Seasider
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Posts posted by Seasider
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Yes, but lots of windows on the main level. Most importantly, windows in different walls help eliminate glare. Like, it's better to have two windows, each on a different wall, that two windows on the same wall. Make sense?
Agree with the comment above about reflective surfaces and good lighting with bright bulbs, lamp shades that direct light well, that sort of thing.
ETA nine foot ceilings. So higher than some, but not as high as others.
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Yes, I would. New doctors often know of new developments in medicine.
Especially if they have connections with a university/research center.
I wouldn't be afraid to ask, though, if/who he might consult with when his patients have complicated cases and he needs some insight from an experience perspective.
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Just be glad it isn't an adult family circle of friends. We deal with either our smaller group of grandparents and dd's aunt and uncle or else we have to have all of dh's aunts and uncles because they all talk to each other and you just can't invite one set without the others.
We deal with something similar. It's frustrating. Everything has to be "the gang's all here."
I love them all, but I'm not always up for a large crowd. When they're all over at once, I find I do more hostessy stuff and less actual visiting. The smaller groups allow more personal interaction.
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Oh America, I miss you.
I have to trace my pan and cut out circles myself. Freaking dark ages over here!
🤪
lol I just use coffee filters. One for a standard drip pot spreads out to about an 8" circle.
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You're tired.
It's legitimately okay to say "I'm tired tonight. We had a rough night last night. We're going to bed early, I'll catch you guys another time."
I bet a good night's sleep will help with your perspective.
go to bed early and reconnect in the future. It;s not about your friends and their decision, whether right or wrong. I'd venture to say you're running into the exhaustion of parenting a special needs kid.
I think if you go tonight and it pops out, you are so tired that it will not go the way you hope it will and you may hurt your friends, feel that you made a fool of yourself, or just simply not address it in the way that you would prefer to do so.
I vote that you take the evening to rest. Not because you're over sensitive or your kid is oversensitive. But because you're worn out and won't be at your best.
ETA: I just read that you need to get out. I think it's ok for you to tell your friends you need some time alone tonight, like at the library or go out for coffee alone.
⬆ï¸Wisdom
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I actually use one of the produce drawer bins in my fridge to hold the washed salad. I like to spin that much at once and doesn't go bad when dried well.
I do have an extra fridge, though, so I can afford the space. Not much more space that an entire salad spinner takes up, tho, gotta say.
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OP, you could be proactive. Invite your friend and her daughter over for a special play date, make some cupcakes, make your own little intimate party. Or plan a special field trip with treats. That will be an example to your son about being the one to initiate the celebration of another, instead of waiting on an invitation to be part of someone else's event.
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Hide it.
Charge whoever breaks it a replacement cost.
I'd like to have a bigger one. A big electric one. Is such a thing available?
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Probably mentioned upthread already, but there are same-day-read places so you don't have to wait for results for days/weeks. Might want to call around and see if there are any in your area.
Also, I'm not much of a drinker but we do have a clinic that has evening appointments. I have learned to have have my husband drive me and have a small glass of wine first. Not the bravest approach, but it gets the job done.
Whatever the results, knowledge is power.
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When I set up the Iphones, I made it so that everything that comes through a child’s phone also comes through mine. So I see every text and every phone call, etc. I am also on all social media accounts as friends, followers, whatever.
Some would call it overly snooping. Too bad. Before DD17 went to college, she was an online personality. My snooping was part of the plan to keep her safe. And then now, with her being younger and away at college, it gives DH and I some comfort in knowing she is safe and meeting good friends.
Her 18th birthday is coming up and one of her gifts is to get her off my phone. If she wasn’t responsible, or if at any time she becomes irresponsible, I will change the phone back.
I am glad to know this is an option and will investigate it when the next phone upgrade comes around. Thanks!
Everyone else, I'm still reading, taking it all in. I appreciate you all sharing about your experiences and what works well for your families.
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Sorry. I didn't read the rest of the thread. I can delete my post if you prefer.
No need to delete! It's a convoluted situation, convoluted issue.
We do need to train our kids to use tech wisely, because this is their world. But as a weary parent, I'm saying I don't want to do it *today*. Or maybe not for another year.
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A friend posting a private text to social media is not a social media problem. That is a friend picker problem.
And 100s of text notifications per day? Again that isn't social media.....that is a moderation issue.
I don't believe we can turn back the clock on social media and texting. Just like with any tool, some will misuse it. My nieces have gotten in so much trouble with their smart phones.....my boys? Very little issue. Neither of them post to social media although they do look through IG at friends posts.
Our boys had phones at 12 but that had more to do with them going off to visitation....if we had not needed to r each them during those times we would have delayed phones for a few years. My son got a smart phone at age 14. And that is the last phone I have bought or will buy for him.
The social media is not the problem.
The social media exacerbates the problem. Thought I'd made that pretty clear. If not - well, I just did.
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Stop putting words and motives into my 16 year old daughter's mouth. She snorted because she thinks it is funny when I ask her things based on what I read on the board. I know that you don't like me but leave my daughter out of it.
Jean, I like you! But I did get the same initial feeling as unsinkable from the post you shared about your dd's response... that y'all thought my kid and her friends must be...stupid.
I am glad you clarified her position, thank you.
Cyberspace - the imperfect medium.
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I would so much more enjoy just giving it away. Seriously.
BUT since I still have bills to pay, I'd consider investing in some property to use as airbnb units.
Or, start a small business incubator, providing office space and receptionist services for a small monthly fee and some reasonable share of future earnings/guaranteed participation in an IPO when the businesses take off.
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I just saw your OP, so glad the visit went well!
What a blessing you are to each other, in processing all you've been through.
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In 2o minute I am going to a seminar by Ann Steel, a national expert on this very topic. She is presenting to our whole parish. She no longer does private practice, but she was the counselor who helped our family out of the pit dug by technology.
Here is the invite I sent to some people I hope will come. Edited to make it purple.
I hope you can find time to come to this meeting with Ann. She was instrumental (as were people in this parish) in helping us understand and deal with technology issues in our family. What we found is that although as parents, we “did everything right†(we did), it wasn’t enough and we got caught.
We are living in a world that is beyond our historical understanding, and the millennials and those younger are the canaries in the uncharted coal mines. (If you do not understand the canary/coal mine analogy, check at the bottom of this email.)
Yes, I care a lot about this. If you got this email from me, you know why I am. If you have kids you care about, if you want to be able to come alongside others who are struggling with technology issues (their own or of loved ones), if you want to understand the issues around technology better, please come. One young mother of children under the age of 5 has told me that she faces criticism from her friends for “depriving†her children of iPads and so on…and I’ll bet she is not alone. We need the information that Ann can provide so we know how to stay tech-healthy.
Ann is a terrific speaker, and she will give you a lot of ideas and information that will provide clarity and ballast for decisions we need to make for ourselves and for our family. She is not scare-mongering, but providing data and help.
It is interesting to me that it is the millennials who are developing technologies to help deal with … (wait for it) ... technology. They have seen their own youth stripped away from them and they don’t want it to happen to others. There’s some pretty great stuff happening out there…it’s not all doom and gloom.
Thank you for your consideration in reading this mail. I really hope you can make it on Saturday.
Your friend,
Patty Joanna
Re: canary in the coal mine: To make sure that they were not about to enter a coal mine containing deadly gasses, miners would send in a canary first. If the canary died from gas poisoning, they knew they could not enter the mine. Too many of our children (and some elders) are being lost as canaries in the technology mines.
Wow! I wish I we're there to attend!!!
Does she have published materials? I would love to learn more about what she speaks to. Any link appreciated.
Party Joanna, I am sorry that you've had to suffer to come to this point. But I am grateful for your voice on this issue.
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Yeah, see, in a really big city, where we are, it's been impossible to give ds daily in person contact with his friends, some of whom live hours away on public transport. And kids in our city don't phone each other. Idk why, they just don't. It's social media or school, for ds' mental health - and honestly? On a cost-benefit analysis, sm wins.
My girls used to do the letter thing, but again, there's a big gap between what kids were doing ten years ago, and how teens are communicating now.
I absolutely do not judge those who avoid social media. I would like social media to go away, and for teens these days to pick up the landline and call instead, or for us to live close enough to friends that they can walk to each other's houses every day, just like I did when I was a teen.
It's complicated.
I get this, Sadie. Isolation can be emotionally harmful to many personality types. My oldest would have been just fine. A couple of my others would have suffered without social connections. We have been fortunate to have proximity to irl fellowship. I realize that's not the same for everyone.
We do the best we can wherever we find ourselves, right?
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I gave my kids cell phones and let them get social media as young teens. 13ish. I regret it. It hasn't been a good thing in their lives. I've always thought that conversations about being safe, about making wise decisions, would be good enough. But there's a whole world out there influencing your child that you don't even see because you aren't digging through every nook and cranny of their phone.
Thank you for sharing this. I used to feel guilty about possibly invading privacy but have learned to stop feeling bad. This is my child, and I am still actively parenting.
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I would make a huge gigantic fuss with the school and the team.
You can't punish a kid because he refuses to sell out his family members and give away their privacy.
Businesses aren't allowed (unless they inform you when you give it to them) to give away your email address and contact info to other businesses or entities to solicit you. It's actually illegal. To force kids to do something that most people recognize as so wrong that they have made it illegal for businesses to do is a stupid double standard and bad messaging.
As for what to tell your DS - tell him that he doesn't have the right to decide who contacts or doesn't contact his friends and family to solicit money. They didn't give him their contact information with the expectation that he would give it to a stranger to send them spam, and he cannot, morally, give away their private information like that.
Brilliant!
OP, all you have to do now is hit the print button!
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I agree, it's sort of a spamming campaign.Honestly, I don’t think coaches should be permitted to require students to provide other people’s private information.
Is the school administration aware of this? I can’t imagine that this sort of thing is allowed. I would be very tempted to call the school principal and let him or her know what I think of this situation!
I remember a thread about this very thing a few years back. OP, maybe you could search for that one, too, for insight.
FWIW, a lot of people have "burner" sort of email accounts these days, accounts they rarely even monitor to share for marketing junk. It's got to be really crowded out there in cyberspace!!!
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This seems almost more related to friend choices than texting itself. Maybe it's more about cutting off the texting relationship with certain kids. I agree that not all relationships are fit for the kind of constant interaction that texting involves.
Our kids can't have their phones on at school, during baseball/dance, during dinner, or in their bedrooms/overnight. What that leaves is the spaces in between, and my kids do text a ton during that time, but it's not a problem for us because we have clearly portioned off phone-free times.
And their friends are healthy (enough).
Yeah, I am wondering to some degree on the friend choices, honestly wouldn't see what happened as cyber bullying but more a lack of maturity (that one particular friend is, imo, somewhat attention seeking, but not mean). It's just frustrating that in the old learning curve of peer relationships - that we've navigated with all our older kids - there's a new span with social media. I'm just stretched by it in ways I wish I weren't, kwim?
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But that's how kids communicate these days. How will your kid keep in touch with her friends?
Back in the day, parents groaned because teens spent so much time on the phone talking to friends. I wrote hundreds of letters to my friends.
Texting is just another tool. Young people always had the desire to communicate. I don't see what is wrong with having lots of messages per se. I can see concerns if there is bullying, but that is about the content , not the vehicle, of the conversation.
I would have no problem with a reasonable level of communication. In the day of the landline - which I would happily reinstitute - we weren't allowed to hang on the line 24/7, constantly with an ear to a group conversation. We saw our friends regularly and had normal face to face conversations. We are not stay at home only home schoolers, we get out A LOT. Kid sees friends very regularly, for extended periods of time.
I wouldn't give a stick of dynamite to a person who can't handle a firecracker. I feel like we are still in the firecracker training phase. Group texts blow up, kids are texting all night long, all through times when they're sitting in academic classes, and the responses pile in until there are hundreds of messages. My child might share something in a one-on-one conversation, then have that person share a screenshot in a 15-member group chat. It's insane.
I monitor but try to not be overbearing about the content. But I think it's important because I've had two instances where kids were sharing about self-harm, and someone had to be discreetly notified. I am worn out and frankly concerned that my tender-hearted kid is accepting too much emotional baggage from the constant stream of thought messaging from an age group of kids that tends to be on the dramatic side.
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It you have beautiful stained wood, whatever's best for that, but for my painted wood I use a warm water with a little dawn dish soap and some vinegar. I also use a soft toothbrush for the trim ledges.
Next kitchen will have no grease & dust catching embellishments on the cabinet faces or handles, grrr...
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Yep. Based on what we learned from our oldest, we’ve decided not to allow any social media at all. Ever. They have smart phones w texting, but no web browsing and no SM apps.
We have been trying so hard to establish a balance. But yeah, we have come to the decision that there will be no social media accounts in the near future (next couple of years anyway).
My biggest problem right now is the texting. If a friend has a social media account, they can take anything my kid shares in a text conversation and post it on their own social media account. Tough learning curve happening here, about both the consequences of frivolous posting and the loyalty level of friends.
Personally I would love to just completely pull the plug, and can actually get away with that in the short term. But in the world we live in, good habits must be formed, so we will eventually go through this again. I am hoping we can at least get past a couple of drama intense years and on a little more mature, forward-looking level before re-engaging.
I just can't keep stretching thin enough to keep all the bases covered, so I am taking this part of it out of the game. Huge crackdown on texting coming.
I guess if there's a question in this, it would be whether any of you have gone to plans that allow only a certain number of texts per month. I'm thinking one group chat blown up could teach a real lesson there! A kid should not wake up each morning to find hundreds of message notifications.
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A mystery
in The Chat Board
Posted
Hamburg! That's where hamburgers come from, we used to joke with the kids.
Aren't you having some home renovations done, or did? Someone who may have a Hamburg # but doesn't live there anymore - lots of people move and keep a number from the former area code. Maybe your number got into some subcontracter or vendor's contact list, and it just got an accidental pocket dial this morning.
No idea how she'd know the nickname, unless someone overheard it and entered it. Is it a common nickname for people with your first name?