msjones
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Posts posted by msjones
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Never trust her again? Why because she had an honest feeling? For me (not saying your feelings are wrong) I would trust that person more. If I knew they struggled with the decision and regrets around adoption and then overcame it and maintained status quo. Even better if I never knew they felt that way. That the person cared so much, to hide such huge feelings from me.
???!!!!
Whoa. Wow.
If I learned my mom regretted adopting me? And that she broadcast that on social media?! You could not possibly convince me to not have a problem with that.
Honest feelings are one thing. But, like I tell my teenagers, some feelings are not meant to be broadcast.
There is a time and place for talking about deeply painful and personal feelings regarding one's children. The internet is not that place.
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Obviously, those of you who blog about their children's personal issues feel differently. I think it's a terrible violation of privacy from the person who should be most motivated to protect them. (Flame away.)
I should not know that this particular child has the issues he has. I hardly know his mother! I know so many ugly details of his challenging behavior. His mom has set him up to be a topic of gossip and "oh my gosh, did you hear what ____________ is doing now?! What kind of kid does something like that? Don't let your kids near him! I wonder what he'll be like when he's older?! etc. etc. etc"
How will he ever live this down? I'm glad my mom didn't broadcast my growing pains to the world -- even if (especially if?) I was ruining her life and she wanted support to deal with me.
Moms who need support need to find it in a place where their child's identity and privacy is valued. The internet is not that place.
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Ok, but isn't that what pseudonyms are for? I am one of those who have posted about our struggles with our adopted daughter on here. I have also posted about my bio kids, and my daughters boyfriend. What about the rights of the parents to have opinions, feelings and thoughts? Do I not have a right to my own concerns or advice to other people. Sometimes when you give advice, the person needs to understand what your reasons are, and how you came to this advice.
As long as it is honest and no specific names are used, then I don't have a problem with people saying what they need to say. I don't see it any different than writing in a journal, that a teen or adult may run across one day. If a person uses a pseudonym then the adoptee will have to go looking for that information to find it....just like someone looking for a journal in a bedroom drawer.
If I write it all down in a journal, I get no one else's opinions or feelings. I go no support nor do I get the chance to offer support. I don't want or need a private therapist, sometimes I just need a chance to ask others who have BTDT what they would do. Some good old 'we tried and succeeded with...' as well as "we tried and fail at.....' or 'we don't know what to do now....' or 'omg, we just stumbled on the greatest thing ever...'. When you live the lives we have lived with constant struggles every day, you really need to know you are not in it alone.
Yes, the internet could potentially hold every word anyone has ever posted for eternity....but unless you go looking for it, it is unlikely to come up randomly. Blogs....well I guess it depends on how much information is given out. I don't blog. I never post pictures online of my kids. I never use real names or even initials. I give my general area and the ages of my kids, only because age is often vital to the situation. If someone really wanted to piece my life together, they could. I know that. But really, who would want to sort through 10,000 posts to glean that information when they have people IRL that are much more interesting to pursue.
I have friends who blog with these same rules in place. No pictures of the kids faces and no identifying information like schools/teams/names. They are password protected and not open for everyone to see. I have zero problem with that.
No pseudonyms on the blog to which I am referring. Photos of the whole family with just about every post.
An anonymous blog would be an improvement, but still risky, I think. Kids are pretty tech savvy these days.
I was adopted, and suspect that my mother has her regrets. If I were to come across a blog/chat room/whatever where she admitted her regrets, I'd never trust her again.
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Ugh. I am aghast.
Please be careful not to reveal your child's most personal struggles and weaknesses and pain on the internet.
Try to think of how he'll feel one day when he reads it and it confirms his fears about your true feelings.
Your child deserves privacy as he grows. And there are certain things a should child should never hear from his mother -- even if he is a very difficult child and you adopted him.
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I've known probably 15-20 people who've had WLS surgery, some are required to lose weight first, others aren't. Some of it is surgeon specific some of it is due to a specific set of issues. For instance, some surgeries require the surgeon working around the liver area. (not the lapband but most of the others), Overweight people tend to have fatty livers and it makes it harder to work in the area. Some surgeons will require a minimal weight loss of 15-20 pounds (for the average person this isn't minimal but remember we are talking patients who have 100+ pounds to lose). Those first few lost pounds have a dramatic affect on the liver area making it easier for the surgeon to do a good job. So the weight loss isn't about seeing if the person can lose weight and/or keep it off, it's so the surgeon has the best chance of doing the surgery well without any leaks.
Secondly the surgery affects far more than just calorie restriction. Any WLS surgery that involves the intestine (RNY and duodenal switch), also include a malabsorption portion. This prevents the body from fully absorbing calories from fat. Thus a person might eat 1800 calories but the body is only able to absorb 1500 calories (I just randomly picked numbers to explain my point), the extra calories are flushed out of the body unused. So the person eats fewer calories because of the restriction on the stomach size, then they absorb even less than that so the overall outcome is the person has far fewer calories for the body to use and thus loses weight.
Thirdly, depending on the type of surgery, the hormone levels in the body are altered. For instance in the duodenal switch the lower portion of the stomach is removed. This is the part of the body that is responsible for the produce of gherlin (not sure of spelling), this hormone controls appetite/food cravings. Many patient report a reduced desire for sugary foods and carbs after the DS simply because the body is no longer signaling "feed me" these things.
So there are many more factors at work with WLS surgery than just restriction of food intake.
Very helpful and informative. Thanks for taking the time to explain!
(I'm guessing you have a medical background?)
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I'm pretty sure everyone I know who had some type of WLS HAD to lose a certain amount of weight before hand.
It was part of the preparation and if the person didnt lose, the surgery was pushed back/rescheduled until the person lost.
I don't know how that would work with someone who can't lose weight. It's a Catch-22.
That's what I've been thinking while reading through this thread...If a person is unable to lose weight through calorie restriction, how would the surgery help? Isn't it just a way to restrict calorie consumption? Or is there more to it that I'm not aware of?
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Mine wanted to hs, for high school, but I was done. I told him I wouldn't do it.
He just didn't work very hard unless I was ON HIM every minute. I plain old could not do that for four more years.
He loves his new school and has good grades.
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Honest question, but why? My sister has been teaching for almost 20 years and still lives in an apartment because she can't afford a home. How the heck is she supposed to afford to get professional clothes? She is the most liked K teacher in the district and has a list of parent requests to teach their children every single year (so her jeans haven't turned anyone away). She is very hands on and her wardrobe doesn't make her any less of a teacher. Her casual dress actually makes her a better teacher because she is more hands on. I never dressed up in professional clothes to teach my dds at home because it seemed silly. I would get nice clothes dirty and be hindered from actually playing in skirts or dresses.
My goodness. I wasn't suggesting that jeans would "turn anyone away." Just stating my preference.
I dress professionally at work because I want to be seen as a professional at work.
I think kids, parents, taxpayers, coworkers, administrators, would all have a bit more respect for teachers if they dressed up a bit more. We have quite a few staff members who appear to be on a perpetual camping trip.
I teach kids with multiple severe handicaps. I'm sure I have more opportunities to get truly messy (we change diapers, lift students, feed students) than your sister. I also taught K for years, and still dressed in what I consider professional teacher attire.
I'm not talking about suits and dresses and silk and high heels. I'm talking about clothing that one wouldn't wear, say, on a camping trip or while doing yard work. I wear pants, blouses, nice tees, blazers, cardigans, etc. None of them require dry cleaning, but maybe a little ironing. None of them are at all expensive, given that I, too, am shopping on a teacher's budget. There are plenty of nice-looking clothes that are comfortable, washable, and inexpensive other than jeans and tee shirts.
I'm sure I'll be flamed. It's okay. Going to get dressed for work now. :)
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Business casual Mon -Thurs for most teachers here.
People dress in jeans on Fridays, but I don't. I wish teachers dressed more professionally.
(yes, I keep that opinion to myself...)
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If my MIL were of sound mind, then this would work. She actually never used to be this way (other than eating by the clock rather than hunger). Her advanced stage of dementia makes it pointless to argue with her or to try to set boundaries.
We are already figuring out how to handle the food on plate bit - esp when it's half eaten. Except for FIL (sometimes), we don't just eat it. We try to get creative with hiding it - or at buffets - letting the waitress take it away, etc.
The self control "I" need is to be able to resist taking the good stuff - and way too much of it - at buffets. At home I can do this because we simply don't go to these places. When I'm there, it looks and smells good, so while I eat less than anyone else, it's still way too much - esp over and over with each meal... Each time I go in I resolve to not take too much. The scale tells me I fail. It's not uncommon to gain a pound per day once I check where I'm at back at home. It's likely a combo of eating too much and quitting normal levels of exercise. It's gone on this way for a few years now, but I've always just made up for it back at home. Now that we are visiting more often, I've gone up 6 lbs since Oct. That's more than 1 per month - way unsustainable - and more visits are on the way.
Going out less often is really unlikely. Both parent groups have enough $$ to eat out for the rest of their lives. My in-laws do this whether we are with them or not, mainly because my MIL uses glasses/plates, etc and returns them to her cupboards without washing them and my FIL doesn't cook much and doesn't want to be bothered. The first thing we do when we are there is wash everything - usually hubby doing this while I'm distracting MIL. For holidays and some meals when we're there either hubby or I cook for all of us, but that isn't the norm and they aren't "normal" meals for us.
I'm thinking starting with soup, eating slowly, and resolving to stick to veggies and salads - then making it stick meal in and meal out is what I need to try. Then figuring out how to fit in some exercise rather than none (aside from walking to eat and back!).
I'm back to suggest you try a calorie counting app.
You don't have to just eat veggies and salads. You can have regular food that you really like.
I really like my app -- it's so easy to use and helps me make reasonable decisions.
I enjoy my treats much more knowing that they fit (at least approximately) into my daily calories.
I know people think counting calories is a chore, but I find it very freeing! No more guilt -- just an easy way to make better decisions.
I realize ymmv, but I do think it's worth a try.
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I don't think it would be a mistake to miss Vancouver. Vancouver is amazing. It's totally different, it's gorgeous, great people, etc. But it sounds like you have more of a natural trip going on--the Redwoods, Crater Lake, Mt. Rainier, Mt. St. Helens? Mt. Hood? Mt. Baker? I love all of the mountains and the trees and I'd skip Vancouver any day.
The only city things I'd say to see for sure are Powell's in Portland and to enjoy the Fremont Sunday Market and Lake Washington kayaking in Seattle. A walk to the troll, a little bike ride on Lake Union.
I canvassed every suburb of Portland as a teen. It was enlightening but East Portland is not exactly exotic no matter where you are from. The people are nice though.
I disagree on Powell's Books and the Fremont Market. In a time crunch, I'd never make these a priority. Yes, a great book store. Yup, a nifty outdoor market. But nothing one couldn't find in any other large metropolitan area.
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The North Cascade Highway in September or October is worth missing the entire rest of the trip for. Truly. It is fantastic. We try to go every year.
Would you pick it over Mount Rainier? For someone who may not get up this way again? Just wondering.
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I'd go the week after Labor Day, if possible. Not rainy yet, but the crowds will be gone.
My favorite place in the world is Mt. Rainier National Park. I'd strongly recommend it over Mt. St. Helens.
Vancouver is a fantastic city, but not worth the hassle of crossing the border, in my opinion. I'd visit the San Juan islands instead.
North Cascades Hwy is an amazing drive(eastern WA), but the Hoh Rain Forest (western WA) is equally worthwhile.
Lots to choose from up here in the PNW!
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In a few instances it has come to light that grandparents are footing some of the bills. As to some of the others, we just wonder if they are possibly going deep into debt.
This is the case with us in regards to vacations. My parents give us the wonderful gift of a warm weather vacation each year. We go with them wherever they choose. We could never afford these beautiful trips if they weren't gifts.
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I am glad this healthy, balanced approach worked for you!
It would make ME an angry, shaking, screaming mess and I would still not lose weight.
The sad truth for me is that I cannot eat what I used to eat and I was not happy to have to make this adjustment.
But middle age has plunked itself down on my once-sprightly metabolism and I now gain weight at the drop of a hat. So, it's calorie counting and 60 minutes of exercise a day for this 'old' lady.
The exercise actually feels great. The calorie counting? Not so great, but very doable. I do miss lots of snacking. ;)
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I stayed home for 15 years with my kids. My husband has always been a public school teacher. (He also coaches and is a department chair, so that's a little more income.) We live in a large expensive city.
We knew we wanted a parent home with the kids so we saved as much as we could early in our marriage when I was still working full-time. We had no car loans, no credit card debt, and a reasonable mortgage. Once the kids were here, I tutored a lot to earn extra money.
We budgeted very carefully and were pretty disciplined about sticking to the budget. Our vacations were camping, our home quite small and not-remodeled, our furniture hand-me-downs.
While it did feel tight at times, I always felt that we had enough with my husband's income and my tutoring. We just didn't buy a lot of stuff.
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Ok so in terms of calorie counting, what do you do if you are constantly starved? This is a method that has never worked for me because of that. I'd feel dizzy and like passing out. The amount of food and the types of food I could eat on a calorie restricted diet would make my blood sugar crash.
Not intending to hijack here, but I just am seriously wondering how people manage to go day after day feeling starved.
This might be "me" though.
I imagine you were over-restricting yourself. That is just so miserable. It's better to go slowly and eat at a small deficit so you lose about 1/2 pound per week.
I find I feel great on a breakfast of about 400 calories (usually an egg 'mcmuffin' made in my kitchen), a morning snack(usually fruit), a lunch with some protein (turkey sandwich or a salad with lean meat), an afternoon snack that is more like a treat (like a cookie and cup of coffee), and a decent dinner with my family. That comes to about 1600 calories (more or less).
I usually have enough calories left for some wine with my book in the evenings. :)
It takes some tweaking to learn what works for each person. Maybe take a look at myfitnesspal for tips if you're interested.
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Have you tried counting calories?
It's easy to do with apps/websites like myfitnesspal.
Once Iearned how many calories are in a lot of my favorite snacks, they were far less appealing. I still have cravings, but it's a lot easier to talk myself out of them.
Now I 'save' my calories for something I really, really want (usually wine!).
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When I was still homeschooling I loved an evening workout. It got me out of the house and cleared my mind after a day of kids and teaching.
You may consider workout DVDs. It's hard to come up with any excuse to not workout in your own house for just 30 minutes. I got very quick visible results from Jillian Michaels workouts and am now 'hooked' on them. :)
Whatever you decide, I agree with a previous poster to treat it like a job -- it's not optional.
I only miss workouts when I'm sick or we have a very important Something that takes up most of a day.
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I would love everyone to have the sort of attention and services you mention. But of course there really isn't the money. I get annoyed that there is NO money for gifted education in NZ and feel it is unfair those on the other end of the curve get what they need to meet their potential while my children with so much potential don't.
Wow. I know parents are unhappy with the gifted programs here, but at least they exist.
One key difference between "gifted" services and services for the severely disabled is the number of students.
In my neck of the woods, there are many parents who believe their kids need gifted services (thousands of them). Thankfully, there are only a very few (twenty, at this time) students as disabled as my students. So, the funding is less controversial.
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Aidex are poorly trained and poorly paid without any of the benefits teachers have.
In our district, instructional assistants (a.k.a."aides") receive the same benefits as the teachers.
I'm very happy with my hourly rate (near the top of the pay schedule.)
We have many training opportunities and daily on-the-job training from the therapists who work with our students.
There are quite a few of us certificated teachers with masters degrees working as assistants because it is such a great job.
I know it's not that way everywhere, so I feel very lucky.
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OP here.
I think it is reasonable to question the expense of a program like ours. It is very, very expensive and far, far more expensive than general ed.
One thing to remember is that there are very few classrooms like mine. In our large school district there are only 10 students in the medically fragile developmental preschool program. So, that is a tiny portion of the overall budget.
Also, the expense of it is a good and heavy 'burden' on staff like me! I feel the weight of making every moment in our school day count. I am so thankful that we can work closely with our students and am motivated to do the very best I can.
Each of my students is severely disabled. Some/many days it is hard to see progress. I do not know what the future holds for them. But I do know that they are little people with little souls and they are "in there." Our students communicate in very subtle ways. Their communication is easy to miss or to misunderstand. But they are wonderful kids! They often surprise us with their progress. Just the other day one student did something that stunned every one of us in the classroom! (I'm being vague for privacy reasons.) It was such a beautiful moment! We got out a phone and filmed it and sent it to her mom right away. I can hardly wait to see this student after break!
These kids can appear vacant and absent -- but they also sometimes smile and giggle. They learn. They communicate in their own ways. They know their families, their families love them. They want what every one of us wants - to be known and to love and be loved and to enjoy the little things of day-to-day living. I am so glad to live in a country that values these children and their families even though they may never contribute in an economic sense. They contribute in other (more?) important ways. The bus drivers, the cafeteria workers, the student helpers, the office workers all know these kids and care for them. I am so thankful to know them and to teach them what I can. And none of us knows the potential of these kids. Like I said, one of them knocked our socks off the other day with unexpected progress!
So, athomeontheprairie, I don't know if I answered your questions. (And I do think they are fair and reasonable questions! I'm glad you had the nerve to post them. :)) But I am so thankful that we as a culture have chosen to make their education a priority -- even if the numbers don't always 'work out' in an economic sense. It gives me hope to see these kids valued and cared for by our big, messy, flawed system.
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The Special Education thread got me thinking about how much I love my new job. I'm an instructional assistant in a developmental preschool classroom for students with multiple disabilities who are considered medically fragile.
We have only 5 students with one teacher and two assistants. We also have a vision therapist, a speech/language therapist, a physical therapist, an audiologist, and an occupational therapist visiting the students throughout the week. So, we sometimes have a one-to-one ratio!
The students have lengthy IEPs. The teacher spends a large amount of time managing those IEPs and coordinating all the services for our students.
Despite the many flaws in the system, I must say that I am so thankful the system and the hefty IEPs exist to serve these kids!
I am able to come to work each day and learn which goals I'll be working on with which student/s. I have been instructed by the various therapists how to work with the children -- everything from learning to sit unsupported to using augmentative communication devices to learning to grasp and release objects etc etc.
We keep good data and so the teacher is able to adjust the goals and plans and approaches accordingly. We know the kids well and know down to the teeny details what we are supposed to be working on each day. We have excellent support from the therapists. We love our students and are thrilled to see the progress they make!
I have taught as a classroom teacher in ps general ed. Never in general ed did I have the opportunity to know a child so well or to work with such care and detail to help them reach their goals. We aren't wasting time or 'warehousing' these children -- they are working hard every day and enjoying (mostly) school.
I'm sorry to say that I hear some disturbing comments when I tell people where I work. Many people seem to think the expense isn't worth it for "kids like that." I try to bite my tongue, but I usually tell them they probably wouldn't feel that way if they got to know the children.
Okay. Rant/rave over. I just wanted to share some positive thoughts about IEPs and special ed and my school and students. :)
Please be careful with your mommy blogs
in The Chat Board
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You are driving home my point.
I hardly know this person.
I am considering a phone call, but haven't decided. Again, I barely know her.