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Rose in BC

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Everything posted by Rose in BC

  1. Now we're on to something...can I participate in this exchange :)? Twinmom, I feel your pain. And it doesn't get easier. They have chronologically aged bodies functioning at a much lower level. And the kicker is most people don't recognize this (unless they have known the child for a longer period of time). Keeping busy is a good solution...until they're older and refuse to participate in planned activity. And being direct with friends, which you are doing, is my other line of action. Sadly, we haven't been successful and protecting our boys from every peril. But we try. And haven't given up.
  2. Hugs and prayers to you. We've been there, done that with one of our FASD boys. It's no fun dealing with the law that's for sure.
  3. I saw dr last week she pretty much told me the stress in my life is going to be my demise. When changing your life circumstances isn't possible (two special needs kids), how can I do this? I work full time in a senior management job that requires travel. I homeschool my kids. My dh is unemployed (not by choice). I cannot change these things. I walk everyday I can (which is usually 4-5 days per week). Help! I want to control my high stress. I know it's taking its toll. (Any book recommendations? I learn well by reading.)
  4. Some days (weeks or years :)) are overwhelming. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling that way. You have to take care of yourself just like the house, the kids, the husband.
  5. I know antidepressants help for pain. I take elavil in a very low dose to help. I've been taking it for a couple of years. It primarily helps me get some sleep which is a problem for me. She was referring to antidepressants for depression...her words "and you may want to consider a little help for the depression". Maybe crying in her office made her think I was depressed :).
  6. Well we just got home. What a day. We stopped to run some errands in the community between ours and the one my dr's appointment was in. When we got back in car we couldn't start it. It was DEAD. We couldn't believe it. Thankfully my dh gave it one more turn and we got it running. We drove straight to Toyota dealer because dh thought it was the battery. He told them we were on our way to a medical appointment so the guy took us in, hooked up van and sure enough dead battery. So that was easy, but unexpected $180 bill. So the synopsis of my appointment. Not autoimmune. Definitely fibro. However she did say some of the pains I had in my shoulders and elbow was rotator cuff injury and tendinitis. So we talked about all these things. She boiled it down to the stress in my life is going to kill me...not that there's one thing I can do for being the parent of two special needs kids. But she did have some good suggestions/ideas. I cried when she confirmed my gp's fibro diagnosis...which is maybe why she gently suggested I might want to consider an anti depressant. I don't think I'm depressed, just overwhelmed. She did send me for some more blood work to compare with results taken a few months ago. And our house was still standing when we got home. :). Son did pretty good. So the age old dilemma of how to decrease stress in life.... I connected well with this dr. Oh, and she's sending me to physio.
  7. Yes to both...those tests also determined I am in menopause. I'm 48 but had a hysterectomy at 41. I guess early menopause isn't unusual after hysterectomy. Anyway thyroid tests are normal and estrogen normal for menopausal woman.
  8. My dh and I have to drive 2.5 hrs to town that this dr is visiting (the joys of living in rural BC). I am hoping for a definitive diagnosis. For about three years dr said I have fibromyalgia but earlier this year I complained about pain that seemed to point to another diagnosis. I hope this dr can figure things out. Given the level of stress in my life I can see why dr defaulted to fibro but my last blood work definitely showed levels of inflammation. So I'd appreciate prayer for a diagnosis to determine what I is plaguing me. I'm kind of hoping it's the alternate diagnosis..poly myalgia. There is potential for that to run its course. But I guess we'll see. Oh and could you also pray for my two teens we're leaving home (won't be home until 9tonight). My boy has FASD. We usually don't leave him alone this long. He's completely capable of caring for himself, it's just the freedom may give him opportunity to get into mischief (like have all his friends over). But dd is home and she is very responsible. Thanks.
  9. Praying for that family. What a horrible loss. Peace to all.
  10. Here in my province a first mammogram is recommended at 40. This provides baseline information. Get a second opinion. Cancer isn't confined to age groups.
  11. So he's settled in with my niece and her family and last night they went to my sister's house for dinner. They sent me a photo. Yay! He looks good. Tomorrow he starts school in another new school. Things were really grim at birthmother's (he has shared with niece). I guess all money went for alcohol and drugs. He told niece there had been no food in house for three days leading up to his departure to my niece's. He also is bitter as he's come to realize birthmom did drink during pregnancy (despite her denial he sees her drinking now and sees the damage his sisters and he have as a result of that drinking.) I don't know how this will work. One day at a time. He turns 16 in November. My dh and I are considering a very brief visit to my sisters so that we can be there on his birthday. Not sure.
  12. Social worker will absolutely be involved. And yes I agree about contract (although its hard with FASD kids). It's just tough all around. I hold out for hope that this is the answer but the reality is, my boy has huge issues. But in the moment, it's a huge relief for dh and I.
  13. My niece is very loving. She's had some challenges in her own life including tumultuous teen years. So I think she thinks she can relate to him. She does have three children herself. (I'm the second youngest of seven kids so I have a mess of nieces and nephews that are in their thirties, including this niece,) I don't know how it will work but they are considering it for the long haul.
  14. So I it looks like ds will move in with my niece and her family next week at least for the moment. She lives two hours away from his birthmother. I think ds has realized he can't live with her. She quit her part time job last week because she told him he could provide for him. It's bizarre. My niece and her husband invited him into their home. Honestly I don't know how that will work. She knows everything about him but thinks she has a report with him. My sister lives in same community. Oh and so does ds's bio sister. For the immediate it's a good choice and I'm very happy he'll be out of birthmom's craziness. My niece has told him she is looking for counciling for him (and a dentist...I guess his teeth are bad...how does that happen in two months)? If only the boy could see how much we (my dh and I and all our extended family) love him.
  15. Thanks for the clarification. Honestly, I think social services is sometimes as much at a loss of what to do with some kids as we as parents do. Worker did say she was going to connect with him yesterday. I will follow up with her today.
  16. Well now I have wrecked my makeup before work because this brough tears to my eyes. Thanks for understanding. We love our boy so much and want the best for him. It's a day by day journey getting there.
  17. I don't really want to go into details but we could not physically remove this boy. (He has been physically threatening to us in the past to the point of requiring police.). He is not your average kid. He has significant special needs and deep seated anger. At this point he couldn't even come back into our home directly because of the threat he poses to our family. My daughter lives in fear of his return. This is not a simple case of teenage angst. reactive attachment disorder is ...indescribable. So, if he's coming back it can't be because we forced him. Which we couldn't anyway. And if we could he'd just run a way. When he wants to come home we can lay the groundwork for his return. Honestly, there's no manual for what we're doing. We are doing what we think is right. Who knows? We may not be right. FASD shows its face in different ways. I have two boys with FASD it's just that in our youngest it also came with RAD.
  18. Yes we know. We knew before hand. She told him. Social services told us she's not dangerous (physically). He doesn't have to be there even for one more minute. He even has his bio sister who lives within walking distance (she's an adult). It is horrible. It hurts me to think about it. He can leave. I mean my sister and dd were there a week ago. He could have gone home with her. He doesn't want to and that's the problem. And even if she somehow was keeping him there under duress he could still leave. He's twice her size AND he could signal us and we'd have him out of there instantly. (He has physically moved me and I am not a small woman.) But I agree, it's horrible.
  19. Thanks for the terminology. I googled trying to find better words to describe her state but couldn't find anything. The dose of reality is good. We spoke at length about her mental illness because we/he knew before he left this was a concern.
  20. My mother's heart of course feels concern. I just can't explain why that won't work with this boy. As an example, I just had a congenial chat with him about nothing serious just a few minutes ago (Via messaging). He says to me school was great today and he thinks he'll give staying another shot. So I bite (he doesn't know I know) by saying good school is going well and said to him "it's been a tough week hey?" That got his hackles up. He asked me what did I mean by that. I told him he had posted on fb that he was thinking of heading back north (home) so I assumed things had transpired making him want to leave. No more response. Conversation over. We could not help this boy if he didn't want it. And it would make him angry. FASD/RAD ...it's indescribable and I think incomprehensible if you haven't had first hand experience (and even if you have ). But, my sister is reasonably close by and he knows they'd come whenever he called. It's such a complex situation. He's such a complex boy.
  21. Yes I now know his birthmother is having (and I'm not sure how to phrase this) a schizophrenic melt down. I think it's disconcerting for him. I guess her boyfriend tried to get her to hospital but she's been weeping nonstop and hallucinating. My niece told him her dad could be there in two hours to pick him up but he doesn't feel in danger, just confused at what he's seeing. I contacted social worker today. She is checking into things.
  22. I feel your pain and know what you are feeling. We have two FASD kids. It's a challenge. Everyday. Take one day at a time. He will give grace for today and tomorrow give grace for tomorrow.
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