainly could have over powered me, but he didn't. From that fact alone I assumed he wanted me to stop him.
When I say I hate the term self-medicating, I mean that I think it removes any responsibility for the fallout of a choice to use drugs from the user-it's an excuse. In most cases, the user could have found any number of more constructive, less harmful ways to deal with his or her distress.
Worked a lot on relationship building, positive ways to spend time and energy. But I also watched him like a hawk and he knew that we'd search his room and monitor his activities very closely. Therapy was not as helpful as I hoped. It's taken me almost a decade to understand why. To put it in a nutshell, I suspect my son't difficulty was mostly related to his brain wiring, so any insight-oriented therapy was bound to flop. And it did.
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I haven't read everyone's responses. But I have to say that I've always thought of myself as a very "mommy" kind of mom. Meaning, I guess, that I love to baby my kids. Probably more than is good for them. But also, everyone's definition of a good mom isn't going to be the same. To me babying may mean one thing, but not what it means to someone else.
I guess one way in which I am not a typical mom is that I have had a job from day 1. Not a full time traditional day job, but a job nonetheless. Maybe that's why I baby them. To make up for it.
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More on groceries, less on student loans!! Yay for that!!
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I think the situation we have currently is the natural result of all the factors that are currently in play: the 24 hour news cycle, deterioration of education, globalization and the economic results of that. It scares me when i think it, but there is really nothing at all about the candidates or their "positions" that wasn't predictable. THAT is what scares me. It's very hard for an entire nation to bounce back from a low like this.
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A lot makes me cry. That's why I'm sticking with mysteries right now.
A Tale of Two Cities. Just reread. <snif>
Charlotte's Web
Unbroken-read it to ds when he was about 12-wow
The Old Grandfather and His Grandson-it's a Grimm's Fairy Tale that always makes me cry
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My Aspie child was absolutely terrified the first time he got behind the wheel. On a tiny back road in the middle of nowhere, where he was able to practice traffic-free until he was ready to "take it on the road" literally. So that was part of it here. Another of my kids was a little later than possible, as he did not get his license until he was 17. Current 14 yo, I suspect, will be quicker as he tends to be in most things. Driving in my area is very intimidating so that doesn't help.
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I am smiling! I love stories like this. Homeschooling works!!!
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He's got it about right. So enjoy the years to come!
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Use dandruff shampoo on it. I'd avoid using hydrocortisone on the face...but I also don't think it will work as well.
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I love camping in all its forms-but my spouse has a back that does not do well on camp cots or the ground, though he has accommodated me in the past. I suspect out tent camping days are over, but cabins are not out of the question for us, under the right circumstances.
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Denise-please share what's happening in your life. My RAD "child" has moved on mostly but the outcome hasn't been wonderful, though far better than I used to think was possible. I look forward to hearing about your life and your family.
And I too have talked about your experienced with an RAD child to others, people who are unsuspecting. You really have touched many lives.
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I come from a situation of having the opposite of you in terms of spousal response-my dh has never once complained about food I've made, and 2 of my three children eat anything that is not nailed down, and always have.
My aspie child is now 19 but it's only been through almost 2 decades of extreme pickiness, and the constant pressure of home cooked foods almost daily, my various attempts through his childhood to encourage him to expand his repertoire of acceptable foods, that he has achieved some level of acceptance of a few fruits and veggies. Still his chosen diet is probably 85% processed foods that he now purchases with his own money. I honestly think that having an aspie-ish undermining spouse is going to be the easiest problem for you to solve.
So to that end, the best approach, IMO, would be to have a few extended conversations with said spouse about her behavior, especially her behavior in front of your kids. Any chance that would be well-received?
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It looks the same. It doesn't feel any colder than my other foot. It just has that cold sensation. I have Hashitmotos and take meds for that only.
OK. No biggie I don't think. Not sure why it would feel this way. Sorry if I alarmed you!
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Is it a different color at all? Does it feel cold to your hand when you touch it with your hand? Or just feels cold on the inside? Do you have any medical problems? Take any medications? (PM me with the answer if you'd rather). This is potentially serious.
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Everything that happens has an affect on others. When one gets to where they can't care for themselves (age doesn't really matter), it will have a serious affect on others. It doesn't matter what choice is made. There are none that won't affect others. Folks need to think through things and plan for what they want - even discussing these things with their loved ones (assuming loved ones are old enough to have this discussion, of course).
My ideal world would be similar to the pets and farm critters we have. Once life gets beyond hope or the quality of life seriously suffers, we make the hard decisions and have them put down. Sometimes that saves them a few hours of suffering. Sometimes a few days, months, or maybe a year. We contemplate every aspect we can think of when we make those decisions, but in the end, we always make the decision we think is correct for their situation.
BUT, modern society frowns upon that with humans. Instead, we try to prolong life well beyond what it should be - generally due to our religious beliefs or selfishness of not wanting to lose them. We've created great measures to buy more time, but at what cost (not just financial)? We sometimes force people into living a life they do NOT WANT just because WE want it for them. There really is no greater injustice. They've committed no crimes, after all. They shouldn't be put into any sort of prison (at home, nursing home, etc).
Adults are fully capable of looking at their situation and deciding for themselves what they want for the end of life. No decision is easy and no decision should be made against what someone else wants IMO (even the decision to want to continue living regardless of what's going on).
If society frowns upon that - so be it. Society is not always correct.
NOTE: I'm not talking about a depression situation where life seems hopeless, but it's a mental health situation that can be corrected instead. I'm talking about real health/mobility/mental thought issues that arise at the end of life. Life will be ending. It's when and after how much suffering that's at stake.
Ironically, because society (right now - I think it's changing for the better) is so insistent that people can't make their own decisions, if I were in that position now (I'm not), I'd have to decide more quickly than necessary - just to ensure my wishes happened. Society's trying to save those last few horrid days/months/years would actually shorten what's still reasonably decent.
Creekland, I know where you are coming from.
The problem is that one truly does not know what life as an elderly person is really like when one is young and healthy. Another problem is that THE END is not carefully labeled for us to recognize. I used to believe that I would make myself DNR right now so that no one would ever do CPR on me if I died.
Since I made those statements, my own mother's life has been saved, twice, by CPR. And she is living independently at home. The reality is that the end of life is sometimes just not that clear. And the majority of people who are placed on a ventilator (to name one life saving intervention) survive and leave the hospital. Again and again, I have seen people whose quality of life, to me, looks not great, choose to continue to live. The will to live is very strong.
I don't know what society wants people to do. And I'm not sure I know what you mean by society insisting that people can't made their own decisions. What I do see is that when faced with dying, or living on with a reduced quality of life, people very, very often choose to live on. The older I get, the better I understand why they choose to live on.
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Knowing as I do the details of so many people in this situation, I can only say that it's impossible for me to say what will happen in the future. I do know that my mom has heaped a ton of verbal disapproval on people she's seen place their family members in nursing homes, for whatever the reason. I take it that she expects us to care for her...I am in deep denial currently LOL. She doesn't need care yet. But it honestly could happen any day. Since my folks are not ones to plan ahead much, I will wait to see the situation when it arises. Stress will be involved, no doubt!
As far as I am concerned, I just don't know right now what I would want. At this point I am hoping for no need for long term care, and burying my head in the sand.
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How awful and frustrating! I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I wonder if it wouldn't be simpler to go in through the chest wall instead of attempting another bronchoscopy. Either way I very much hope the next attempt is successful!!
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Two of my three have had orthodontics. The one who has not has slightly, charmingly IMO, crowded\crooked teeth, bottom worse than top. We were not interested in paying for it and he couldn't care less. We explored it a second time when he was 18 and he again decided that it was not work it for the cosmetic improvement.
My other two are another story-both had abnormal bites and the youngest in particular has had braces for almost 5 years now...the end is finally in sight I think...he had to have every known treatment including extractions, palate expander, reverse headgear, rubber bands, etc etc etc. The poor kid feels like a guinea pig, not surprisingly. He had such a severe underbite that he needed all of the above to even begin to bring his jaw into line with his face. Seeing the chronic pain and eventually, very costly corrective surgery and implants other family members went through convinced me this was worth it.
For cosmetic crowding it's really a matter of both preference and ability to keep the teeth clean to prevent decay. I would let a child play a role in the decision about whether to proceed in those circumstances, assuming you can afford it.
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I haven't read any of the responses. I allowed all three of mine to choose brick and mortar high school. For the first (who had only started home schooling in seventh grade) it lasted a year and he chose to come home. Teaching him in 7th and 8th was a bear. But he has already told me, before finishing college, that he wants to home school his own kids. Second child-it was a big mistake for him to go to high school. I didn't even realize it when he was starting. But now that he is done, we are trying to figure out next steps as he is not ready for college but wants to go...probably he will start in the fall.
Youngest just started high school. Knock wood, it seems to be going very well. He is happy and doing well. So he may be the only child who has a good, and useful, high school experience.
I think allowing the choice was not a mistake for us...but I wish I had known better how to help my middle child.
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Highway 1 down the CA coast. Big Sur and Pfeiffer State Park.
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If you could recommend one classic book...
in The Chat Board
Posted
Seconding My Antonia
A Tale of Two Cities
Any Jane Austen