Sorry for the length! My son, who is 7, has a great deal of trouble with impulse control and emotional regulation. Part of this may be because he was born 5 weeks early. At the time we were told that preemies often struggle this way, but of course there's no way of knowing for sure. He is a very sensitive, sweet child who loves to play with his little sister and is incredibly kind and generous. On the flip side, he feels very deeply when he has perceived he's done something wrong. He struggles mightily with his attitude and negativity. We recently pulled him out of school, in large part because, unlike last year, when he loved school and his teacher, he had started coming home last fall saying things like, "I'm stupid", "I'm the worst", etc. This became part of his everyday language about himself. Any small mistake on his part was the catalyst for running out of the room, falling on the floor and declaring that he was a horrible person. I have no way of knowing if this was precipitated by something in the classroom as we were not permitted to volunteer in the room, but I wanted him home so we could have more time and space to deal with these issues. To be clear: We already have a good sleep schedule. We limit his sugar intake. We try to get him to have physical exercise every day. We limit screen time to an hour per day. Here's an excerpt of this morning's school: Me: It's time to do school. Why don't you sit here and do this math worksheet while I work with your brother? When you're done you an play on the computer until it's your turn. Him: It's too hard, I'm stupid, I can't do this, I never had to do this in school. Me: Yes you can, you can do this! You are smart. If you sit down and work hard at it, it'll only take you ten minutes. Repeat for half an hour until he finally gets his work done. Imagine lots of rolling on the floor and putting his head on the table and dropping his pencil, etc. I finally get to work with his brother (who also has attitude issues, so that's also a struggle. Yay.) Me: Okay, it's time to come work with me. Him: No! I didn't even get to do my game! I only had a minute! (Tears and yelling and running out of the room and a giant fit follow) As I work mightily to hold on to my patience, I finally coax him into coming to the couch and we start FLL. This goes reasonably well since it's a read aloud story and questions. Fine. We start WWE. Him: This is stupid. I hate this story. Why do I have to do this? etc., etc, also involving rolling on the floor. Me: You cannot behave this way. This is inappropriate. You must sit here on the couch and finish your school work. You are smart and big and you know how to act. Him: I'm the worst! Now I can't get ice cream with dad today! (This was their reward for the end of the week) Me: Who says you can't go? Him: Because I'm bad! I'll never get to go now! I'm the worst! And on and on. This is just a snippet. It took us 2.5 hours today to do math, FLL and WWE and then I gave up and gave them the rest of the day off. I sent him upstairs while I tidied up and because I needed a break. A few minutes later he came back down, and when I told him to go back upstairs he burst into tears and said I was mean and never listened to him and ran off. I am exhausted. I am trying hard to be patient and encouraging. I know this is a transition and is going to take time, but I need some guidance on how best to handle this so we can move past it. He does not do well with discipline. Any time out, anything taken away and he melts into violent tears over what a bad kid he is. I have three other kids to homeschool and a toddler and we're not getting much done because of his behavior. It's constant and escalating and nothing I try seems to help.

I hear you. I had a recent experience in which I joined a FB forum for people wanting to start blogging. They give lots of great advice, but also push you to buy your hosting through their partner (I'm sure they get a kickback). At one point a woman had asked a question about whether she really needed to buy a website or could she just start with a free site. I responded to her encouraging her to start with a free site, write to find her voice and grow her community, etc. I've been blogging on a free site for years and it's been great even though I've never made a dime. The moderator shut the comments off and deleted my response, replacing it with her reasons why you just 'have' to buy a website. Sleazy. OTOH, people do need to make money, and recording podcasts and webinars and setting up a website aren't cheap, so I see it from both points of view.

I'm not sure anxious is the right word, but as I get older I feel more responsible for things, and that gives me pause. Take homeschooling: when my dc were small, I had no concerns whatever about it. I was absolutely sure that I was the best person to teach them and that if I followed my instincts everything would work out for the best. I do a lot more second guessing now, and relying on experts, than I used to. Whether that means I'm more nervous or more wise, I'm not sure.

I can't like this for some reason. I'll look into them, thanks!

Does anyone know of a curriculum or book for emotional intelligence? I have two big emotion boys, and this thread is very timely. They tend to feel everything big - sadness and anger being two that are tough to deal with. I love the level idea - thank you!

I had a friend years ago who married a man at least 15 years her senior. They were a biracial couple, and she was often asked if there were challenges because of that. Her answer was no - every person comes from a different family culture and you learn to deal with that, the difficulties were in the age difference because he'd had so much more life experience. She felt like she wasn't allowed to grow up, in a sense, because he just took care of things based on his own previous experience. Just her story, of course. We know another couple who married, he's 18 years her senior. They seem to get on famously, but it was weird because she'd been the babysitter for his kids from his first marriage and they'd known each other in that kind of context for something like ten years before they dated. They insist there was nothing going on before his divorce, and I tend to believe them because they're my friends, but it was weird when they got together.

I'll give you a slightly different path. My brother in law joined the Marines at 18 to be a firefighter. They handled all his training, etc. and he spent (I think) 6 years in. When he got out he joined a fire department near Seattle. It was lean for a few years, but he was able to get a good position. He then took night classes to qualify as an EMT and, recently, a paramedic. I do not believe he has a degree, he just had to get extra training to qualify for the next step up. He makes good money now, enjoys his work, and likes that he works 24 hour shifts because it leaves plenty of time to be home with his kids.

Of course the disappearing feature can be used in a naughty way - we've had talks with our kids about how nothing is ever gone forever. My understanding of the disappear feature is because it saves space on the phone. I thought it was silly, but teens take scads of photos and they really can fill up their memory with them. Especially since 'streaks' are popular - you send someone a snap every day and see how long you can go on your streak. A picture a day times half a dozen friends with which you have streaks is a lot of photos.

Well done! :hurray:

Drug testing is often contracted out, as are polygraph exams, depending on the city/county. I imagine there are ethical concerns, but they could be overcome.

The excerpt didn't come over with the quote, so I've copied it: [T]he overwhelming problem with online porn culture is that it promotes a truly intense nihilism in young men about bodies and their own sexuality generally. To be blunt, the entire culture of porn online exists to reduce the male orgasm to the status of defecation – a bodily function to be attended to on a regular basis in privacy to give mild physical relief, but something with no particular value or meaning. And female bodies are likewise so reduced along the way. Sex reduces to plumbing – it is entirely disenchanted. It’s worse than depravity – depravity suggests some kind of actual authoritative meaning to transgress against. The long term effect of porn for a lot of the young guys I encounter is just a pervasive numbing meaninglessness, attached to a kind of limp hedonism. They’re adrift, and their own degrading relationship to their own sexuality because of porn is a major factor in that. This is excellent, and it perfectly explains my own objection to pornography. The vast majority of people on our planet agree that sex is more than just a biological function. Even those who reject a Christian world view generally agree to some kind of spiritual function to it - the joining of two people, not just an enjoyable physical experience. Science backs this up - chemistry, neurons, emotions, etc. Porn disregards the idea that sexual intimacy is anything but a physical interaction, one that can be exploited for monetary gain. It turns something intimate and generous into performance. As Marbel stated, the participants are no longer focused on one another, but on an audience, on what can be gained. There is no thought to the pleasure of one's partner, or even, really, to one's own pleasure (which would be selfish, but at least understandable) but to the pleasure of whomever is paying for it. It robs both the participants and the viewers of the joy that is real intimacy, and that is a travesty. I reject the entirety of the worldview that reduces sex to something so base.

Just chiming in to add my vote - quit and use your toddler's diagnosis. It's graceful, it's something they can't argue with, it has no bearing on your cousin. You can do it! You'll be so glad you did.

It's been about ten years since we moved, but we lived in Phoenix, Mesa, Tempe and Queen Creek. In every location we had a monthly pest service (or quarterly? I can't remember) and so did most people we knew. We only ever had bugs in the Queen Creek house, because it had been farmland. We only ever saw a scorpion once, and it wasn't inside. This is anecdotal, obvs, but I'd say your bug issues aren't much worse than anywhere else in general. Our kids often slept on the floor in sleeping bags for fun. But of course it depends on the house you're in.

A few years ago, when we lived in CA, I was informed by the girl at check in that since my dd had turned 12 her medical records were now private and I wasn't allowed access to them unless she consented. I was also informed that I was no longer allowed in the exam room with her and the doctor. At the time I was appalled. Not only did it make it much more difficult for me to provide my child with health care, I couldn't believe they would bar me from the room. I was livid. As it turned out, though the policy was in place, it wasn't carried out to the letter. I asked the pediatrician about it and he said it was up to dd, and she preferred me to stay. It was no big deal. It was frightening because we were new there and didn't know any of the doctors. I can still see how a creepy doctor would use such a policy to his or her advantage, and I think the pendulum has swung too far in that situation. And 12 is just too young, IMHO. On the other hand, now that my dc are getting older, I do think it's important for them to have trusted adults apart from their parents to talk to. I'm not entirely sure, but I think this may be generational. I have been appalled at the things my grandmother is okay with because someone in authority says so. (She also grew up in an authoritarian home in the 30's and married a Naval officer, so maybe it's lifestyle.)

We really liked Peabody and Sherman. I can't think of what would be dark ... there is one joke that has sexual innuendo, but I think it would go over most kids' heads.

Fasting has helped me overcome comfort eating to an extent. I like sweets and coffee, and I go to them when I'm emotional. I'll pick a couple weeks at a time and fast all sweets and coffee. If I do feel the emotional urge to eat, I am forced to find something else to meet that need other than food. This helps me later, when I'm not fasting, because I have other things to turn to and because I have built up an endurance, if you will, against emotional eating. This might not be helpful if you're already under stress, but I find that having a different reason not to stress eat (I'm fasting, rather than I just shouldn't) is very helpful.

I understood that the alcohol content was more like 2% in beer and cider, and that wine was often 'cut' with water. You'd have to drink an awful lot of that to compare with a mixed drink of today, or even a glass of wine. Still, it would be interesting to know, if you could ever get the data.

Ugh. Thanks guys, looks like we're headed in to get swabbed tomorrow.

No cough or runny nose. That looks like the same list I looked up - the red spots had me concerned. My question is, is strep the kind of thing you can let ride? Or is it necessary to take him in? He doesn't seem too bad, headachy, tired, fever about 101 but goes down with medication. I'm usually a 'let it be' kind of parent when it comes to sickness, but as I said I've never dealt with strep before.

Dd3 had a fever over the weekend, no other symptoms, went away quickly. Ds9 had a fever yesterday and today, headache, sore throat. Ds7 has a fever today, headache, sore throat, and red dots on the roof of his mouth (soft palate). We've not had strep in the house before. Should I go get him tested to be sure? Is it okay to ride out without antibiotics? We've had fevers plenty of times, but the red dots are new to me.

I'd guess it has more to do with isolation. Consider that for part of the year much of Alaska gets 20 hours of sunlight per day.

This is unbelievable. It should immediately be a crime, like an adult with a minor or a teacher with a student. Insane.

It's so true, but isn't it strange? Imagine someone taking your purse in the church parking lot, or punching your husband. I doubt anyone would hesitate to say those things were wrong, but we always assume we've mistaken someone's intentions when it comes to sexual aggression or manipulation. Why do we do this?

This is one of the arguments I heard from another parent, but I have to disagree in this context. Yes, I think my child needs to be in situations where she learns to get along with adults without a chaperone; that's why she has a job, and goes to high school, and babysits, and volunteers at church, and goes to the store alone. These are situations in which she can learn to speak for herself and manage social situations without someone telling her how, but they are situations in which she has at least some modicum of power or control. She can leave the room, she can walk away, she can look to the other people around her for support if something seems off. Getting into a vehicle with an adult removes all these safety rails. She cannot get out of the car if she's uncomfortable. There's no one there to signal her, or for her to signal to, if something inappropriate is done or said. The instructor is in a position of power over her, in an enclosed space, with no 'out'. And, if he wanted to, the instructor could direct her to drive to a place she's unfamiliar with, so she might not even be able to drive home if she felt uncomfortable and had the courage to do so. Very few young girls have the self awareness to say, "Hey, what you said was inappropriate and I want to go home now." Plus, he's right next to her, unlike, for example, in an Uber where I'm in the back seat and the driver is up front. At least in that case the extent would be that the driver might say something that makes me uncomfortable. In the driver's ed scenario, the instructor could easily reach over, for example, and put his hand on my dd's thigh. What is she supposed to do then? Anyone who's been a victim will tell you that it's much harder to speak up for yourself in those situations than you might think. Frankly, it seems blatantly irresponsible from the view of the company. Imagine if an instructor did or said something inappropriate, or even was accused of having done so. The company could be sued. I can't believe they take such risks. My dh is a pastor and he could lose his job if he drove a teenaged girl home from church alone.

Do you use this on its own or with Lingua Latina?