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Donna

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  1. My DS has heard how talented his sister is his whole life. The fact of the matter is, he is very talented on his instrument of choice as his sister but not many people, except other accompanists and the occasional experienced melody musician, notice the guitar backer or know the skill it takes or the creativity he shows…the little blond melody player with the big personality on stage stands out more. DS performs with DD regularly but luckily his personality is such that he knows those things about the average listener. He dislikes competition and prefers to arrange, perform, and compose. Recently DS was asked to play in a trio with a couple young adults who needed a guitarist. I am happy for him to have the chance to shine on his own without his sister and to have the opportunity to experience playing and arranging with different people. He also recently turned down the chance to tour Germany with a major dance show. There were a number of reasons for this decision such as the last minute inquiry (less than a week before he had to leave), contracts already signed with his sister and the other trio for performances the next few months, etc… DS was also one of those who took a more circuitous route. He started guitar at six then after about a year took a year off because he lost interest and his hands were too small to play the electric guitar he wanted to play. He started back up again with a better traditional guitar teacher. When his sister started fiddling he wanted to back her for a local talent show. He has learned Irish guitar (also bouzouki and banjo) mostly on his own with the occasional masterclass during summer camps and a Skype lesson or two.
  2. Does it matter how talented one is as long as the person putting in the time and effort enjoys the process? Take music, for example, there are people at all levels of playing pursuing various careers in music. I think you could have difficulty if you do not have a realistic view of where you reasonably "fit" in the spectrum but I think it is worth learning a skill even if it is just something you enjoy. For example, we have a friend who began learning fiddle four years ago in her late 50's. She enjoys learning tunes. She knows she will never a world class performer but she can play along in slow sessions and her goal is to one day be able to play the tunes she knows at regular sessions...an attainable goal for her. No one could say it was not worth it for her to learn to play. Edited to correct the autocorrected silliness from typing on iPad.
  3. I have spent a lot of time thinking about (and discussing with others) the components of achievement over the years. My dd was born loving music. As a baby, she sang herself to sleep and by her 1st birthday, sang little songs in tune often with made-up words. When she asked to learn violin at 2.5, she had already been listening to music (different genres) daily and her brothers were already learning their instruments of choice, so I found her a violin teacher. From the beginning, she learned quickly. She loved her violin and brought it to me multiple times a day asking to practice. I doubted many 3 year olds were practicing 10-20 min four to five times or more a day. I knew dd had an incredible memory (she had memorized books since she was a year old) plus obviously had a good ear evident in her ability to sing in tune so young. Still, when her first teacher took me aside and told me I needed to find her a better teacher because she had "prodigy potential" I freaked out a little and when I went looking for advice, people on different music forums (and maybe even here) blew me off and told me there was no way to tell at 3.5 years old. DD has the "perfect storm" of innate talent, drive, motivation, opportunity, perseverance, luck, and love of music. When she first heard Irish music at 4yo, she fell in love and informed me she wanted to play "that." She played fiddle everywhere and learned multiple tunes weekly until I found her a teacher. She played along with CDs in the car, played along with CDs and youtube videos she found at home, and begged to attend camps and concerts to learn from and listen to many different musicians. She won her very first competition (in the under 12 age group) at six years old. Her first fiddle teacher suggested we go so she could meet and hear other kids who love fiddle "like she does." We had no idea she would win. She has since won the "world championships" of Irish music a couple times in her age group (music adjudication is subjective, sometimes she wins competitions and sometimes she doesn't but she is always in that group of 3-4 kids at the top). Competitions are not her favorite but a good excuse to travel to Ireland to attend festivals and meet/session with others. She has performed with many of the most well-known professional Irish musicians, released her debut CD to rave reviews in large genre publications, and performs regularly with a number of different groups. When people talk about her "gift," I tend to say her drive and self motivation are the gift. Sure, there had to be some innate ability to begin with and maybe that innate ability yielded early/quick success with practice which motivated more practice (chicken or the egg?) but she also had to have the drive to work hard and the focus to practice effectively plus the personality that wants to work hard and enjoys spending hours daily on her craft. I cannot remember a day in the last 10 years when she didn't play her violin/fiddle. She picks it up to play a bit even when sick because she "misses her." I figure she has spent more than 9000 hours playing her violin if I only count lessons (private, group, camps) and practice/rehearsals during the last 10 years. I have no idea how many hours if I counted performances and sessions where she can often play for 3-6+ hours at a time (sometimes staying up to play "one more tune" until the wee hours of the morning). She has also been lucky to be in the right places at the right times to meet certain people or have certain people meet her and she has parents who are willing to sacrifice to give her opportunities…we go to camps and competitions instead of on family vacations, downsized our home a few years ago to afford lessons and travel, and I work part time so I can homeschool her (and ds) allowing time to travel and practice. I think having a mom who works with babies and toddlers might have helped as well because I made practice fun for her when she was little by breaking difficult tasks down and creating different games to help her. We have a motto "You practice to make it easier." (I wonder how helpful Ruth believes as a math tutor she was in nurturing her ds's love of math early on?) DD has been willing to give up other things for her music…"robbing Peter to pay Paul" as Ruth said. She has had to go lighter on her classical music studies (we decided on a teacher who is fun and is not going to try to force her away from Irish music so she can continue studying classical music in a less intense way) and gave up orchestra to give her more time with her Irish music. She spends her weekends traveling for gigs and going to music sessions rather than hanging out at home or with friends. We are trying to figure out how to work high school to cover what she needs/wants to cover but in a way that fits with her practice and travel schedules. I think these teen years will be determine where she goes with her music…if she wants to study music in college or if she decides to study something else in college and play music in her free time. Someone posted a meme on Facebook recently showing an iceberg with the tiny bit people see above the water labelled "success" and the giant part beneath the surface labelled "hard work, late nights, risk, struggles, persistence, action, discipline, courage, doubt, changes, criticism, disappointments, adversity, rejections, sacrifice." It is like that for every child doing [inset activity of choice] at a really high level.
  4. We were having company over Christmas which forced me to clean under bathroom and kitchen sinks, closets, and drawers upstairs in the weeks leading up to the holiday. I spent today cleaning out our file cabinet and then the entire basement. It took me all day from 9am until 3:50pm when I finally stepped out of the dungeon. I threw out 2 bags of trash, and 2 bags of paper recycling. I have 2 bags of clothes to put on ebay once I go through those next weekend and 2 large bins of homeschooling books I need to get rid of once I figure out the best way. I also organized a year's worth of scrapbooking so I can get it done when I have time (and once I buy some more tape). DD spent the day decluttering and cleaning her room, too. I feel so much better…we've had some busy months so things were really piling up down there and it was a mess. I was ruthless in getting rid of stuff but I still need to go through my closet and the rest of my book bins (6 more) to see what I want to continue keeping and what I can get rid of. This weekend we are off to the city but next weekend I have the whole weekend at home to get more decluttering done.
  5. I always think everyone else knows more about any one topic than I do. I tend to be quiet especially in groups and rarely IRL offer an opinion on anything unless directly asked. I tend to listen to everyone else's opinions in group settings. I will only disagree or correct someone on something if I am absolutely sure I am correct. If I achieve something I always downplay it in my head. I absolutely hate for someone to praise me. I don't want to be noticed. When my kids are performing, I would rather be a fly on the wall watching than have anyone come up to tell me how wonderful they think my children or I am. Perfectionism? Maybe. Personality? Maybe. I am INTJ for those polling the personality types of those with imposter syndrome.
  6. I haven't read all the replies…skipped through a few. I would want to have a conversation with her teacher to see her reason for suggesting it. Why she would think it was a good idea as opposed to beginning at the end of high school or closer to the end of high school? Is there an advantage to doing this early as opposed to staying in the program she is currently in with the same teacher? Is it just to get a performance degree so she can "work" earlier or is there another advantage? I would also want to know if she thought your dd would be competitive now (both maturity and performance level...not whether she would get in as I would think teacher has a fairly good idea of the level of student they accept so already thinks she'd get in or wouldn't bring it up) with the incoming class of students who would potentially be her peers. I think it is probably a completely different experience to be at the top of your conservatory class with the potential of being section leader of the orchestra you are participating in and opportunities for solos, etc… Would she need to be at the top of her conservatory class to be as competitive later for masters degree programs (most importantly scholarships for those programs) if she wanted to further her education? As far as getting attention at a young age, if you consider it important, would going to conservatory early achieve the connections and notice or would that be achieved by participating in/winning more of the larger, international competitions…would homeschooling a condensed high school schedule allow more time for practice than a conservatory schedule might (I don't have any idea what the weekly schedule looks like for conservatory students so just asking)? I know there are family considerations, sibling needs to consider, etc... With the "right" answers from her teacher it would be tempting if dd really wants it now and you feel she is emotionally ready to handle the pressures, time management factors, etc… Would she be happier going early and being with a new set of much older "peers" or would she be happier with some of her current friends in her classes with her? What would I do? In your position, I honestly don't know. A few months ago we visited the university with the only program available in my dd's genre of music (there are various conservatories with programs in "contemporary improvisation" or similar that she also considers now and then), met with the head of the department, and dd absolutely loved everything he had to say about the program. When he asked dd to play for him at the end of the tour, he mentioned her current level as being highly competitive with those already attending and for a moment the idea of applying early was entertained because she could realistically complete the general university requirements for admission in another year. She and I talked about it all the way back to where we were staying and decided on "not yet" for so many different reasons. The "right" choice is different for everyone though.
  7. I put all my Christmas decorations away last night. I didn't intend to do it until New Year's Day but I had to go in the attic to get something and ended up bringing down boxes to pack decorations in, then because the boxes were out, I figured I would put away the Christmas tree ornaments while watching a movie (I hate doing that part). Once the Christmas tree ornaments were away, it was nothing to pack up everything else and my husband packed away the tree and outside tree.
  8. I rarely post about anything that isn't music-related for my kids…most of my Facebook friends are people I know through the kids' involvement in music and they like to see where the kids are performing. Sometimes I will post something dd has baked (kinda a joke with a couple other friends) and I post birthday wishes to friends and family. I like to see where our performer friends are performing so I know which concerts I want to attend, who is coming out with new CDs, and what else they are doing in their lives. I can probably count on one hand the number of memes I have shared. I share friends' videos I like so other people can check them out. I also like seeing what our far away family are doing. I scroll through Facebook at least twice a day.
  9. Thank you, daijobu. I don't know that I ever really looked at them as "lost opportunities" at the time except that I was sad to not be able to do those things and felt let down. Back then it was just a fact of life, so to speak. I didn't think about those things as affecting my parenting style until this thread came up…except for the decision to homeschool. I am happy with where I ended up in life. I have a family I love, a job I love, and I am able to help my kids enough for them to excel where they want to excel. So in the end, I guess it all worked out. I might be a completely different person if I had those opportunities when I was young. :001_smile:
  10. I have been homeschooling for 16 years and found TWTM about 13-14 years ago. I was around on the "old" boards.
  11. I was good at academics…graduated 1st in my high school class. I was never challenged in high school and got A's easily through school. I wish I had been challenged in high school. My school had no AP course options and I felt let down when I went to college and so many kids had had better high school experiences. It led to a lot of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. One reason I started homeschooling was to give my kids a more challenging education than I received. I was good at dance when I was in grammar school but my parents did not have the money for me to take the extra classes the teacher wanted me to have and eventually even one class a week was too expensive so they took me to audition for a different teacher who wanted my sister (3 years younger) and I in classes on different days of the week and my parents would not drive the 15 min twice a week to continue classes so I had to quit. I loved to dance. My choir directors always thought I had a good voice as a child. I always sang the solos in choir in grammar and middle school. One choir director wanted me to play the part of Gretel in her high school's musical when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade but my parents did not want to drive me everyday for the rehearsals so turned her down. I hated singing in front of people by high school and stopped singing in choirs. My parents refusal to go out of their way to drive me to practices or lessons for things I really loved doing is probably the reason I am so willing to do everything I can to help my own kids pursue their passions even if it means doing without other things to afford additional lessons or driving 3 hours one way for lessons when local teachers no longer meet their needs. I was good at soccer but no girls' team in high school so I played on the boys team. I did well, held my own, and was a starter unless injured but it was hard to stand out when most of the boys were much bigger and stronger than I was.
  12. I got a furry blanket from Pottery Barn that I never expected…maybe sometime this winter it will be cold enough to use it. DH got a router lift…not exactly sure what it is but I know he is happy with it. DS20 got a new clutch in his car. DS18 got speakers for his recording studio. DD got tickets to see Lord of the Dance before it leaves Broadway next week. (She and I both get to enjoy that one.)
  13. We usually have cold, winter weather for Christmas but this year was so warm and humid we turned on the air-conditioner. My visiting friend, dd, and I took our two dogs for a walk. It had been overcast all day but not rained, however, when we were a mile from home it suddenly began to thunder and lightning then poured down rain. We were laughing and running home, mostly because of the lightning and wide open fields we had to walk past (plus neither of my small dogs is good with thunder)…the rain felt good. My dh got in the car and drive out to save us.
  14. I didn't read the rest of the responses but we like Apples to Apples.
  15. UPDATE: We had a wonderful Christmas day! My friend arrived around 2pm. We relaxed, talked, cooked, and took a walk. It was strangely warm here, humid enough to turn on the air-conditioning, and while walking thunder & lightning started suddenly while we were a mile from home then it poured. Luckily my husband came in the car and rescued us. We dried off and laughed the rest of the afternoon about our misadventure. Our neighbors arrived just in time for supper (it was still pouring). Dinner went well. I cooked way too much food and will be eating it until the new year. Everyone ate and talked for hours afterward. Nice conversation and good company! It seemed like everyone enjoyed the evening. My friend is staying for the weekend so she, dd, and I drove to the beach today and walked along looking for stones and sea glass. Tomorrow we will go into the city for some music. I am so happy with how our holiday turned out! Thank you everyone for the kind words and for listening!
  16. I work in Early Intervention so go into people's homes to work with their babies. This year especially, I have a variety of families from different cultures. It has been fun to learn about their cultural/family traditions throughout the year but especially this time of year. My dd loves to hear about them when I get home from work. I was wondering what cultural traditions your family has?
  17. I am fine with aging. I enjoy going through life's stages with my family and watching my kids grow up. I will be 46 in a couple years and don't have too many wrinkles…the one upside to having had oily skin all my life. I don't have gray hair either, yet and will probably just dye my hair for a while when I do begin to get gray. Most of the people in my life in their 50's and 60's take care of themselves, are active, and enjoy life. I like the fact that the older I get, the less I care about what people think about me. The only thing that scares me about aging is the possibility of not being here one day and missing out on what's next in the lives of my children/potential grandchildren.
  18. Goals for DS18: -Finish and graduate high school. -He is performing with a band (besides performances with his sis) that is planning some longer tours in Europe next year so he wants to see where his music goes and see a bit of the world before he decides what's next. -Continue his study of sound engineering and participate in an apprenticeship-like relationship he's set up in that area. -Record his new band's first album together and continue his recording with dd's writing teacher's new audiobook. DD13: (I asked her what she wants to accomplish) -Music performance tours (much of this is already set up or in the works) with her brother, her trio, and other musicians. -Compose and perform more of her own tunes. -Perform some of the classical pieces she has been working on…her classical violin teacher is setting her up with a pianist and performance opportunities because she's polished up some pieces she really enjoys playing. -Learn more Irish and French. -Exercise regularly. -Take classes in interior design (just learned about some online classes from someone on the high school board and dd began looking at them). -Raise money for her favorite charities with performance and her violin/viola mute crafts. -Go to Ireland again this year for competition and do some performances while there. (For me, figure out her first "official" year of high school and where/how to fit in college or AP classes with all the travel.)
  19. I do not handle compliments very well. I prefer to give than to receive them. :blushing: In my family, I was "the smart one" and my sister was "the pretty one." As a result, I try very hard to compliment my kids for different aspects of their personalities and not pigeonhole them into one label. I want them to be confident in a way I never was. I still do not see myself as "pretty" so when people compliment me, in my head, they are just being "nice" or saying something for something to say. I still hate being in or seeing photographs of myself so I tend to stay behind the camera. It's funny because I am much harder/more critical of myself than I am of other people…maybe it is weird or harder to see what's inside yourself and associate it with a beautiful exterior than it is to look at other people that way or maybe it is a constant negative script going on in my head from when I was younger. In my family, if I wasn't achieving academically or on the soccer field, I didn't feel valued because those are the only compliments I received from my parents and I mean, really achieving by getting perfect grades or scoring goals…no A- allowed in my house and even an A came with "why didn't you get a 100?" I had acne as a teen so always felt "ugly" as well…though looking back, I was homecoming queen in high school and it probably was not just because I was the only girl on the soccer team but to me, so many other girls were prettier than I was and my only "worth" was in academics. The best I do is turn red from embarrassment and say, "Thank you." and maybe add on something like "That's so nice of you." or something similar if it seems like the right thing to say.
  20. My bedroom is open to my kids, though they mostly knock if the door is closed. They snuggle with me a bit before bed each night and when they were little, co-slept with us. We watch TV in bed together, dd does her schoolwork on my bed sometimes, etc… I don't mind if anyone goes in there really. It's just another room in the house.
  21. We bake cookies, decorate the house while listening to Christmas music or watching cheesy Christmas movies, kids have performances at nursing homes and in the city, attend Christmas Eve service at church and have a routine for Christmas Day. Even with all the traditions and spending time together, it is not the same as when they were little and woke us early in the morning before dawn full of excitement. It's different now, not in a bad way (I like getting to sleep…now I wake them up), but I think it is my nostalgia and missing extended family time that makes me sad. My dd loves, loves, loves Christmas. She starts months ahead making crafts to decorate her bedroom and the house, saves money and purchases thoughtful gifts for everyone, and enjoys all our traditions. The boys participate in our traditions when they are not working but also spend some of their Christmas week with their significant others so I don't have them all to myself. I was a little sad this year because the boys were getting things they needed…oldest needed new clutch in his car and middle ds needed a couple pieces of equipment for his recording studio. Keeping within our budget meant only a couple other small stocking stuffers for the boys. Dd had a small list of things so basically got the stuff on her list…she worked out her list to stay within my budget but I just today came up with a great surprise gift idea for her that was worth going a little over budget.
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