I’ve only ever read about sonker. Maybe I’ll drive down to Surry County this fall to try it.

Cobbler was the thing where I grew up, but I’ve been reading about lots of regional baked-fruit (or cooked) with dough options. What do you like? And post recipes! I bought a bunch of peaches from an orchard in West Virginia yesterday and I’m thinking to make sonker today.

Georgian food done well is so good. So much flavor and creative use of ingredients.

I haven’t been to NYC in years, but it’s one of the few cities in the country with Uyghur food, which is probably new to you. I always recommend laghman as a good intro to the cuisine. There used to be a Dungan place, but it closed last year. I wish I could have gone there because I love Dungan food. Or try other Central Asian places (Uzbek, Tajik, Kyrgyz, for example). Or Bukharan Jewish food (although it’s not particularly distinguishable from most Uzbek food, other than being kosher) in Queens. NYC is a great place to explore Central Asian food without having to make the long, long trip. But you can’t go wrong with any of your listed options either.

Thought of another one. https://www.npr.org/2021/03/20/979303110/firekeepers-daughter-forges-a-new-path-between-cultures-and-genres I rolled my eyes at some of the plot points, but there’s plenty to love from this book. It’s set on Sugar Island and in Sault Ste. Marie. ETA that I just noticed your edit on the original post. I would not recommend this book to you anymore.

I listened to Dawn of Detroit recently and thought it was excellent. It’s nonfiction. https://thenewpress.com/books/dawn-of-detroit

No, it's not wishcasting. But to me, a goal to now lay out the strands more equally doesn't necessarily promote healing from past trauma and violence. It's certainly better than what we've been doing, and it's not just "both sides," but it's not enough. Yes, Thomas Jefferson was many things, good and bad. But most of our history has been spent talking about the good and actively suppressing the bad. I don't think it's enough to simply add in strands about Sally Hemings or James Hemings to Jefferson's life. That helps, but because there is so much momentum behind the "good" narratives, I think we need to spend more time on the difficult narratives to make sure they actually are getting the attention they deserve. It's not something we'll ever be done with. The "both sides" thing pushes the idea that if you tell two sides, then you're done. Multiple strands takes more work, but it also can come with the idea that it can be finished if you add in a few more hard stories. I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, just thinking through what Sneezy's words and your words feels like to me. (Also thinking about the historical site I visited yesterday with lots of interpretative signs. There are now a few signs that talk explicitly about the people who were enslaved at the site. Their work built and maintained the place for over 60 years. The interpretation is not a both sides things at all, and they have worked to widen the storyline. But most of the signs and interpretation are still about the white people who lived there even though most of the people who lived there were not white. One of the three signs mentioning people who were enslaved used a drawing that was very stereotypical. More strands are there, but the white narrative still dominates.)

I don’t have any ideas for large-scale shifts in how we talk about our national history, but if we start telling our own family and community histories differently, that would help to shift broader narratives. For example, most national, community, and family stories ignore the violence that white people, including their ancestors, directed toward Native Americans. My ancestors were part of that. Maybe they weren’t shooting anyone (although my husband’s ancestors were), but at the very least they got practically free land in the western US when they immigrated in the 1870s. Except it wasn’t free since it had very recently been violently taken from the Shoshone nation. What if we actually told those stories too, in family and community histories? Not just mentioned them, but really were aware that they happened? And listened to the family and community stories of the people whose nations and lives were destroyed? And listened to the stories of their descendants who are just as much part of the US? Or what about slavery? My ancestors mostly arrived after the Civil War ended and my religious/ethnic community mostly didn’t participate in the practice of slavery. Dh’s ancestors did, but his family stories don’t talk about that. In one branch of the family, I’ve found the names of over 100 people who were enslaved by his ancestors (and many more who were unnamed). These weren’t huge plantation owners, but small-scale enslavers who usually enslaved fewer than 10 people who were usually related to each other (and were, in every single case, separated from their family members at some point). If dh only knows the “good” stories about his ancestors and doesn’t know the “bad” stories, he doesn’t really know his history and he’s less likely to care about the stories of people who Every white American has to deal with the legacy of violence that was directed toward Native American nations. All of our stories are based on that. For many white Americans, our stories are based on or influenced by our history of enslavement. Starting from the ground up to change the narrative, rather than trying to work from the top down, could help people hear and accept new stories.

Immigration is different from asylum, and both are different from refugee arrivals. They each have different laws governing them, and each applies to different people. International law has a greater effect on refugee and asylum law, and the US violates asylum law most egregiously. A lot of attention is focused on asylum seekers, but they make up a rather small number of non-US citizens who are granted the right to live permanently in the US. “Between FY 2012 and 2021, nearly 280,100 people were granted asylum. Chinese were by far the largest group, accounting for 23 percent of all asylum grants during the decade.” As a comparison, just under 500,000 immigrant visas of all types were issued in 2022 alone. Again, to be clear, immigrant visas and asylum seeking are completely different from each other, but this comparison shows how few people are granted asylum each year - only about 30,000 on average compared to 500,000 who receive immigrant visas. There are also well over a million asylum applications pending, though, because the asylum system is understaffed. People can wait for years for their case to be decided, and they are very often denied asylum. According to international and US law, asylum seeking is very narrowly defined and can’t (and I would say shouldn’t, because it’s not an immigration route, but a method to protect people who face serious discrimination at home) be used to solve the serious deficiencies in US immigration law. But as long as the US views any foreign national as a potential immigrant, and as long as many Americans see the US as a place of scarce resources that must be protected rather than shared, it’ll be very difficult to make significant changes in our immigration law.

I am also not someone who is bothered by people mispronouncing or misspelling my name. Both have happened many times. But I don’t think that people who are bothered by it are unreasonable. It’s a different way of looking at things that isn’t wrong. And it’s simply friendly and polite to try to call people by the name they are comfortable with. And again, context matters. It’s different for me to have my name mispronounced or misspelled when I’m living a relatively privileged expat life in another country or when I’m part of the white Christian majority in the US. It’s something entirely different if it’s just one of many things that reminds you that you aren’t really accepted by your local society.

Several people seem to think that I am advocating for certain beliefs from my daughter’s grandfather, or from anyone else. Instead, we told all of our family members that they can think whatever they want about my daughter being trans, but to please use her preferred name and pronouns. We told them that we hoped they would still want to be around our daughter. That’s it. They don’t need to fly pride flags or call themselves an ally or change their beliefs. They don’t have to accept her decision as right. They get to control whether they call my daughter by her name or if they want to use a different name. We just hope they’ll still love her. (Grandfather has not been interested in using her name and pronouns or interacting with her at all anymore.)

She’s a lot closer to your version of acceptance than I am, but she also didn’t hear what her grandfather said about her when he learned she was trans. But I’ll reframe this. I wish that her grandfather still thought that she is the same person. I think that’s the main place where I disagree with the grandfather. He believes my daughter is a different person now because he prioritizes biological sex over everything else about my daughter. She still makes stupid puns. She still loves to read. She still loves hockey. She still wants a cat. She still is graduating this week with a 4.0 in statistics and just got a 172 on the LSAT. She still loves board games and to play Minecraft with her little brother. But none of that matters anymore because for him, it’s all obscured by this conflict that he sees over her sex and gender. It’s more than words, more than the fact that he thinks it is morally wrong to use her name and pronouns. He can’t see her anymore. I don’t think that the harm caused by not accepting is equal in all cases.

How would trying to accept his worldview actually look like for my daughter, beyond what she has already done? I realize that you don’t know her life, but I’m referring to the fact that she has never challenged him about his beliefs. From your perspective, what would being accepting of his worldview actually look like?

Yes, of course she knows that she can’t control her grandfather or anyone else and like I said, she extends grace when people make mistakes and she has absolutely never been rude to someone who won’t call her by her name or pronouns. What I am hoping for is a little more grace and understanding of her own experiences because I think she realizes better than most people that she can’t control others. It’s really not hard to try. Perfection is hard, but trying is possible for almost everyone.

I don’t disagree, but I also think that others’ mistakes will always been seen in context of a person’s lived experience. My daughter is trans. She knows that one of her grandfathers will never call her by her real name because he’s certain that he knows she’s male. Some people just don’t talk to her anymore because they’re not comfortable with her name and pronouns. Both are isolating in different ways. She also knows that my mom is old and slips sometimes and refers to her by the wrong name or pronouns even though my mom tries really hard and acknowledges and tries again when she makes a mistake. There’s a huge difference between what my mom does and what her grandfather does, of course. But when my daughter has to deal with people like her grandfather who explicitly deny who she is, or with other people who ignore who she is, it wears her down. And even though she knows and gives grace to my mom when she makes a mistake, because she knows my mom is trying, it’s still hard because there are so many other people who aren’t trying. If everyone were in the category of trying but sometimes making mistakes, I think it would be easier to give grace for mistakes. But they’re not, so I can’t place all the burden on my daughter to be nice to others when they accidentally misgender her when, as a society, many people are intentionally misgendering her. The discussion here will have probably moved on by the time I get this posted and others may have made the same point more eloquently, but I wanted to make sure this came up.

We’ve sometimes not been able to choose our seats without paying more up front on long international flights. It’s never turned out to be a problem. We check in online as soon as we can (often 48 hours in advance) and choose our seats then, knowing that we’ll still need to check in again at the airport with our visas. I’d much prefer to sit next to dh, but it’s not that bad if we can’t sit together. And I don’t worry about asking people to move if I need to use the restroom. That’s part of the deal of being in an aisle seat and everyone knows that people get up several times on a 12-hour flight. With a 2-4-2 arrangement, the worst you’ll have is one person to climb over. In the end, it would come down to how much extra it cost and whether we could afford the extra fee and how many of us are flying.

Here are some things that are open on Tuesdays: Larz Anderson House https://www.societyofthecincinnati.org/take-a-tour/ Heritage Trails https://www.culturaltourismdc.org/portal/dc-neighborhood-heritage-trails (especially Anacostia and the Downtown center loop) If you’re not up for a walk, then at least you can do 437 Seventh St NW- Clara Barton office (and read the sign for the story); Ninth and F NW alley- John Wilkes Booth escape; and 604 H St NW- Mary Surratt's boardinghouse I know you’re tired of museums, but the NMAAHC should be required visiting. I’m not sure if you can get tickets the same day in the summer, but it’s worth a try. Civil War sites and forts (Fort Stevens, Civil War Trails in Virginia from Metro) Strivers' Section historic district (brochure) Find some boundary stones https://boundarystones.org

But are these noble ideas really that much harder to find in other cultures or languages, or do Westerners just assume that they’ve only been recorded properly in certain languages like Greek and Latin? Or do we assume that those other languages are too hard to learn? I mean, if you want to read something in the original (dead) language, it’s entirely possible to learn Old Persian rather than Ancient Greek. But we don’t do that, and I think we miss out because of that. If we always rely on ease of access, we continue to reinforce the same ideas rather than getting different perspectives from other cultures. And access to harder-to-find resources will never get better because no one is asking for it. Even when we’re talking about books in translation, where access isn’t an issue, we still prioritize the ideas of dead Greeks. There’s at least a subtle undercurrent that their thoughts were nobler than others.

I did Latin for three years in junior high and have always been glad I did. I don't think that middle or high schoolers should do Latin as their only foreign language (unless they really, really want to), but for me, it was a great way to get started with learning languages even though I mostly have not done Romance languages since then. It was helpful for me to see one way that languages work without having to deal with talking to people. Maybe dead languages are good for introverts.

I’m somewhat less concerned about this if the non-religious one is the normal plate and you have to ask for the religious one. That’s different from being presented with both and having to choose one. It sounds like some DMV employees do present that choice, but it’s not a statewide thing to do that. Thanks to people who checked on that. I still think that plates with religious statements shouldn’t be standard issue in any state. The state where I grew up does that, and I don’t think it’s appropriate. It’s been interesting to read about the groups that are lobbying for religious plates to be standard issue, and how limited their focus is. I mean, they’re not out there lobbying for plates that say Allahu Akbar/God is Greatest even though the underlying religious sentiment is similar.

I’m glad your county isn’t making it a big deal. I do understand that there are two different plates that don’t have an extra charge, but when they are very similar and one has a religious motto on it, it does leave a lot of people feeling like they are making a religious statement no matter which tag they get. Not getting the tag with the motto on it can also end up be a religious or political statement, and that really isn’t something that should be an issue at the DMV. If I were in Tennessee and presented with the two different options, I would choose the one without the motto (even though I personally do believe and trust in God) because I wouldn’t want to make an overt religious statement with my license plate. But I would also realize that it could come across as making a different religious statement by not having that tag. The religious option would serve its purpose better as a specialty plate, in my opinion. Of course, the groups that push for religious mottos in public spaces don’t have the same goals about religion and Christianity that I do.

I completely agree, Mercy. I’m not necessarily opposed to religious plates as speciality plates (goodness knows there are some really niche specialty plates out there) that cost extra, but I can’t understand why they’re standard issue options in many states now. Tennessee’s system is another level entirely, however, to make everyone get new plates and the only options without an extra charge require people to make a religious statement.

Coming back to thank everyone for their great ideas. We tried runzas, pork tenderloin sandwiches, toasted ravioli, Kansas City BBQ, and more pepperoni rolls. Plus lots of ice cream. Ds liked runzas best, which surprised me since he's not into cabbage. But I don't think there's much cabbage in there. It was a good way for ds who has mostly lived overseas to learn about immigration to the US (and how big it is). We were planning to go into Ohio to visit the Serpent Mound, but it was closed on Monday so we had to skip that and the Cincinnati chili. We tried to visit another mound site in Kentucky, but the road was randomly closed. Another trip, I guess, and we'll have to include Chicago on that one. I grew up in the western US, so fry bread is normal for me, although this reminds me that I haven't made it in a while. We tried to get a hot brown in Louisville, but we ran out of time so we decided to make it ourselves when we got home. I'm wondering if a regional/state cooking thread/challenge would be fun?

No matter where I live, I try to find markets or stores that will mark down or give away their sorry-looking but delicious produce. I’ve made so many good things from that produce. In lots of places, they’ll give me ideas of ways to use a couple of bruised tomatoes or cabbage hearts or vegetable stalks. I love that.

I’ll be home soon and then I can make some traditional salsa.