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mum

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Everything posted by mum

  1. I love the frugalista threads, I always read but rarely comment because I follow a couple of frugal blogs and comment regularly there. But I thought I'd join in here. I've had a good run selling things on FB marketplace. Our last kid finished college 2 years ago and I feel they are all finally settling down and taking the things that I had saved for them, or telling me they don't need this or that at all. I am so glad I saved as much as I did, and glad now to be letting it go. It looks like I will be helping my mother downsize, so I look forward to selling the excess from that. I learned how to correctly itemize for tax purposes my thrift store donations, so that feels good. Any time anyone mentions they have stuff they need to donate, I offer to take it. I used a random $10 Kohls cash that I received. I have never shopped there, so I don't know why it came, but I got 3 Burts Bees lip balms from that $10. I have $60 in rewards from Staples for turning in used ink cartridges. Need to spend that before the end of the month. Swagbucks has also been going well for me. I order pretty regularly from Vitacost (mainly GF flour) and that purchase amount usually gets multiplied by 2 or 4. So that really adds up well for me. Lands End also gets multiplied a lot and I got a few things there recently. Here's my referral code if anyone wants one: https://www.swagbucks.com/p/register?rb=13015005 I usually redeem my swagbucks for Target gift cards and use them for buying gifts or household essentials.
  2. I don't know about housing in Wilmington but it is a beautiful area!! There's a Trader Joes. The beaches are beautiful. It gets busy in the summer.
  3. I also feel uneasy. It is so easy for manipulative people to manipulate, and so easy for those who don't manipulate to get sucked in. I get that she doesn't want divorce. She had/has a good and safe way forward with the EPO. That is not divorce. That is the safe road to reconciling.
  4. If the decision is between communications and marketing, I'd say marketing. At the university my children attended communications was looked at as the 'easy, non-academic' major. It's a small sample size but my dd is a marketing major, got a job right out of college and recently moved to a better paying position with a well known company. My sil is a communications major. He has had a series of entry level jobs that have nothing to do with his major and is again looking for a job, so far with no success. So based on my experience, marketing would be the better choice.
  5. I've been reading this and don't have any advice, but I can share my own experience with FIL last year. I won't go into all the medical details, but my husband's dad passed away last year after a medium length go around with cancer. He wanted no intervention, but hadn't put it in writing. MIL wanted max intervention, which is what happened. It was all quite awful. I had SO many opinions, I am a medical provider after all, plus a compassionate human being who does not like to see others suffer against their verbal wishes (he had dementia in the end too, which is why MIL was allowed to make decisions). I had to keep my mouth shut. My husband did not agree with what his mother was doing regarding his dad's care, and he said ALL that he could say to his mother on many, many occasions. If he had said any more that would have permanently been the end of their relationship. In the first half of the saga I told my husband and my MIL what I thought, and then I said things only to my husband, but he felt pushed by me, and upset about upsetting his mother. And then I had to completely shut up. What was happening went against everything I believe to be right, and yet it appears that when fatal illness comes into play, it's family members only. We've been married for 30 years, I've known my MIL and FIL since I was 16. And we have always been on excellent terms. Always. But life ending illness just seems to do something even to those long relationships. My FIL finally passed away and we were all greatly relieved. I am glad that I said absolutely nothing to anyone ( except in private to my own mother and sisters who also know my in-laws) about how I thought things should be done. It preserved my relationship with my husband and my MIL. It gave my much food for thought about my own end of life instructions (WRITTEN), and some insight into decisions and elderly parents (by the autumn I was dealing with my own mothers massive heart failure and I realised that what my husband said to me about how HE thought things should be done for my mother was not really so helpful). It was interesting to be the in-law and then blood relative both in the same year. Anyway, just sharing my own experience...
  6. I follow this blog https://theprudenthomemaker.com/blog/. So many good frugal ideas. 2 of our 3 kids got full ride scholarships to in-state public university, that's how we 'paid' for college for 3 kids. The one that didn't also went to in-state public university. I guess if they were looking for elite careers a 'name' college would have been better, but all 3 have been full time employed since the day they graduated. One has a grad degree she paid for herself, renting a room from a family in a very small house-one bathroom shared by all 5 people, just to keep her living costs down. Both our cars are 16 years old, one with over 225,000 miles on it-it's is a manual transmission, bare bones car that gets good mileage for a gasoline car. When it is over 40 degrees at 7am my husband will ride to work 11 miles each way on the electric bike, which he then charges at work. This has cut down a lot on gas costs. He also carpools when he does drive. We are 2 adults and spent $350 a month on food-I have celiac and about 15 serious food allergies so all of mine is made from scratch at home. I bring home food if there's any leftover food being offered at a get together, or things on offer in the staff room at work. I can't eat any of it, but it really helps feed my husband. I grow a garden, have fruit trees, and focus on perennial foods that I don't have to buy and plant each year (eg. tree collards, raspberries, etc). I go to free clothes exchanges, ask for pricier new clothes for gifts from extended family. We use graywater from the washing machine to water the fruit trees and keep our water consumption in the lowest tier this way. Consumer cellular offers very good phone plans for good prices with excellent customer service. I just replaced my phone, it was 8 years old. My husbands phone is also 8 years old, it was a cast off from one of our kids. Friends know that we love hand-me-downs/cast offs. We were just given a lovely wood outdoor table from friends that moved. My outdoor chairs are free from someone else. I took all my mothers white curtains when she tired of them, and have outfitted my whole house, and one daughter's house too. The twin bed in the guest room-free from another friend. And so it goes. If I wanted to "decorate" in a certain style, this wouldn't work. But I am happy with free. Safeway offers a freebie each week. Last week it was a package of hot dogs-perfect for my husband. Their loss leaders are quite good-$1.97 for a pound of butter. $3/lb for store brand cheese. I missed a trick today. The principal offered me a free school lunch which was freshly cooked chicken breast and I said no! I should have accepted and brought it home for my husband. None of this is to brag. I wanted to share in the hopes that it gives you some inspiration for places you can save. We have spent the first 12 years of marriage WAY under the poverty line, so all that I do has been developed over time. One bonus is that I know I can live on less if need be. Blessings to you on your journey.
  7. This is what I used to remove an entire house full of carpet staples. It was AWESOME. https://www.walmart.com/ip/VOSS-Upholstery-Carpet-Puller-Tool-Staple-Remover-Tack-Ofiice-Claw-Hand-Held-Stapler/1157569883?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=101032916&&adid=222222222271157569883_101032916_144077851818_18656414371&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=631575284869&wl4=aud-1651068665186:pla-1877556483010&wl5=9032310&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=259234806&wl11=online&wl12=1157569883_101032916&veh=sem&gclid=Cj0KCQiApb2bBhDYARIsAChHC9sCTfCkpBdVtiQjfuh-dP-zBz79s0QFyJ1r1ASdatENICdl2MQjKXsaAk_HEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
  8. We got our daughter a BofA card. It had no annual fee, no foreign transaction fees (important to her). It was her card and my husband cosigned for it. It had a fairly low limit since this was her first card. It has gone well, my husband got himself off the card and now it's hers alone. She is ultra responsible, we had no worries she would overspend. We simple googled best credit card for teens and looked through the lists that come up. Each have their different characteristics so you can find one that's right for your son's circumstance.
  9. I was within 5 feet of her during a parade when I was in my teens. An American girl next to me said, "The Queen wears brown pantyhose!" This was in the 80's in England. She lived a long and useful life with much grace and good humour. She died peacefully at home. I hope for the same when my time comes.
  10. I just sewed a mother and toddler set of aprons. Red/cream stripe ticking on one side and then they each chose their own fabrics for the other side. The toddler apron has velcro on the neck strap and waist, so it's safe, quick to do up, and allows more adjustment for growth.
  11. Family with 15 month old travelling from US to UK for holiday. They need a car seat to leave the airport in a car. Does anyone have any good ideas how to do that? US car seats are technically illegal in UK. Thanks!
  12. I feel so much for you. I absorb emotions and I have one that calls me to vent. I see a therapist and she has been helpful to me. It gives me somewhere to take MY emotions. If I ask she will help me brainstorm some replies that will fit many occasions. My kid also needs a sleep and a meal and things will look better. I listen for a decent amount of time, but then I say I need to go and I suggest that a meal and a rest would be a good idea before tackling whatever it is. This listening but not allowing it to go on for too long is one of my therapist's suggestions. Also phrases like, "I have every confidence that you can handle that" and "Is there anything specific that I can help you with regarding _______". It is hard. I often think to myself that if they think whatever they are dealing with is hard, try being the mom who listens to all of it being so dramatically told! My motto is, "Engage, but don't over-engage".
  13. I recommend Consumer Cellular. It has top notch 100% US based customer service. We have had help with everything from new phone, to SIM cards for international travel. We pay $45 a month for 2 lines and more data than we use-and we do use a fair bit of data. It uses AT&T towers, and then T mobile. No slowing with increased data use. No variation in the price. No hidden fees. No penalties for using more data, they just charge you for the next tier that month if you go over your current tier. It is by FAR the simplest, most transparent mobile phone company I've dealt with. And I have never had a place I didn't get coverage, and I travel coast to coast (but not super rurally).
  14. I feel for you. My girls school had the same rule about length of shorts. My girls are both tall. It is nightmare-ish to find shorts long enough for tall girls. Funnily enough we found most of them at Kohls.
  15. My daughter was a case manager in a homeless shelter in a metro area that has exceedingly high homelessness. It was a program that required participants to be drug and alcohol free, the program offered a lot of help and was for a specified length of time. Participants had to WANT to improve their situation, be training for a job, etc. It was very successful. Not 100% of course, but on balance, successful. So that's one way to go. The drug and alcohol issue is harder. Most shelters are basically saying, "We will help you as long as you give up the things that are your coping mechanisms while you are in the most desperate situation of your life." It's expecting a lot to ask someone to give up their coping mechanism BEFORE they've had adequate help with all of their problems which led them to seek the coping measures in the first place. I have read many studies that show best results from providing at least shelter, toilets and showers (nothing fancy at all) to everyone who needs it, regardless of their substance use. Only when someone feels that they have those most basic human needs met, can their substance abuse issues begin to be addressed. And some truly don't want to/can't give up their substances. (I know there will be disagreement to the "can't" but I think in some cases it is true). If they can't/won't give up their substances are we saying that they don't deserve any help at all? I can't answer that, but even prisoners are entitled to food and shelter. They are all human beings. I have no answers. I just feel a lot of compassion. I just spent a week living in the neighborhood with the highest concentrated poverty in the United States. A family member lives there permanently, by choice, because they feel the neighborhood and the people in it have value-even if they are raving in front of your house or leaving needles on the street.
  16. Are the meds for that working? It kind of doesn't sound like it. Is she happy with her doctor for that? If not, a good GI doc is pretty much a necessity with Inflammatory bowel disease. I was talking with a nurse practitioner in her 70's. She was diagnosed with Crohns in her 20's and has had 40 SURGERIES. They didn't know as much back then. I have IBD also and she always asks me if my meds are working and if my doctor is doing enough. She said that in hindsight she should have kept looking for a better GI doctor. Once she found one, she has been in remission. She nearly died from it all in her 20's. Now she's a vibrant 70 year old who can outwork me (49) at the community garden where we volunteer. I know that it's hard to keep looking when one feels horrific. But if she is already diagnosed with Crohns and is still experiencing all she's experiencing, either she's got a terrible case, or her GI doc sucks. She may as well start by solving the known issue. There are plenty of great IBD docs out there.
  17. Somewhere like Home Depot seems like a good way to go. They won't ghost you. I'm not surprised you found flakes on Craigslist. Those repairs should be able to be done in a reasonable amount of time, get them all scheduled now, don't wait to schedule them one at a time when each is finished. The big question I see is, once one house is sold and she moves into the one next door to you, does she have enough money to make it all work going forward-ie, enough money to cover water, trash, property tax, house insurance, electricity, ongoing house repairs, food, medical costs, etc. I would recommend sitting down and making a list of real numbers, not just ball park "I think this is about what this will cost" numbers. Since you live next door you should have fair idea of accurate utility bills, property tax, insurance, etc. Her medical costs will be the same, so those should be known. What does she spend on food and eating out and clothes and gifts and cable tv/streaming subscriptions, cell phone, landline, etc. Again, not just "this is what I hope I spend/what I think I should spend" but ACTUAL numbers from receipts/bank/credit card statements. If she does has enough money for all that on an ongoing basis after she sells the other house, great. If she will not, then it's a whole different plan that you'd be looking at.
  18. I second the double decker bus tour. I lived in the UK for 20 years. I hadn't gone on the double decker bus tour in London until we returned with our children. I loved it-you see a ton, it's SO nice to sit down for a while after being a tourist and walking everywhere, and we used the free rain ponchos for the rest of the week 🙂
  19. I have found that suffering has just about crushed my faith. I wouldn't put the worst person on the face of the earth through what I have gone through. So I wonder how God allows it. My head knows all of the usual answers but my soul is not convinced. I would still say I am a person of faith, but I'm not sure what I have faith in.
  20. Your website is very nice! I wouldn't worry about spending money on that at the moment. I have never actually looked at a home inspectors website. As another commenter said, we just went with whoever the realtor recommended. I think he's doing the right thing by contacting realtors a LOT, and perhaps in person, to get those referrals going.
  21. Money was always super tight for us when the kids were growing up. I am pretty against competitive sports for younger kids, so we only did recreational leagues. The one thing we did that required practice outside of the lesson time was piano. But when whichever of our kids didn't do the practice, the activity was stopped. We just didn't have the money to be doing something that they didn't care about. We literally cut the food budget to pay for the lessons. Our kids took breaks over the years and always went back. We didn't have the drama and angst of my friends who were forcing their kids to practice. It really was a relief. The reason I'm pretty much against competitive sports for younger kids because I have multiple examples of children sustaining serious injuries that will impact their ENITRE life because they were doing competitive sports. And none of the many children I know who have done competitive sports have continued that sport into adulthood. I understand that other people have different experiences. But this is my experience. I would much rather a child learned that we exercise for lifelong health-not for our parents or our coaches, or a competition.
  22. I have limb movement disorder (same sort of thing as restless leg). When my ferritin goes below 100 I get an iron infusion. It makes some difference, but overall not enough. I'm following this thread for any help too.
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