Jump to content

What's with the ads?

Rose in BC

  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by Rose in BC

  1. Yes I did think about inviting them. I don't think they'd be able to afford a trip to us. It means two flights each way to get to our place. But I can offer. Thanks for the ideas. I told my dh tomorrow I have to snap out of the serious funk I was in today. I'm not doing anybody a favour.
  2. We're feeling a bit forlorn today. I can't seem to accomplish anything (well I did clean bathroom). My ds visited my adult niece yesterday. For six hours. With his birth sister and her boyfriend. My sister popped in for about half hour to see him. My sister called to say he looks fine. He told her " it's weird visiting here without Rose". Seriously he called me Rose to my sister. I'm having a really hard time with that one. I'm trying to remember he's a young kid and that his newly found family was in room but none the less, it hurts. Later my niece called me. She said the visit went well. They had arranged to meet in a local park. Was going to invite them over for supper. They were able to have a serious discussion but always with sister and her boyfriend in room. Long story short, my niece is getting a feeling he doesn't want to come back home. (I told her to be honest with me. We've been through so much we're prepared for anything). She doesn't know that, just her gut. (Well he did ask my niece what his legal rights were.) My niece also mentioned that sister seemed balanced and did sometimes side with when he complained about us, she'd back us up as parents making best choices possible. My niece actually thinks my son is more interested in relationship with the sister than the mom. He will be in same town as my niece for another week he said. They're going to get together again. Our circumstances are so difficult. It'd be easy to say make him come home. It would not necessarily be best decision for safety of our family (remember RAD). It's kind of we're damned if we do, damned if we don't situation. (And btw, we couldn't make him. If he doesn't want to, apart from police restraint (which wouldn't improve our relationship), he wouldn't come with us.) Couple that with a short video I watched on their FB site, apartment was a huge mess, and dh and I are feeling a bit hopeless. And I can see why he's hesitant to move back. He doesn't have a great reputation here, he's struggled with us his whole life....there its a clean slate. A fresh start. (In his mind.)
  3. School starts after labour day. You are all very kind. Truth is we're flying by the seat of our pants. Who really knows what the right thing to do is? I had one day this week where I obsessed with getting in the car and going to him. At this point my dh and I agree we need to allow him to stay until he comes to the point of recognizing he needs to come home.
  4. Thanks for thinking about us. Our boy is still not home but I did have a pretty good conversation with him two nights ago. My favourite line of our talk...."um mom (aka birth mother), my mom wants to know.....". At least he still calls me mom. :) He told me he was heading to a town two hours away from where he is with his birth sister. My sister lives there. He did make contact with my niece (his adult cousin) and told her he wanted to visit her. I think this will happen this weekend. He has discovered a few family traits including the fact that all his siblings suffer from same stomach issues as he does. He had a rip roaring fight with one sister....fighting is his mo for handling stress at our house. He told social work he will return in time for school. (He's the only one of my kids not homeschooled.. Well he was until grade 8.) So we're hanging in...some days easier than others.
  5. Thanks for your kind words. I'm not sure I'm handling's so overwhelming its hard to even think it all through. We couldn't force him to come home if we wanted me when I say a child with RAD is not your typical child. Plus if we did successfully get him home before he wanted to, our life would be hell....he'd make sure of it. Honestly I've been wondering what life will be like upon his return. Will it be better or will things be worse than before (which is hard to imagine). Last night I sent several "I love you and miss you" messages. Today on Facebook birthmother and adult birth sister had posts about how complete their lives are now that he's part of their lives and how much they love him. I almost wondered if he said something positive about us and they were reacting. It's painful. And confusing. And honestly we don't always really know what to do. No instruction book with this situation.
  6. No real news except my (adult) niece chatted with him on Facebook yesterday. He told her he'd be going home in a few weeks. I had a very busy week which effectively allowed me to bury my head in the sand :). One positive ('cause you have to see the silver lining), we've had a good week with our eldest son who has FASD and a mild intelectual disability. We've had tough days with this boy...different tough days than with our youngest son. Our eldest ds is very attached but his special needs really affect his ability to make good choices. Anyway, he's been home alone with us (dd is on a youth trip) and that's resulted in a pretty good week. My struggle right now is wrestling with the thought "could it be better for ds with his birthmother?" Rationally the answer is no, but I can't help but wonder if he has peace with this connection. No real way of knowing for certain because of limited conversations. So my mind plays in overdrive. It's still all quite surreal at times.
  7. Some happy news tonight. I was away on a business trip but tonight when I got home there was a voice message from son. No one was home at the time he called. He said he wants to stay at least one more week. That's way better than I imagined (although it will likely be more than a week, it seems he's still thinking of home). I texted him saying how good it was to hear his voice. I know he called because no matter how much he has "hated" us ...he has a need to talk with me. It's been his MO his whole life. (And we seems to communicate the best via phone :).) A glimmer of happiness. I'll take it. :)
  8. Thanks...I'm tired tonight so kind of sad. I look back at our years as his parents and there's so much we cold have done different/better....we really were ignorant to his special needs FASD, RAD, ODD, until very recently. We just kept thinking we had to learn new parenting techniques...we failed him in so many ways. But we told him every day that we love him and we're his forever family through thick and thin. On a neat side note our dd also adopted, went on a youth trip four provinces over. The group went to do volunteer work. On her first day she texted saying "mom you'll never guess what job I got. Working with FASD adults! I was raised to do this...literally." (We have two FASD kids.). How awesome is her attitude! Btw my sisters and best friend agree with your comments that the longer he's the there the more likely he'll get a taste of reality. Or maybe he'll love his new reality. :(
  9. I don't have much to report. I'm getting a funny/sinking feeling though ...he's not in a rush to come home it seems. :(.
  10. Hmmm, that makes a lot of sense. That's a good perspective. Thanks.
  11. Thanks for this awesome post. Follow my head, not heart is the best advice (not easy to do). I chuckled at your comment about not having to deal with his attitude. So true. Of course I do have two other teens including one other FASD boy, who still give me plenty of attitude :). But nothing competes with a RAD child :).
  12. I have no update from social services. I'm guessing they may not have gone until Friday afternoon and by the time they updated our local worker maybe it was too late in the day to call us. I will call them first thing Monday morning. (I had hoped they could have even emailed a brief note, but they didn't.)
  13. So I just hung up the phone. Ds called home. I was so happy to hear his voice (conversations thus far were texts). He asked me not to book a return flight yet. I tried not to sound panicked. I knew bio mom was sitting near him (could hear her). He asked how much notice I needed to book a flight. I said a week (which is true because we live In a fairly remote area that's seeing an industrial boom so flights are often full of construction workers.) It was such an awkward conversation knowing she was listening in. I just told him we loved him and missed him and that we were happy he was getting to know his birth family. There is no procedural manual for this kind of an event.
  14. Ha, ha! Those are all the things I'd like to do, but I know my boy and I know that wouldn't help our situation. (My other two kids, absolutely but then they wouldn't have boarded a plane without us in the first place.) This child has stretched us in ways i never would have imagined. And we love him so much. ,
  15. Thanks for all the supportive comments. As this day winds down I do wonder what if calls us and says he's not coming home. I don't think that will happen but it could happen. I'm going to try very hard not to go down that road of thinking. It's useless to worry.
  16. Here's a brief update. He's having fun. And I'm having a hard time not feeling a bit resentful. (I wished you knew me in real life. Neither my dh or I are resentful, bitter kind of people.). I guess I'm feeling like how can we compete? She has him for a week or two and they're doing "cool" things. Tonight they're going to a KISS concert tonight. It's hard not to feel resentful that she can afford tickets but is saddling us with his return flight which will be $400 and we're a single income family. He's probably thinking they're cool and we're stick in the muds. They posted a "family" photo on Facebook today. He looks happy. I'm happy they get to know each other I guess I just wished it would have played out differently and involved us.
  17. Yes he did board plane and arrived safely. He said everything is okay. Today social services is supposed to pay a visit and give me an update from their perspective.
  18. What an emotional day. I just said good-bye to my dd who is going on a youth trip for the next two weeks. Of cours that's a great trip for her and we'll see her in a couple of weeks. Next good-bye is ds who leaves in a couple of hours. Who knows the outcome of that trip. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I need them. I'm feeling very overwhelmed. This morning I'm over thinking things...will she think I've taken good care of "our" son? What will he tell her about us? I think I've recounted everyday of our years together, wishing we'd done some things differently. My family is great...all my adult nieces and nephews, along with my sister and her dh are on stand-by. What a crazy day.
  19. I guess what I mean is we could forbid him from going and then he'd either go anyway (apparently with ID he actually can board plane without our permission,) or he'd stay and be angry with us. And I'm not talking regular teenage anger...I'm talking over board anger that hurts the whole family. We've lived with that for years and won't knowingly put our other children into that circumstance. Reactive attachment disorder is out of this world. If you haven't experienced it first hand you can't imagine it. We have been held hostage by this boy's behavior for over a decade. I can't even believe some of the things we have endured and I was part of it. It's been a journey, that's for sure.
  20. Thanks for the hug ...and for what it's worth, you're right. It is a bad idea. Out of our hands. Its actually surreal that something so big is out of our hands.
  21. Wow I've never heard of this. I will definitely check into this. Thanks.
  22. We thought about this but it isn't easy for us to do this a) the flight is around $800 per person, the hotel probably $200 a night (major tourist city), B) our dd is leaving for a youth trip this week too and we need to be here to get her ready for this half way across Canada trip, and c) we have another special needs boy we can't leave home alone and is difficult to travel with. We had offered to drive him there at a bit later date but that wasn't good enough. As it is this will hit us financially because we have to buy the return ticket.
  23. I doubt it will end up in court because she wouldn't have the financial means for a lawsuit. Honestly, she barely has financial means to feed him. But if she did, social services told us that given my ds age, judge would take in to account his wishes. My sister lives within two hours. They will get him at the drop of a hat. I have some business acquaintances in same city who have also offered to help and could respond within minutes and keep him until family arrives.
  • Create New...