From one dairy farm wife to another: I feel your pain :( I could write a book on all our ups and downs, financially and personally but I'll just go straight to the advice that's worked for me:
1. PRAY: God will open a window when all the doors are locked.
2. Stand by your man: Make sure he knows he's your hero no matter what happens. A wife's support means more than he probably lets you know. You're the thread that keeps him hanging on when his world is falling apart.
3. Help him figure out what he would like to do. Herdsman? Work for a custom guy (drive equipment, etc...) If you can sell out of the farm, he could continue something agricultural for a while until maybe he could start up again by himself on a smaller scale. My dh wouldn't like anything but working for himself either but maybe just as something temporarily. Stress the temporary. If there seems like there is no way out because you have tried everything (cutting expenses by growing feed instead of buying, etc... ) Then selling out sooner than later is best. Nothing is a bigger punch than going broke and losing everything.
4. Look into stray voltage if your cow health seems poor despite good management and you think it's the cause of your financial losses. Some electrical companies are good, some are evil to work with, as are private consultants. They can suck you dry of money awfully fast. However, if you are from California like your name suggests, you probably don't have a problem since the wiring is better.
Things I think you shouldn't do:
1. Go organic: To big of a jump and probably a faster fall than continuing what you are doing. All you need is a bad crop year and you can't spray your corn or have bugs eat your hay or you can't find affordable feed... or feed with any nutritional value! Or your calves die from scours and if you treat them you have to sell them (I think the no antibiotic thing is ridiculous about organic.)
2. Try to invest in growing another business such a cheese making. It takes money and time to learn to do yet another thing (farmers don't have much of time or money!)
Sorry if I'm miss negative on those, but those endeavors are usually only successful if the first business is well established.
We don't farm with anybody else so I can't say how to fix that problem without a family feud (can you business-divorce the other half against their will? Then purchase the house from him? Attorney's are expensive...) This may be your biggest obstacle.
Take a deep breath! Atleast you have each other :) Hopefully he can see it that way too. I know it's impossible to get the farm out of the farmboy.