I have four teenagers living at home right now (13, 15, 16, 17) . I've found two things to be helpful. When in an active discussion , it can be useful to smile and gently say "Thank you for telling me." ALSO....I've found that communicating via writing notes or email is highly effective. When emotions are omitted and tone of voice...it seems to leave more way for reason. Also, it allows both parties to seriously consider AND reconsider their response. Furthermore, I've found it highly effective to be able to point to what I ACTUALLY SAID and avoid the "He said, she said" kind of thing (well..in my house it's "She said, she said"). My oldest daughter has graduated college and preparing for graduate school. Time goes by so quickly. It's just not worth spending those last few years engrossed in tension and debate if you can avoid it. Hugs...It's not always easy when young adults are trying to find their voice.