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Rose in BC

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Posts posted by Rose in BC

  1. I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing.  It sounds like a fresh start will be wonderful.  A new adventure. 


    Do you hear any news from your son?  We know eventually they'll grow up and move out, you just had to experience it a bit too soon.  ((HUGS))

    The only thing we ever hear from our son is the occasional contact he keeps with his brother.  So at least we know he's alive.


    Our new town is within 2 hours of where we think my son lives (as opposed to a 20 hour drive).

    • Like 1

  2. Some of you may recount some of the trials my dh and I have had over the past years with . . . well you name it.  . . lost job. . . adopted child leaving us for birthmother . . . etc. etc.  We still have struggles with our FASD, mild intellectual disability boy who lives with us.


    My dh and I decided we needed a fresh start.  We are moving . . . 1500 km's away from where we now live.  And we need to sell our house soon.  I start my new job May 16.  My dh will stay behind until we sell our house.  But we really don't want to live apart too long.


    Up until today i've been reasonably calm about this but now i'm starting to panic.  Please pray our house sells soon and that in the mean time we won't overthink situation.  Housing market is moderate. . . i've definitely seen it much slower but its been better.


    I know the change, in the long run, will be positive.  And i know change always comes with some pain.  

    • Like 32

  3. Thanks everyone. I got some sleep last night but I am still sad this morning. I will talk with my niece this morning to see how things are going today.


    RAD is such a difficult thing. I mean our eldest son also has FASD but he doesn't have RAD. He is difficult enough (but he is well connected to us which gives us some hope we can work through his issues (or I'm really naive and just hoping).


    Today is a new day....

    • Like 9

  4. I need some serious prayer tonight. My niece called to say my ds is rock bottom, depressed. I believe it. I think he's been suffering from depression at least all his teen years.


    I am very down about this. And, In my conversation with her I felt a bit like she was implying that some of the choices we made in parenting contribute to his current demise. I know she is exhausted. I mean she has three young children herself. I know she's probably at her wits end.


    We did the best that we could and it wasn't good enough.


    Tomorrow she is going to try and take him to dr.


    I did reconfirm with my niece that she can't save him. That maybe we have to seek out another plan.

    • Like 1

  5. Thank you for the update, Rose. Your story and struggles remind me to be extra patient with people I come into contact with - you just never know what battles folks are facing.

    Susan, thanks for posting this. Honestly, that is one thing I have learned in our never know people's story. I hope my boys come in contact with many people with your attitude. Oh and thanks for the reminder. Tonight (which is almost every night the same) we had an extra handful of teens crashing our place. We have an open door policy. But, I didn't really feel like the commotion tonight and felt myself get irritated. The truth is, most of the kids here tonight have some big struggles. I have to pray for more patience.

    • Like 13

  6. Thanks for checking in with me. My boy is still with my niece. Yay! My niece has gotten him to a dr, councillor and dentist in the month he's lived with her. We've had practically no contact with him this month (his choice) but my niece connects with me several times a week.


    Councillor he saw said he has some significant issues to work on. Hopefully he'll got again.


    My niece is concerned about ds and pot use. I guess his time with birthmother has led to a desire to use. It makes me very sad. She and her husband have some ideas to work through this. And hopefully councillor can address this.


    Two weeks ago he was suspended from school for one day. He and some classmates left school ground to smoke some weed. A bike patrol police officer drove by, told the kids to get rid of the weed and head back to class. What does my kid do? Argues with cop. So he cuffed him and took his name. The cop then tells my son "oh, I know your mom". My boy is living in a city of 100,000 people, 1500 km's away from us and he runs into a police officer who knows me. Well I hope my boy has learned how small the world is. Officer just took him back to school.


    He turns 16 next week. We sent a gift. We are planning a family trip to visit at Christmas.


    I did have one phone conversation with him last Saturday. It was so pleasant. He commented about missing my cooking. He even told me he loved me. We talked about half an hour and I knew in the back of my mind I should hang up while things were good. Must I didn't. And some how (typical RAD) it spiraled downhill quickly. It ended with him telling me how terrible we were as parents.


    So I'm happy he's with my niece. She is trying to guide him. He seems somewhat responsive.

    • Like 31

  7. Here's a brief update. He's still with my niece and her family and things are going quite well. She's managed to get him to a dr and a councillor (once) which we couldn't do.


    He is going to school.


    His anxiety levels are much higher since being with birth mom. Dr would like to treat this medically. Not sure how that will work (if he'd even take medication).


    I have limited conversations with him by his choice but because he's with family I'm not nervous about that.


    I don't know how long this will last but we take one day at a time. I did ask my brother, a social worker, if this possibly could work our for the longer run. He said its possible because he saw the worst at his birth mother's.


    So that's what's new this week.

    • Like 37

  8. So he's settled in with my niece and her family and last night they went to my sister's house for dinner. They sent me a photo. Yay! He looks good.


    Tomorrow he starts school in another new school.


    Things were really grim at birthmother's (he has shared with niece). I guess all money went for alcohol and drugs. He told niece there had been no food in house for three days leading up to his departure to my niece's. He also is bitter as he's come to realize birthmom did drink during pregnancy (despite her denial he sees her drinking now and sees the damage his sisters and he have as a result of that drinking.)


    I don't know how this will work. One day at a time.


    He turns 16 in November. My dh and I are considering a very brief visit to my sisters so that we can be there on his birthday. Not sure.

    • Like 43

  9. Glad he will be in a more stable home. Sounds like Birth Mom was showing her true colors (ie wanting your son to "support" her. It was all about money and what she could "get").


    Will the social worker be involved in this move? I'm thinking it might be good for your niece and her dh to have a behavior contract with your son so expectations are very clear (ie school, homework, how he is to help around the home, etc.). It might help to spell things out very clearly for everyone going into this. Just a thought.

    Social worker will absolutely be involved. And yes I agree about contract (although its hard with FASD kids).


    It's just tough all around. I hold out for hope that this is the answer but the reality is, my boy has huge issues. But in the moment, it's a huge relief for dh and I.

    • Like 8

  10. My niece is very loving. She's had some challenges in her own life including tumultuous teen years. So I think she thinks she can relate to him. She does have three children herself. (I'm the second youngest of seven kids so I have a mess of nieces and nephews that are in their thirties, including this niece,)


    I don't know how it will work but they are considering it for the long haul.

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