I wouldn't say the snakes and spiders are in the bush exactly.... I've had no less than 3 different deadly critters in my backyard (red back spiders we see quite frequently, I've seen 3 or 4 eastern brown snakes over the years, and we occasionally get a red bellied black snake. There's also much debate about the specific breed and lethality of two other spiders we get here). But, aside from the browns, they will leave you alone. They don't come out hunting humans. I don't know anyone who's ever been bitten ever in my own circle of friends and family. But, yeah, I'm pretty sure the chances of getting killed by a critter here are less than getting shot over there. That's the scariest thing about america, right there.

Bulk cooking. I only cook three days a week, two of them being saturday and sunday. But when I cook, probably two thirds of the time I make a triple batch. Since I use a food processor for chopping, it takes the same amount of time to prep 6 onions, 6 carrots and a bag of frozen peas as it does to prep 2 onions, 2 carrots and 1/3rd bag of peas. When I make soup I try to make at least 5 dinners worth (often split over two pots using whatever root vegetable I got on sale that week). So on workdays we eat from the freezer. Extra bonus, I currently have three weeks worth of meals sitting in my freezer should we fall sick or need to skip shopping due to a financial hiccup. Don't fold clothes. Seriously. Nice, going out stuff gets hung up, but day to day wear can be shoved in a cupboard. Folding is from the days of everything being cotton and needing ironing. Fact is, as long as you aren't totally crushing things under heavy weight, a large portion of modern clothing will remain fairly wrinkle free in my experience. On that note, washing once a week is helpful to me as well. Multitask. If we watch a TV show my hands are usually busy doing something else that doesn't require eyes, so are my husbands. Even playing a board game, I often play monopoly while photographing items for my store. This morning I had three tasks on the go, all of which involved useless time waiting, so I was switching between the three every 10 minutes and achieved a lot. When I was studying last semester, I was usually prepping food for the dehydrator or working on something while listening to lectures. One of my classmates listened to lectures while up the top of a fruit tree picking. Either get cleaning help or have the kids doing real, significant chores. In our case, we have my brother and his girlfriend living with us right now. The massive different them cleaning the kitchen each night makes to our routine is surprising. I began doing the dishes around age 8 and my sister around age 6, so once my brother leaves we will probably work toward passing this chore on to the kids. Those evening hours are precious, an extra hour of evening time specifically makes huge differences. When you do give yourself time off, actually switch off and take a real break. Better to concentrate your work and leisure than to have both constantly overlapping. With both overlapping you'll feel as if you never get a break. When I am taking a break I take one fully and anything to be done can wait.

Lol! nothing better to do when trapped inside but do school! Looking at your blog post I can make a guess where you are. Been out to see the bridge at Wolffdene yet? Should look even more amazing from your side, we are on the opposite side and went to see this morning, absolutely amazing the power of water. Hope you stay safe. Sounds like our other aussie boardies are out of harms way. If you find yourself in need of clean up help feel free to send a PM, we're planning to try get out and do some work this week.

Thought I'd post this on gen ed because I know the most active aussies on chat board are all in the southern states, but a few quieter ones tend to hang out here. Any of our Aussie posters here in the cyclone or flood effected areas? Not mentioning exact places, but I'm right in the middle of it (on high ground thankfully, isolated but wont be flooded). It's a nervous night, the rivers are still rising and have reportedly gone beyond 1974 levels, though I suppose that wont be officially confirmed until morning. All our family are either trapped on their properties or isolated by road. Kids are alternating between excitement and fear. It's been a crazy few days, that's for sure! Everyone else safe and out of harms way?

I'm sorry for your childhoods, and for your mothers mistakes in letting their health effect your development. But please do not project those experiences onto me just because I also have mental health issues. Do you really think your mothers would have said and written all that I have? I am very aware to the burden of the eldest. I know what it is to care for other children at a young age, it is a part of the trauma that led to all this. It's why I emphasised in my main post that it's less eldest caring for the others, and more each kid caring for themselves. Due to age Eldest does some things for Youngest during these periods of crisis, but I expect Middle to step up and also help Youngest when needed. I expect Middle to care for herself without Eldest, and do not consider Eldest responsible for Middle at any time. And due to the extra burden on Eldest, Middle often has an extra chore or two. In a couple of years when they're older, these will pass down again to Youngest. I am a FIRM believer in chores and responsibilities going to the youngest person capable of them, in order to avoid the default of the oldest doing everything. In turn, Eldest has quite a few privileges as well to balance the load. I also do not allow my health to prevent their normal childhood experiences. I'm sorry your mothers did, but you seem to have assumed a lot of things about me. My kids do sports and will likely begin girl guides this year as well. Is it super hard for me due to my health? Yep! But I make it happen anyway because it's important for them. My kids have friends, 3 families who are particularly close as well as other assorted ones, and we see friends multiple times a week, usually in our home due to practicality (I can't drive. Not sure if now is a good time to mention I'm also legally blind lol). Would I rather no one come in my house and safe place? Yep! But I invite them in happily anyway because I know my kids need it, and I make myself do it every week even when I really really don't want to. You seem to have assumed I wont do anything that makes me worse for the sake of my kids, but I do, every day. My kids also get oodles of free time. Much of the time when other adults are not present I am only coping ok-ish, but, I am fully capable of giving them a normal environment during my ok-ish times. And remember that I am only alone with them three days a week, and even then with support. Today their grandma is coming to read stories aloud to them, something else I cannot do myself but feel is important to their childhood and education so we have found a way to make it happen. Tomorrow we will visit their great-grandparents (in their 70s, still young) and they will dote on them endlessly while I do the sort of self therapy I have gotten into the routine of doing at her house. There's certainly no examples of them missing out on something due to their responsibilities or due to my health that I can see. I would be devastated if they missed out on something due to my health, I feel so much guilt already that I couldn't handle it if they started missing opportunities. I do not need or expect them to care for ME in any way, only for themselves, so obviously if they are not here there's nothing for them to care for. So I fully expect eldest to start going out on the weekend in a few years, hanging out with friends, doing older kid stuff and her presence at home wont be missed any more than it is in a normal family. Will I have an urge to have her stay and help with her sisters in case I have a bad turn? Yep! But I will ignore that urge and do it anyway just like I've done so many other things that are better for her despite my mental health effected feelings. (I know I will do this because I already have, Eldest has had opportunity to go to a few events with friends/family alone, and I have encouraged her to go and been excited for her and asked her all about it when she gets home, even when I have struggled with anxiety or fear over it internally, I have never shown it). And when it comes time for her to leave, there is no way possible that I would have her stay for my sake, none. I talk to the people who support me about the future and what I hope for for these kids. Staying at home caring for mummy instead of going to college is the opposite of anything I want for her. I have enough support, and she is not responsible for me and never will be any more than simply being a kid who wants to help mummy when she can. I also do not confide in her, I know the damage that can do as my mother did it to me. Eventually I will have to begin answering questions about the past (right now we use the suitcase analogy and she knows nothing of what happened, wont until she's a teen). But I do not intend to confide in her about the present and currently happening until she is an adult, and at that point only if she wants it. I also still fail to see how more children would change any of this. But I suppose that probably comes from the normal anti-large family ideas, that 6 kids must by default be three times harder and three times as much work as 2 kids, even though that is quite a fallacy. The primary argument is that they will add to Eldest burden, but like I said, I expect even the 4 year old to be responsible for herself, NOT Eldest's responsibility, and I strongly believe in work going to the youngest capable of it. When Eldest is 10 she wont still be doing all this plus more. Youngest will be 6 and doing much of what Eldest does now, and Eldest will have her own things to worry about. I'm sorry that some people with similar age siblings expect the oldest one to take care of the others, but in my case, If Eldest could take care of herself for an hour at 4 then I expect the same from Middle, and will expect it from Youngest when she reaches the same maturity-age. I DO NOT consider Eldest responsible for her siblings, except in the most basic ways for Youngest, which she will no longer need in a year or so. If I have more children, during crisis time I will expect all three of my current girls to step up, not just Eldest, and if it is only Eldest doing the work I will alter the situation itself to prevent that. She is not a scapegoat, and as an eldest myself I will not allow it all to fall to her the way it all fell to me in my own childhood. And again, could we remember that we're only talking about occasional days here, since DH only works 3 days a week and I have a lot of support during those three days. Most of the time, Eldest is a carefree kid with no responsibility for her siblings at all. And even during crisis, we're not talking about parent levels of care, we're talking about them playing in another room, just like they are right now as I type this. Again I thank people for their concern. But I am very self aware, surprisingly so according to therapists. And every past experience raised here as a concern is something I have already considered, examined in my own life, spoken to others about at length, and made specific plans for. The kids do kid activities, the kids have friends, I will not allow a situation to arise where I NEED the care of my children (I'll crumble and fail before I allow myself to need them emotionally on any level, not to mention DH and best friend would never allow it to happen), and I will not allow it all to fall on Eldest, I am conscious of the distribution of responsibility every time I ask them to do something, and always consider who I am asking rather than defaulting to the most capable. This morning, Youngest is emptying the dishwasher and Middle is cleaning the bedroom and hall while Eldest gets to start school without chores, since Eldest did extra last night. Most of the time, outwardly to everyone else, we are a fairly normal family. I am never normal, even my best days are characterised by 'only' feeling things which aren't there for an hour, or 'only' having one or two intrusive flashbacks, plus other symptoms that never leave and my chronic pain issues. But I don't let that become visible in an uncontrolled way. Most of the time my kids are oblivious to anything going on in my head, most of the time I can present in public just fine. I've done a math lesson very normally while having flashbacks, I've done reading lessons while in psychosomatic pain. We've played games while I am struggling to ignore a (harmless) hallucination (they're sent away for bad ones, I almost always know which it will be before it occurs). In all these instances, the kids never know. They might perceive something is a little 'off', but they are ok with that, they know it doesn't mean anything about them, if they're really worried (only happens occasionally) they just ask if there's something scary in my head and I say yes but that it's ok and I'm alright and not to worry and I love them, and we just get on with the task at hand or enjoy our time together. To others and to the kids themselves, their daily lives are pretty normal even when mine is not.

For me, it's when something is designed to take longer than it has to. So, doing a crossword for vocabulary that takes an hour instead of reading about words or hearing them in daily life. A math worksheet that takes half an hour due to the amount of colouring in when the kid could just circle them instead. I remember being given math puzzles in school because I'd done the class work. They weren't challenging and relevant like, say, beast academy. They were just tedious and time consuming, work out the code by doing these sums kind of things. And I remember when we did tessellations in school clearly. We all made tessellating shapes by cutting a rectangle in three, and then spent the rest of the WEEK colouring our patterns in full colour. None of these things add to learning. I also think things which check boxes but don't correspond to real learning can be busywork, like comprehension worksheets for a kid who shows no comprehension issues, or these horrid term-long literary analysis things which take all the joy out of reading. They serve a purpose for kids who struggle with full comprehension of text but not for most kids.

I didn't realise my kids saying 'oh, mummy isn't feeling well, we need to go play down the other end until she feels better' was such a massive responsibility, let alone teaching her how to use a phone in case of emergencies. So, your kids don't learn how to call their father in emergencies until they're teenagers? I've never gotten to the point of requiring that phone call to be made, it's just part of our plans so that she feels safe and in control of any situation that occurs, it's independence. And there's no 'watching them there', it's a child-safe room, they go, they play just like they play every day, only difference is this time they don't have the option to come colour at the dining table or play outside until I'm better. They can be down there playing happily for hours on good days without an issue. This is just a matter of 'you need to play here for an hour' instead of 'you have the option to play here'. Little else changes. The chance of a child getting seriously hurt in that room is very slim... it's only ever happened once (on a good day) and in that case, Eldest knows I am likely to be able to force myself into stability for long enough to deal with the emergency (at later harm to myself, but obviously in that instance it's necessary). Child safe house, child safe room... it's not like they're off lighting matches. Unless I'm having a serious episode (20 mins max) I am still able to hear them and respond to emergencies, and they are safely contained in a room full of toys and books and soft things and fun, and at almost no risk of harm. As for emotional stability, I made pretty clear I didn't want or ask for that and she is never required to do it, so there's no responsibility there. She chooses to try help when she feels capable (and chooses not to when she does not) because she cares for me and wants to, but it is never ever expected and that fact has been emphasised frequently. I responded because it helped me to work through this and because I hoped to offer some encouragement to the lurkers I know are reading but not responding publicly. I don't need to justify the situation though, I am choosing to. Fact is, if I were worried I would be turning to the people who have spent time in my home, people who have seen some of my episodes, people who actually know the situation, rather than people who seem to know exactly what is happening based off a few online posts. I've spoken to therapists about this situation, I have people in my home frequently who have seen this play out, and these discussions have been had. Things often sound a lot worse described than they actually are in that moment. People who have seen these things and actually been there day to day believe our situation, in action, is fairly ok all things considered. Is it perfect? Of course not, but neither are a whole lot of other families situations. Should only perfect people have kids?:

The best mothers rarely need to justify their ability to parent. They might say it more if they had need to. I never said the issues didn't effect them. Quite the opposite, I'm aware that my issues WILL effect them and have things in place, support, people they can talk to, supervision during bad times, plans and resources and constant reassurance, an open communication and full acknowledgement of how I effect them. There isn't much more I could do short of removing myself from their lives. What would you suggest the answer is? Yeah 10% of the time they're dealing with stuff most kids don't have to deal with, but so do lots of kids, for all sorts of reasons, and I am not ignorant to the effects it has on them, and neither are the others who are involved in my care. I have accounted for that 10% and put everything I possibly can in place, short of removing myself as mother, to mitigate the effect of that 10%. I'm also constantly getting better, I've never gotten worse throughout my healing, with the exception of 4 years ago, after which I launched forward in progress as a direct result of the backslide. Thank you for your concern for my children.

I actually wouldn't travel. I mean, the occasional trip, sure. But we value a stable, grounded life over going one place to another and never settling anywhere. I would hire someone to do more hands on activities. Art, science experiments, that stuff. I'd also hire a music teacher. I suppose my ideal situation would be to do the core subjects in the morning, and each afternoon have someone come in to teach art/music/science/etc. I'd use the money to purchase supplies for the childrens interests and hobbies too.

Thank you for your concern. I have C-PTSD along with assorted related issues, and due to the nature and severity of the trauma I have had multiple medical opinions that I will never be 'normal' or fully recover, all I can strive for is incremental improvements, which I do daily. If you've read my posts on other threads then you have also read that I have a very supportive husband who only works 3 days a week, in part due to his own disability (which does not effect the kids or his ability to parent, only his ability to do hard physical work 5 days a week) and in part to care for me as 3 days alone is about my limit. His hours are also 6-2:30 so he is home before the tired and cranky pre-dinner hours, and I sleep through his first couple of hours away from home. None of this arrangement is by accident. I also have a very close friend who, now and for the past 10 years, has invested serious hours into my care, anywhere from 5-20 hours of one-on-one care each week. We also have someone come in to do house cleaning as a necessity in our budget, to help prevent triggers and to free up time for the kids since my health takes up time. And the one time it all fell apart 4 years ago and I became a genuine danger to my kids, I took myself to the doctor and was honest, knowing he would follow up with CPS. Hardest thing I've ever done as a parent, dobbing myself in knowing they could swoop in and take the kids away from me altogether if they wanted to. But I submitted to all their requirements, the weekly social worker and forced 'support playgroup' and the hospitalisations and the not being alone with the kids for 6 months. By the end of it, I had the approval from child services themselves that our family situation was good, and that was 4 years ago, when I was even worse than now and with younger, more helpless kids. I know I don't need to justify our situation to anyone, but I have nothing to hide, and maybe talking will help me work through some of the guilt in my head right now anyway, guilt that prompted my initial post in the first place. I would hope that my complete openness on here is an indication of my complete openness in person as well. There are half a dozen people who know the details of our situation, and who I trust would step in if things became truly problematic. The children also know who they are and that they may talk to them at any time about anything that concerns them about me and my issues if they, for whatever reason, do not feel safe talking to me. Right now these people acknowledge that my children have a few extra strains on their lives, but otherwise have quite privileged and free childhoods which balance out a lot of the stressors. There are some differences in their lives, and they're certainly more mature than their peers (though, no moreso than our grandparents would have been in their childhoods) but they do not show signs of stress or fear, they are happy, creative, emotive kids. To be clear, the below is worst-case scenario bad spells that I haven't anticipated or planned for. I am never unsupervised during my anniversary week and we have extra support for the kids in the week or two leading up to it, so the below scenarios only happen maybe a dozen or so other days a year. During bad spells, the kids take care of themselves. I have fostered as much independence as possible as young as possible, more than I might otherwise do if I were a healthy parent. The result is that it is less Eldest taking care of her sisters, and more all three kids working together to take care of themselves. Sometimes if I am unwell Eldest makes lunch for everyone (no heat source, she pulls items from fridge and pantry). Eldest and Middle sometimes have to be responsible for Youngest while I am not mentally alert, not ideal, but, the reality of our lives. Having said that, our house is child safe, we have a child safe play room they can be in for hours playing without worry, and due to the early fostering of independence, Youngest (almost 3 now) is quite responsible when she wants to be. She is not the terrible two getting into everything, the worst she will do is empty a package of flour from the pantry or throw shoes everywhere, but there's no crazy life threatening antics happening here as with some toddlers I've heard of, she knows to be careful with glass and not to ever touch certain shelves and cupboards, etc, and harmless messes can be cleaned. Eldest also has pre-discussed backup plans of what to do if Youngest is in a bad mood during a crisis, including TV shows, and phone numbers if daddy needs to come home or the above mentioned close friend needs to be contacted. Eldest sometimes has to get Youngest dressed or cleaned up, or corral them into cleaning up and doing chores, and if I am in crisis mode for more than a few days sometimes they end up with more chores than usual to try keep up (none of us cope well in a messy house, the kids get anxious in clutter). Sometimes when I am unstable I use our code word, or exhibit certain recognised behaviours, and all three kids know that code word or behaviour means go down the other end of the house to the playroom, shut the door, and don't come near me unless there's an emergency, so no responsibility but some stress. Eldest also tries to take on helping me, trying to ground me or care for me when I am unwell, and all three kids are very alert to my needs, but I frequently remind them that my health is not their responsibility and I appreciate their loving concern but I don't expect them to make me better and it's not their fault I am unwell. Oh, and they have to be aware of some of my issues, for example if I am yelling and angry it actually means I'm very scared or triggered, and that if I am actually angry I will talk calmly and seriously, never yell, something they've all internalised pretty well and are rarely upset when I get angry/scared now. Or, knowing not to interrupt me during certain tasks that I don't cope well with being pulled from unless it's an emergency. Having said that, when I am doing ok-ish, their lives are pretty normal and average aside from the still present trigger stuff. We do school, they have normal kid chores, and they know the relevant-to-them trigger issues well enough that they don't come up as an issue. Maybe they pick up one of the things from the list above, maybe I have a bad flashback and they spend an hour in the playroom or Eldest pulls out lunch while I go to my bedroom for an hour. But nothing unmanageable or unreasonable in the opinions of those who supervise and care for me. And when I am doing well, I make up for the bad by putting everything else on hold. We often don't school during good weeks actually, because I spend that time on unit studies and games and cuddles, craft and long conversations. We talk a lot about my health so it's never some big scary unknown thing, but rather a tangible medical issue they can deal with. And when i'm doing badly we make extra time for cuddles, and daddy does special things on those evenings and weekends. We are a very active family, spontaneous project and late night beach trips, lots of family time. Daddy being home 4 days a week instead of two days also helps a lot, I work two of the four days daddy is home, and they get to deal primarily with him those days. Regarding more kids, the kids don't trigger me, the nature of my health issues means that there's no anxiety that more kids would add to, and the nature of the level of care and support I have means that I have a far lower stress load than most mothers of 3+ kids, due to the extra help and DHs part time workweek. More children is unlikely to have any negative effect on my health. On the other hand, all I ever wanted to be was a mother. Having kids stabilised me, grounded me, made me feel I had a reason to live again. I'm happy, and that's a big deal. It gives me someone to focus on outside of my head. And maybe it's not modest to say, but, outside of the mental health issues I do believe I am a good mother. I love them more than words can possibly convey, and I would love more, because this big, happy, noisy, crazy family is all my impossible dreams come true and there's nothing else I would rather do. DH was one of 8, I was one of 5, so I know what we're getting ourselves into but it's what we both dreamed about as children, and the secret dream I held onto long after it seemed I would never be able to live a 'normal' life, what I daydreamed about during long boring days locked away. I guess maybe those sound like selfish reasons, I don't mean them to be. These little lives and all their differences and subtleties are amazing to watch and I am privileged to be a part of them. I love helping to guide them, and seeing them grow and helping them do whatever they want to do. Eldest found her first passion this past couple of months, and seeing her talent, and self motivation and drive once she found something she really cared about has been the most indescribably amazing thing I've ever seen. I never got that opportunity. I want it for them. This is what I feel I was given a second chance for. Not many people from my background get second chances, I wont waste mine. This thread was talking about a certain trait or set of actions that hits home to me, it's one of my biggest insecurities. But like any insecurity or thing we are self conscious of, I think we judge ourselves far more harshly than others would judge us. I feel a lot of guilt and shame for every little thing I can't give my kids, or that I need from them that other parents don't, or anything at all. But as I write all this down in this post, I'm reminded how far I've come, and how many safeguards and plans we have in place. And sure, most kids don't need emergency plans and I feel guilty that mine do, but, maybe our situation isn't as horrible as I sometimes feel it is. This post has reminded me how well we cope and how well the kids are doing despite any issues I might have. Maybe it is that bad to you, maybe I'll get a bunch of concerned people replying to this saying the kids need to be saved from my problems. But, I do have multiple people including at various points therapists looking in on this and saying we are doing well for the circumstances, and maybe it's not perfect, but what family is. We make up for the bad by really living in the good, my kids have learned hard lessons but they've also learned what's important, and while they do have some extra responsibilities, during those they feel needed, important, and appreciated. And 90% of the time, they are normal kids.

I am young earth, however by high school I belive my kids need to know what the other side believes in order to hold their own meaningful opinion one way or the other. I would use the high quality text, and when tbe section on evolution comes up I would incorporate a book on young earth creation into their theology studies, and possibly a short book on the argument for old earth creation too. But I'm apparently odd. I homeschool for faith reasons but, not to shield my kids from the world. Rather to guide them in a more hands on way.

I'm the opposite of many responses. I think they're an important childhood experience, however we generally don't do them. Like you, I'm a victim of some stuff. I remember sleepovers as a kid and some were definitely... not appropriate. But I also think the independence and experience are pretty important. It's a hard position to be in. As it stands, I do not allow sleepovers with any family except one set of great-grantparents (in their 70s, women in my family have kids young) and will not until my kids are nearing teens. The reason for this is that neither side of our family is trustworthy to respect some of our basic parenting ideas, and of the three sets of grandparents (divorce on my side) two have teenage boys in the house who frequently have their own friends over as well (the third is completely estranged). It just isn't happening. As for friends, I would love for our kids to have the sleepover experience, but only with friends we have known for a long time and trust. They wont be allowed to attend sleepover parties with assorted kids. I might allow a church organised and adult supervised sleepover where there is organised activities or something like that, and one person sleepovers with a close friend are ok, but, basically, I want to avoid the overnight unsupervised environment with children I, as the parent, am not very familiar with, and especially with the large group where one child can pull the others down into less appropriate topics. Once they're teens we will reassess.

No doubt the older is a girl. The younger could go either way

You think the work that went into making the business succeed and grow doesn't mean anything? That's how a business works, he has generated an earned profit through hard work. As long as the investors got any money which was promised to them, if the remaining money is still more than 50% then that just means this person, with no resources of their own, did an amazing job creating something out of nothing and earned the value they created. The investors did not create value, they put a designated value in, in return for a designated value out. Regardless of whether the person put monetary capital in, every action which created the surplus value was theirs, and they earned it. There would be no surplus value without their work. The investors didn't do the work, he did. This is kinda how businesses work... I'm not sure I understand the question or how anyone would deem it unfair for someone to earn the value they created.

I'm so sorry. I want a large family, at least a couple more (or a couple more than that...). But once i'm done I want to be done. I knew before I even married that I DID NOT want to have a baby at 40 (no offence to those who do, it's just personal preference. I was overjoyed to be pregnant with my first at 18 where many would be horrified at the loss of their young adulthood). Probably the latest I would want to give birth is 35. I gave up my 20s to have children young, and for me the trade off of that will be teens to help when I'm in my 30s, no more little ones in my 40s, and moving on to the next stage of my life in my 50s. That sounds cold typed out, it's not, I love being a mother. But I had no child-free adulthood. There's things I look forward to doing once I have older kids, and once my kids are grown, things other people got to do when they were in their 20s like travel. A surprise baby is a huge fear of mine. Thankfully, while we do have some religious convictions in this area, a vasectomy is not a problem to us, and we may even consider doing something with my body to be doubly safe. All that is to say... I understand your feelings of fear and anger and sadness. You're living my nightmare right now, you don't need to feel ashamed of being upset, or guilty about not being happy enough. It's not 'proper' to speak about, but, as you can see here, a lot of people would feel the same way you do.

At 5th grade, I would expect last minute plans, and frequently did the same. I had a friend who I would go to for a day, and then ask my mum if I could stay a second day, and then without fail we would ask for her to sleepover at MY house the following day. Our parents began expecting it lol. For younger kids it's a bigger ordeal, but, by 5th grade I'd expect them to mostly take care of themselves. If their room is a mess thats their problem, if you're out of breakfast food she could make do on whatever your kids were going to eat (we grew up working class, cereal for dinner during a sleepover was not a strange thing) Having said that, you get the last say and the mother should not be miffed about it. Just make sure that her kiddo didn't tell her that you'd already said yes or anything like that.

I have no doubt the choice of name was intentional by youtube. Maybe they thought they were directing traffic away? lol

An hour per grade is the general guide I've heard until high school, so 5 hours for 5th is right on track if you're including everything.

I'm making baked sweet potato for the first time. Gone to pull them out to realise I've left them a little long in the pantry. The skins are wrinkled and dry feeling and maybe a little soft to the touch, however there appears to be no actual soft sports or mould and no sprouting either, just dry and wrinkled outsides. Can I still bake these and get a good product? I have no normal potatoes or other alternate starches to go with the roast.

I don't eat breakfast, always hated it. My kids don't have breakfast until an hour or two after waking up. I've seen more studies saying it mightn't be a vital as first thought. I'd let it go so long as he's not having sugary junk before lunch to make up for it.

The little stuff that goes into being part of a family is part of growing up. For me, though, the big stuff is a concern in our household. I think it comes down to need, appreciation and desire. At least two of these needs to exist for the 'big jobs' to be acceptable, in my opinion. Need - Is there a need for the child to do the task, does the child feel a genuine purpose in it? A child who makes dinner every night while their parent watches TV will feel neglected and overworked. A child who makes dinner every night while their mother is ill and their father cares for a disabled sibling may well not, but rather feel the same positive feelings we feel when we genuinely help someone who needs it. The elder of two children may resent dressing and cleaning the younger while mother goes out to work. But in a large family, helping to dress and bathe the younger kids while mother cares for the baby and get dinner ready is quite normal and acceptable. None of us as adults likes doing busywork for other people who should be responsible for it, but most of us would be very happy to help someone struggling to get it together. We wouldn't go clean a childless friends house while they watch TV, but most of us would feel blessed to have the opportunity to clean a friends house who had just lost a baby and was struggling to cope. Kids feel similarly. Where is the line where a situation becomes needful? That's trickier to determine I think. Appreciation - Does the parent recognise that it is their role being filled by the child, NOT the child's role? Does the parent shower the child with praise for going above and beyond? Does the parent treat the child as an equal in this area, give them autonomy? Are there special privileges or returns for the work being done? I heard of a lady who was bedridden for months, her children took over everything, but there was no resentment because the line, that it was her job the children were taking over and not the children's ultimate responsibility, was never crossed, and because she showered them in appreciation for everything they did for her. Desire - Sometimes a kid genuinely WANTS to do something, and that's great. My eldest seems to have taken on the job of making breakfast for her sisters, she enjoys it, doesn't even feel like it's a chore. In that instance, go ahead and do it! She is also excluded from other morning chores because she has already done that, so, despite her desire I still treat it as a chore done so she does not feel taken advantage of in the future by doing that big job and then all the other chores alongside her sisters. This is a sensitive topic for our family. I am severely mentally ill and at times barely functional. During certain bad weeks, my children take on a LOT of responsibility. Other weeks, I take back everything I can aside from the normal childhood chores. And unfortunately, while I try to avoid it at all costs, parent care comes up as well. Not because I ask for help, but because my kids love me and want to help me and feel helpless if they can't assist. I can't expect them to help me, but I can't refuse to let them either, it helps them feel in control of a sometimes powerless and frightening situation. I hope they don't resent me in years to come, I hope I show enough appreciation and keep the lines clear enough. I emphasise to eldest that it's not her responsibility to make me feel better emotionally, that if she would like to help she can do x, y and z but that if she doesn't that's ok and not her responsibility. And I try to make the extra jobs things they like doing and keep my energy for the things everyone hates. It's hard though.... it's a balance and I'm always worried about asking too much.

Eldest finished 100EZ last year, really worked well for us, I appreciated the format and my kids responded well to the style. We went from there to little bear books, then frog and toad, dr seuss, and then a normal early chapter book kind of progression after that. ETA: Just went back and read the above responses. Eldest struggled and slowed down a lot once we hit lesson... 55ish I think (whatever lesson where the number of lines to read practically doubled in one jump. Was it a cat story?). We moved to splitting lessons in half, and took a total backtrack to the early lessons for awhile to get better fluency with CVC words, before finishing up the curriculum. We found the curriculum shot beyond her abilities around lesson 80 as well, the sections were just too long. That's why we ended around lesson 80 and went to little bear books, rather than finishing and jumping straight into magic tree house as some people have been able to. The learning curve gets steep at the end and I think a lot of families jump off wherever it gets too hard, but that's fine because 100EZ lays a great initial foundation for both child AND parent that, from there, supervised reading and practice seems to be enough. She can now read at a 4th or 5th grade level by lexile, though her reading for enjoyment is more around the mid 2nd grade level, which I am quite happy with. Definitely take it at your childs pace. my second is racing through the early lessons right now, we're at 26 I think, but I know she's almost certainly going to hit a wall around 40 or so, at which point I'll suggest a break and then probably restart by doing 20-40 again in a few months time. Try not to see it as a set, 4 months curriculum. We jumped back and forth a lot, sometimes doing 3 lessons in a sitting and sometimes doing half of one.

I had a cheap one and it never did things well, it didnt cut nicely at all, using it for prep was impossible. I got rid of it and never looked back. But, then, DH talked me into buying a nice, expensive fancy one and WOW. If you're cooking small portions it's not worth it, but I generally make food in bulk, at least a double and often a triple recipe, and I add a LOT of veggies in. So a single recipe might call for 6 onions, 12 carrots, 3 bell peppers, a couple of leeks, maybe some beans or shredded spinach.That's a lot of cutting. But this good quality food processor actually slices really, really well. Better than I can. Peel and quarter the onions, cut the bell peppers into rough sections, dump them in the bowl and pulse a few times. Slice carrots in quarters lengthways, slice leeks in half, scrunch up spinach, and feed it all through the slicer disk (or the grater sometimes). SO much time saved. I also use it to make cauliflower rice, a million times quicker. Grating cheese or carrots... slicing snow peas into fine shears... grating apple for salad or baking... all sorts of things. I don't do any dough or anything. I've done banana ice cream but it seems very rough on the blades so I don't often anymore. Mine is pretty much exclusively for vegetable slicing, dicing and shredding and so worth it. But if you don't eat the same quantity of fresh veggies as our family there would be very little point.

Yep, pretty much that. Thank you for sharing

I am equally concerned for her, I believe my previous posts and genuine offer of help as someone actually in the country display that just fine. But I also don't think trading one life for another is so clear cut. Choosing to put a child back into abuse and an environment which will almost certainly result in very poor outcomes because they acted out their trauma in the 'wrong way' is also a heart wrenching decision not made better by people who act as if foster kids can be returned like an unwanted puppy, and act bewildered that anyone might feel a sense of loyalty or selfless concern for the child beyond their own health. You didn't just say that she should return the child, you said you could not even understand why the boy was still there at all, which shows a total lack of empathy or emotional understanding of the situation. Maybe it's a difference in system, maybe residential homes are good there or something. Here, in my experience (different state but sounds like a similar situation), they're just holding pens before the kids move on to juvenile detention or the street. I don't think Melissa deserves to be criticised for being willing to give everything to try and protect the full blood brother of her children from that fate. I agree that she cannot give everything and sacrifice herself and her family for him. I've made that clear already. But I also understand that it's impossible to just ignore the consequences of her choice to send him back, which are huge. As someone who owes everything in their life to a person who was willing to do similar to what Melissa is doing now,, for as long as she feels she can handle one more day I will offer encouragement in that, while reminding her that when she can no longer do it (ad that sounds like soon in this case) it wont be her fault, and every day she fought for him will matter in the end.