Yeah, me either. He should've stayed over the weekend when they wanted him to. Now his infection is worse, and may be septic (spread to his bloodstream). Sepsis has a 20% death rate. If sepsis worsens and becomes septic shock, it has a 60% death rate. Not to mention, dad has pretty much every complication possible for sepsis. Don't know any details yet, or even if it is septic for sure.

I couldn't agree more. I was, let's go with 'estranged' from my parents when I moved out at 17. There was NO WAY they were giving me their financial info so I could apply for aid. I couldn't file a FAFSA. I ended up not being able to finish college. It was SO ridiculous to me. My parents wouldn't even SPEAK with me. That had NO involvement in my support whatsoever. They planned to pay NOTHING EVER for my education. Why did FAFSA need to know anything about them? They weren't involved in my life in any way. I tried to explain this to the school. No one cared. There was nothing they could do. I remember telling my financial aid officer 'Um, my parents could move out of the country, and I'd never know. What do people do who don't even know HOW to contact their parents for this information?" He had no answer. Rules are rules, dontcha know.

I can imagine you're feeling overwhelmed right now, and perhaps you've chosen not to receive messages; or maybe your box is just full. Just sending prayers, love, and support dear friend. May the Lord sustain you moment to moment today. Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. - Isaiah 40:28-31

If I had it to do over, I'd have gone with a midwife instead of an OB both times. I've had a pediatrician refuse to keep us on as patients for our decisions regarding vaccinations, too. Good luck OP, whatever you decide to do. Remember that your health care is YOURS. It does not belong to anyone else, including the health care providers you choose to assist you. THEY work for YOU, not the other way around.

I am totally supportive of patient's rights to refuse any medical care they don't want. But do be aware, your OB may drop you as a patient if you refuse. I wanted to skip it with my youi dngest. My OB was kind but firm that it was non-negotiable if I wanted to stay at the practice.

We lived at our previous house for six years. One time in all those years, I cleaned the kitchen ceiling. That was enough for a lifetime, IMO. :p I *have* cleaned bathroom ceilings before, but only because of mold/mildew. I'd NEVER bother to put it on any sort of master cleaning list.

I'd look into nursing, either LPN or RN. Or perhaps ultrasound tech. I hope to someday go back for my RN. At our local community college, you can get your LPN in one year, provided you have all your prereqs done before starting the program. Then, when/if you want to go back for the RN program, there's a specific LPN to RN course that's another year. However, the admission to these programs is VERY competitive. As in, you really need A's in every prereq class to have a real shot of admission.

I'd go with #1. In fact, I'd say something like "Nephew, since you deleted those things from the laptop after being told no, you're not welcome at friend's house anymore. And pulling stunts like that isn't allowed HERE, either." Simple, matter-of-fact, boom, done. Now, if nephew balks and denies deleting it again, I'd tell him to save it, because either HE did it, or he convinced one of the other boys to do it even though he KNEW he wasn't supposed to. Either way, he was in the wrong. In fact, SO in the wrong that he's not welcome there anymore. Since you said you don't know SIL well, I'd not bother telling her. Nephew was in your care, did something involving your friends that SIL doesn't even know. If it were a different offense/situation, I'd likely respond differently. For example, if nephew got involved in smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. But lying? While lying is a BIG DEAL in my family, we all know ALL kids do it sometimes. I guess I just don't think it'd do any good to tell his parents. But I could be wrong, LOL.

Ehhh, that's an iffy one for me. I'd probably go ahead and cook it, but I'd worry about it the whole time, LOL.

Where i live certainly wouldn't be described as ritzy, but the grocery store I go to most often (Meijer) has both cup holders on the carts and a starbucks in the store.

We have a similar test, except we use Philippians 4:8 as our guide: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. If those are the things we are to 'think on', than any music with lyrics should be able to match up to pass that 'test'.

This is what I would LOVE to do. But he loves her. So he won't leave. It's all very sad and messed up.

Heh. No offense taken. Seriously.

Dad's home, came home late last night. They gave him a round of IV antibiotics in the ER, and he started feeling a bit better. The doctors wanted to keep him, but he insisted on going home. :glare: And mom's irritated because it will cost $100 for the ER visit; it would have only been $50 if he was admitted. UGH. Yes mom, that's my concern too. NOT.

His white blood cells are high. He has an infection, they think from the permacath he has for his dialysis. He will need IV antibiotics. No idea yet for how long. I plan to go see him tomorrow. Ugh. Poor dad. But the real sad thing is, I feel somewhat safer knowing he's in the hospital with people looking after him than at home with mom, since I can't be with him every day.

Mom texted that dad's vitals weren't right, so he was on the way to the hospital. His wound care nurse that comes to the house three times a week called his doctor and they decided he should go in. All In know right now is that His temp is 99.6, his heart rate is 115, and he's grey and weak. The first thing that came to my mind is that perhaps he has a clot somewhere. He's an hour away. Mom's letting me know if I need to come up.

I'll vote for Bethany, too. :D I've always liked my name. I think Bethany Hope is very nice.

Less than a year before his heart attack, she called telling me she was thinking of getting a legal separation because dad wasn't making enough money and she was tired of supporting him. I have no idea why she thought I was someone she should share that information with, but she did. My parents are VERY religious. My mother, because she cares SO much about appearances, will not divorce my father unless he cheats on her (which he will never do). But yeah, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if she did eventually get a legal separation. If that happened, I'd move dad into an assisted living facility down here by me. And bid her good riddance.

Dad's nutritionist wants him to eat two eggs a day. He eats them for breakfast. It's my job to cook them for him on Monday mornings, and then he will reheat the individual servings on Tuesday through Friday. So each week, I'd like to vary the eggs a bit for him so he doesn't get bored. Aside from needing a lot of protien (hence the eggs), he needs low sodium and low sugar. On Monday when I was there, I chopped up a bit of onion and green pepper, sauteed them in a bit of olive oil, then added the eggs and scrambled them. I melted a bit of shredded cheese on top at the end. He LOVED them. (Dad sure is a grateful person to cook for.) So give me any and all ideas of how I can keep my dad's eggs interesting! :)

I KNOW! Which is why, for the life of me, I can't understand WHY my father makes excuses for the woman. UGH. So, my mother did not respond to my email. However, my dad called me this afternoon. He says "I've got someone to help me with the groceries, so we're all set!" He goes on to tell me how much he appreciates what I'm doing for him and so on. I couldn't help myself. I asked him who was getting the groceries. Turns out he called HIS dad, who lives in the same city. His dad is now going to come take him grocery shopping every Friday. That's right. My grandpa, who is 83, is having to do it. Now I feel like a humongous HEEL, because the LAST thing I wanted was for my grandpa to have to do it. Now, dad was very happy about it, and said how nice it would be for them to get to spend time together every week, and how great it all worked out. And my grandpa is in fine health and all that. But still. Good grief. All I can figure is that mom whined and complained to dad about having to go grocery shopping for him every week, and it made him feel bad, so he just looked for a way to solve the problem. How messed up is that?! I can't stop myself from wondering if I'm the ONLY person in this situation that doesn't get why my MOTHER isn't doing the shopping and the cooking HERSELF?! UGH! Seriously, there's a part of me that wants to get on facebook and let everyone know what's going on. I mean, wouldn't mom be embarrassed for her siblings to know that her father in law is doing her grocery shopping, and her daughter is doing the cooking? How does she justify this to herself? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

First of all, thank you for the encouragement. :) Secondly, I kinda already did enlist outsiders. After my mother's initial response to my email, in which she told me that getting to the store every week would be a struggle, I called her brother (my uncle, we'll call him Uncle J). I explained the situation to Uncle J, and asked what was going on with my mom that she couldn't get to the store once a week. He had no idea. He asked if she was sick or something, LOL. No, mom's not sick. She's just THAT un-interested in helping dad. Just so everyone understands, my mother is only 54 years old. Her health is fine, nothing wrong with her at all. They live in a tiny house in the city. She works a secretarial job at the hospital 10 minutes from their house. I don't want to just badmouth my mother. But the blunt truth is that she is the laziest person I know. She told me in her email that she goes to the grocery store every few weeks when she absolutely has to. She constantly complains about money, how they don't have enough money, how broke they are, but then she eats out literally almost every meal. This is a mindset I don't understand. And I'm having a hard time dealing with. But I'm trying.

This is the route my dh initially wanted me to go. Contact social services. Thing is, I don't know that it'd do any good. In fact, I know if I did that, mom would be so upset that I'd not be allowed to come help dad anymore. My mother is all about appearances.Appearances are all that matter to her. I'm serious. Here's what I can figure out about how my parents eat; keep in mind, I haven't come right out and asked my mom what her eating habits are... When looking through their kitchen, there's food: Ice cream and french fries in the freezer, and in the pantry there's canned veggies and fruit, marinades/sauces, and I don't know what else. Cans and boxes. In the fridge Monday there was oranges, half a green pepper, some shredded cheese, butter, eggs, milk,various scary leftovers that I have no idea how long have been there, and more condiments than two people should have. There is also bread and onions on the counter. So there IS food. I guess the main thing that was missing that dad really needs right now is fresh meat to be cooked. But Social services would come in, see that there's food, and laugh at me. Anyway, best I can figure, my parents eat cold cereal for breakfast(dad told me he's been eating cheerios with almonds on them), then mom gets lunch from the cafeteria of the hospital she works at, then she picks up take out for dinner. She doesn't cook. Like, hardly ever. Seriously. I'm pretty sure they eat take out or take out leftovers for every meal on the weekends. She fed us from boxes and cans growing up, and at the age of 12 it became my job to cook the family dinner every night.

Thanks Elinor, and everyone else, for cheering me on. Oh my word was it hard for me to send that email. I REALLY wanted to just fold and do the shopping myself. But I didn't. I stood up for myself. And my dh is proud of me, too. I made sure not to email my mom back until after dh came home from work and he and I had a chance to talk it out together. I needed to hear him validate that I absolutely should not let her put things on me that I didn't want to do. In her last email, she said that if it was a problem for me to get the food, that she could "try to get the items". I made it as clear as I could in my response that not only would I NOT be doing the shopping, but that I fully expected her to make sure it got done, by either doing it herself or getting someone else to do it for her.

Yeaaaaah, about that. Anyone have any advice if she pulls this? I mean, what if I drive an hour there on Monday morning and there's no ground beef to make the meatloaf with? What do I do then? I mean, obviously I'd drive to the store, get the meat, come back, and make the meatloaf. But how do i make sure she doesn't pull it again NEXT week? Or maybe I shouldn't borrow the trouble yet, hunh. :p

I spent the day with dad yesterday. Just me and him. He asked me if I would come every Monday and help him cook his breakfasts and lunches for the week. He needs a lot of protein (to help his bedsore heal), plus he needs low sodium and low sugar (because of kidney failure and diabetes). These things mean he can't eat the take-out my mother eats for every meal; he needs food cooked from scratch. And dad can't even walk from the couch to the bathroom without taking a break, so cooking himself eggs isn't really something he can do yet. I'm willing to do that. In fact, it will be a blessing to serve my father that way. However. My mother. Oh, my mother. She scared me as a child. NO LONGER, I say. NO MORE will she bully me into doing what I don't want. She doesn't even want to be responsible for getting the groceries. I emailed her and told her that I would come every Monday morning and cook dad's breakfasts and lunches for the week. Dad and I would come up with the next week's menu, and then I'd email her a list of what she needed to make sure they had. That way, she could just print the list, cross off whatever they already had in the fridge/cupboards/pantry, and get whatever was left at the grocery store some time before Monday morning. In fact, the list I sent her for this Monday had all of EIGHT items on it. Yep. Eight. Mom emails me back that it's great I'm helping dad, but she's just SOOO busy that getting to the store is a real struggle for her, so couldn't I just pick up whatever I needed myself. :001_huh: My mother works a regular 40 hour week secretarial job. Her commute is about ten minutes. They have no children at home. Her health is fine. I haven't the slightest clue what she could possibly be so busy with that she can't stop at the grocery store once a week. I'm serious. This is what she was telling me. That she is too busy to go to the grocery store once a week to get food for my dad, so why don't I just do that, too. Here's the thing. She's NOT too busy. She just flat out doesn't want to. I'm sorry. No. I have to draw the line somewhere, and that's where I'm drawing it. I sent her back a kind but firm email that no, I would not pick up the groceries, that she needed to do that. I told her that the goal is to get dad cooking for himself again eventually, and then I wouldn't even be coming at all, so she'd need to do the shopping then anyway. I told her that committing to driving an hour each way to her house once a week, cooking for several hours, and helping dad menu plan for the next week's meals, and emailing her a list of what we would need for the next week was what I was willing to do. She could either get the groceries herself, or find someone else to get them for her. I still feel a bit shaky, but I'm so proud of myself for not letting my mom bully me into do even MORE of what should be HER responsibility in the first place. (Don't ask me why SHE'S not cooking the food for dad. I don't know the answer. Well, unless the answer is BECAUSE SHE'S TOO LAZY. So yeah, I guess I *do* know the answer, but I don't want to admit it.) Anyway, I don't know what she'll respond, but I'm proud of myself for being able to set boundaries with my mom. It's not something that comes naturally for me.