Pathetic? Heck no! And not only are you done wiping butts, but you'll be saving some cash also! Any plans for the little bit of extra money? When my best friend gave up smoking, she used the money to buy fresh flowers every week. When my other friend weaned her baby off of formula, she used the money for a twice weekly trip to Starbucks LOL.

How annoying! Did both mascaras have anything in common - such as being waterproof, or ...? I find that I can't do waterproof or anything branded as extended wear. I don't know what it is that is in those, but they irritate my waterline and cause me to tear. I usually use Shisheido, but last year I had my purse stolen off of an airplane. I had to replace *everything* but with no mall nearby I had to make do with the nearby drug store. I couldn't tell you anything else I bought that day because once I got home I ditched it all, but the Rimmel mascara stood out because it was fabulous. And ridiculously inexpensive! The Rimmel gave a nice coat, didn't irritate my waterline, didn't leave undereye smudges as the day wore on, and did a fabulous job of separating my lashes. I continue to buy it as my refresher and keep tubes in my car and work purse LOL. Recommended, and priced low enough that even if it's a dud you're not out too much.

Really? This doesn't bother me! I've always done art in my spare time, and I create color palettes for fun. (Hey, we all have our geek thing!) I have no problem mixing cool and warm colors, even within a single room. It won't always work, but it definitely can. I'm not good at visualizing so I'm having a hard time picturing your layout. I wish I could help to that end, but without a picture I'm lost. Is it possible to NOT re-paint the LR at this time, but to make some smaller temporary adjustments until you can paint it? Keep the sage walls, but maybe switch out the curtains and grab a seatcover thing? (Drawing a blank on the "real" name for those, hopefully you know what I mean.) Red accents are still fine with charcoal and cream, but can also be swapped out over time - if you make one change per every month or so until you're able to re-paint the whole open area. And it may be personal preference, but we have lots of walls that are different colors from one another LOL. We have two-story entry that leads into a formal LR (with the two-story ceilings) and formal DR and a spiral staircase that branches off into two hallways. Sounds similar to yours. I still did different, but complementary, colors on walls. We have one in the entry and up the stairs, a second in the LR and a third in the DR. If you pick a gray that complements the sage, you could still do some walls in the LR whilst waiting on the adjoining open areas. But not everybody likes that look, including my mother (whose house I did this in LOL) so ... again, personal preference. Tool around the houzz.com website for a bit if you're visual like me. You'll see what I'm trying to describe and also get tons of ideas for what other ideas may work for your space :)

:iagree: You need to decide which is more important: your relationship or your holding ground on this particular event/situation. Prioritizing your relationship doesn't mean you need to lay (lie? I should probably know which is correct but I don't :tongue_smilie:) yourself down as her perpetual doormat. It can mean that you forsake the battle for the war, perhaps by reaching out first and starting the dialogue. "Hey, Sis. I get that you were/are pretty upset by Mom's news. If I liked her half as much as you did, I'd probably feel the same way about it. I hope you know I'm here for you, if you need to work that out. But I'm not cool with you crapping all over me like you did the other day. I know it wasn't your intention to, but you totally hurt my feelings. {insert x.y.z about the ultimatum to claim childhood memories on an impossible timeframe} I'm hoping you were just fresh in the moment and reacting to the news, and not really trying to push me away. In fact, I'm pretty sure you were just releasing that frustration with Mom so I want you to know that I'm just ready to pretend that whole situation didn't happen so we can move forward. But we really do need to move forward. Let's not let the petty crap come between us, our family should mean more than that." And you put the ball in her court. You don't apologize, but you recognize your part (and hers) in the whole situation. There's no need to blame anyone; it's a stressful situation all around, and people simply aren't rational when they are hurt or upset. It's pointless to hold them accountable as though they (and sometimes we) were or are. Or you decide that you've had enough of her dramatics over the years, and this is the hill you're going to die on. And you can still reach out first without compromising your belief that you're entitled to hold on to your pain WRT your sister's latest manipulation. You say, "Hey Sis. I understand you're having a hard time dealing with Mom's news but that doesn't give you permission to run ramshod over my emotions. I hope one day I can forgive that you asked the impossible of me, knowing how much those memories mean to me. I love you, and I hope some time apart will help us both to realize we're better off supporting each other than we are tearing the other down." It sounds like you feel you've been their doormat for some time. I hope you find the middle ground where you're able to assert yourself without stooping to their level (willing to risk the relationship to be right). If you feel you need to isolate from your sister, truly consider how you can do so (self-preservation is important, for sure) without burning any bridges. It's not easy, but it can be done and it may be even more worthwhile than the alternative. :grouphug:

:D Fabulous news! Time to buy a lottery ticket? LOL

Too sweet :)

I don't know if I would, and since I doubt I'd qualify ... it's a bit of a moot point to ponder LOL. But one year I was staying at a hotel that was simultaneously hosting a regional (maybe national?) Mensa conference/gathering. These people ran the gamut and were so interesting to watch as they milled around the lobby, restaurants, and common areas. They truly didn't fit one personality type, which surprised me. I had in mind what kind of person qualified, and then again what type of person might join ... and while I did see and meet both of those kinds in my few interactions with the conference participants, I also met and saw plenty of others who defied my preconceived stereotypes. I grew up in a large family and we often held roundtable discussions during meals. Lots of healthy debate and charged conversations. I was in one of the restaurants and couldn't help but notice one table was going at it with one another. Reminded me of home! I was trying so hard not to be an obvious eavesdropper but man I really wanted in on that table's conversation!! They noticed LOL. I was invited over and spent a few really fascinating hours discussing random topics with a varied and interesting group of people. I'd say - as with any other group - there are good, bad, tolerable, insufferable, and everyone in between. I know now that while the Mensa stereotype exists for a reason, it's not fully inclusive of every member :)

We have the kids do handmade gifts for each other. We do give them a nominal amount of money, but supplies are mostly sourced from around the home. We're making one kid a set of paper dolls using cardstock and a laminator. The original plan called for using photographs of each of the people in our family (and photo paper in the printer) but ... last week I broke the camera lens, so the new plan is to just draw the paper doll family LOL. We've made rose water; there are tons of recipes and how-to websites on the internet. We source from our own bushes, but I find many of my neighbors are fine with people picking roses (with permission). This is great for facial astringent or even adding to bath water. My grandmother makes jasmine-infused water for our hair. You could also do rosemary tea for hair washes, we have wild rosemary around here free for the taking. Handbound books - in the vein of scrapbooks, this is something we've done since I was a kid. We'd do it for the new year and leave the books at the graveyard to share what we'd done that year with the ancestors. My kids do this just for fun, but it'd be an easy gift similar to the calendar idea. You could laminate it for durability, but we always just use cardstock (sometimes aged with tea) and fancy scissors and then rope or something to bind it. You could do a cookbook like this, too. Earlier this year I made my teenaged nephew a "Nephew Can Cook" cookbook that I bound with twine, with all of his favorite recipes and some easy ones he could take to university with him.

You'll survive! I'm that person who still forgets to save. I'm so grateful for whomever was the angel at Microsoft Word that invented the auto save feature! Now when I forget to charge my battery (I do that often, too) and the computer powers itself down and I've also forgotten to save my word document ... it's still there somewhere in some form (if not my latest changes)! I feel for you, though, Jean; I know how frustrating it is for people on the other side of dealing with it LOL. Apparently I forget to recharge my personal battery, too ;) and before I shut down I've given myself today off. It's been a stressful month and I really need a day off to recharge, both physically and mentally. The kids are off with friends and I'm not worrying about everything that is needing to be done. I'll tackle it tomorrow with renewed vigor!

To dig a bit deeper, it's not that unusual a reaction. Isn't that why babies (who tend to more closely resemble their biological father soon after birth) are born so? And why without prompting, even from those not biologically related to the father, so many first babyviewing comments are along the lines of "He looks just like Daddy" ...? Mightn't this be just a natural extension of that? Of nature's DNA test before technology caught up with it? Of the paternal side needing and desiring and perhaps seeing (real or perceived) connections to their side as a way to assure themselves of the child's paternity before investing resources (tangible and intangible) into the relationship? And if somewhat immature or unsophisticated, and definitely annoying, not necessarily childish or petty - even if it comes across as so? Rhetorical question, just throwing it out there. We all like to feel wanted, loved, appreciated and needed. Some of us are better at others than making ourselves the type of people others flock to with these outpourings :D the rest of us better hope we have Danestress-types as DILS, who can see through the actions to the heart of the intentions!

:tongue_smilie:Lucky guess!

Hmm. I have test anxiety, so I can empathize with him. Does the test matter, really and truly? Or is it just a checklist requirement for your state? (Does he believe you that the test really doesn't matter?) What helped me was to learn how to 'read' a test. To view it more as a game of sorts than it was a TEST. I had six weeks of training for work, during which we had twice weekly tests. Failing one at any point meant we were sent home. Talk about pressure, these tests were on computers (I was new to them) and not in my native language. I gave myself hives stressing about it. I discovered that I read too much into questions. I always felt it was a trick question so I wasted time and built anxiety looking for the trick. Eventually I realized some questions were just really poorly written (rather than trick qustions). So I read the question, put my finger on my gut-instinct answer, then re-read the question with my answer to see if it checked out. If it did, I committed to the answer. Then I left the question alone, no going back and changing it later. (That was key!) I also tried too hard to find the RIGHT answer versus the BEST or just OKAY answer. That relates to thinking most questions were trick questions. I needed to know that it was okay to skip some questions.I learned that most tests of this nature are graded by the number one completes, not the number of questions asked. I'm not sure if this is true of your son's test, but if so it might give him permission to skip a question - whether for now, or completely. I'm not good with words, so I taught myself to draw out word problems. In the example you gave, I'd have drawn it out before I ever tried to solve it. (Heck, my kids tease me because I still have to do this for THEIR math problems!) So he draws a number line to 84 and starts making hashmarks at every sixth number, penciling the 84-6 number above the hashmark and going until he's reached a number six can't be subtracted from. Then he translates that answer into a form the test recognizes. I've always been allowed to have paper in with me on tests, I'm sure they'd allow him to also? He can even draw out all three of those type of questions, then go back to solve -- taking steps for the problem set rather than doing each step for each problem before moving on. Might that feel less pressure? It's such a mind game, and we can totally be our own worst enemies :glare: what helped me was my older sister reminding me of that. Often LOL. She said I had to learn how not to sabotage myself. And until I could, I had to realize that my test scores reflected my anxiety and that the only one who could control that ... was me. Hard stuff for an already test-anxious kid, but also a face-saver if he knows that you know that, and don't think his score is a reflection ... of him. Poor kid! See if you can help him learn some of the test-taking skills usually taught to older kids doing SAT/ACT prep. It's a short time to learn it, but these tests aren't going away so any help starting now will be good moving forward.

Along the lines of the thankful list, what about some placecards? Cardstock or construction paper or foam, draw out and decorate family names and put into small frames. Or do the same but with popsicle stick frames. They won't be heirloom but I bet they're stored for at least one more year before they're tossed LOL. Or placemats. Construction paper, decorate, laminate. Might not make it to the table for the actual T-day Meal, but can be used for daily meals leading up to it? Easy to clean, easy to store, just need to laminate. You homeschool, chances are you own a laminator or know someone who does :D grab a pack of laminating sheets for 40-50% off at the national craft store chains and you're good to go!

I like it, and am glad you linked it! You addressed it without making it us versus them. I think that's a critical first step to getting people to realize that we ALL have an interet in seeing ALL children well-socialized (and also socially well, which as you point out is what most people mean when they use the word socialized LOL).

:lol: I resemble that remark! (So do all of my friends. It's interesting that most of us swore we'd never force our kids, and yet .... so far all but me in my circle of friends absolutely HAS forced the kids to take music. And the jury is still out for me because I'm not at the stage yet where it's an issue LOL.) I think it's good to know how to read music, but that can be taught outside of classes; and once that skill is learned, I think it's just as easy to keep a piano in the home and let the kids play at will as it is to send them outside to run and play. I don't think there's a right or wrong approach, it's just a personal preference as to which should take priority :).

I know nothing about gymnastic levels or scores, but I know that a trophy is awesome and meeting goals is phenomenal -- congratulations to your daughter for the payoff of her hard work and dedication!

Magazine subscriptions are hits with that age group here - maybe something in the science or psychology vein that is more pop than academic? I'm completely serious because I have a 17 year old neice that would go crazy for one - a superhero costume. That's the crowd my niece rolls with :tongue_smilie:. There are a lot of books out there on pop psychology that might be interesting reads. Can preview many bestsellers at the library, I'd imagine. Lots of non-fiction in the science section about psychology, sociology, anthropology, socio-biology, and other fields of interest she may find more interesting than the standard "science" subjects? Starbucks gift cards. She can sit there in her superhero costume reading the magazines or books you get her :D

Mean? No. But - especially for the 11 year old - I think I'd stick with something they loved. It can be good to stick something out even though we're not top performers but are continuing to work hard and give it our best. I was forced to take music lessons though, so I have a bit of a bias :D Today I'm glad I can read music. On occasion it's been nice to impress the random crowd at Nordstrom's with my renditions of classical favorites. But by and large, I'd have been just as good without the lessons and maybe a digital keyboard and some informal pounding it out as I saw fit. Or, as a compromise, a willingness to take a session break from gymnastics and give music a try with a genuine promise on behalf of my parents to re-evaluate after x-week/months. Who knows, maybe music would have grown on me had I felt I had some say in it. I was too busy being annoyed by the parent card LOL. What is it about music lessons that you think they'll most benefit from? Knowing that will help! I do plan to have my children take music lessons as part of middle school curriculum - instrument or voice, I don't care which. But I'm hesitant to put it at the expense of an activity they enjoy that is also beneficial in some ways. I'm interested to read more answers, too, so thanks for your post.

Look how much he loves his mama - adoring, bright eyes and a smile that melts hearts! Ouch. I think my uterus just reminded me it still exists. Cuteness!

Cool fall day? I put out some soup (tomato or pumpkin or chicken noodle) with bread or chips or crackers :)

It's annoying. My MIL does the same thing. Amazingly, it's only the good things that come from her side of the family! I joke with her (actually, only one of us sees the humor in it) that what first attracted me to her son was the suspicion (now proven ;)) that he was a storehouse of fabulous genetic material and how grateful I was for the pheremones he inherited from her side of the family. (My MIL has old world hygiene habits and is notorious for her personal aroma. Ever since I've known her she's lived in the US and has called it her pheremones LOL.) Guess what, when I become a MIL and I feel out of touch with my sons' wives ... I'm totally going to do the same annoying thing. Not on purpose, just a sneaking suspicion I'll default there. I think it's just what some of us to do to force a connection we fear to be lacking - as can often be the case with moms and sons once those sons find wives and start their own families.

Yum! Soup! This time of year, my favorite soup is a hearty pumpkin with some rice thrown in and a side of lightly toasted sourdough. This is a staple from my in-laws' family that I've come to really love. I did not sleep in this morning, though not for lack of desire! I had my 3 year old nephew overnight, and he's an early riser :). We were up before the sun, and I took him for a walk. It was eerily calm, very quiet, and wouldn't you know he fell back to sleep before we returned home? (At which point I was ready to also, but alas our schedules never synched in my favor LOL.) No, no frenemy for me. I come from a really big family, though, and so most of my friends were cousins and siblings. I still tend to socialize primarily with my family. I see the Frenemy Thing in action in my community though amongst the moms; it's ridiculous. It's why I continue to mainly socialize with my family :D.

I picked up one of these just this week; can't remember which, but the front page was about the weed industry and growhouses as an enterprise. In the front it mentioned that (whichever magazine it was) would be going 100% digital in 2013. I'm so sad! I can't get into digital magazines or papers. I really prefer to have it in hand. The whole digitizing of reading material is going to but a serious crimp in my free-reading supply at work. Boo! So, OP, that would be a factor for me -- is the magazine of my choice going to be available in print? (But that may not be a problem for you ;)) Signed, Old Dog Resisting New (Digital) Tricks

Well, maybe I'll have to be the first to go so someone can report back :D Do you mean the Rosicrucian museum? We went there last month, first visit. The kids really liked it, way more than I did LOL. They had fun playing the sennet game in the reading room (to the left, up the stairs from the entrance) and made their own version of one once we returned home! Our kids are close in age to each other's, so I'm sure your kids will enjoy it as my kids did :)

ETA: I didn't see your update before I posted the below. I sure hope you hear back sooner than later, even if it's bad news; knowing is better than waiting (((hugs))). I totally understand where your family is going from, with the conditions you've placed on helping your sister. It sounds like you all really do want to help her but know that you're going to need collateral (of sorts) before you can feel comfortable calling it "help" rather than "rescuing" (or even "throwing money down the toilet"). I think this is entirely reasonable in terms of ANY investment, but especially a known high-risk investment. And at the end of the day, that's what she's really asking of you to do - invest in her monetarily. It just happens that the money investment also comes with an emotional investment, at least from your end. And since it's from your end, and I'd suspect ONLY from your end, this is why I don't think she's going to take you up on the offer. It seems reasonable to you guys because you're not deep in the thick of it. From the thick of it, I suspect these conditions feel unattainable. And if this is true, she's at least smart enough (and invested enough in your relationship/s) to reject the offer rather than to accept it knowing she has no way/need/desire/intent to live up to her end of it. Silver linings, we have to take them where we can. I vote you remove conditions one and two. As someone who has done both due to obligation rather than desire, I can suggest that without a personal motivation to do either ... it's so easy to default, and either give up or fail so much so that it's almost more damaging that not (in terms of wasted time, tuition, being fired and needing to explain on future applications, etc.). You can't make her see how important these things are to her, that has to come in her own time. And it may not ever. I'm all for condition three. She's asking the family to invest in her, and it's time to start treating her requests as exactly that: an investment. That means making her financials available for examination and picking through. It means making sure certain conditions are outlined and met. You've already considered this, obviously, by coming up with the first two conditions. But I think what I'd do instead is to use her lack of interest in one and two as firm but loving reasons why this isn't a good investment for me. And once she's decided on her own to meet those conditions, and has a track record, she can come back and ask me. Isn't this what lenders do? Isn't that why she can't find an institutional lender, or even a friend to lend her the money? (Rhetorical questions for her.) It's a gamble, though. I wonder if the "something for nothing" or "something easy for nothing" mentality is prodding her gambling ... the draw of the big win, should it ever happen. Without family to help her with rent, who knows what she'll resort to doing in order to find the money. That's very sad to think about, especially with a nephew involved. It means she goes to the craigslist guy. Maybe tough love means she moves in with him, discovers that raising his kids isn't the kind of work she enjoys doing, and comes back to you in a few months sniffing around for another rescue. Unfortunately for your nephew, but ... you can't help someone who doesn't want it. Doesn't sound like she wants the kind of help you're offering, she wants the quick-fix without any strings. All you can do is put it on the table and leave it there. Condition four is one I'm torn on. I completely see where you're coming from. And in fact I'm raising my nephews, so ... I really do see where you are coming from. I wouldn't place it as a condition, but I'd leave it as a no-questions-asked option for if she ever needed "a break" - and I'd be willing to address her concerns (I'm not sure what is meant by "the religious thing" but am assuming you are super-religious and she is not at all religious?). I wouldn't change my life to house the child, but I'd respect her parental desires and choices if it meant bringing the child to a more stable home with her blessing. Sounds like you have your hands full there, Mama. :grouphug: