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Seasider

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Posts posted by Seasider

  1. Since they need you, and ignore the boundary, I might try something different than "not-engaging." 

     

    Did you ever watch the old TV detective show, Columbo? Columbo was remarkably effective by maintaining a posture/attitude of being "confused."  And he would pose questions from a confused POV often about contradictions. 

     

    I have found it enormously helpful in life in general. For one thing, it's a humble posture and assumes that you may not have all the facts so keeps you from putting your foot in your mouth in situations in which you were sure your analysis was right... but it wasn't! 

     

    So wrt politics: questions from a learning posture (or a confused posture) such as "I'm confused. How does x fit with y?"  

     

    Another good question is  some variation of "How do you know?" or "How did you come to that conclusion?" "What is your source?"  (but from a curious, not combative posture)  This seems particularly pertinent in today's climate in which, as my ds says, "Each side is operating from a different set of 'facts.' " Getting to the issue of epistemology (how we know what we know) is critical.  "What leads you to believe that Foxnews is Faux News?" Or "What leads you to believe that the mainstream press is all "Fake News?"  How can we be sure what is factually true? 

     

    You can relax and just ask questions, and the answering of questions is likely to cause much more opportunity for reflection than debate anyway. (and the questioning may soothe the "bait you" impulse as the person gets to "teach." However, you are also teaching, but using the Socratic method. 

     

    After a time of questioning and learning , then redirect with some form of WITM's  "Pass the bean dip."  (Have a couple redirects in mind before the visit.) 

     

    If the person is elderly, keep in mind that there is often a loss of filters. There is a loss of social filters, so they may not realize how socially inappropriate they are being. There is also a loss of judgment so people are more susceptible to fake news, faux news, what have you---just like the elderly are more susceptible to scams. Knowing that their mind is not fully functioning the way it would have years ago can help you bear it better than if you think someone is just being a Class A Jerk. 

     

     

    Colombo! I love that suggestion!

    Sneaky Socratic method, LOL.

    • Like 3
  2. Lauren Ralph Lauren, JCrew, Calvin Klein, Ann Taylor, Tahari have formal dresses and gowns that caters to me being short and flat. I do have to go to their outlet stores for lower prices or hunt for a good deal at Macy’s clearance racks.

    The Tahari dresses are gorgeous. Macy's carries them. Downside, they are unlikely to be on sale this time of year with prom season upon us.

    • Like 1
  3. arugula is insanely bitter and peppery to me...blech

     

    Not that anyone asked me, but if you don't like strong tasting veg, I do NOT recommend arugula.

    Arugula goes on pizza! Or paninis! Which are two more excellent ways to get in more veggies.

    • Like 3
  4. To be honest, I'd bear that extra expense for the peace of mind knowing that the mortgage was paid off in a highly documentable way, and that you are free and clear, especially after the instrument going through numerous ownership changes.

     

    TBH, I might even close that account so no further drafts could "accidentally" come out of it, in case they don't get all their i's dotted and t's crossed before the next cycle.

     

    But that's just me. I like lots of proof that I'm no longer obligated financially.

    • Like 6
  5. Not salad, but since you said you love spinach, I’ll share one of my favorite, easy ways to eat it. I like to take a flour tortilla, smear it with some hummus, cover it in spinach, then roll it like a wrap. Yum!

    These are nice little snacky bites when you cut the rolled tortilla into pinwheels.

    • Like 2
  6. What about omelettes?

     

    You can sauté all kinds of veggies, fold them into an omelet, lay a piece of cheese on top and runnit under the broiler just long enough for the cheese to melt. We have these for breakfast, lunch and dinners, any meal of the day.

     

    You can also make a deconstructed omelet by sautéing the veggies and then just scrambling in some beaten eggs, with a little shredded cheese tossed in at the end.

    • Like 2
  7. Agreeing with the don't give up and let them pay a sibling to do it advice.

     

    I did make them do their own assigned chores enough to be sure they knew how to do it - learned that skill - before being allowed to pay someone else to do it.

     

    I was pretty "mean" about tying privileges to chores (aka responsibilities). No computer access, no being chauffeured anywhere, no fun thing they wanted to do until the jobs were done. I made very clear rules and stuck with them. I did not engage in nagging and did not budge with the whining. "You know the rules" on larger, rinse, repeat.

    • Like 2
  8. Hey Night Elf, my grandmother was a fantastic old fashioned cook. She had lots of recipes, but her most beloved dishes were things she made regularly enough to not have to use recipes.

     

    So my cousin went over there one day to watch as she cooked. My cousin had grandma add ingredients as she instinctively would into a separate bowl first, which my cousin measured, recorded, then added to the concoction. This is how some of her best loved recipes got written down and passed down to grandkids.

     

    All that to say, try opening those little packets and bottles into a measuring device before adding them to the dish you are making. That way you could more easily duplicate them.

    • Like 3
  9. I think that would be difficult due to confidentiality issues around minors although I really think if there's a way this needs to be what happens eventually. There is clearly something wrong because foster organisations can't get enough carers and kids are sleeping in motels and too many people that want to help have been burnt.

    Yes, privacy is an issue for sure, but with some workarounds the story could and should be told. This should never have happened to Melissa, and shouldn't happen to anyone else, either.

     

    Also, I'm guessing an investigative reporter could turn up additional stories of coerced placements gone awry and the lack of support the system gives foster families when mismatches become evident.

    • Like 3
  10. Yes, it is earlier. And we will not change back until November. It used to be October and April.

    Hmm. As an advocate for year-round DST, can't say I'm unhappy. But the dark in the morning is a challenge to overcome. I guess it's hard for me anyway, being a night owl, so I'll just resolve myself to do it. Enough with the back and forth, though, I just wish they'd pick one and stick with it.

     

    OP, to make it easier to move about on those groggy mornings, I try to eliminate as much decision-making as possible. The night before I try to set aside daytime clothes and lunch for the next day and have an idea of if there's anything I need to do for dinner before I leave the house for the day. I'll even take my shower in the evening so that I don't have to get a shower in the morning. The less I have to think about it, the easier I can stumble through. And, coffee.

    • Like 1
  11. The latitude is irrelevant. Wherever you are, you would still have the same effect on the first floor regardless of how many stories the house is--1, 2, or 10.

     

    If you live in a one story house, and your neighbor lives in a two story house, the sunlight that hits your first floor will be the same.

    Not necessarily. Balconies, deep raves**, other architectural features make a difference in how much light actually enters the home, even with good windows. And that's just the structure itself, not counting what's outside around it.

     

    OP, I think your question is too general. It's not simply a second floor, there are a lot of factors.

     

    **meant to say eaves. Guess autocorrect wants to party. If you're having a rave I'm certain that would affect lighting! LOL

    • Like 1
  12. Tell him you've decided you want your children to benefit from a higher level of experience and education, and since you've found such an opportunity, they will be transferring to another teacher.

     

    Don't get into specific criticisms, don't name the other teacher, don't get sucked into drama or multiple emails or discussions - and DO thank him for his time.

     

    It's half way through the month, so I assume he's already been paid through March? If not, I would pay him for the rest of the month, but I would not send my children to class again. Let them start with the new teacher ASAP.

    This is how I would handle it but would probably not even explain why. You could just say that you need to discontinue lessons with him; he can chalk it up to your budget, your displeasure, whatever. IF he asked for details, you could then say that a more experienced teacher with a schedule that better suited your needs had contacted you about an open space.

     

    Switch now, get those kids working with their new teacher. Recital season is just around the corner. My kids would be getting their recital music just about now. Picking recital pieces is a sure hook to keep them invested, better to avoid that if possible, to prevent the kids from being disappointed about not being able to play the piece they chose.

    • Like 4
  13. I'm stunned. Who is going to hold them responsible for the emotional damage they are doing ripping a child away from a loving family? :( I assume that's where this is headed? Unbelievable.

     

    ETA: Read that the child is already removed. My God, I'm so sorry. :( You don't deserve this. You know that you don't. :(

    If I have been following Melissa's story correctly, the third child should have probably actually never been placed in her home care, as it was counterproductive to the siblings' healing. But iirc there was a lot of pressure to do so and M eventually said yes (please correct me if I am mistaken!). So, I think we're talking about a questionable placement to begin with.
    • Like 11
  14. And talk about letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

     

    No parent is going to be able to be perfectly demonstrative and loving and have no boundaries of their own; people like that don't exist, and if they do I'm afraid of them. The idea that not being perfectly nurturing in every aspect is equivalent to being unkind (not to mention equivalent to abuse!) is insanity. If that is the standard, they'll have neither foster parents nor real parents left that they find suitable to care for children.

    At the very least you might could go public with your story, in a 60 Minutes sort of way.

    • Like 3
  15. I am so sorry Melissa.

    The "charges" are completely ridiculous. For one, you cannot "require" someone hug someone else. What about your bodily autonomy? Not to mention the implication of having physical contact with a child who may have been trying to gain sexual pleasure in watching you. Hugging him would have been completely inappropriate.

    I believe this is grounds for a counter-suit sort of action on your part. At the very least, you should take legal means to seek the judgement be nullified with no effect on your own biological family and future employment.

    • Like 4
  16. Yeah, I just heard a seriously creepy story about a guy following a woman on the highway and then he called her cell phone and knew her name.

     

    I've got to look for the story.

     

    I think her name was Becca, and he called her and said, "I'm right behind you Becca."

     

    or else my DH got the story wrong...

    😳

    Horrors!

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